the catalyst,

oc . literate . nsfw . written by 𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐒, for 𝙝𝙚𝙮𝙧𝙪𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙝𝙖𝙨𝙞𝙩.

[ily2sian]

♡ ˙ ˖ GONG SIAN : THE IDOL ˖ ˙ ♡ STATS . BIOGRAPHY . INTRO . WANTED CONNECTIONS . DISCOGRAPHY

[ily2sian]

✧ ˙ ˖ JEONGHO,

he finds his way to the kitchen with fairly enough ease, hand lingering on the doorknob once he learns he is not the only one looking for a late night snack. it takes careful consideration but he eventually closes the door, eyebrow cocked in amusement at sian’s words. “gong sian, always a pleasure to see you too.” he replies with a nod, gaze shifting slightly down to the glass of water in sian’s hands as he closes the distance and pulls open the fridge. 

“i would be enjoying this party a lot more if there was anything else than cake to eat in this place.” who would have figured jeongho was a hangry drunk? still, he pulls out the leftover cake and places it on the kitchen counter. “you want some?” he asks, two forks already in hand before sian can answer. instead, jeongho places one of them on the other side of the plate, curiosity slipping into his drunken gaze as he gives sian another up and down. “so , how do you know the birthday girl?”

sian observes the man, eyes following him as he moves across the room and approaches the fridge, watching the way his body moves when he opens the metal door and grabs the plate of left over cake from inside of it; the idol isn't sure if he's maybe a bit too drunk, but it looks like everything jeongho does, even the slightest change in the tone of his voice or the way he stares sian up and down, makes him look even more handsome and dreamy than he already is on sober circumstances.

he stays silent the entire time, just looking at him and trying to figure out what's so different this time. but when the other speaks to him, sian doesn't waste any time: he steps closer, grabs the spare fork jeongho got for him and immediately digs it into the soft cake. he makes sure to grab a bit of everything: cake, icing, a piece of strawberry, whipping cream, an excuse to finally stop staring at the tall and hot man before him in an attempt to not look so obvious about his more-than-evident attraction.

"what would you prefer to eat, jeongho?" sian finally looks back at the other, bringing the fork to his lips and taking a bite of everything he managed to gather on it — a little messy, of course. he giggles when he feels there might be a bit of icing on his face, and brings his free hand up to wipe it away with his fingertip, his eyes almost disappear into small crescents thanks to the tiny and playful smile he has on his lips.

in other circumstances, he would be mortified... looking so silly and clumsy in front of someone like jeongho would make sian want to dig a hole into the backyard and hide in there forever, but not now; perhaps it's an effect of the alcohol, but the idol has to admit that he feels much more comfortable and carefree now that he's all alone with the other man. 

and that's when he notices it.

that's what's so different about jeongho tonight... he looks comfortable and carefree as well, like he doesn't care what people think about him. sian kind of feels the same way, since he understands very well the struggles of having to keep a clean and perfect image. it makes sense, and it makes him smile again when he steps closer to the other, enough to have their arms brushing on one another, but not enough to make things awkward or uncomfortable.

"we were in the drama club together," he answers the question, leaning forward against the counter to rest his elbows on the cold surface. he gets more icing on his fork and brings it up to his lips once again, licking his lips in hopes that there won't be more icing on his face; he's okay with looking goofy and silly in front of jeongho once, but not a second time. at least, he tries. "we played a cheesy, romantic role together one time and she's been inviting me to all of her birthday parties ever since. how about you? ahh, by the way, jeongho... you look so different tonight, it's really nice."

[ily2sian]

✧ ˙ ˖ SANGWOO,

“shut up! i do not have a crush on that guy!” his pride taking a second hit without any mercy. his cheeks grew further flushed and he began whine as his hands lessened their intensity. “sian!” pouting at the other, “you wouldn’t actually tell anyone that, right?”

“it’s not that obvious… right?”

sian laughs when he sees how annoyed sangwoo could get just from hearing his teasing words, and he eats another spoonful of ice cream as he enjoys and appreciates the reactions he’s getting from the other man. it’s what he gets for being such a simp! even the way his cheeks turned red and warm made sian’s dangerous comments so worth it.

“you do have a crush on him and it’s more than obvious,” sian affirms and leans closer to sangwoo, with half-lidded eyes and the smirk still intact on his cherry colored lips. “i don’t have to tell anyone because you’re that obvious, sangwoo. the way you look at the guy, the way you talk to the guy... it’s like you’re a little child trying really hard to look like you’re not in love with your classmate or something.”

sian leans back against the couch, almost laying down with the bowl of ice cream sitting on top of his chest — not very gracefully because of his long legs, but definitely very comfortably.

“just be honest with yourself, woo. you should accept the fact that you love that dude, that you want to be with him and kiss him and sleep with him...” a giggle escapes past his lips after he says those words. “i’m sure you’d look like you’re less constipated if you did that.”

