[ihaventsaidaword]

Piss & Vinegar

Minds rusted

All these old thoughts I’m tryna kick the bucket

Firing on all those old ways but I’m stuck with

a one shot musket

Run and tuck it

I must get

Hmm, tusk tusk, kid

Don’t say gone and don’t say faded

Radiating

Hatred and knives serated

I’d be elated but success is so belated

Traded credit for a shot to make it

I’m just faking

Just take it

Freedom, what’s it worth, yeah?

Couldn’t say if it was worth it

But I won’t stop till I’m on and perfect

At the top, I’ll usurp ya

Fight and fight and fight

I won’t stop man

For once and for all I’ve decided

I am the one, I am mighty

Despite it

A man has doubts & I am human

Two feet planted, I’m a shoe in

Two toes dipped, I’ll stay moving

Remove the wool

I am the wolf

Blink twice and you might miss it

God’s son, sunkissed, and unmoving

I’m unruly

To take the crown is grueling

Watch and sit like I’m a movie

A train derailed lain still

And yet I’m better still

I kill and kill and kill

Shake dust to ash

I’m unabashed

Faded yet my star won’t burn

You’ll soon see what I’m all about

[ihaventsaidaword]

Clouded

God don’t wanna talk to me

The chosen one, his favorite son

What I wouldn’t do for love

These verses just don’t sing

Wish I could be what it is you all see

But I’m manic, drunk, & tired

The answer is at the end of this next bottle

And I’m depressed, sober, wired

It’s all the same and it’s all been said

As an artist I got nothing left to give,

I’m quiet

Nothing left to say so leave me be

Don’t keep it all in your head, son

Instead,

Unread pages about what’s on my mind

I’ve been into my head for hours

So let me have it one more time

Conversation hitting different when all the thoughts are missing

I’m hitting, running, stuffing but it ain’t bout nothing

Just a lil something

To take the edge off and to feel something

What’s been said is ancient history

And I’m ancient without a thing to give

What’s new?

Not a damn thing

What I wouldn’t do for a coupling

I’ll sing this song as long as you’re listening

Find me where I’ve always been

[ihaventsaidaword]

“Curtains”

[ihaventsaidaword]

Your Reputation Precedes You

Keep thy hands from idle

Move bricks from stack to title

I am but chattel

Midas reincarnate with a reverse touch

Ah, the Phoenix rises yet again

Torch to sun, I’m on the run

Lamb to slaughter

Where is the fun?

Son, 

Follow thy bread crumbs

Two shots rung

Like I’m toe touching in the end zone

This is my endgame

I’m just a naked King, dumb

Scepter & crown drown

Traded for specters & a bottle of brown

Down it goes

Batten the hatches and board the windows

Me bored is the worst thing

Idle hands, idle hands, I warned ya

Rose or thorn in your side?

It’s just the blind leading the blind

The point? I’m right on ya

These thoughts I channel

God or devil?

Like earth to shovel 

Life is muddled

[ihaventsaidaword]

God’s Son

Gut rot whisky and ill intentions

self inflicted tension feeling flippant

Touring venues

Somewhere between hatred and self adulation

I’ve made a home

General consensus and reading the room aside

I couldn’t really care less

It’s this godforsaken lost bunch

That might yet rule in totality

I’ve really yet to see past my wooden nose

Cutthroat killer, drunkard, fiend or friend?

It’s all just white noise

& I’ve screamed the loudest but said the least

& I’ve come to ask for more than I’ve got to offer

All on credit and what I could be

I’ve flown

Far past and far flung

I’ve sung my eulogy

I’ve written all there is to write

Let the God child be God like in this golden hour

Apple of his eye

I’ve only just begun

[ihaventsaidaword]

[ihaventsaidaword]

She Who Haunts Me

I scrawled upon this page some scratch

I’ve minced words, I’ve dashed hopes

Sentimental fiend

No folly lost or found

What poet loves themselves?

