Ikoruk Okomot @ikoruk-okomot - Tumblr Blog

Are you okay?, i just discovered your account a few minutes ago, and couldn't help but relate to all you've posted till now, bit i kinda feel worried for you, are you feeling alright? Has something positive happened to you in a while?

hii! thanks so much for worrying about me - that's really sweet

I made this blog a really long time ago, but I'm doing a lot better now. my life is not a good one, but I have a lot of hope that things will get better if I keep fighting, and I have a lot of friends who help me enjoy each day. so, I'm doing a lot better psychologically, at the very least

there's no such thing as anorexia when you're fat

i'm losing a pound a day and i call that progress

i'll deal with the fallout in a short skirt and heels looking fucking amazing

"are you a boy or a girl?"

"well i'm actually multiclassing so i have levels in both"

shaving is a magical process that lets you transform body hair into ingrown body hair

realizing you're trans is like when you're playing dark souls and you just barely beat the second boss, and the game is like "okay, now it's time to take the training wheels off" and you're like "the what?" and all of a sudden you realize that all that pain you just went through was the fucking tutorial level and for the first time in the game you can viscerally appreciate just how fucked you are

one of these days a medical researcher is going to invent a substance that permanently stops skin from growing hair and on that day i'm going to pay whatever it takes to be lowered into an industrial vat of that shit and i'm going to live the rest of my life in abject poverty and it will be fucking. worth. it.

Life is like one of those old arcade games where it keeps getting harder and harder until you die.

I honestly feel so comfortable when I'm sad. My life is one failure after another forever, but that's okay. In this moment I'm at my lowest point emotionally. I have no hope and there's nothing left for me to lose on an emotional level. I'm safe from everything that's coming. Nothing can hurt me because I've reached Maximum Hurt. I'd rather stay at rock bottom than worry when I'll be plunged there next.

Learned helplessness is only irrational if you have the capacity to do anything but fail.

Today, I am worse off than I was yesterday. Tomorrow, I'll be worse off than I was today. I refuse to believe that there's any way to make my life better because I've tried so hard for so long and it's only brought me pain. Every time I try to resist this, every time I try to improve my life, it just makes me feel even worse. I've done nothing but fail since the day I was born. Over and over and over and over again.

I've tried to fix my life in so many different ways. I've tried so many drugs in so many combinations, I've tried every type of schooling, I've tried applying for every kind of job, I've had 4 counselors over 15 years. There's just nothing left. I just can't live in this world. I can't be fixed.

I'm not even pretending this is a joke anymore. I'm not going to try to add some funny twist to this post; I'm miserable. I'm trapped in an endless series of downward spirals that feed into eachother and no one will help me because no one thinks I deserve to be helped and I'm so scared that they're right.

If I killed myself right now, there are people who would cheer me on. I've never made a lasting friendship online but I've made plenty of lasting enemies and I bet a few of you are reading this right now and patting yourselves on the back for a job well done.

I think I like feeling hopeless. If I genuinely believe that I can improve my life, that just means I'm going to be stressed until I fail. And afterward I'm going to have another reason to hate myself.

Hopelessness is comforting. My life is ruined and I'm not going to try to fix it because that will only bring me pain and stress and disappointment.

Life is like Dark Souls. It just keeps getting harder and harder, and eventually you'll reach a point where you can't progress no matter how hard you try, and trying will just make you feel even more desperate and angry. I stopped playing Dark Souls a few weeks ago. Too bad I can't stop living my life.

I like to express emotions through my art. My favorite emotions to express are public humiliation and the discouragement of repeated, consistent failure. It's kind of a vicious cycle.

i have more mental illnesses than friends

i love to laugh at myself because my life's a joke. sometimes i'll try really hard to make it better but i know i'm just building up to another punchline

i will never be attractive and i will never accept this about myself

i desperately crave attention and sympathy but every time i get them i just get so scared and i just shut down

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Ikoruk Okomot