I Hate Wrestling

Come here to see why wrestling is most often a joke, only to be outdone by the fools who report it! (Except for me of course!)

[ihatewrestling]

Yep, Vince Russo Sucks

Vince Russo sucks. I tried to fight it but I can’t any longer. As I’ve previously documented, I like WCW. At least I mostly did. I still haven’t finished watching Nitro, and was so burnt out on the declining quality of their shows, I didn’t even watch Thunder. Oddly, I don’t think there was even a reason to until Russo showed up because nobody was on it.

That’s part of what makes him so infuriating. I’ve heard all the stories and jokes that define his career as a train wreck, but I always assumed he was doing what he thought was best. I still do. The problem is that he really did need Vince McMahon to filter out his non-sense to make his ideas usable. 

I’m in the middle of Starcade 1999, which I believe is the worst PPV of all time, after jumping back into WCW in September 1999. That means, I’ve only been watching Russo’s WCW, and worse yet, the first time he had complete control over the creative of a wrestling company. What a disaster.

It took him weeks to make himself an on air talent, and the center of most storylines. Guys where aligning with him, or fighting with his goons “Creative Control.” He named one Gerald and the other Patrick. Then he renamed Vincent, formerly Virgil, to Shane. He sat offscreen and called himself The Powers That Be, and put Ed Ferrera on screen as Oklahoma. 

It was all silly nonsense meant to mock fans or his former employer. Maybe both, I don’t know. None of it was interesting enough to follow.

The real problem I have with him isn’t all the goofy crap, or junk he put on polls, or his love for turning the lights on and off like 4 year old. It is the rapid fire nature of his booking. 

One of the best features of the WWE Network, are the time stamps they include for the starts and ends of the matches. The timeline below is from Starrcade 1998:

Here is Starrcade 1999:

1999 was a minute shorter, but has a third more markers. Every episode of WCW television that Russo was apart of looks exactly like this. It’s a ton of “hurry up and get it in so we can squeeze something else in too.” It’s jarring to watch, and doesn’t lend enough time to the viewer to get invested in anything. Those dots might as well be a shit trail he left in his wake.

Sitting here, I genuinely can’t tell you what has been going on. I know Sid Vicious came back, and Bret Hart was a tag champ with Goldberg. Hulk Hogan was missing, but Sting was still around. The reset of it is just a blur of issues related to the Powers That Be, referee’s constantly getting knocked out, and the lights turning off then back on to reveal something meant to be shocking. In one match in December the lights went out 4 times. Not an exaggeration. It might have been more.

It just sucks. He made the wrestling on a wrestling show irrelevant. The only reason I’m still watching is because I kind of want to see just how bad it gets. I also want to see that goofy ass triple cage match from Ready to Rumble. 

I was going to end it there, but seriously, what the hell was going on with Jeff Jarrett? Was he dating Russo or something? This dude has just made his  third appearance at Starrcade 1999, with a third of the show left. I really don’t have a problem with him, but the fact that he was booked in 3 high profile spots, while Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair sat at home makes no sense. He could have had Dusty Rhodes too if he hadn’t just fired him. 

Russo has made me hate (World Championship) wrestling.

[ihatewrestling]

The WWE Template

WWE has a formula. Setup WrestleMania at Royal Rumble. Build towards it, and then add a few surprises during Mania. Tie up many of the loose ends, introduce new story lines to start the year(or season), and begin the march back to Royal Rumble to do it all over again.

Mostly, it is a good strategy. Added to that strategy is introducing new talent on the Raw and Smackdown that follows WrestleMania. This is where the problem starts to show itself. After last nights Monday Night Raw, there are now 68 active performers on the show. Just on Raw. That doesn’t include regular characters with non-wrestling segments, like Kurt Angle, Paul Heyman, & Stephanie. Even for a show with 3 hours to fill, that’s a ton of talent to squeeze in. 

To put that in perspective, when Smackdown launched in 1999, WWE had 56 performers to use on both shows. I think I know why that is, though. WWE has created this faux-sports mentality. They continue to strive for realism by adopting things real sports have. They have drafts, free agency, referees, UFC fighters, Olympic Gold Medalists, and have eliminated most of the backstage fights, choosing to primarily only show fights in the ring.

However, they need to introduce one very important aspect of real sports. Demotions and cuts. They like to say NXT is a third equal brand, and in some regards it is, but they still refer to new NXT arrivals as call ups to the main roster. 

Call ups and main, imply superiority which is fine because everyone wants to get to WrestleMania, not TakeOver, no matter how much they say to the contrary. I’m not saying they should change the language, even though that is one of Vince McMahon’s favorite things to do. I’m saying they should lean into and embrace the lines that separate them.

I think they should use NXT to elevate existing talent on the main roster. For example, Heath Slater is great, and got over as the guy who couldn’t get a contract. It was awesome and can be awesome again. Let’s say that in the upcoming Superstar Shake-Up, The Miz gets traded to Smackdown. He shows up with The Miztourage and Shane asks him why he brought them. 

They’d all look confused as though they were some sort of packaged deal, and Shane would dismiss them. The following week, they could show up at Raw and have Kurt Angle let them know their contracts were voided when they went to Smackdown.

