[ill-still-be-disappointing]

[ill-still-be-disappointing]

[ill-still-be-disappointing]

betterthangrief​:

🧨 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Her jaw tightened, Mel couldn’t help it. And wheels began to turn. How to eliminate Youra in a way that couldn’t lead back to Mel’s door. The woman was blessed that they were standing in the middle of a street in daylight, where Mel couldn’t just solve her problem immediately.

Her hand floated up, and Mel had to sternly direct her focus, reaching to play with Youra’s hair. Tucking a bit behind the woman’s ear, Mel smiled. “Are you sure I don’t?” That time had passed, alas, and Mel didn’t imagine there was any going back now. “Are you sure you don’t like me? Keeping tabs on me and all. A girl could get ideas.”

She had to step back, to let the red in her vision fade, shoving her hands into her back pockets. “Be seeing ya, kitten.”

📡📡

Youra knew where Mel’s talents lied, how dangerous she was, the damage Mel could cause. But she was just as dangerous, she strike wouldn’t be seen until it was to late because it would be unobvious and not strike directly. Mel had to know she wouldn’t have survived this long if she didn’t know how to move pieces on a chess board. 

She wasn’t found of the girl touching her hair, touching behind her ear like it would give her some power. Once was the strand was in its place, she grabbed a hold of the back of Mel neck, her nails like the talons of an eagle “Well wouldn’t that be a shame, because having any interest in me will cost those around you.” She didn’t need to verbalise the very real look her eyes were giving Mel, if looks could turn others to stone, Mel would be a work of art. “Aren’t we lucky that you don’t get ideas.”

“That you will, don’t stray to far or you’ll be the one getting hunted for a change.” 

[ill-still-be-disappointing]

benny-chanda​:

“Hmm, wouldn’t call it childish, but those people do need to like… let it out, in some healthy way, before they throw their burdens on me when heavily intoxicated,” he said with a grin. Bishan liked to be an open book, if he was angry, he was angry, if he was happy, he was happy. He simply didn’t feel the need to hide what he felt. He hadn’t when he had been younger, and while he was a little more guarded now, it changed barely a thing. 

“About the family part?” Bishan asked. He shrugged. “I never came out to my dad, never needed to, but he was so high on American values and what type of son he wanted me to be, that I’m certain coming out as Bi would’ve seriously fucked with his expectations.” He laughed. “Yeah, family often feels betrayed, if you are something they don’t want you to be.” His mother had hoped he loved his father as much as she did, but she simply forgot that Bishan had never met the man. It disappointed him that he reacted the only way he could. 

📡📡

“I guess that has happened a lot to you, others throwing their burdens upon you? I’d have half a mind to tell them where to shove their problems.” She had defiantly done it before, she had her own problems she didn’t need to hear about someone else's. 

“I don’t think that just the American values, especially the older ones. My home it was all about how you made the family name look, not what was good for you as a person. I went back before all this happened and they wanted me to marry someone for the family and totally ignored that I was already in love.” it made a change to meet someone who understood not living up to and have your life planned for you by their parents. “So much for your parents always wanting the best for their kids.” 

[ill-still-be-disappointing]

Feels like we're on the edge right now I wish that I could say I'm proud I'm sorry that I let you down Let you down All these voices in my head get loud I wish that I could shut them out I'm sorry that I let you down Le-le-let you down

[ill-still-be-disappointing]

[ill-still-be-disappointing]

benny-chanda​:

“Hmm, I feel like those types of people are just lying to themselves, you know, if they act all happy and optimistic, they can pretend the world ain’t that bad,” he shrugged. “I don’t trust those people, if they can lie to themselves, they sure as hell can lie to others.” 

Bishan grinned, shaking his head a little. If not for Max, he would certainly smoosh someone right then and there to make a point, though he ended up shrugging instead. “We got two boys around here who are gay as fuck, and one girl who might not be kissing girls, but that doesn’t make her any less obvious,” he said with a grin. “So yeah, I think we’re good here. It’s mostly family you’ve got to look out for.” 

📡📡

“What I have found that the happier the act the harder they are hurting inside, It’s childish to hurt yourself like that you know?” Youra always gave off a cold demeanour all her emotions hidden, padlocked away and the key lost.

That information about their being gays in the village already didn’t really play any affect on what she was trying to learn about this place, but it was good to know that people coupled up in here. “You sound like your talking from experience there?”

[ill-still-be-disappointing]

sergeantjhart​:

— 🐕 —

There’s a moment where he finds himself at a bit of a loss for words. What she says wasn’t explicitly wrong, people did all function on different levels and mindsets. But even before the outbreak humanity relied on one another to get things done. Teamwork, in essence; the way the barista would serve up a beverage to customers in exchange for getting their biweekly paychecks, the way everyone went into work to provide some sort of service to others in order to keep the world moving as they knew it. It was all the same for Fairvale, they each took up a role in the community to keep things safe and working and relatively normal to the extent they could in exchange for rations - food, shelter, clothing, necessities that were no longer promised. 