Surely I

Tattooed plainly for all the world to see

Placation, such an easy ruse

I’ve stood atop the stoop to coo

To stew until stability moves

I’m roosted like a rooted tree

Yet still my heart yearns for yours

Cooped up my rooster crows

Cries out to lesser men

No one bats an eye, no lash dare stir

I’ve yet to pen my dedication

To such a task my hand does quiver

Loftily I’ve set my sights

What better death than boredom?

Time? I’ve only come to ransom some

Death always did dress to the nines

That I could always say

I never was on time

[ihaventsaidaword]

What’s Been Neglected

Here lies a dreamer

Who never did a goddamn thing

So reads my tombstone

These mindless exchanges exploding

Like grenades in my head

Kill me now instead

Assisted suicide I’d prefer

What am I really on the hook for?

These vacuous, those vapid people

I’ve peeped them, and it’s seamless

I’m so more, “I need this, but please…”

“Count me out”

What I stand for you’ve never thought of

I manifested this loneliness

Awaken to the monster within

You brainless

You without a thought

You incubators of my darkness

I’d rather perish

Quite honestly

I’ve never cared about this or that

So leave me here to rot

I was never more than an afterthought

Death is all around us

[ihaventsaidaword]

Monologist

Everybody hiding from the truth

I’m ruthless in my approach

Honesty above all else

These twisted tales

These most grandiose

I find most lacking

Most dishonest in their misguided endeavors

I snore

I sleep at your empty words

I slumber like babies at your lies

Your dream like statements read like black & whites

You’re at best a moment

You stand in sheer futility

Of time

I’ve only ransomed some

What more could I ever be?

Everything I ever hoped for

[ihaventsaidaword]

Soap Box

I’m monologuing over microphones

I remain absolutely,

Couldn’t, shouldnt, but nonetheless

I stand picturesque as the epitome

Absurd,

I most certainly would be inclined to agree

Sanity notwithstanding

Point proven down this rabbit hole

as if though I needed validation

I’m Dapper Dan dipped, draped in silk I’m drippin’

Honey pot or pit, what path does follow

Whipped in like fast money,

riches you might hope will mend

What’s broken will forever be

At the risk of dramatic generalizations

I boldly state in definitive declarations

Party planners escorted out for thinking plainly

Level headed monster, you fiend!

What tyranny afoot!

Slave to time and place

I’ll have none of that

Quite astutely I stand astounded

Mulling nothing, that I promise

Watch how mounds build quickly

And those would be mountains strike gold

In the heart of indecision

Right where it meant ta’

[ihaventsaidaword]

Beaten

It’s been a million years

Since I felt I got it right

Dramatic notions just for theater

She’s a man eater & ive been swallowed whole

This ditch I dig is now a home

Upon rows & rows

Deep within the forest grows

A twisted heart blackened, mold

I’ve never called it clear cut

But I remained aware of the score

Call me chaotic, call me as needed

A pathetic call to arms

A chess player behind three moves

You were well aware

Out of touch with my demons,

I thought I had it bagged

Bludgeoned, beat, & battered

Take me broken, dazed, and tattered

True to form, I never mattered

Logic hath forsaken me

Never more, I beg thee

Solitude meant nothing by it

She just never understood me

[ihaventsaidaword]

Dead End

Organ keys play me out melodically

Tumultuous and erratic I seem to be

Swan dive, my swan song, I never took the fall

Throwing matches was meant for opportunists

I’ve always been more inclined to self destruction

suffocating sentiments and ill gotten gains,

I’m atune

What monumental offering would make you?

swooning at the sight of & crooning out,

food for fools

Swimming in circles, patterns repeated you wouldn’t dream

nightmarish concepts appear and vanish like specters, 

like another language, gibberish and nonsense

I’m aghast at these ghosts 

These who commit to see suppression seep

terrorizing the feeble minded and ill equipped 

Puzzle pieces missing & muzzled mouths seething

a breath of fresh air spoken with an air of sophistication 

airing out my laundry like it was intentional

a proper vindication 

a pompous capitulation

a furtherance of misdirection

I’m simply a distraction

Find me if you wish, forget me as you should

I was never more than an airy dream atop a broken promise

I would be better

and rightfully so I stand corrected

You see it’s these goddamn hopeful comments that keep my soul resurrected

A hobby for the damned, a humble distinction 

I truly couldn’t ever make sense of what I was meant for

So, here I die as maybe I was meant to

Watch my grave with an angsty anticipation

A savior I’m searching 

empty handed and dejected

morose and without hope

clap for me now as there will be no standing ovation

[ihaventsaidaword]

Suspension

Floating around like I got it all figured

What’s the sum of all these shards?

