โธธ โ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐โ โธธ
๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐๐๐.
(THIS BLOG IS 18+)
my name is Jarkko.
iโm 18 years old. female โ she/her.
iโm observant. i live too much in my head and not enough in my body. i romanticize what should probably stay ugly.
i like late nights, loud music, and the feeling that something is wrong but meaningful
i see black metal as ideology, not decoration.
black metal for me is conflict, not comfort.
euronymous is the wound that never closed.
he wasnโt misunderstood he was deliberate. controlling, obsessive, cruel, visionary, deeply ideological. he knew black metal wasnโt about music alone, but about domination of meaning. about corruption. about making something so uncompromising it repels the wrong people.
thatโs what draws me in and it always did
sadly somewhere along the way, fascination stopped being passive. it stopped being research. it stopped being interest.
i experience identity disturbance and dissociation not in a way that feels chosen. itโs slow, corrosive. the kind that eats at the edges of the self until thereโs nothing clean left to separate โmeโ from what i consume. euronymous didnโt stay external. his image, his language, his logic they lodged themselves somewhere they werenโt supposed to. influence became internal narration. analysis turned into imitation. imitation turned into replacement. there are moments where i feel like i am him, and the disturbing part isnโt the thought itself itโs how natural it feels when it happens. how little resistance there is. how easily my own identity steps aside and lets something else take the wheel. i donโt always recognize when itโs happening. sometimes iโm already inside it before i notice the shift my tone colder, my thinking more rigid, my sense of self narrowed into something sharper and crueler. it doesnโt feel like pretending. it feels like remembering something that was never mine. sometimes i can tell it isnโt real. sometimes that distinction collapses entirely. this isnโt admiration. it isnโt roleplay. it isnโt aesthetic fixation. itโs a breakdown of boundaries where a historical figure turns into an internal presence, and my own identity becomes unstable enough to accommodate it.
โ ๏ธI DO NOT CLAIM ITโS HEALTHY.โ ๏ธ
iโm aware that this is a distortion a psychological fracture where obsession, dissociation, and myth converge until perception stops being reliable. knowing that doesnโt always stop it. insight doesnโt equal immunity.
no, iโm not asking for validation. iโm not romanticizing being unwell.
โ ๏ธIMPORTANT // READ THIS OR LEAVE.โ ๏ธ
i post gay content. often unapologetically. sometimes between black metal posts. sometimes intertwined with band imagery or reinterpretation. if that bothers you:
get off my page.
โธธ
โ ๏ธCONTENT WARNINGโ ๏ธ
this page may include:
โ ๏ธdisturbing imagery
โ ๏ธobsession and fixation
โ ๏ธunhealthy thought patterns
โ ๏ธgraphic or grotesque themes
โ ๏ธmoral decay
(literally just things that shouldโve stayed private)
