Do I deserve this?
About an hour ago my father and I got in a fight, him telling me that I had ignored his texts, when I never saw them. He believes that I am lying and calls me selfish, and proclaims I argue about everything. He then takes away a music festival I am going to on Wednesday called Bråvalla. Then I leave his room,and fall crying to the ground, and I knew that the panic attack was beginning. He comes out a minute later and tells me to be quiet and that I am being ridiculous. I start heaving and he says to “stop the nonsense” The rest is a very long blur, I managed to carry myself to the couch in my room, collapsing on it as my father follows me, saying things about being quiet as people are trying to sleep and that I am being ridiculous. “Honestly Kaylee, just breathe, honestly just do it,” he says in harsh tones, as if I am doing this on purpose, theatrically. I scream at him between breaths “I can’t breathe! I am having a fucking panic attack!” He just repeats saying this as I make it to my bed. He says “I’m going to call your mother, so just calm down.” frustratingly and then goes out to get the phone. I am rocking back and forth on the bed in fetal position heaving and trying to breathe through my hand as a make shift paper bag. He brings the phone in and I am trying to speak to my mother, but not really able to. Dad eventually gets frustrated and asks for the phone back. He talks to her and leaves me. I try to get water, but can’t get off the floor because of the severity of my heaving and crying. He comes back saying that he is going to shut the door so he can sleep and I won’t disturb the neighbors sleeping from how loud I was. I manage to yell at him that he is ignorant, and he comes back in and says “What?”, but I can not reply. “Are you upset over bråvalla?” and I yell at him somehow “NO, I AM UPSET OVER YOU!” He closes the door and goes to bed. I lay on the floor for several minutes, trying to breathe, then I feel it start to leave a little, and I just want fresh air. So, I ride out the last of my panic attack laying on the bench on our balcony.