Now they are in limbo. They could be used as Free Agents, or they could do a Heath Slater and try to earn a contract on one of the brands. They could also have someone go up to their GM and tell the GM they are glad to be staying put. At that point, the GM could tell them they’ve taken on too much talent and “don’t have room for an under performer.” They could then be sent to NXT with a chip on their shoulder. 

The arrogance they could display at that level would be fantastic. It could be written that they don’t take NXT seriously and get destroyed by all of their talent before getting their wake up call. Or, they show up as a dark, angry, focused version of themselves with one goal, get back to their main roster to prove the GM wrong. I can even picture a guy from Raw and a guy from Smackdown becoming a successful tag team in NXT, only to be split up when they are called backup to their respective brands.

It wouldn’t be without merit either. Pro sports teams cut people all the time. MLB and NBA have minor leagues they send their players to when they are in a slump.  The realism of it would add a new wrinkle to their shows that would allow them to better manage their talent. Right now, they treat their roster like a kid with a new copy of WWE 2K. They fire it up, ignore all the talent they have to start with, and download all the created wrestlers that weren’t originally included. Before they know it, they have 812 wrestlers, and only end up playing with Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar. Oh wait....

[ihatewrestling]

Wrestling Fans are the Worst

Last night’s NXT TakeOVer: New Orleans was a great event. The six man ladder match for to determine the first ever NXT North American Champion was fantastic. It is genuinely one of the best matches I’ve seen in a very long time, and I really enjoyed it. Especially since my boy won (bay bay!). 

However, dumb ass wrestling fans nearly ruined it. Most “smart” wrestling fans complain about wrestlers burying other talent. They complain about how they do what they want, and do whatever it takes to “get their stuff in.” That’s what live crowds have become.

They seem to go into business for themselves and always get their stuff in. Unfortunately, their stuff is stupid. If a match has at least one high spot, with two wrestlers pointing on at least a barely decent match, you will hear the crowd chant, “This is awesome!” (even if it isn’t) and you will hear “Holy shit!” (even if something only minor has occurred), and if someone wins a championship at lingers in the ring for enough seconds, you will also hear, “You deserve it!” (even if they were just booing the wrestler moments ago.”

I don’t know why that has become the norm, but these crowds are so desperate to be heard not a single event goes by without these chants. If you think, I’m crazy go back and watch the introductions for the six man tag match from TakeOver New Orleans. 

Those simple bastards were chanting, “This is awesome!” before the match began. It was the first match of the night. So am I to believe WWE should stop scouting wrestlers, and just starting hiring people who walk to music really well?

They do it so much there are times when I think ,”Why the hell are they doing that?” I’m going to start going to events and I’m going to start chanting “Please stop chanting! Please stop chanting!” Counter productive, I know, but something has to be done. I just wish fans would go back to bring in hundreds of signs. That was always a cool visual, and much less annoying than chanting everything that pops into their heads:

“I got nachos!”

“I’m still thirsty!”

“It’s cold in here!”

“We lost our seats!”

“Where’s the bathroom?!”

“No one likes us!”

“We live with mom!’

“I hate wrestling!”

[ihatewrestling]

The Success of Darkness

Remember the Ministry of Darkness? I do. It is my favorite stable of all time. I was 11 when it ran(and ultimately ended), and I would assume most wrestling fans would choose their favorite something or other from around that age. It was weird, and dark, and a little creepy, but entirely different. 

Whether anyone wants to acknowledge it or not, that stable was hugely important to WWF. In its short run, we got so many important things that defined the era.

First, we got the Undertaker in a new role. His character evolved, and allowed him to start getting used to no longer being a mortician. He sharpened his mic skills, and solidified himself as a wrestler that could transcend an era.He could have remained the semi-cartoon character the pre-New Generation talent was and disappeared, or ended up in WCW. Same difference. He didn’t though, and that’s very good.

Next, we got to see The Brood in the spotlight. Every member of The Ministry of Darkness received air time in some way or another, but few benefited the way The Brood did. No not Gangrel, but Edge and Christian. I believe they would have both succeeded without the Ministry, but there’s no doubt it helped. Bonus, we got to hear their theme song every often, which happens to be my favorite theme song. Deal with that.

Forgotten bonus: we got the APA. Most people seem to have forgotten that stands for The Acolytes Protection Agency.Together, they made some of the most entertaining segments in the history of wrestling. This might have happened anyway, but it feels far more unlikely. Ron Simmons and JBL were paired because they weren’t going anywhere separately, As a team and  members of the Ministry, they were given a chance to do something different that clearly suits them. 

DAMN! The Ministry of Darkness was great.

[ihatewrestling]

WWE is Ruining Survivor Series

I had a big issue with Survivor Series last year. It was filled with random invasions, with seemingly one purpose: for each show to say they are better than the other. Or maybe it was commissioners and GMs showing off that they have more loyal talent. I don’t know. It was dumb and pointless.

It was dumb and pointless because WWE only treats the shows as separate shows when it can be used for a brief story line. For example, it matters when the McMahon siblings need a reason to compete. It matters when it they want to have a draft or a ‘Superstar Shakeup’. It matters when they have Survivor Series and it’s easy to book matches with the competing rosters. That’s it.

The rest of the time, the two shows promote each other like they are run by the same promotion or something. During Fastlane, a Smackdown Live PPV, they ran a five plus minute video package about Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle vs The Mrs. McMahons at WrestleMania. That crew is from Raw. The cross promotion isn’t really the problem, though.

