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I’ve grown accustomed to bathroom floors the cool tile against my sweaty forehead searching for your face inside a toilet bowl trying to decipher where I went wrong while letting go of a few too many drinks the sting of failure feels all too much like the embrace of an old friend

I wanted you to see through me to learn my language on your own instead I let you mold me, create me I am still just a result of that creation every time I look in the mirror, I see you staring back at me

you held me underwater, in hopes that i’d learn how to swim I even warned that I was a shit swimmer when I started to drown, you pulled me right back up and it was all just a confirmation that I couldn’t breathe without you

hurt me or heal me I shouldn’t have given anyone that power there is darkness in all good, but is there good in all darkness?

#poetry #poets on tumblr #poetry riot

You taste like morning coffee waking parts of me I didn't even know were asleep between the lightening in the mountains and the sudden frost in the air somewhere I grew taller on my own more snug with you

I was called a cynic for the first time when I was thirteen but I always see myself as a dreamer can you be a cynical dreamer? Maybe I expect the worst but i've dreamt up every possible scenario that leads to you and I nestled together, admiring the thick gloomy sky

I thought I was drowning in my storm being pulled into the storm gutter with all of the of my broken promises weighing down my pockets but it never rains forever sometimes the sun peaks out in just the right way shining light on healthy beginnings, I cannot remember the last time I could breathe this well

Melangll

#shitty poetry #poets on tumblr #poetry riot

the bitter understanding of impotence

scrapes against the lining of my stomach

our lives are pushed together

in a lump sum of meaninglessness

for an overweight, muck of a man

to dismiss, invalidate

decide the future

of my reproductive organs

i was six the first time

someone said they wanted me

the first time i was taught

my response didn't matter

you grow up and they call you greedy

fiercely clinging to whatever

you still believe is yours

selfish, unwilling to share

i learned how to give

before i learned how to spell my name

i learned that they take

before i read my first book

my therapist told me

the easiest thing to change

is my expectations

so maybe i should learn how

to expect and accept

that there is always be someone

of higher power trying to put me

in a box, tied neatly

sit pretty, be polite, don't put a fight

be grateful you're even here at all

sometimes the disgust

rising up my throat like acid

keeps me awake at night

my therapist has a cure for that too

Melangll

#creative writing #poetryriot #poetry

My lover is a mask

Wooden, chipped

Flaking from his cheekbone

Dry eyed decay, I ignored silent pleas

My lover doesn't kiss me anymore

He just begs for a front row seat

In our dusty home

Prop me up, put your hands

Around my face

He used to be tall, full,

Embodied with hope

But I carved him out

With arbitrary expectations

I kiss his face goodnight

The silence brewed from failure

Hardens me

In the same way that I hardened him

Melangll

They said to never make homes

out of people, but I call bullshit

Safety is a net that I've never climbed into

yet when I clamber into your arms,

I am paralyzed by the warmth that every "home"

I've ever had was lacking

Unexpectedly, you slipped in

the wet concrete outside my door, my head

I clung to you like a baby bird

finally finding its nest

Next thing you know,

I was putting pictures in frames

Every promise you've ever made to me

is strung along the wall, like those cheap lights

I bought for my first apartment

I feel naked when I'm alone,

caught in a storm without an umbrella

They said to never make homes out of people

but I call bullshit, you're the only thing

I've ever rushed home to.

#poetry #poetry riot #poets on tumblr #creative writing

Loose teeth falling out in your sleep rolling around in your mouth finding their way under your pillow hairless skin pricked with the expectation of growth, getting stronger just watching, waiting for the shadows to change the tick of the clock rosy cheeks, burning skin, like the time you lit your hair on fire with the cherry from the cigarette you weren't old enough to buy sorry, the words you yelped when you dripped your watercolor painting on the beige carpet sorry, the words he pleaded with you while caressing your hairless legs turning back in circles, over and over learning to swim and learning to stay afloat over and over and over

#creative writing #poetry #poetryriot

She had such a radiance, an aura to her, i've never been so attracted to someone in my entire life no, I don't mean attracted to like romantically but I mean it in the literal sense, I was drawn to her her energy was magnetic, to say the least and when she smiled, I swear on everything that is holy it's as if she had captured the sun and absorbed it's warmth I could imagine her dancing, wide hips swaying laughing while little fairies twirled around her feet she was so in love with the world that she often rolled her eyes at a pretend cynic I swear, there is nothing else I could ever hope to be than maybe as at peace and happy as she

#creative writing

He is the middle of the night when I wake up to the sound of a violin spiraling out from thousand dollar speakers I can see a light down the hallway that I already know belongs to the lamp placed deliberately next to his drawing table in which he is effortlessly dancing, pen and paper

