Self-destruction
Self-destruction isnât snorting the line on the party just because you want to try it for fun and thinking âIâll do it just once, just to try it!â Self-destruction isnât going out and drinking a little too much sometimes.
Self-destruction is taking that line even you know what will happen, knowing the side effect of that. Itâs taking that line, not because of fun or people around you, Â itâs because you have that urge inside you that tells you to do it, to fuck yourself up.
Self-destruction is going out with the intention to get drunk and not know about yourself the whole time just because you feel something inside of yourself that needs to be destroyed. You donât drink because youâre sad or happy, you drink to kill that something inside of you.
Self-destruction is that smoke of cigarette you just took. You didnât start smoking because of people around you make you do it, you started smoking because you heard itâs bad for you. Now youâre addicted. Or maybe you arenât but you still do it.
Self-destruction is when you go to some random person you met at the bar house because of sex. You donât know who he is, you could be anybody, you could end up dead, raped, you donât know it wonât happen, but you go anyway. You know all the risks but you do it anyway.
Self-destruction is pushing people away and making yourself antisocial on purpose.
Self-destruction is popping painkillers even if you arenât in pain.
Self-destruction is getting into fights on purpose.
Self-destruction is letting your id doing whatever you want.
Self-destruction is a lot of things, but itâs never a choice.
Self-destruction isnât mental illness.
Self-destruction isnât when you break up with your boyfriend so you lock your room and cry or go out and get drunk to forget about him.
Self-destruction is something in people, something that pulls you to the edge. Itâs the sweetest sin of all of them. You can fight it, but it always wins. People keep saying to fight it like if they can fight it, you can fight it also, but if you are a really self-destructive you canât fight it and you know it. Itâs part of your reality, your life.
Not all alcoholics are self-destructive.
Not all addicts are self-destructive.
Not all drug addicts are self-destructive.
Not all who are depressive are self-destructive.
Not all alcoholics are self-destructive.
Not all addicts are self-destructive.
Not all drug addicts are self-destructive.
I smoke, I drink, I take pills â Iâm not addicted to any of that.
I do it do destroy myself.
I donât hate myself, Iâm very far from hating myself. But some people do hate themselves. Some do, some donât. everybody is different.
If somebody asked me why I do what I do I wouldnât know how to answer. I know what is the goal, but I donât know the main reason beside something self-destructive inside me.
For example, I know what heroin does to people but Iâd love to try it. But Iâll never do it. Not because I donât want to, but because I know what would it do to people around me. I donât want to fuck them up. I want to fuck me up. And there are ways to do it without hurting somebody constantly.
People who are self-destructive donât want to harm you, they want to harm themselves.
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