It’s the carelessness of the story lines they make to have the two promotions interact with each other. There are like 326 wrestlers between the rosters and they can’t figure out how to create a problem between a few of them?

It’s not that hard, mostly because they’ve done it before. Step one, start a fued over the summer. Lay simple ground work. Have a draft and separate the fueders. At Survivor Series, have them settle the score. At Rumble have one of them win it and change brands to pursue the title of the opposite roster. During the 3 months between Rumble and Mania, have them finish their fued. Easy, right?

Also easy: take advantage of “free agency”. Right now, they love to call John Cena a free agent. He isn’t, though. He’s more like a scab. He shows up to do work in place of those that are under contract. That’s a scab. Not a free agent. However, there’s no reason the GMs shouldn’t try to sign talent away form their current shows.

It would provide a new and easy way to move talent between shows, and can promote a mid card guy by showing how valued he is by each show. It could also give them the chance to do things that were perceived during the Atitude Era. 

For example, WCW guys thought Kevin Nash and Scott Hall were still signed to WWF, and were some how infiltrating WCW. That could be a story line with Raw & Smackdown. Also, Chris Jericho wrote about how he was ducking Eric Bischoff towards the end of WCW career, because he had already decided to go to WWF. Again, this could be a story line. The point is, there are a ton of possibilities, and the best they could do is putting their rosters in red and blue t-shirts and have them say we’re better than you, just cause.

Dumb.

[ihatewrestling]

The Underrated, Vol. 1

It doesn’t matter the realm or criteria, when people discuss the best of the best, there are those that will inevitably left out. It isn’t always deliberate, or even obvious at the time of the discussion, but it happens. Rather than make another list of the the all-time undisputed greats, here is a list of guys that are unfortunately left out of the conversation.

First. Dustin Runnels, Goldust. This guy may actually be made out of magic. He debuted 30 years ago. That’s right, 1988, and he is still awesome in the ring. It wouldn’t even be a stretch to say he’s in better shape now than he was in his prime. It could also be considered fair to say he started the Attitude Era. 

His character was pushing boundaries long before DX, nWo, or Stone Cold Steve Austin. In fact, he pushed them so far, Vince McMahon asked him to pull back in the middle of the Attitude Era. However, he made people so uncomfortable, they didn’t realize how good he was in the ring. 

The guy is 6′ 6″ tall and 240 pounds, but moves as well as anyone. It’s a shame really because he is definitely his father’s son. Dusty Rhodes was smooth as silk and passed that along to Dustin. Cody has it too, but sometimes it seems like Goldust is forgotten. 

The cool thing about Goldust, though, is that he has changed his character to suit the times. He’s been dark and serious, comedic, and intense all at different times, and sometimes mixed together.

I’m confident that if you look up a Dustin Runnels match, any match really, you are going to find something special. Even that time he wrestled on the back of a flatbed truck in a cage match as it drove down the road. That’s a different kind of special.

[ihatewrestling]

WCW Nitro: The Second 100

In my march towards see every episode of WCW Monday Nitro, I have just eclipsed the 200 mark. I watched episodes 101-200 in just 9 months compared to the 2 years it took me to watch episodes 1-100. I’d like to say its getting better, but that simply isn’t true. It’s mostly just weird. There are some misconceptions, though, about how people remember WCW.

First, Kevin Nash. A high percentage of the population believes he buried everyone to stay at the top. I don’t believe that. He was over and they used him because of it. Unfortunately, whenever they needed him for something, they used him without much of an explanation. He would go from heel, to face, to heel, to face, to super face, to kind of heel, to baby heel, to face. The crowds pretty much always cheered him, but trying to figure out what side he was on was a nightmare. 

Second, Ric Flair carried the company when they needed it, and wanted anybody but him to do it. Flair was consistently part of major story lines, but WCW chose to include real life politics into their shows. Every week for months they would talk about how Flair was holding guys down. They were so adamant about it, it was as though they really wanted the fans to hate him. 

Unfortunately, that was the norm. It felt like we weren’t supposed to be able to follow along. For example, on an episode of WCW Thursday Thunder, Goldberg put his hand through a limousine window and cut his arm very badly. Bad enough for him to miss a significant amount of time.

Accidents happen, but if WWF was put in the same position with Stone Cold Steve Austin at the time, you can bet they would have told the audience where he was. WCW didn’t. Not a clip. Not an announcement. Not a satellite interview. Nothing. It was like Goldberg didn’t exist anymore. 

At one point, Scott Hudson took over as lead commentator, again with no mention as to where Tony Schiavone had gone. He just wasn’t there anymore. Again, WWF would have let us know where the hell JR was. 

One thing that was very obvious, though, was that they were willing to try anything to get their ratings back. So much so, they started having shows with more celebrities wrestling than wrestlers. At a time when they had Hogan, Macho Man, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Booker T, Sting, Ric Flair, Bret Hart, Rey Mysterio, Chris Jericho, Billy Kidman, Curt Hennig, DDP, Lex Luger, Eddie Guerror, Chris Benoit, and the Steiners, they decided to bring in Master P and the No Limit Soldiers. God bless Curt Hennig, but he made it work.