“Well - you shouldn’t have a weapon, you should’ve turned it in upon arrival. Unless you’re part of the guard, which I haven’t heard of any new recruits…So if you still have a weapon I’d ask that you turn it in to me.” And he’s skeptical of her now, of the way she speaks as if she can just walk in here and start dictating how things should work to her liking or something of that sort. Of the fact that she’d just openly admitted that she would be (or currently was?) carrying a weapon. 

“Sorry to hear that you have concerns, but that’s how we operate around here. That’s generally how a community operates…If you wanted to rely on just yourself, I guess I’d wonder why you wanted to come to town in the first place. You’re welcome to take off and continue it out there on your own if that’s your preference.” 

📡📡

Quick to hold her hands up and open “I don’t have one, you can search me. I was using it as a turn of phrase. That it is a possibility that zombies could overrun this places all because someone didn’t do their part, and I’d rather have my weapon.” Youra didn’t feeling like barefaced lying a the minute, she presumed he’d appreciate her honesty and not trying to blow smoke up his ass.

“The only thing keeping me here is someone else, if they’d leave I’d go. But they seem smitten with your town for now.” 

[ill-still-be-disappointing]

betterthangrief​:

🧨

Her head titled, as though a curious puppy, but her face was all sarcasm. “I don’t think I’ve been comfortable one goddamn day in this hellpit. Don’t think my edge is going anywhere, cutie.”

Mel’s expression smoothed - they both knew she didn’t know what she’d just been called. “We don’t need to have a dick measuring contest, here. We’ll just stay out of each others fucking way.” For a change. “Okay?”

Of course she’d be the mouth-runner. At least a radio made more sense than a newspaper. But shit, would magazines be next? Glossy sheets and photo spreads? The newest Autumn looks for staying chic - because what you wear today could be what your zombie wears forever. “Right. I’ll keep an ear out.” In case Youra felt like getting cute with her broadcast.

📡📡

“We will have to see how true you are to that word, family can make you comfortable and after all this is your... home.”  talking with Mel was like playing with fire, she knew that it was best to stay away and not antagonise but she couldn’t help herself.

“I don’t think so, I’m going to keep tabs on you.” when it came to plans Youra was a slight control freak, she liked it all a certain away, liked to have her ducks in a row. 

“Oh be careful people might think you have a crush on me.” 

[ill-still-be-disappointing]

soloharper​:

.

Harper heard what sounded like an accusatory rant, and it took her a few seconds to react with a couple of nods. “Memorials are always for the living. The dead can rest at last,” she couldn’t help but agree with all Youra had said. It felt like a waste of time to stand there and pretend to mourn. And the whole thing about gratitude was like hammering the nail right on the head.

The offer was tempting, at least, but Harper didn’t believe in selfless actions, so she quirked an eyebrow. “What is in it for you?” she wondered, not attempting to hinder the suspicion in her words. She felt like she should know the details of what she might be agreeing to before her decision.

📡📡

“They can respect the dead and not make it all about them.” but as to what was selfish was matter of perspective, Youra was locked off normally and when it came to death it’s not surprising that she was disconnected to emotions around her.

“A excuse to leave without looking rude.” it was plane and simple... well this time it was, Youra was good at hiding her true feelings and intentions. But this time she was truthful in her intent. 

[ill-still-be-disappointing]

liviawilliams​:

she steps back harshly, puts physical distance between them to match the emotional, frustration clearly evident on her features warring with her inability to keep her temper in check.

“more like hard to stomach a gross waste of time when i clearly don’t care.” or maybe she does care in a vague kind of way she’ll never admit to, not unless forced to, but she wouldn’t give youra a chance to see that, not now, maybe not ever, not with all the hurt of yesterday feeling new and raw again.

hurt that the woman in front of her was going out of her way to drag up again with her notes and her gifts when all livia wanted was to leave the past in the past where it belonged.

“in all the years you’ve known me, with your vast knowledge of who i am as a person…” the words come out sarcastic and caustic, her mouth set in a firm grim line as her eyes glisten like daggers, attacking in order to stop herself from letting even a slither of doubt creep in “is there anything about me that would give you any indication that i give a shit about your excuses or your sorry attempts at trying to put things right?” 

📡📡

Wait Liv had come storming in here, came into her personal space and now she was backing off, oh hell no Youra wasn’t letting that happen, if Liv wanted hurt her more she would have to do so looking her in the eyes. Youra took the step that liv had put between them and would until there wasn’t any where for them to go.

