Today marks the 6th anniversary of Final Fantasy XV’s release, and though I started writing a brief tribute to the game over on Twitter, I quickly realized I had much more to say about today’s milestone than Twitter’s character limit would allow for.
So I came back to where it all started for me, here on Tumblr. That I could scarcely remember my password goes to show how regrettably I’ve neglected this account, despite the fact that XV still means a great deal to me. I wish I could say it was because I was more active on Twitter, but even over there I have struggled to post regular updates and engage with the XV community (which I am happy to report still has quite the active fanbase and has even seen some growth by my observations).
In truth, much of my identity has been defined by FFXV these past six years—for better or worse. It’s not an exaggeration to say XV changed the trajectory of my life; it landed in my lap immediately following the worst professional failure of my life, comforted me through the loss of a parent, and brought me in touch with people from around the globe, many of whom have become dear friends to me. My abilities as both a writer and an artist saw the kind of growth I never thought possible for myself. I got to play XV with Adam Croasdell in my own home, got to raise thousands of dollars for charity with the help of the XV cast and dozens of other artists, and I was able to support myself financially for the first time in my entire adult life through the sales of my art. In short, I owe everything from the last six years to Final Fantasy XV.
So as one might imagine, it caused somewhat of an identity crisis in me when the one thing that had brought me such joy began to no longer fuel my passion the way it had in years past. Call it burnout, call it depression, call it a sensitivity to the current events of the world, I don’t know—all I know is, something caused me to lose all motivation to work on anything. Where once I had felt like I had an ocean of inspiration I could tap into at any time, it suddenly felt like a dry well. Even today, my tablet sits mostly unused, waiting for the day that that spark returns.
It certainly is not because I have lost my love for XV. This game, which objectively is deeply flawed yet is somehow greater than the sum of its parts, still resides comfortably in my mind. I play a great deal of Final Fantasy XIV these days, which I enjoy very much and is arguably a better game in many ways, and yet it has not come close to capturing my muse the way XV did. I still have pipe dreams of streaming the entirety of XV on Twitch, not in one 24-hour session like I did for Extra Life Game Day in 2020, but slowly over the course of many weeks, exploring the game thoroughly and experiencing the journey with old and new viewers alike. And someday, I vow to roll back to an earlier patch so that I can unlock those unlockable Comrades trophies on PS4 and finally Platinum the game.
So anyway. That’s a lot of rambling haha. TL;DR: I still love XV, even if I can’t express that love through content the way I used to. I still hope to produce a few pieces here and there, and if I do, you know where to find me. (And if you don’t, you can find me here, here, and here.) Happy Anniversary, XV. As always, you guys... are the best. ♡
Hello, Tumblr! It’s been a while. (Over a year, to be exact!) I have very little news to report on, yet I have a lot on my mind; I’ll go ahead and toss the text under a cut so as not to clog up your timelines, but please enjoy the above sampling of my 2021 FFXV art from Twitter that never made it over here! ଘ(੭ ᐛ )━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ
In my early twenties I blogged nearly every thought and mundane detail of my life over on LiveJournal; sometime after turning thirty I came to the conclusion that I had been vain to do so, that talking about myself was only interesting to me and that sharing my innermost thoughts equated to begging for attention, and I essentially stopped sharing anything personal because I didn’t think anyone was interested in reading about it. As we enter our third year of the pandemic, I realize I might’ve been a little off in that conclusion, because I have made many friends through the internet and I have always been interested in what they had to say, so it stands to reason that they might be interested in what I have to say.
So here is what’s going on with me: I am in a very weird place right now. I think a lot of people can understand what this feels like, having been locked up in their homes for two years with no end in sight. I am not in a bad place, per se; I am still married, still plugging along with IRL work, still have headcanons and fanfiction ideas swirling around inside my head (mostly of the FFXIV variety at the moment). But with my 37th birthday a couple weeks away, and a pesky lack of money and stability and, well, anything to show for in terms of significant accomplishments/milestones, I find I’m feeling rather depressed at where I’m at in my life compared to where I thought I would be at this point (the pandemic only adding to those stressors).
In the past, I’ve used my passion for art and video games to outpace my depression. When I failed to get the book I wrote in 2016 published, I turned to writing fanfiction. When my dad died in 2017, I buried myself in Episode Ignis. When I felt like the world was burning in 2020 (literally and figuratively), I organized a few charity events to try and put some good out into the world to counteract the bad. FFXV was a steady source of inspiration for me, and I leveraged every ounce of motivation it afforded me.