On one episode, they brought back Dennis Rodman, and introduced the Insane Clown Posse and Arliss. No, not Robert Wuhl who played Arliss, on the HBO show of the same name. They brought in the character Arliss, to play a sports agent creating a big money PPV for Rodman.

All while they were bringing in anyone who’d ever been on TV before, they continued to talk about Flair as though he was taking all the air time for himself. It was a joke. 

Finally, the new logo was the perfect symbol to describe WCW. If you starred at it long enough, you’d eventually figure it out. It was change for the sake of change rather than embracing what made them what they are. 

Sting really hit his stride in 1999. He was always good, but 99 is when he was at his best (so far).  Through the duration of the second 100 episodes, he held the title barely 3 times. He won it in December 28, 1997, it was vacated on January 8, 1998, and he won it back February 22. He also held the title for literally a few minutes on April 26, 1999. 

He was the best they had to offer, and in four years, he was only champion for 67 days. Mixed in there was The Giant two times, Hogan five times, Savage four times, Lex Luger once, Goldberg once, Flair three times, DDP twice, and Nash twice. There wasn’t room for Sting anywhere in there? Doubt it.  

WCW was a spoiled kid with an overflowing toybox. Unfortunately, the kid had A.D.D. and never finished playing with its toys before getting new ones. I am going to continue to watch, and if I’m honest, its because I want to see a triple cage match. I do feel like I’m down the mountain, but at least I’ll know I got to see guys like Jericho, Malenko, Sting, and Sid Vicious in their prime. Oh, wait. One of those things is not like the others.

[ihatewrestling]

Do Finishers Exist Anymore?

As I watch Monday Night Raw, I see Roman Reigns in a Gauntlet Match (both things I really like) and he is throwing Superman punches in Seth Rollins grille left, right, and center. Each time followed by Rollins getting up. I can only guess it is done to make Rollins look strong, but instead it makes Reigns look weak.

Excitement and interest comes from unpredictability. Rollercoasters are more fun when they go faster than you are ready for. Haunted Houses are better when there are more creepy things popping out. Finishers are better when they actually finish matches.

The problem here is that WWE is looking at these things backwards. They think everyone can look good if everyone kicks out, but they can’t. I’d rather see, using our previous example, Roman Reigns knockout everyone with a Superman punch. It would be so much more meaningful for anyone to kick out of one at one of the four major pay-per-views.

The look of shock on his face would elevate the match, almost entirely on its own. Its hard to get natural reactions from a crowd that finds the wrestlers to be more accessible than ever. Guys can’t do much that is new anymore, because YouTube and WWE Network make it possible for fans to see every match they’ve ever had on TV. 

So rather than try and continue to do new things, pick the things that are proven and evolve them. Finishers that end matches are as proven as anything in the history of wrestling. Boxing and MMA prove this all the time. 

People love knockouts. They are devastating and can come out of nowhere. Far more people paid to see Coner McGregor fight Floyd Mayweather because they wanted to see McGregor connect with one huge punch, rather than to see Mayweather fight a technically sound and defensive fight. If there is one modern day example of the importance of finishers, it was that fight.

I was going to end the post there, but something else struck me that makes the entire current roster look bad. Old timers show up all the time, hit their finisher and knock out current wrestlers. Are we to understand a Stone Cold Stunner from a 53 year old, self admitted out of shape Steve Austin is more potent than any move on the existing roster.

It’s lunacy.

[ihatewrestling]

Achilles Heels, Vol. 2

Last time I pointed out bad heels, I did so with the understanding that they were just bad at being bad guys. This installment is a little different. These are guys couldn’t be heels because the fans wouldn’t let them. 

In 1999, Diamond Dallas Page was doing everything right as a babyface. He won the World Heavyweight Championship in a four corners match against Sting, Hollywood Hogan, & Ric Flair, with Randy Savage as a special guest referee. The crowd popped huge because it came out of nowhere and everyone loved Page. 

Within a month, however, DDP had lost the title and turned heel. It was weird kind of turn, that was more or less the announce team telling us he was a jerk now. The only heelish thing he had done to that point was saying that he no longer wanted to be called the people’s champ. 

When it became clear, though, that he was supposed to be a bad guy, he was a very good heel. The problem, however, was that nobody wanted to boo him. They did because they knew they were supposed to but it was very half-hearted. Many people just continued to cheer him. It’s unfair to say his run wasn’t successful, because in the end the wrestlers just need to get over. It’s just a shame we couldn’t see him at his best feeding off the anger of the crowd. 

[ihatewrestling]

John Cena: NEW NXT CHAMP!

Everyone wants to see John Cena turn heel. What could be more heelish than breaking the record for world championships than going to WWE’s minor league, and winning theirs?

I know, I know. That will never happen, but it would be amazing. They wouldn’t even really have to change him that much. If you’ve listened to the interview he did on Edge & Christian’s Pod of Awesomeness then you would know Cena doesn’t have any problem demanding the best from the talent around them. If they can’t cut it, he doesn’t care if they fall by the wayside. 

Now picture Cena as the General of NXT, leading the young squad as they invade Raw & Smackdown. He could then elevate them out of the minor leagues, and make them equals to the their Raw & Smackdown colleagues. 

