#1 Linkin Park Fan

“sometimes, when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place.” -unknown

[iimnotevenreal]

*knock, knock*

“…anyone home?”

“oh shit. ignore the mess, forgot you were coming over.”

let’s get this shit over with.

i’m, well, not even real. call me lanie, or lane, or whatever works for you. i’m 15 and sick of almost everything.

a lot of people like to say they’re an open book, well i’m a closed one, you just so happened to stumble upon my diary. welcome. what happens next is up to you.

“seriously though. ignore the mess”

i’m not organized, mentally at least. my thoughts bounce around my mind like that bouncing dvd logo. my aesthetic changes weekly, occasionally daily. sometimes my train of thought passes me and makes it to the next station before i can notice it. waiting for it to circle back can take seconds, minutes, hours, days even.

“dude. why did you invite me over?”

“oh righttttt, im getting to that part”

i’m a shifter, a manifestor, and a figment of your overactive imagination.

i crochet, knit, and do all things creative and artistic. i have the “i could probably figure this out” mindset, and i strive for success in everything i do.

my favorite bands are linkin park, slipknot, s.o.a.d., and a7x. yes i listen to other music. i like a little bit of everything. tyler the creator is peak other music.

⚠️ warning ⚠️

if you’re looking for sunshine and rainbows, you won’t find it here. like i said in the beginning, welcome to my diary. this blog is emotions, good and bad, experience sharing, rants, vents, the occasional unicorn on a fluffy cloud. whatever you’d find in a diary, you’ll find here. any advice you find comes with a sprinkle of “i could be wrong though” just in case things don’t work out.

this is my digital diary, i plan to keep it that way even if this page gets attention.

“alright, here are the house rules.”

don’t interact with my page if you’re an anti-shifter or identify with the word ‘bigot’ or ‘asshole’. typical dni stuff.

don’t bring your negativity here. i am unapologetic with blocking and deleting and i will not entertain any bullshit. argue with the wall.

“now, get the fuck out while i clean”

love you x

august 23rd, 2025

[iimnotevenreal]

sometimes when i wanna don’t wanna do something, i imagine getting out of my bed (i have a loft), putting on shoes, and walking out of my room before i actually do any of that to stall like 15 seconds before i actually go do what i don’t wanna do.

[iimnotevenreal]

GOT MY PERMIT TODAYYY!!!!!!!i’m official a driver!

also i just KNOW my picture is gonna eat DOWNNNNNN

[iimnotevenreal]

[iimnotevenreal]

i just started reading the chronicles of narnia and..

why the hell is it so similar to, maybe even a carbon copy of, shifting?

i’m reading in chronological order, not publication order, so i’m starting with The Magician’s Nephew (chronological first) instead of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe (published first).

spoilers!!

anyways, i just read the first 3 chapters of the magician’s nephew and WOAH. first of all, best book i’ve ever read simply off of those 3 chapters. second of all, it is like an exact replication of shifting. from the other worlds to the in between place to being able to jump from one place to another.

the in between place (the woods) reminds me most of the void but you could also compare it to a waiting room since its an actual place/universe.

then you have the other worlds which, obviously, are drs.

then you have the effects of going from one world to another, minimal memory of where you came from, feeling like you’ve been there forever, having to recall memories from other places, etc.

overall, AMAZING book, i WILL be finishing every single one.

[iimnotevenreal]

HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTHHHH!!!

especially to my fellow black folks

also, if you’re in the dmv area, you should go to the black history museum in dc, it’s pretty cool.

[iimnotevenreal]

why the

FUCK

does my cat wait until AFTER i get in my bed, lay down, and get comfortable to go TAKE A SHIT.

YOU HAD ALL DAYYYY

YOU WERE IN MY BED BEFORE I WAS

the little fucker IMMEDIATELY after taking said shit:

[iimnotevenreal]

the concept of actually shifting instead of sitting here thinking about actually shifting:

[iimnotevenreal]

go watch the first episode of steven universe RIGHT NOW.

steven trying to figure out how to summon his weapon perfectly describes how it feels trying to shift for the first time.