“Oh really? because you don’t look disgusted to me, you look angry.” and that meant she cared to some level. “You can say you don’t care as you like, but I'm not going to believe you. Would it make everything easier for you if i didn’t care, if sleeping with that woman meant i had no love for you?”

Before youra had kept herself cool but the more Livia mentioned she was nothing the anger bubbled and she was ready to explode. “Enough! You don’t get to treat me like this. I’m tried of those i care for treating me as if i’m irrelevant, as if what i feel plays no part because they have decided how its going to end.” it was a mix of rage that came from Liv’s words but also her mothers. “I want to chose how it ends” her hand reached up and pushed on Liv’s shoulder. “I matter.” she pushed again “My emotions matter.” and again she pushed on the other shoulder “I’m not nothing!”

[ill-still-be-disappointing]

betterthangrief​:

🧨

“Hallucinogenic water? This place gets more unsettling by the hour.” Hooking thumbs trough belt loops, Mel looked around idly, taking her time to listen and suppress a smile.

“Me?” A shrug rolled Mel’s shoulders. “Why would I? I’m the one who belongs here, kitten.” Sure, the world always tasted like copper in her mouth, but it was true enough, so Mel said it. “I’m home.” She spread her hands, palms up, indicating the entirety of the land around them.

Speaking casually again, Mel gestured over one shoulder toward the radio building. “Work there?”

📡📡

“You might lose your edge Mel if you get to comfortable to this place, trust me you’ll want to keep it.” Youra was openly not a fan of this place, she didn’t want to adjust to it like many said she would eventually.

“Pet names? I don’t remember us being that close, but if you want to be 쇼티 I’ll entertain you.” it was playfully but also testing at the same time. “Home? I’ll have to keep that in mind, just in case your feeling brazen.” 

“I do, if you have access to a radio you will hear my voice giving information to this place.” 

[ill-still-be-disappointing]

sergeantjhart​:

— 🐕 —

He can’t tell exactly what she’s trying to get at, pointing out that leadership might have something to do with the success of Fairvale. Sure, he liked to think he and the rest of the council made an impact. But what they did, mostly, was kept the walls up, kept the guards on rotation, helped arrange treks for their runners to gather supplies, kept things functioning properly. In the end, did that add up to safety of the town? Yes, but not just because of their efforts. 

“I think it’s a lot of reasons. We all work together to make it work. We have maintenance teams who perform regular upkeep on the walls, the solar panels, all of those types of things and more…” He hesitates, studying her face as she speaks to a failing point, and not in the way of ‘if’ it would reach a failing point, but ‘when’. Jesse knew the place wasn’t perfect, but he couldn’t see it falling apart on it’s own any time soon. They had good systems in place.

“We’ve done a lot to make sure it’s safe. We all do our part to make sure it stays that way.” 

📡📡

“Its me being a cynical individual, but this cohesion will have an expiration date. We are made of differnt thoughts, minds and experiences, there will be a point where you can’t rely on teamwork. I shall have to keep my weapon around if my safety is relying on others to play their part.” she was a very distrusting person to begin with and all this hadn’t helped Youra.  

“I appreciate you answering my question but it hasn’t eased my mind at all, not your fault. Just relying on others out there can end up with you dead.”

[ill-still-be-disappointing]

benny-chanda​:

Bishan nodded, his response animated. “Puta, you always have those, don’t you? Honestly, it’s an uphill battle on that. Some people just… mesh in well with anyone, no problem.” And he too hated those type of people, the ones that fell in place, that never had to face the type of judgement people like him and Youra did. If you looked different… well, chances were you would be treated differently too. 

He chuckled. “Alright, fair, wouldn’t tell you any Mexican or Indian stereotypes either,” he added. They were usually bad anyway, and he had enough judgements of Americans to be good for another decade. “Oh,” he responded. He hadn’t expect her to give him the truth, but it clearly was the truth. He had his own experience with falling for the same gender, and he knew his father would’ve disowned him too if he found out. “Fucked up world we live in, or lived in. I don’t know if much has changed. Makes me want to pick out a random fellow to smooch in the middle of the park, see how people react.” Though strangers weren’t as judgemental as blood was. 

📡📡

”And then you have those one that are extremely friendly or optimistic. it’s hard  believe that those people still exist. Who can stay innocent anymore?” not to mention the world had made her trust those that were friendly even less.

There was no harm in telling him such, because if you were planning on lying it was best to weave some truth to start with. That's what she had done when she had lied about Livia gender to her parents, the only thing she changed was her gender and not how madly in love she was with the other. “You should, tell me the result. would be nice to know what kind of minds we are undead food with.” 

