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I wish I could just get over my feelings of inadequacy. I feel like my attempts in doing anything, especially fanfiction writing and drawing are just stupid. I've been wanting to draw for the pass few days, but never got the bravery to do it. All because of these same feelings! Nothing I do is ever good enough and I am always depressed. I seem to have a hard time staying positive and not making people uncomfortable because my topics always find some way into being hopeless.

Gotta correct some mistake that someone else did because they accidentally reported my Deviantart account. I don't even know that much about Tumblir, so I spend most of my time on Deviantart, reading fan-made comics. Why do I have to correct someone else's mistake?

Oh, I need to shut up with my bitching and moaning. Grow up and just get it done! Being adult is partially about owning up for other people's mistakes. I just feel like sitting here and pouting over it, gets nothing done but wastes time.

#deviantart

It really fucking sucks having to live in another era of Trump. I just wish I could have people that I can depend on, not having so much colossal OCD and PTSD to constantly deal with. Trump, the GOP ain't helping! I'm just always worried that my welfare and Section 8 is going to go away, and I will have to move in back with my toxic family.

God, why do I have to live with the possibility of that happening? I always tell myself, "You NEED to find a job! If Trump cuts you off, you have only yourself to blame!"

That urge to get a job is just a symptom of being told that Social Security is a waste. JESUS CHRIST!

Too Much

God, I wish these overly-corrective, nagging thoughts would just shut the fuck up!

"Oh, you're focusing too much on Kingdom Hearts, Pokemon, (insert fandom) here."

"You're too old for Kingdom Hearts. You NEED to fucking grow up!"

God, those are my constant nags.

I also hate the Trump Administration because I have to rely on toxic family members to get chores done. I can't forgive a lot of the crap I went through and plus, I don't even trust everything that comes out of my mouth because I've been called a pathological liar too many times. All of that happened when I was nineteen, I'm still nineteen in my own head, even though I am biologically 33-years-old.

There are just way too much traumatic events like having buckets of water dumped on me, having to sleep on the couch every day and not having my own bedroom, getting spanked because I was a victim of m@lestation when I was eleven and the reason why I got punished was because "I put my younger sister in harm's way!"

I have way too much crap and those thoughts, they never fucking shut up! I constantly have nightmares. I can't just get over it!

I have gotten used to calling and thinking of myself as an idiot and a child. I pay my bills, I pay my rent, I take care of my chores, so why do I need to FUCKING grow up!

God, I hope my family doesn't find this blog, because I really don't want to deal with their shit. Sorry, this is all over the place!

Could someone help me with my Kingdom Hearts fanfic? I probably need someone to proofread my latest chapter.

#kingdom hearts

Sora is going to some random world to give a birthday cake to Max Goof. Sora worked really hard on this cake, so like the girl in the video, he was devastated when Max Goof ghosted him, PJ, Pistol Pete, Axel and Saix. All of them helped Sora bake the cake.

Max had his reasons, he didn’t want to be caught by Xemnas since in my fanfic, he’s an Organization backstabber.

#kingdom hearts #tumblr milestone #kh sora #kingdom hearts fanart #max goof #Youtube

250 likes!

#250 likes #tumblr milestone

Bleak

Everyone holds guilts, regrets, people that they wanted to see. People that they yearn to be again.

For me, I wanted to see them again. I wanted to be that human version of myself again, but...life is cruel. That's why I always see myself as a separate person. The person that I wanted to be again, the child me, not this cartoonized anthro dog person!

Why couldn't I be the one that they tried to save? But then again, do I really need to be saved after what I did. All of those people, my "friends" lied to and tricked because I promised them a way into the castle and a way to rescue their friend. Her name was Skald. She got to keep her human self, still a teen and oh so innocent to this godforsaken husk of a planet called Radiant Gardens.

She really doesn't remember me. Why should she? I don't look like me! I don't feel like me! I'm nobody, my name, the name that I was given when I was first birthed into this world. I refuse to acknowledge his name, Max.

My "friends" are coming. Skald doesn't know me, not from before. I want my old self, I want my old life, I want my old friends, I want everything to go back to the way it was before that catastrophic earth shattering event. Ava promised us that we would get our old selves back, so Skald, Ventus, me and the rest of us lived our day to day like we were real people, not just 1s and 0s in a machine.

I hate myself! If I get to bring the rest of them, I'd be happy, right? Even if they despise me to the very atom of their souls, they'll still be here and I can rest knowing that I can finally fade. Disappearing as they all hate me.

It's funny since I saved that old data world, I sold myself out to keep those four darkness inside, imprisoned with me. Skald, Ventus, Lauriam, Elrena, Ephemer, hell even those other kids have became one with their Chirithy. God, my whining is annoying!

I hear those two kid apprentices coming. Lea and Isa, I think their names were. Who really cares! They'll get to see Skald, but not how I remember her. She's some kind of an abomination, part Emblem Heartless (well, that's what those scientists named them) and half still the girl I knew, she's still lingering. Her crazed grin and glowing amber eyes, I didn't want to see them. She clawed that blue-haired boy's face up with an ugly wound.

I hear them screaming, both of them pleading with the scientists to let them out and to cure their, our friend. She's gone, almost like she has never been here. Project X, Skald, where did you go?

I see her, I'm so happy. Her ghostly, ethereal blade strikes through my middle. I'm sputtering out blood. Maybe I'll go back to that....

Wait, what I am doing with that woman that looks so much like Skald and that shrieking infant? I hide my face away, my life flashes before my eyes, I'm gone! All while that boy, Xehanort looks on and sees my heart ascending.

Was that how I died? I thought I died in that fake world with Ralph. What really happened to me?

"Max!" I hear some kids' screaming my name, they're reaching out to me as I slowly evaporate into nothingness. Why are they despondent? Maybe Skald is back to her old self, maybe I can go back to being my old self before adulthood and reality crashed my world, my heart.

Goodbye, Lea. Please, stop crying!

Isa, please protect him!

We'll likely never cross paths again.

#kingdom hearts #max goof #xehanort #Union Cross

Why does it have to rain when I just want to put money into my account? I know the weather isn't out to get me. But, it's still freaking irritating!

"Because it's just a dream and the sun begins to rise, I'll lose you."

"Wherever you are."

Skuld hear is reaching out to Lea at the Clock Tower. He doesn't know she's there behind him and this was when he was done talking to Isa before the big battle at the end.

This song really helped. I am just so glad that I got this done, even though I feel like I rushed it. I was at this for a few hours. God, why am I such a terrible artist?! Ugh!

#axel #Kingdom Hearts 3 #Skuld #Youtube