-struggling with how tf you’re supposed to do this shit

-accidentally kinda shifting

-shifting for the first time

optional steps:

-thinking you found your method

-struggling to do it again

-finally getting it for real this time

anyways, i HATED when steven universe came on as i child and i always changed the channel when it came on. i’m now trying to rewatch it and see if i like it more now that i’m older. currently on episode 2, it’s not looking good.

and unrelated, when the high hell did my brain start associating shifting with anxiety? literally get a pit in my stomach any time i read a serious shifting post or even think about shifting in a serious, not joking, not hypothetical way

[iimnotevenreal]

as a crocheter,

one of the WORST parts of crochet is making it to a part in your project where you’re like “okay i can finally stuff it/try it out in my space/try it on” only to realize that it’s not even SLIGHTLY close to how you wanted or expected it to look. and now you have to frog (unravel) it or scratch the project 🧍🏾‍♀️

literally made it damn near to the end of the body portion of a snorlax pattern that i’m upsizing to make a jumbo snorlax to sit on like a floor pillow bc i like sitting on the floor sometimes. i have spent 5 or 6 days crocheting only to stuff it and realize that it’s not even CLOSE to the size i wanted.

so now i’m trying to figure out whether i want to:

a.) frog ALL of it but use that same pattern with a half double crochet instead of single crochet

b.) frog SOME of it and just make the torso longer (i have to do this anyways bc the pattern makes it kinda short)

c.) frog ALL of it and use another pattern

d.) frog ALL of it and free hand it

what i’m trying to make btw:

cat:

[iimnotevenreal]

finally found MY shifting method last night !!!!

“what do you mean your method?”

thank you so much for asking

let me explain.

last night…

i was laying down with my eyes closed, trying to fall asleep and overthinking things that happened days, week, months, years ago, as we all do.

i randomly started thinking about this summer when i argued with my ex talking stage because he thought i was ghosting him after we started talking again. long story short, i was dealing with life stuff and couldn’t respond for a day or two, he apologized for jumping to conclusions, i apologized for going off on him, we’re good now.

anyways, i was laying there thinking about how i would’ve redid that whole thing, been more mature rather than getting mad and being hurtful, rude, etc. you know, the whole nine yards. i then thought “take me back to that day” and then it all clicked into place,

THATS MY SHIFTING METHOD

one of my BIGGEST struggles with shifting was:

1.) not wanting to use step-by-step methods

2.) said step-by-step methods not giving me the results that i wanted (aka not ‘making’ me shift) any time i did use them

3.) feeling completely lost once i get to the point where i can almost physically feel the shift and i just don’t know what to do, the final push as some people call it.

this is my method because it came from me and i ‘came up’ with it on my own.

it solves all of my problems 1, 2, and 3, because it’s not a step-by-step, there’s no method disappointment/discouragement because it’s not really a method, and it solves my problem of feeling lost and like i have to say or do something to make myself shift.

now i didn’t open my eyes to that summer morning because i didn’t actually want to shift to redo anything, i was just overthinking that argument BUT. for the first time in a long time, i actually felt the shift. not like i felt my surroundings shift which maybe they did, i was in the same room, same position when i saw his message, that’s irrelevant.

i KNEW that i shifted.

not in the way where i say “i’m in my desired reality” and try to force myself to hold onto that affirmation and feel like i’m there, i mean like that deep, gut feeling that “i finally did it, i finally shifted.” i just KNEW in the core of my being that this was it, this was the shift. feels good man, feels REALLLLLYYYYYY good.

i promised myself that i would shift before the end of the year and i promise, before january 1st, 2026, i will shift and there will be a success story on this account VERY soon after.

and if not, i’m quitting shifting cold turkey, no going back because i refuse to put myself through another year of this bull shit😛

that’s it, i’m out

bye for now broskitos

december 19th, 2025

[iimnotevenreal]