[ill-still-be-disappointing]

liviawilliams​:

who: livia williams & youra ae-cha lee ( @ill-still-be-disappointing​ )

when & where: a few days after the vigil - the radio station

out of sight, out of mind.

livia had been going out of her way to make sure youra and her rarely crossed paths since there initial run in outside the cafe in the hopes that, that particular adage would prove true.

unfortunately her ex-girlfriend seemed to have other ideas.

when the sunflower had arrived shed stomped out of the house and threw it out the front door her roommates eyeing her warily as she slammed the door behind her. the granulated gravy had been tossed into the cupboard and forgotten about (wasting food, any food, seemed wrong considering what their rations were dwindling down to) - and now the photo.

third time was in fact definitely the charm - if youra wanted a reaction she was absolutely about  to receive one.

she makes her way into the radio shack furiously, slamming the note she’d skimmed full of excuses down on the counter in front of the other woman along with the polaroid it had been sent with , glare fixed firmly on her features as she stares her ex down.

“this stops now”

📡📡

The notes had a clear intention in Youra’s mind, she craved Liv’s attention, had convinced herself that she needed such, that this woman would be her saving grace. 

She has wanted to explain everything when they first saw each other but Liv had been to angry. And these notes... well by the way she came barrelling into the radio station they hadn’t helped the mood. That all these heartfelt notes had only irritated the other. 

Now she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t highly attracted to the current rage that was coming off Livia, she always had. That stare only made her want to press Livia’s buttons. Spinning around, standing upright not giving a care for personal space as she rose to her feet. “Why? hard to forget me with these showing up?” 

“Your wrong if you had thought I was ever going to let you treat this... us as nothing. All I want is a way to prove to you that im serious about making this all up to you.” 

[ill-still-be-disappointing]

Notes for Livia- 3/?

Accompanying the note this time, is a picture Youra has carried with her since it all began. Her most treasured possession, that she hadn’t let anyone see she carry with her at all times. The note reads the following:  

Livia 

I guess thinking that you haven’t read either of the notes would be fooling myself. Maybe I don’t mean anything to you anymore, maybe that's the sad truth that I have to accept, even if it is a bitter pill to swallow, its one I have made myself.   

Saying I’m sorry, or trying to make excuses for doing what I did wouldn’t be fair to you. All I want is for you to be happy and it’s selfish to think that its only possible in my arms.

I have always been scared to admit to who I am, you shared so much of your self with me, while I held back because I didn’t want you to resent me, to resent our love. I had received a letter from my family telling me to move back to Korea, them telling me it was time to stop playing around in America and take my place at in the family.

I had told them before I was dating the person I could see the rest of my life with, but i failed to mention you were female. They were already disappointed I wanted to be with an American never mind a woman. But everything else I told them about you was the truth, how you make me feel, how you make me a better person, that I want my future with you but that wasn’t enough for them. 

Maybe you won’t understand because your brother was raised you completely differnt then how things are in Korea. But if I didn’t go back they would cut me out of everything, act as if i never existed... what was I to do?

I know you, If i had told you, you would have found a way for it to work. I didn’t want them looking down on you, for you to feel their disgust, I could handle that but I didn’t want that for you... I didn’t want them to treat you that way. I can’t bear when anyone treats you like less then, because you are my everything. 

I went to far sleeping with someone else in order for you to hate me enough that you wouldn’t want to see me. Because that's why i did it, not because I stopped loving you or that I got board, because I didn’t want you to feel as low as they made me feel. 

There's probably not a way to fix it all, but if there's anything I can do, even so we can be in the same room together I’ll do it... I just don’t want it all to be for nothing... for me to mean nothing. 

                                                                                                  From Charli 

@liviawilliams​

[ill-still-be-disappointing]

betterthangrief​:

🧨

A fucking radio station. Fuck her entire life.

Mel stood akimbo, glaring at the building. What in the shit was with this place? Radio entertainment when they couldn’t even keep water clean? Who arranged the priorities here, and why in the shit were they allowed to do so?

Spinning on one heel, Mel made to carry on her way toward the gate when her heart dropped into her stomach. Muscles jumping in her jaw for the smallest of moments before she set her shoulders and marched away from the station.

Her nod of greeting was brief, the same she’d give any stranger in town upon unintentional eye contact. Never one to keep quiet and hope for the best, Mel faked a smile as they crossed paths. “Your hair is so pretty!” Maintaining the smile, her tone quieted and she asked, “Are we cool?”

The universe just couldn’t leave her past outside the walls, could it?

📡📡

Maybe everyone thought the radio at first might be like how it was before but it wasn’t, there was no music, just her talking to the town and informing them on information given to her and to those outside the wall about how grate this place was, which she defiantly didn’t believe. 

“Must be the hallucinogenic water in this town, must make it look better.” she took the complement know it was fake and only meant so she could start up a conversation. “ You tell me are we? you going to play it cool and not freak out?”