Sometime around August of last year, however, I just... ran out of steam. My love for FFXV is never in doubt, but I’ve lost all motivation to do anything. Maybe I took on too many projects at once, or maybe playing FFXIV during peak Endwalker hype has impacted my ability to get back into a proper creative headspace. I did draw a couple of XIV-related pieces thinking it might get the creative juices flowing again, but even now I am still struggling with the desire (or lack thereof) to draw, write, or do anything, really. I feel a little like an amorphous blob just kind of existing as time passes by. Some days it feels hard to even get out of bed, let alone accomplish anything of measurable value and importance.
Even now as I write this, I find myself wanting to delete this whole post, afraid of coming off as whiny when there are people in the world who are actually suffering. But I want the people who care about me to know I haven’t disappeared so much as I’ve simply switched to lurker mode; I love the friends I’ve made through fandom as much as any friend I have in real life, and I want them to know I’m still here and think about them even if I’m not as active as I once was.
Related to that, I do hope I will be more active in 2022. I have a ton of FFXV-tober prompts that I didn’t finish last year that I would like to complete, and I have several art trades for people that I still need to fulfill (looking at you, @dizzymoogle, @limito-breaku, and @leslieann1313!). And then there’s the FFXV KupoCon event in LA that I desperately want to attend (provided I can secure a ticket and that covid doesn’t impact it). There’s still plenty of art and fanfiction, both XIV and XV-related, I’d love to tackle. I hope that sooner rather than later I can shake off this depressive episode and get back to what I’m best at—thirsting over Ignis, of course! (And maybe a little Urianger on the side.)
I’m not sure if it’s seasonal depression or burnout from working every single weekend since the beginning of September, but whatever the case I sincerely apologize for only just now making a post revealing my very last Ignis Monthly Merch Club design to my Tumblr followers! The good news is that there is plenty of December inventory still available, and the physical merch is scheduled to arrive at my house next week sometime, so if you order now the wait shouldn’t be too long!
I would have liked to have celebrated the culmination of this project with a bang, but the holidays and year-end IRL work ate up a lot of my time these last eight weeks, so it is what is. The hard work isn’t quite yet over, either—I’ve got a whole slew of international orders I’ve been holding onto all year long, so if you’re one of the people who have been waiting, I’ll definitely be in touch with you in the coming weeks. Likewise, if you missed out on any months that you wanted, I’ll be doing a brief restock of everything in the new year (details forthcoming).
Despite 2020 being a general dumpster fire, I am really proud of all the FFXV work I accomplished this year—#AdamvsISEB, Ignis Monthly Merch Club, Extra Life Game Day, three FFXV zine contributions—and I fully intend to keep the FFXV torch alive in 2021! I’m always looking to improve my skillset, and next year I hope to take my Ignis art to the next level.
In the spirit of this partially onerous year, I thought I’d stream myself playing the most agonizing FFXV side quest I can think of: Pitioss Ruins. If you’d like to join me in my misery, you can catch the stream at 12:00 pm (Pacific Time) on December 31st on my Twitch page here: twitch.tv/i_s_e_b
I’m quite late in letting my Tumblr followers know, but the November edition of my Ignis Monthly Merch Club will be going on sale on my Etsy store at 1:00pm PT today (Saturday, November 21st)! I don’t expect to sell out so if you’re coming across this post a few hours after the fact, there’s a good chance there’ll still be plenty of inventory available. Hope to see you there! ଘ(੭ ᐛ )━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟisebstore.etsy.com
Hello! I could have sworn you had a redbubble or etsy account but I can't find it on your page. Do you in fact have one? Your work is stellar.
I don’t have a Redbubble but I do have an Etsy: isebstore.etsy.com. Thanks very much for the kind words, I hope to continue making FFXV art into the new year! :D
Hi! First and foremost, thank you for providing such awesome content! I am obviously obsessed with Ignis/FFXV. FFXV (and Ignis) has rekindled my desire to draw again (sadly, I've been on a 10 year hiatus). I am trying to do it right this time and learn things like the Loomis method, etc. I LOVE your art, and was wondering if you have anymore links to video recordings of your drawing process? I've already checked out the couple you posted under the 2017 Inktober list. Thank you!
To anyone who is reading this, allow me to apologize for not having posted at all on Tumblr during the last month and a half—I have so much to update and I’m really sorry for dropping the ball, the last few weeks just got completely out of hand for me. ಥωಥ I fully intend to play catch up, starting with the handful of Asks I have here in my inbox!
To answer your question, dear Anon, unfortunately I have not had a good track record of recording my art process for others to observe. I wholly intend to change that in 2021, however, so if you continue following me into the new year I hope you’ll be able to pick up a few tips from me! If I do end up recording myself, it’ll probably happen on Twitch, so consider following me over at twitch.tv/i_s_e_b to get notifications for when I go live. Thanks for your support and kind words!