It’s almost perfect. The problem with it, is it would have to be authentic. Prior to Survivor Series Raw & Smackdown kept invading each other while wearing t-shirts announcing where they are from. That’s stupid. With Cena in charge they should be rocking jorts, cargo pants, and all manner of street clothes.

There are so many ways to make the whole thing great. Nikki could return to lead the woman. The two of them could fued with Nikki’s (and soon to be John’s) brother in law, Daniel Bryan. Brie could then come back and setup a match between the Bella’s, just like they want.

Cena could challenge Kurt Angle, giving the fans almost what they want: more matches from Angle, less title spots being taken away from new talent. Cena could even be a heel that kids could get behind. He’d be a heel that wants the best out of a group of young talent, that won’t be told they can’t achieve what they are after. He could be justified in everything he does.

It’s almost too good. It’s probably too good. Yeah, it’s too good. They’d never do it. I hate wrestling.

[ihatewrestling]

Let’s Re-Invent Money In The Bank

The worse thing that can happen to any form of entertainment is going stale. WWE has a number things that now feel obligatory. They aren’t event’s that are bad, there just isn’t much surprise left. It just feels like thing A must happen, so things B can happen, followed by thing C.

It doesn’t have to be like that, though. Money in the Bank in particular could be so much better. Right now, it feels as though the person with the contract is a sub story. Something that is always in play under the surface, but not really a focal point. Let’s change that.

First things first, give the title to a deserving babyface. That’s not to say they don’t normally give it to someone deserving, but don’t give us another Baron Corbin. I know a lot more was going on behind the scenes that affected the story, but be sure that doesn’t happen again. 

Two weeks after they win, have the case stolen. The winner will then discover it’s missing and try and track down the thief. Have this go on for several weeks. Include the GM and Commissioner from each show as they try and determine who stole it. Next, have a baby face win a world title. They can defend or win it from the heel. As they are celebrating, The Miztourage comes out and beats them up. When they look good and worn out, they look up the ramp and start waving in someone.

The Miz’s music hits, he runs out with the case, and cashes in. As the contract dictates whomever is in possession of the contract can cash in, the ref allows it, and The Miz wins. The original title holder then comes running out, but it’s too late.

From there both babyfaces and The Miz are setup for two months of story lines. The original contract winner should say he cashed in but it wasn’t his to do so. The original world champ should say their loss doesn’t count because it was an invalid cash in. The three can have a triple threat match. The original MITB winner should win the world title, and the original title holder would get another shot, because they never had the chance to defend with a champions advantage.

All in all, it would give the fans something they haven’t seen before, and reason to care about MITB. It doesn’t have to be The Miz that wins, but I like him and he has the only heel stable to make the thing work. Plus he has been saying he’d be world champ again for months.

I know Vince checks in with my page pretty frequently, so we should expect this to happen any day now.

[ihatewrestling]

Achilles Heels, Vol. 1

There are good heels and there are bad heels. The good heels are despised because of their characters.The bad heels are those that are just bad at playing heel. It could be because they aren’t good at it, or the story line is awkward. Whatever the reason, they are the worst.

To be clear, guys like Roddy Pipper, CM Punk, & The Miz are great heels. You can see how committed they are to being dastardly, and you want them to lose, but not really go away. They cheat and get titles they don’t deserve, and you can’t wait to see them lose their title. You are prompted to boo them just because their music hits.

Then there are guys like Lex Luger, who prompted this series. I don’t have anything against Luger, and although I’m not sure I’d list him near the top of any great performers lists, the guy does deserve some credit for his achievement. He was relevant on the two biggest promotions of all-time for the better part of 15 years.

However, he was much better suited as a baby face. His promo’s as a heel were brutal. He often seemed like a good guy pretending to be bad, and never as a bad guy. Many would say his promo skills where limited in general, but his real strength was playing a loyal face, both in WCW and WWF. 

When it came time to be a heel, he would say things that heels would say, but he’d look exactly the same as when he was a face. It’s hard to interpret a guy smiling while he lays out how he is going to screw someone. It’s just weird. 

Buff Bagwell is on this list, but it might be unfair considering, unlike Luger, he wasn’t really good at anything. Every promo he cut was like watching Ren or Stimpy (I’m not sure which is which) on speed. He would say things that weren’t funny, nor intended to be funny, then laugh manically. He did it every single time. It’s tough to watch.

Finally, Hollywood Hogan can suck it. He had the same problem Bagwell had, which may have just been a WCW problem, but he was like a cartoon villian. Most of the time, I half expected Scooby and the gang to pop up ad pull of his mask. I know he was old school in a changing era, but I don’t think his antics would have worked back in the 80s. 

Many people remember how big the heel turn was, but forget how bad he was as a heel. He spent so much time praising Eric Bischoff, it made me wonder if we were supposed to look at Hogan as a minion, rather than a world champion.

I’m sure there are others, which is why this will only be volume 1, but if I’m honest, I really liked the name I chose for the post and wanted to get it out there before I forgot it.

[ihatewrestling]

Starrcade ‘98 Sucked, Sort of

I recently watched Starrcade ‘98 as part of my admittedly slow march through WCW Monday Nitro & its pay-per-views. I’ve watched every Starrcade to this point, so I know what to expect, and I would like to say once and for all that Starrcade was not WCW’s Wrestlemania. That is an insult to Wrestlemania.

