Ignite My Mind

[ignite-my-mind]

" she's done her best to hold it together. So have I, but I can't help her, this woman; she's broken, completely, and I care, I really do, I understand, as much as I can, but I don't know how to be here with her, with them, with myself. I have to leave"

[ignite-my-mind]

" I try to speak. I can't. That familiar rush- panic. It finds me every day, sometimes not so intense, but this right now is enough to overpower all my facilities."

[ignite-my-mind]

" Dr. Sherman says that I tend to catastrophize and that nothing is as bad as I imagine it will be, but this right here is proof positive that all my worrying over the past few days was warranted."

[ignite-my-mind]

" for the most part, I've always preferred night to day. At night, it's okay to be hunkered down in your house. During the day, people expect you to be out and about. You can start to feel pretty guilty about wasting so much time indoors."

[ignite-my-mind]

"Also, I realized that avoiding people didn't actually ease anybody my anxieties. Out there in the woods, I still had to live with myself."

[ignite-my-mind]

"now I'm home again and none of my usual methods of escape are doing the trick. I tend to watch a lot of movies. Ideally, documentaries about loners, outcasts, pioneers. Give me cult leaders, obscure historical figures, dead musicians. I want people with rare diseases and unusual talents. I want to see a misunderstood person who someone is finally taking the time to understand."

[ignite-my-mind]

"In a single day filled with so many moments, the world ends and it carries on."

[ignite-my-mind]

"really, though, what do I know about what another person is capable of? I still don't have a clue what I'm capable of. I keep surprising even myself."

[ignite-my-mind]

"I wish that everything was different. I wish that I was a part of something. I wish that anything I said mattered, to anyone. I mean, let's face it: would anybody even notice if I disappeared tomorrow?"

[ignite-my-mind]

" Seriously, when actually counts, who is there?"

[ignite-my-mind]

"I start off on a direct route, but I always end up taking detours, wandering into the sketchy neighborhoods of my brain where nothing good ever happens."

[ignite-my-mind]

"Burning is the right way to paint it. You feel yourself getting so hot, day after day. Hotter and hotter. It gets to be too much. Even for stars. At some point they fizzle out or explode. Cease to be. But if you're looking up at the sky, you don't see it that way. You think all those stars are still there. Some aren't. Some are already gone. Long gone. I guess, now, so am I."

[ignite-my-mind]

"You must be filled with expectancy. You must be awash in hope. You must wonder who will love you, whom you will love next"

[ignite-my-mind]

Edward thought about everything that happened to him in his short life. What kind of adventures would you have if you were in the world for century?

[ignite-my-mind]

"You got to look for falling stars. Them are the ones with magic."

[ignite-my-mind]

Perhaps, he thought, it is not too late, after all, for me to be saved.

[ignite-my-mind]

You are down there alone, the stars seemed to say to him. And we are up here, in our constellations, together.

I have been loved, Edward told the stars.

So? Said the stars. What difference does that make when you are all alone now?

Edward could think of no answer to that question.