I thought I was saving myself some time by digging out an unused sketch from last year and repurposing it for this prompt, but what I discovered is that year-old pencil lines are a huge pain in the ass to erase. ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)
As if I weren’t behind enough on things, I completely forgot to announce on Tumblr my last special guest for my Extra Life Charity Stream—the incomparable Darin De Paul! I did a test Zoom with Mr. De Paul over the weekend just to make sure all the software was working on both our ends, and let me tell you: you are all in for an AMAZING treat when he calls. (I mean, everyone in this lineup is going to be a treat, but Darin is something else entirely haha.) As you can see, all the time slots are listed above when you can catch these five awesome gentlemen—all times are California times, so plan accordingly depending on what part of the world you live in!
ISEB’s Extra Life Fundraising Portal || ISEB’s Twitch Page
No new Igtober piece from me tonight, but I did want to announce my penultimate guest for my Extra Life Charity Stream—everyone’s favorite Dungeon Master, Matthew Mercer! He is beloved by Critters everywhere, and has equally endeared himself to FFXV fans who know him as the game’s marshal, Cor “The Immortal” Leonis.
You can see all of these VAs and more on my playthrough of FFXV during Extra Life Game Day on November 7th! In order to make sure my computer is up to the challenge of running for 24 hours straight, I’ll be playing through some of Episode Duscae tomorrow night on my twitch channel (twitch.tv/i_s_e_b) at 6:00pm PST. Hope to see a few familiar faces in the chat! ٩( ᐛ )و
ISEB’s Extra Life Fundraising Portal || ISEB’s Twitch Page
I wholly admit I went off the rails with this one haha. #iregretnothing
In other news, I am overjoyed to announce that Robbie Daymond will be stopping by my charity stream alongside a few of his fellow Chocobros! For more information about the stream, feel free to read up on all of the details in this post here: https://ignis-scientia-estrogen-brigade.tumblr.com/post/631894704936665088/igtober-isnt-the-only-thing-keeping-me-busy-this
“I would remain with you all. Till the very end.” (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`) (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`) (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)
On a happier note, my next guest announcement for my Extra Life Game Day stream is none other than Adam Croasdell! At this point I feel like it wouldn’t truly be an ISEB stream without Adam’s involvement haha. I felt a little guilty asking him to help out a second time after he was so instrumental in raising money during #AdamvsISEB, but he agreed to this stream without hesitation! Truly a gem of a person and I’m excited to have him on board once again. ♡
I haven’t forgotten about Igtober, I swear! The biggest reason I’m behind on prompts is because I’ve been working furiously behind the scenes to get my streaming setup running smoothly in time for Extra Life Game Day on November 7th. Speaking of which...
I’ve very excited to announce that my first special guest for the stream is none other than Noctis himself, Ray Chase! I’ll be revealing a new guest every day this week, and will be testing out my streaming rig this Friday night at 6:00pm PST by playing through a bit of Episode Duscae (twitch.tv/i_s_e_b). Hope to see you there! ٩( ᐛ )و
It’s been 84 years but I finally finished October’s charm design! (So sorry for the delay, this month has been… yeah T_T) This design actually started off quite differently; I originally had a Dr. Frankenstein & The Monster concept in mind, where Ignis was Dr. Frankenstein and Titan was his monster. But I’ve been playing a lot of Animal Crossing lately and my avatar has been sporting ghostly skin and red eyes since the Halloween update dropped, so I couldn’t help but think the look would be cute on Ignis as well. At the very least, Titan’s Frankenstein cap is a carryover from that original idea.
The Vampire Ignis design proved to be quite popular over on Twitter, so much so that I went ahead and placed a small order for solo Vamp!Iggy charms. They won’t have any of the fancy clasps or gemstones of the regular merch club swag, but they’ll be a little bit cheaper and might be a good option for anyone who hasn’t kept up with the Ignis Monthly Merch Club this year. All of these items will be available to order on October 17th @ 1:00pm (PST), so mark those calendars! ٩( ᐛ )و
Now, here we have Ignis enjoying a cup of coffee, while having his shirt unbuttoned, not yet shaved because he looks good even with facial hair, just putting on his glasses, because he developed a new recipe for donuts as you can see, but his test donut is considered a religious sacrifice by the group of Tonberry’s, who are preparing it on their altar… which is the table, these heathens. Use a plate at least!
If you wonder about this story - I made this for the Igtober on Twitter and tried to assemble a bunch of prompts into one, funny render. I have a few more renders coming up, but I needed a bit of a break.
Posing and rendering in Blender Cycles, edits in Photoshop.
