I Don't Know

online safe space for a girl with the ‘tism to rant about her hyperfixations bc her friends don’t want to hear it anymore

[iliveinarainbow]

i've been in fandom culture since i was way too young and i've always loved a crackship - my personal fave from hotd (no, laenyra and jacegan don't count bc they're canon to me) is cristonxgwayne bc it's giving orange cat yearning for black cat but black cat only yearns for death, and i love that for them

with that being said, imagine being gwayne

you get to king's landing because war, then you meet your sister's shield and boom, immediate attraction bc duh (say what you want about criston, man's a snack) - then you get the opportunity to travel with him, to be alone as you go on this journey together, trot on your little horses as you get to know each other - you find out he's an absolute pain in the ass but it's ok because you can fix him - you find out he's fucking your sister but still, she's not around so you have him all to yourself and can pull a hightower swap in criston's heart and bed

the situation becomes more and more dire as time goes by but it's ok because yes everyone is dying and yes doom and despair are in the air, but you have each other - you're so tragic lovers it's crazy, so it can still work

BUT THEN, you figure out that black cat does indeed want to kill himself, and that he wants it so bad he's willing to get you killed too just to meet his maker - you try to convince him to come with you, to get on your horses and ride off into the sunset, so he might "serve your family" in oldtown (more specifically, in your bed - you didn't say it but you didn't need to, i heard you anyway - i got you gwayne dw)

and this is when black cat says it - that he still wants to kill himself by fighting a battle he knows he’ll lose, and that songs will be sung about him - songs all will hear... including your sister

black cat is still thinking of your sister, despite all your best efforts, so you know the time has come for you to put your love aside and move on

new canon: criston and gwayne realize they're fighting for people who dgaf about them, so they leave, save daeron from ormund and they all just live happily ever after

the end

[iliveinarainbow]

question time: do y'all think mysaria is going to tell rhaenyra about helaena's pregnancy to be mommy's favorite again? or do y'all think helaena will miscarry "on her own" (aka not because of moontea, don't know how else to word it), and that's when rhaenyra finds out?

[iliveinarainbow]

aemond: mommy likes aegon best

alys: omg girl it's because she doesn't get you like i do - fuck her, it's her loss

aegon: mommy likes aemond best

larys: that's because you fucking suck - you're a waste of space and being stuck with you on this fuckass roadtrip has just confirmed you're the worst and most useless person in the history of ever - you had every opportunity to be that bitch and you wasted every single one of them because you just can't help but suck ass and you should just kill yourself because fuck you

[iliveinarainbow]

i think alicent doesn't understand helaena's refusal to drink the moontea because she doesn't understand what it means to love a child as your own, not truly at least

alicent's body was used for years and none of her pregnancies were wanted, so it's not hard to believe she struggled to bond with the baby in her womb, if she ever did (not shaming her for it, obv)

to her, helaena's child is simply aegon's heir, just as to her, aegon was simply viserys' heir/otto's plaything - helaena was forced into a marriage much like alicent was, so it makes sense that alicent thinks helaena would feel the same about her children as alicent did about hers

in my opionion, she never saw her kids as anything other than open wounds, than proof of what viserys had done to her, than links to the chains that kept her bound to a man and life she'd not chosen for herself and yet was being forced to bleed for

she cares for helaena because she sees her as a chance for redemption, a mirror of her own long lost innocence, one she can now save as she couldn't save herself - but that doesn't mean she understands the innate love a mother holds for her child

if she had, she would not have suggested that they leave jaehaera behind

now, i understand that alicent had a point when she said that they couldn't risk jaehaera making noise, and i also understand that she's trying to protect her own kid

but that doesn't take away from the fact that she's looking at helaena, who's already lost a child in this war alicent helped start, who's pregnant with another child she knows alicent wants gone, and telling her to leave her only living child behind

i genuinely do believe she's trying to help helaena, and honestly think that she wishes someone had given her a way out with the moontea instead of ending up with four kids by age 20 - but again, after everything helaena's already lost, i think it's a little unhinged to tell her she must leave the one thing she has left

just because you're willing to leave your kids behind to save yourself, doesn't mean your daughter will be - just because you were never able to see your children as anything other than living and breathing reminders of your pain, doesn't mean your daughter can't love hers

making it clear for all y'all in the back: i am not shaming alicent for struggling with motherhood, she has every fucking reason to struggle to bond with her kids - i just wanted to talk about her sense of motherhood in comparison to helaena's, since they're in fairly similar situations (except there was no war when alicent's kids were born and alicent hasn't lost any

yet)