I remember on one of our first “dates”, (dates give the impression that you're leaving, going out somewhere, we never wanted that) he asked me to listen and I did, to the sound of a beautiful instrument that I couldn't identify some sort of bizarre flutist (i still don't really know) a flutist? how could I not know that? I often felt inadequate, standing next to him, he could tell me I was the sun or maybe the moon, he seemed to be a little more drawn to the night, but I always managed to make myself feel like I was the drunk teenager making a fool of myself at a college party and they just played along laughing at my charming naivety it's funny the way it's all unraveled

he keeps me awake tonight with that boisterous snore and I can't bring myself to be annoyed every breath he exhales, is a bow hitting the strings in his chest lips forming around the mouth piece of a flute and I hear the sadness often depicted in classical music he is the middle of the night in which i'd spend my entire day chasing breath after breath, note after note, wake me up darling, i've been waiting for this

#i can't sleep #i don't know how to write a love poem

I fell down a well I don't remember my name crisis mode, once more

Every day with you feels like another nightmare my arms cradle loss

What is this today? I don't like the direction we are traveling

You reach for the fruit on the highest branch we own, it all tumbles down

Let's not fool ourselves, please finish what you started, hair muddied and wet.

#creative writing #i don't know how to do this anymore #ugh #haikus

I don't think it's hunger,

I think I just a hit a nerve

desensitize me

taste of vodka

at the back of my throat

washes away

the taste of you

at the back of my throat

if you don't come back

i'll sleep in the middle of the bed

waiting for the sun to come up again

I feel nauseous, I just want to lie down

where are you tonight my moon?

I'm lying here waiting

with liquor stained lips

#creative writing

How can I explain

what's wrong when I'm not sure

but my bones feel bare,

my lungs are thick with tar

and I want someone to see this mess

see what a mess I've become

you won't understand how cold I am

my sober mind is always screaming

running rancid, a tight ship

at work, I tell people I run a tight ship

but they don't understand how tightly

i'm wound and I let a man untie me

carry me on his back

like a small child looking for a laugh

but I always end up

falling down a flight of stairs

telling the concrete i'm sorry

I didn't mean to hit you so hard

how can I explain what's wrong

I never feel my feet hit the ground

but my ribs are broken

from breathing too hard

#creative writing #poetry #shitty poetry #poets on tumblr #poetry riot

Nicotine notched lungs

meet on the playground

they once learned how to share on

and now they swap saliva

looking for direction

in the words to their favorite songs

looking for direction

anywhere but their parents

because god forbid

helpful parents exist

passed out at home

in front of the TV, left on

oblivious of two am escapades

and they're scribbling their names

all over anything they touch

hoping that someone will remember

their names fifteen years from now

don't paint over it,

let them have something

nicotine notched lungs,

teenagers dancing in the dark

seeking direction from anyone

but their lost kin

hoping to feel something

something to feel alive,

something that burns their skin

#creative writing #spilled ink #poets on tumblr

"She was a child and I was a child, I and my Annabel Lee." I was a child and he was a man, and he took every small piece of me. I grew up in a land of twisted tales and scary truths, fooling around with undeserving men and dancing in parking lots with nobodies. Lolita, Lolita, that's all I grew up wanting to be. To be wanted. An object of sexual desire. And now I shrink at the touch of any strange man, avoid conversation like I'm thirteen and on the run again, little Lolita little Lolita, that's all you'll ever be. Easy work, piece of cake, enjoy the icing, that's all I'll ever be.

#creative writing #poetry riot

I pull your excuses out

like bile from the back of your throat

spread them out on the floor

and give you a chance to sort

through madness and importance

every time I close my eyes

I see us a hitting a tree

and I wake up screaming

and you're telling me it's alright

where will we find ourselves?

I never know what

I'm waking up from.

#creative writing #poets on tumblr #shitty poems about him

swallow a seed

that you spit in my mouth

and i'm choking on roses

where's the romance

in twisted liquor,

licorice lips

you've always been so sweet

swallow a seed

and we'll figure out

what grows inside

if I don't lose my breath first

#creative writing

I just want something that is mine

I'm lost somewhere between point a and b

you're under the covers,

I can barely hold onto the sheet

what bed will it be tonight?

Detached, in love?

Nothing we do will ever be in mediocrity

I am alone in this

I feel alone in this

And I try to scream as loud as you

but i'm feeling a lot like a mouse these days

#creative writing

The scent lingers in a perturbing

knock you off your feet,

vomit on the sidewalk kind of way

and I know it oh so well

climb into bed with you,

climb into bed disheveled

scrutiny, sadness,

if you can't guess by now

I don't know what to tell you

it's not always like chopping down a tree

sometimes leaves just fall until they're gone

you and I don't seem to do well

playing with low stakes

#creative writing

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