Wrestlemania is meant to be the culmination of a year of WWE wrestling, with a match card filled with engaging storylines. It doesn’t always work out that way, but I feel comfortable saying that at least more than half of the matches on the card meet the hype of the event. Starrcade didnt do that.

Starrcade always had one huge match to look forward to, and at least one other great match. The rest of the card was indistinguishable from Monday Nitro, and maybe even Thunder. I don’t know yet, since that garbage isn’t on the Network yet. 

The 1998 edition was no different. The show opened with Billy Kidman vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. & Juventud Guerrera in a Triple threat match for the WCW Cruiserweight Championship. This was an excellent match. I am a Billy Kidman fan without a doubt, but all three wrestlers put out a great performance. Kidman won, even after Eddie Guerroro came out to interfere.

At the time, the two losers and Eddie were tied up in a weird storyline where Eddie had created the Latino World Order, and his sole mission was to ensure they held the Cruiserweight title. He some how owned Mysterio in this whole thing, and began telling them how they are morons for losing to Kidman.

Eventually Kidman came back out, in what kind of seemed like him defending Guerrero’s stable mates, and challenged Guerrero to a title match of his own. After some heel complain, Eddie accepted and then lost in another very good match.  The first match was great, the second was very good, and combined they made for an excellent start to the show.

From there, everything else was painfully boring.  Norman Smiley over Prince Iaukea. Perry Saturn over Ernest Miller (I’d be amazed if anyone know’s who he is anymore.) Brian Adams and Scott Norton over Fit Finlay and Jerry Lynn. DDP over The Giant. I don’t even know why they last one took place. Maybe Bret Hart got hurt, but DDP’s feud was with him, not The Giant. As far as I can tell The Giant wasn’t feuding with anyone, except maybe Disco Inferno at the time.

We also got Eric Bischoff over Ric Flair. Bischoff obviously cheated to win a match even Ric Flair couldn’t make special. Jericho lost a TV Championship rematch to Konan, which is the only match of the last few listed that had a storyline. It was even pretty good, but unfortunately I knew going into it that Jericho was near the end of his time with WCW, and Bischoff wasn’t happy with him for leaving. The match was okay, but I love Jericho and the context soured it for me. I still wouldn’t say it was great objectively though.

Finally, though, we get to what I’ve been waiting for: Kevin Nash vs. Goldberg. Going into this, I knew Goldber’s streak was going to end, and people are still mad about how this match played out. I did forget about the stun gun, which worked out because I got to enjoy a portion of it as something fresh.

Here’s the thing though, I like how it went down. If they put the kind of effort they did into that storyline, into half of the other matches, and did that with some regularity, I don’t think WCW would have closed. 

The storyline was interesting for so many reasons. First, Goldberg had the streak, and Kevin Nash became obsessed with ending it. They signed the match about a month out, but Bam Bam Bigalow showed up and was put in a match with Goldberg. Nash went out of his way to make sure no one else would beat Goldberg; he started fights outside, backstage, in the stands, everywhere. 

When Goldberg and Nash crossed paths, they were taunting each other, and needing to be separated constantly. It seemed like they really wanted to fight. Nash has always come off as smug to me, which makes it difficult to like him, but this is his best work. He was extremely convincing, and it allowed me to buy into the match, and get excited for Starrcade.

It made sense for him to win, and to win the way he did. The streak was going to end at some point, and losing clean would have made Goldberg, and everyone he beat, look like chumps. He had to get cheated to end the streak. 

Having seen it first hand now, I can’t believe that anyone thinks it was a mistake. The crowd went nuts when it happened. Not because they were mad, but because they wanted Nash to win. It is one of the best pops I’ve ever seen. It is comparable to Jericho’s eventually overturned Title Win over Triple H in State College, PA.

They got it right, even if was Nash booking himself to go over. Starrcade ‘98 was a reason to hate wrestling, but that match isn’t.

[ihatewrestling]

I Like When They Rumble

The Royal Rumble is my favorite pay-per-view each year, and likely always will be. The 2018 event had two rumbles, one for the men and one for the women. Going into it, I was not sure the women’s match will fair well, because of a thinner talent pool. I was wrong.

First I want to say the entire weekend was great. NXT TakeOver Philadelphia was awesome, and everyone on that show deserves all the credit in the world. I genuinely thought it was going to be tough for the Main Roster to follow it.

I still don’t like Sami Zayne, but I really like Kevin Owens, and I love AJ Styles. Their match was much better than I thought it would be because of the gimmick. I actually thought it was going to be a 2 on 1 the entire time, not a tag scenario, but maybe I just didn’t pay close enough attention. I was glad to see Styles retain, and thought it was great for him to do it in the arena he debuted in for WWE 2 years ago. I’d image that must have been pretty special for him.

The Usos vs Benjamin & Gable was kind of weird. It seemed like the match just sort of ended. I don’t like 2 out of 3 falls because it makes everything that happens up to the first fall feel pointless. The second fall came so quickly after the first, that I was too stunned to realize what happened, but not in a good way. I got the same sort of vibe from the crowd. All four of the guys are great but the pacing kind of ruined this one.