Pay no mind, it’s no matter,

I know not a thing

Nothing in the cards and I’ve always been one to bluff

Self centered egotist with a heart of gold

Harass me no more you dream killer

You iron prod,

rust wrought and ill tempered

I’m stuck, stricken

A promise broken

Stagnantation just a fear realized,

it can’t be

Mightily mistaken

What you aim to get

I ain’t in possession

I remain perplexed

As I’m no man

Just a slight fixture

A last stand of hope and futility

Perhaps, I was never more

Just a subtle suggestion

A dreamer and nothing more

[ihaventsaidaword]

Temper, Temper

Obsessed with God like affirmations

But lost in these panel-like claymations

Of

Heaven and hell

Animations, I choose hero

Purgatory opaquely creeps,

you quicksand killer

Silent like an unsaid, “I love you.”

Villainous monologues, I can relate

I miss you don’t mean what it used to

Casting crowns, I’m undeserving

Heres to know nothing raps

And toothless bites and jowls that drip

Quite to my point

I was aiming for the stars

A non clever, unimpressive, declaration of mediocrity

Always fancied myself a Plato or usurper

What stoop to stand?what stump to stew?

Muddled like my thought process

and unceasingly overcome by thoughts of you

No escape, no bottle, no depth within my reach

I’m murky, dark, and mud

Broken spoke, the wheel ain’t turning

My eyes ain’t leaking, they’re just blurry

Sawdust stirring and heads just rolling

Trust me

It all comes back to self and such

I’ve never relied on the selfish bunch

Island breeze I’m right where I should be

Leave me be to my devices

I’m the man

Watch me be what I could be

[ihaventsaidaword]

A Pauper’s Speech

It’s the King in all his madness

Is he wearing a crown or is he naked?

Forsaken, may equal my destiny

But I deserve it

Weigh it, lose it or keep it

It’s probably all the same

I claim all these things in his name

A prayer lost to the void

What’s that black hole got to do with me ?

In the garden of Eden

I’m forever searching

My rib, my soul, eat the fruit

It don’t mean a thing

And I never much cared either way

What’s it worth anyway?

[ihaventsaidaword]

A Word Smith’s Prayer

A smile is just a simile hiding behind the eye

Underneath, sinister intentions reiterated

For the hard of hearing

Band together you merry men of fun and folly

Lend me your ears and let me holla at ya

Measuring stick, what’s the measure of your man?

I’m lightning, white hot, slot machine gold,

A farce of thunder’s true weight and worth

Touching down just for the moment

I’m gone like the movement of good intentions

Excuse my long strokes of broad declaratives

I busted all over the artwork for recreation

Don’t touch the artists

And don’t feed my demons

Which way you leaning?

I swear

Dionysus couldn’t hold a candle

The dismantling of such a finished product

I’m finito

Finite like a good man is

I’m so much more Godly

In that sense

It was simpler then, wasn’t it?

[ihaventsaidaword]

Sarah

Selfless until she’s selfish

But I love her any way

Baby brown curls and big green eyes

I’ve been lost in many times

Head over heels or spinning my wheels?

Which, I could never say

Stopped stupid, mouth drooling

She’s a saint I swear

Heart wounded, she’s mind bending

I can’t help but stare

I’d dance with you for an Eternity

I’d dance with you for just a moment

You have me at your will

You’re as lovely as a starry night

Star crossed lovers we may be

Your touch, your smell I’m smitten

This couldn’t do you justice

These are just some words written

Poorly by some boy you know

I hope it all ends well

Your laugh infectious, your voice I could melt to

I’d do anything,

I’d be a better man

Just in hopes to amount to

Your man