[iliveinarainbow]

every time ormund touches daeron my body has a reaction - i don’t know how to explain it but it’s like watching a documentary and seeing a cute little zebra minding her own business and just trying to live her life, as a lion looms behind her

daeron immediately apologizing for winning and flinching when ormund shoved the pieces away and clearly expecting to be next is just…

babygirl, use tessarion

i support you daeron, just have her eat him, i won’t tell anyone - look him dead in the eyes and tell him the history of his family is boring as fuck, then just have her eat him whole

(side note: love the little convo about meria - and to answer your question my love, she wasn’t a villain or a hero, she was simply that bitch and none will ever compare)

[iliveinarainbow]

aemond and aegon both thinking the other is alicent’s favorite and this only making them both ever more eager to kill each other, when she actively gave them both up to save herself and helaena is ALMOST funny

sorry to tell you but if your mother was told “gun to your head, aemond or aegon”, she’d pull the trigger herself

[iliveinarainbow]

helaena: i want to see the moon

alicent: the window will have to do

…OH

i don’t even know if this counts as foreshadowing - is it foreshadowing if they’re quite literally beating you over the head with it?

[iliveinarainbow]

gwayne realizing that criston left his will to live in king’s landing and that, to him, this is fully a suicide mission (and not just bc the odds are against them) and just dipping with his friends

my girl knows she’s too pretty to die

good for you gwayne - know your worth and don’t let that man take you down with him

[iliveinarainbow]

preface: character ages have always been a confusing subject for me bc i just don't know - you have criston who's been 30 for the past 20 years and laenor who aged 10 years in 4 - i don't know how old anyone is ever

BUT, let's assume daeron and jace are either the same age or something close to that (because if alicent and rhaenyra were pregnant at the same time after rhaenyra's wedding, then that would imply aemond and jace are the same age, and that's laughable if we look at the grown up versions, so moving on) - if that is true, and knowing that daeron was sent to oldtown as an infant, then that means that daeron spent the first almost decade of his life with otto

by the time the story picks up again in episode 6, i think jace would be around 8/9 years old, aka daeron would be around 8/9 years old - meaning my bitch, my poor little ginger princess, spent the first decade of his life with otto on one side and ormund on the other

i don't know who had it worse, daeron or gwayne - i have completely romanticized the bond between those two based on exactly two lines, so i have decided that gwayne spent daeron's whole life trying to shield him from otto and ormund, and then just ormund

AND, after all this shit, both are forced to fight and die in this fuck ass war, one stuck with ormund and the other with criston of all people - very much a “pull the trigger” situation for me

i get that alicent said she thought she did him a favor by sending him to oldtown, and whilst i understand she probably associates the place with good memories (better than the ones she has in the keep), girl otto is there... do you really want your son to be raised by your father?

i think you're better off sending him to the florents but ok... it's your baby...

[iliveinarainbow]

the fact that helaena was probably already pregnant when blood and cheese happened makes me sick to my stomach

of course what happened was bad enough on its own, but to know that whilst she pleaded for her children's lives, watched two men cut off her son's head, was paraded around during his funeral, she was carrying another little life inside her, probably already knowing that this life as well would be stifled by this war...

yuck

[iliveinarainbow]

every time we see the lesbian icon herself, jeyne arryn, without her dear companion jessamyn redfort, a part of me dies

we have grown men with teenage girls, two siblings, a son and his own mother (twice), but god forbid we get a healthy lesbian couple

[iliveinarainbow]

"we will join them glorious in battle. and they will sing songs of it"

...

where is pate, ryan?

you better not take that line away ryan - i'm a big fan of that line ryan - this is the perfect set up, ryan, do not fuck it up as you have pretty much everything else - I BEG YOU RYAN PLEASE

if it's not pate it can be rodrick, or daemon even - just PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THAT LINE AWAY

you've already erased most of the iconic lines from the book, not this one too - PLEASE

[iliveinarainbow]

and what if i said ulf is the funniest character in the show?

him going to rhaenyra and immediately trying to strike a bargain for his buddies in the tavern was everything - and him looking absolutely devastated when she said he couldn't go out drinking with his friends anymore - love

also, him bringing up the whole "queen of bastards" thing to rhaenyra's face... my man's got some balls

and, if rhaenyra had looked at me like that, i would've shat my pants - so props to him ig for not doing that