I couldn’t believe the Men’s Royal Rumble was next. It was so early that I felt like it wasn’t being given it’s proper due. I also thought the men’s match would be better because I didn’t have any faith in the woman. More on that later. The men’s match was much more enjoyable than I expected, because of the order of the entrance. I was excited to see Rusev and Finn Balor start the match, and loved how long they lasted. 

The problem with this match in recent years showed itself again this year, with one difference. When they started using current talent, rather than surprise legacy guys, they have followed a specific formula. One guy from early on last a long time but doesn’t win. A bunch of lower to mid-card guys enter and last only a few minutes. Then the likely winner and older guys enter towards the end.

This makes it feel like it doesn’t matter who comes out because the winner is coming in at the end. Nakamura entered at 14 which is the only exception to this rule. Everything else happened. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t have allowed John Cena to be in the final 3. It would have been much more meaningful if Balor & Nakamura eliminated Roman Reigns.

WWE knows the fans don’t want to see Roman Reigns win another Rumble, and used that against the audience. Keeping him in late makes sense. Keeping Cena in doesn’t. On paper its clear they wanted to pit 2 bonafied alphas against the new comer. It didn’t play out nicely though.

The ordering of the matches showed itself to be a problem in Jason Jordan & Seth Rollins vs. Cesaro & Sheamus. Rollins was in the match for 25 minutes, then had a partner quit on him. If the match order was reversed, his 25 minutes would have been awesome because the crowd would have felt sympathy for him that would have been tangible. Instead we are left wondering why they’ve put so much stock in Jason Jordan. I can’t help but feel The Bar got shortchanged as well, since they were basically in a handicap match they couldn’t lose.

I was disappointed Braun Strowman didn’t win the Universal Championship, but I hope this gives him the chance to take it at Wrestlemania. WWE has done everything right with Strowman that they did wrong with Reigns. They have taken their time and confirmed that he is a legitimate contender. He has earned it and everyone knows it. With that said, we have seen this match before: 

It was basically the same. Same spots. Same pacing. Not bad, but it has been done before.

Finally, I get to praise the Women’s Royal Rumble Match. It is the best rumble match in years. The returning talent was fun, and they still have the skills to put on a good show. I wanted to see Trish, and Lita and I wanted to Asuka to win. All of that happened and it was fantastic. There was one incredible side effect of the WWE Women having shorter careers than the men. 

In the past, the old timers would come out looking old and run down. Even when The Hurricane came out earlier in the night, I was excited to see him, but noticed he wasn’t in great shape. That’s not a knock on him. He’s had a great career, but he’s 43, and despite differing reports is actually human.

The oldest participant in the women’s match was Torrie Wilson at 42. She also happens to be a fitness instructor. They were all in great shape, which meant they could all perform like they’ve never missed a beat. It made the entire event more enjoyable.

Plus, I got to see people I’d never seen before, like Michelle McCool. If she were to return, even for a short run. I’d be very excited. People like me would get to see someone for the first time, while other fans get to cheer them again. 

I was glad to see the Bella’s and I’m glad they entered in the order they did. Brie deserves her return, and I’m glad she was able to get it in a semi-solo fashion. I half expected them to send them both out at the same time. Five years ago, that would have been cool. Today they’ve earned the right to each have their own spotlight.

The only complaint I have, is again how they handled the final three. The men’s match ended with two established veterans taking on the newcomer. The women’s match ended in the same exact way. Even if you expand it to the final four the same thing happened. A fan favorite, Sasha Banks like Finn Balor, lasted nearly an hour and was eliminated by a veteran leaving the 2 on 1 situation. 

It might seem petty, but they could have fixed the problem easily. Change one of the match endings. If they change one, then both benefit. 

Whatever, I’m looking forward to starting my I HATE XFL tumblr page.

[ihatewrestling]

I Hate New Japan Pro Wrestling

I’ve only seen a few New Japan matches in my life. To be honest I’ve spent more time reading about them in wrestlers books, than I’ve spent watching them. The language barrier is a big problem for me because I find it distracting, more than I miss announcers telling me what’s going on.

With all that said, Chris Jericho is my guy. As far as I am concerned, he is the best wrestler of all time, in the ring, or on the mic. There is no argument to be made for anyone with more charisma, and I don’t care which version of Jericho you pick. As for wrestling ability he is an all-timer. Others might be better, but nobody has done it so well for so long. 

Kenny Omega, I don’t really know. He looks like a guy that would server hot dogs at 7/11. Other than that, I know he’s that Bullet Club guy who is pretty good in Japan. I wouldn’t, and haven’t tuned into NJPW for Omega, but I did for Jericho.

Holy shit! I’ve been missing out. Omega is clearly great, and I think he and Jericho may have locked up match of the year with 361 days to go, but NJPW stole the show.

They have everything WWE tries to manufacter. Jericho’s entrance was great because it was not over produced. Same with Omega. Some lights, some music, and most importantly, a ravenous crowd excited to see them. It genuinely felt like a show from the late 90s, in the best way.

The match itself was more than I or anyone else could have hoped for. These two guys tore the house down in their very first match together. 

I like WWE. For some reason people don’t really want to admit that. With that said, I don’t want Jericho back in WWE anytime soon. I can only imagine what these two could do together with a proper story line and a series of matches. It would have to be in NJPW, though.