I’M REDISCOVERING MY JOY, WHIMSY, AND EXCITEMENT WHEN IT COMES TO SHIFTINGGGG!!!!!!!!!

someone pls get the reference

[iimnotevenreal]

one thing about about me, a baddie LOVES to draw herself

(dr version but nobody has to know)

i couldn’t find any tattoo or piercing set up inspo pics so i had to draw my own.

had to get it exactly how i wanted i loool

UGHHHH. it took forever to translate how i look in my dr onto paper because for some reason, imagining how i look is SO fuzzy even though i know exactly how i look.

more pictures of mr. bigs

aka the cat that i manifested through months of tears, trials, and tribulations.

so worth it tho.

his full name is barnaby bigglesworth and he’s a maine coon, bengal mix.

[iimnotevenreal]

never, EVER, give up.

this shit is real, i PROMISE.

3 months of actively manifesting a cat and i finally have her. NOT ONLY THAT, but she’s the EXACT breed i wanted (i thinkkk).

this is mr. bigglesworth or mr. bigs for short. some guy was trying to get rid of 3 kittens and my dad (who doesn’t even like cats that much) got one. she’s 11 weeks old (i believe) and i’m partially sure she’s a maine coon.

if anyone could let me know if she actually is or isn’t a siberian, i’d appreciate it because again, we literally got her for free off some random guy on the street.

edit: she MIGHT be a boy?????????

edit 2: he** is a boy and he’s a maine coon bengal mix. which is crazy bc i wanted a maine coon

[iimnotevenreal]

shifting is so not fun for me lowkey 🫩

for some reason, after my initial 2020 ‘i saw this on tiktok, lemme try it for the funzies’ and around 3 more months of shifting worry free, shit just got boring. now it’s just like a chore that i do once i get tired of looking at something. like my laundry. after my laundry fills up, after a few days i just get tired of seeing it full and i finally get up and do it. or i

tryna find a way to shift that doesn’t feel boring is lowkey harder than shifting itself. dr’s are fun, scripting is fun, the act of shifting is always so prolonged for me for some reason and half the time i just get tired of laying there and i either let myself fall asleep or i get up and continue with cr life. shits weird asf.

it’s only the conscious shifts where i actively make the decision to do so. subconscious me can shift back 3 hours to sleep longer before school in the time that it takes to turn off my alarm and go back to sleep but conscious me lays there for what FEELS like hours but is realistically 10 minutes.

[iimnotevenreal]

shifting to see micheal jackson perform live

dude literally died a year and a day before i was born, he died june 25th, 2009, i was born june 26th, 2010.

mj is top 5 best music artists to ever walk this earth, it would be a SHAME to be able to shift and NOT use that to go see him live.

also my ap govt teacher said “when micheal jackson was a black man, he was hot, when he was a white woman, he was not” and i just thought this was the funniest thing

[iimnotevenreal]

literally watched reality shift in front of my eyes.

for context, today is my dad’s 41st birthday

… HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD 🎉

and i’m making him a cake that originally had vanilla icing (my mom bought the ingredients 3 days ago). but my thoughts every time i saw the icing was “this cake would be so much better with chocolate icing.” and i just keep thinking that it every time i saw the icing. eventually i go to my room while the cakes in the oven

fast forward about 30 minutes, the cake is done baking and im back in the kitchen. cake’s out of the oven and i go to grab the icing and i see a big fat “CHOCOLATE ICING” and i’m just like wtf. it says chocolate, the icing on the label is brown and now my brain does that thing where it’s tryna tell me i’m wrong even though i KNOW that icing was originally vanilla.

i distinctly remember thinking “this would be really good with chocolate icing” and boom, we have chocolate icing. this was no quick glance ‘i accidentally saw vanilla when it’s been chocolate the whole time’ no. i held this vanilla icing, read the label, moved it all over my kitchen, i know for a fact that it was vanilla at first.