[iliveinarainbow]

the fact that daeron immediately knew what was going to happen when ormund got angry, sent the page away AND stepped back himself...

the fact that he only had to look at his face to know shit was about to go down...

the fact that he looked so hopeful and relieved when he thought gwayne was coming back...

the fact that tessarion evidently perceived ormund's proximity to daeron as a threat, and we know dragons can feel their riders' emotions...

somebody save that child please

ormund you're hot as fuck, like you absolutely, 100%, no doubt about it are a beautiful man, BUT LEAVE THAT LITTLE GINGER BOY ALONE

still don't know whether daeron is indeed a natural ginger or ormund is dying his hair - but if he is dying it, do y'all think he started doing it way before the war started and safety became a concern, because he just couldn't stand to see daeron's targaryen blood showing?

#freedaeron

[iliveinarainbow]

i'm a little confused with the helaena pregnancy timeline here

assuming aegon's the father (because why wouldn't i) we can assume he did not knock her up after rook's rest, duh, so it must've happened either before jaehaerys died or after

wishful thinking, he did not get her pregnant after jaehaerys died, so it must've happened either before viserys died, or before jaehaerys did

between those two deaths, i think (based on very vague calculations based on the very vague mentions of "days" passing between one event and another) we can imagine at most a month has passed, probably even less - so, by the time jaehaerys died helaena was still very early in the pregnancy, so it makes sense that she wasn't showing or maybe didn't even know yet

(and, alicent herself in episode 4 says that only weeks ago viserys was alive, and this is after jaehaerys had already died - so again, helaena could not have been very far along if she's still managing to hide it now)

but then aegon gets charred and this is what fucks me up with the pregnancy thing because we need to account for recovery time - my man went from barely existing with pretty much full body third degree burns to walking, so at least a few months must've passed for that

ik that in the book it takes rhaenyra over a year to get king's landing, but obviously that can't be the case here

how far along can she be for it to not show? ig alicent felt it when she tied her cloak or whatever that's called, but she doesn't look pregnant (or at least not as pregnant as she "should" look if aegon is the father and he was out of contention for months and months after rook's rest)

was there ever an explicit mention of how long it has now been since rook's rest (or how long aegon's recovery was) and i missed it?

i'm being nitpicky and i know it, but i'm just trying to figure out how far along she could be, and most importantly whether the fact that she's not showing yet is meant to imply aegon is not the father (wouldn't blame her if she found someone else, obv, but i doubt it)

(i didn't even factor in how much time passed between jaehaerys' death and rook's rest, bc i honestly don't want to think that anything happened between them after that - idc)

[iliveinarainbow]

i still don't like the changes they made with the whole rhaena/nettles/gullet situation, but i really liked the scene between her and daemon

ik we never see him be a father, and like rhaena said, she was never on his list of priorities, but i really liked how absolutely devastated daemon looked when he realized rhaena was indeed the one (accidentally) responsible for jace's death

not because he blamed her for it, but because he knew that if rhaenyra found out, it would not end well - and the fact that he immediately said they would speak to her together, that he would protect her, and then lied to everyone to protect her - i liked that

that little "no" did something to me, idc

doesn't make him father of the year (or the week, even), but i still like that the writers remembered he is indeed a father (and they even mentioned aegon and viserys, THEY HAVEN'T FULLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THEM!!)

rip to rhaena's hair btw, i think this is an unpopular opinion but i liked it

[iliveinarainbow]

ok so... everything i said about daeron being sent off to oldtown being the best thing that could've happened to him... scratch that

just forget about it, i never said anything

that scene was rough - between ormund shaming daeron for his bond with tessarion, making him feel like his blood is somehow dirty because he's a targaryen, and him fully manipulating him into killing a man... wow

poor thing, i think the actor is like 18 or something but he looks so young (he is young, obv, i mean he looks even younger) and small, and he looked so scared of ormund as he was just looming over him

also, tessarion making it clear ormund should not get too comfortable when he tried to touch daeron that first time... i know that's right

(side note and idc if you say i'm fucked in the head for saying this: the energy ormund was giving was book!alicent to a T, and just as i said i would've been into it if olivia cooke had given it to us, i'm very much enjoying it now that james norton is indeed doing it justice)