If Omega were to jump to WWE, these two would have an angle at some point to try and recapture what they did last night. Maybe they can, but they probably can’t. WWE would never let them have a match like the one from WK12 because they did some crazy stuff.

I’m not an ECW nut so I don’t like the super violent stuff. I like knowing the guy I’m rooting for is going to be able to have many more matches and a healthy retirement. These two fit into the exception because they are highly skilled veterans.

Big picture though, NJPW showed me something WWE can’t provide. There’s no arguing with that because with Jericho in the match we have an apples to apples comparison.

If we add up the score card, NJPW has nostalgia, properly and not overly produced shows, great talent that isn’t limited, and flexibility to bring in talent from other promotions for limited appearances. WWE doesn’t do any of these things.

I have to hate NJPW because it is so good, it has pretty much ruined modern WWE.

[ihatewrestling]

Worst Character Introductions

There are times WWE nails their new characters form the jump. They have great build ups and illicit genuine interest from the audience. One of the best examples would be Kane. He had been floating around with great skills, and terrible gimmicks, but upon being repackaged as The Undertaker’s brother he was able to get his foot in the door to start giving the fans a reason to care about him. This doesn’t always happen.

Sometimes, they lose faith in a character or change it response to fan reaction, but do so far too quickly. In recent memory, Emmalina is the epitome of this kind of mistake. Emma is a good wrestler, who happens to be good looking. The Emmalina character was based off her looking good. She got to be that character for less than 45 seconds. However, John Cena, that white guy from Boston, got to be a rapper for like 5 years. 

The point is, they don’t always get it right and here are some times I think they screwed up. 

Diamond Dallas Page was among the few WCW wrestlers that accepted buyouts to join WWE when WCW was sold. He was given a fairly high profile angle with The Undertaker that saw Page stalking ‘Taker’s wife Sara. He spent most of the time wearing a mask and not speaking, but when the feud ended, he didn’t have anything to do. He soon got hurt and developed a new character as a motivational speaker, frequently saying “That’s not a bad thing...that’s a good thing.” 

He some how got that garbage over, but it wore out quickly. WWE didn’t give him anything else to work with and essentially wasted the few twilight years he had left. He should have been the most important  piece of the WCW purchase at the time, to draw in new fans, but instead they more or less said, “Well, we tried.”

Next on the list is Shinsuke Nakamura. He was amazing in NXT. He got over naturally as everyone was drawn towards his inherent charisma. No one needed to be told he is good, because it is very apparent. However, when he got to Smackdown, they decided he should be a rockstar. Then they pushed that really hard. Unfortunately, they pushed right off the tracks because all of his momentum is gone. He’s still just as good and charismatic, but they wanted us to know every appearance was a spectacle, and now none of them can be anymore.

The oddest one on the list has to be “Broken” Matt Hardy. It’s been close to a year since Hardy could use the gimmick because of legal issues, but WWE still thinks its a good idea to keep hinting at it. When Hardy played into this past week (Raw 2017.11.27) 90 percent of the crowd didn’t respond. The layoff has killed it, and he won’t ever be able to get that momentum back. They would have been much better off to scrap it all together, wait until they could use it, have Hardy go on a losing streak, and then make Jeff get into his face. He could then snap and introduce the gimmick to WWE’s audience. 

Instead, I get to keep seeing the same garbage and continue to hate wrestling.

[ihatewrestling]

Roman Reigns Wins, WWE Loses

Roman Reigns won the Intercontinental Championship last night. It was his first IC Title win and I think he earned it. Earlier in the night Seth Rollins declared that he and Ambrose would regain the Raw Tag titles, and Roman should take the IC title from The Miz so they could all have titles.

If you’ve read yesterdays post, then you would know I can predict just about everything WWE does. I can say yesterday’s result wasn’t surprising, but I didn’t know for sure he would win. It seems odd to have The Miz lose two nights in a row, especially when he didn’t really have a story line with Reigns.

If it were up to me, and I’m still not sure why it isn’t, Reigns would be chasing The Miz until at least the Royal Rumble. The Miz is the best heel WWE has right now, and he could have easily cheated his way to victory for the next few weeks. Doing so would have accomplished a few things.

The fans are back on-board with Reigns because they are back on-board with The Shield. They were clearly celebrating with him when he won, and just as excited at the prospect of the victory when the match was proposed. 

However, if he had lost it and Miz cheated, or escaped, it would have created interest in next weeks episode. So what would happen next week? Rollins and Ambrose tell Reigns not to worry about it because The Miz got lucky. They then go out and win the Tag Titles, and Reigns gets his rematch in the Main Event. Then Miz wins again. 

The following week Reigns starts to show his confidence is weakening. Humility isn’t something we’ve seen from him before and it would add a great dynamic to his character. In the main event The Shield takes on The Miztourage, and Reigns beats Miz for the win. Now he begins to get his confidence back, but The Miz refuses to grant a rematch. From here on out, there are a ton of options. 

The Miz could demand he beats Curtis Axel and then Bo Dallas to earn his rematch. He could then have him fight both of them. Each time he would win, the crowd would get behind him as he pursues the IC title, ultimately winning at Royal Rumble. Winning there would also make him unavailable for the Royal Rumble match, an event fans have not responded well too in recent years.

Unfortunately, none of that is possible now, but I don’t suppose that is a good enough reason to hate wrestling.