[ily2sian]

01:13am, a mutual friend’s birthday party drink up, baby, look at the stars with @mxnition

drunkness looks good on gong sian: flushed cheeks and cherry red lips, half-lidded eyes, and unplanned movements, something that has been difficult to see on the perfect idol that takes such good care of his public image. it's a sight that only very few people are lucky enough to witness, a lightheaded sian is like a rare artifact that you see once and then never again for a long time. the fact is, the youngest gong isn't the biggest fan of alcohol, especially after he found out that he's quite weak to it, but he makes exceptions for overly sweet drinks and a bit of red wine.

his friends know him well enough to know the tastes he enjoys, and that's exactly how they managed to pour him multiple glasses of a pink, strawberry-flavored drink which is the main source of his dizziness. sian doesn't really enjoy this feeling of being so unstable, so uncontrollable, but he figures it won't be too bad to make a deviation for his friend's small birthday party — he's at ease knowing that he's with such a small group of people, that he can trust and have fun with without worrying about gossip or a bad image.

but there's a limit for everything, and when he notices that maybe he's had too many drinks, he makes his way towards the kitchen with a bit of a struggle, hands reaching for support just to make sure he wouldn't bump into anything in the process until he's finally by the sink. he finds a glass, fills it with water, and immediately takes a sip of it, the tasteless and clear liquid feels comforting on his tongue, a big contrast when compared to the alcohol he's been ingesting since his arrival at the party. an attempt to sober up, to bring himself back to clarity and stability.

he stays still for a while, breathing deeply and continuing to drink from the glass of water until he hears the sound of footsteps approaching the room. sian turns around, leans back against the sink to assure himself that he'd stay in place, and his eyes wander towards the figure entering the kitchen: tall and robust, blond hair pushed back in a perfect manner, and a heavy gaze in his eyes. a beautiful sight sian has been glancing at the whole night... moon jeongho isn't a close friend, but sian would be lying if he said he didn't want to change that.

"moon jeongho," he says, voice a tone lower than usual and a teasing smile on his lips. unsure and uncontrollable, he can't stop himself when he sees such a man right there with him, all alone. "it's always so good to see you, i'm happy you're here... are you enjoying the party?" he takes another sip of water, but not even water can drown out the thirst he's suddenly feeling after seeing the other man.

[ily2sian]

MR. GONG SIAN, when was the first time you saw the victim or any member of the yang family?

"you mean at the party or the very first time i've ever seen them?"

he asks for more clarity since that question could literally have so many answers to it depending on what the police officer means. sian leans back against the very uncomfortable chair where he's sitting, a small frown forming on his forehead when he tries to recall the first time he saw a member of the yang family on the night of the murder.

"i think at the night of the party, i first saw mrs. yang when i arrived at the nightclub... i remember spotting her awfully styled dress from across the room and even making a comment about it to sangwoo. you know, he's a fashion guy so we usually pay a lot of attention to those things," he explains despite not needing to, moving his hands a little bit when he speaks. he believes the more detail he gives to the police, the more useful he is and sian really likes feeling like he's helping somehow.

"now, if you mean the first time i've ever seen them, then it was during their introduction party." a small smile forms on his lips when he remembers that night, and how cliché their presentation and speech were. it was comical, to see that group of people look so out of place and, at the same time, so entitled to be in the position they were. 

"they looked like fish out of the water, or more like deers in headlights... i didn't speak to them back then, i actually don't think i've ever spoken to any of them ever, but i'm sorry for their loss. especially for the kids, it must be so hard to lose their mother like that."

sian breathes in deeply, a weird sensation goes through his body when he tries to imagine what it'd be like to lose his own mother. as petty as sian might come across a. he's still able to feel empathy towards other people, he still hasn't been corrupted that deeply by his money and fame.

"i'm really sorry if i'm not enough to help, officer... i hope you guys can find the murderer soon."

[chaseschases]

take me to a place that’s yours and show me things that only you could show me. take me to your old school and relive your younger memories that only you still cling to. bring me to the bookstore where you first fell in love. show me your first room while i patiently listen to you describe how you grew up

[ily2sian]

MR. GONG SIAN, your family is part of this collective called ‘ROA’, notably known for connecting people in the arts and entertainment industry. Do you know the celebrity that’s been spending their time with Mrs. Yang prior to her death?

as he listens to the question, sian's eyes stay focused on the face before him, almost as if he could find the answer hidden in the wrinkles that shape the man's face. but he can't, obviously. he's heard rumors and gossip about who could be the person, but he has never heard names or words that are certain about the identity of said celebrity — and sian has his own suspicions, considering the few personalities he's gotten to know in the ROA collective. a few faces come to his mind and he frowns a little before he starts speaking again, this time not looking at the officer.

"well... there are a few people that come to mind," his voice is a bit quieter than usual, and it's even surprising to see gong sian be so careful with his words. "you know, single middle aged men that don't really care who they're sleeping with. ROA is full of them, and some of them can be so narcissistic that i could see them doing something like that... so my suggestion is that you guys go after the thirsty old men, if you know what i mean."

they're disgusting, but sian doesn't want to be so obvious about how much he dislikes some of the members of his collective, especially considering this information could easily be leaked and hurt his own career — the last thing he wants is to be in a bad situation with some of the higher-ups in the industry.

"those guys are the type to go after anything that can provide them with a little bit of fun, and i think since mrs. yang was new in the community and didn't know of their reputation, she became a great target... i don't know, i could be saying a lot of nonsense and i apologize for that, but it's what makes the most sense in my mind. there are actors, musicians, lots of creepy dudes in the art industry that you guys could look into..."

[ily2sian]

MR. GONG SIAN, where were you at the time of the murder?

sian sits down before the police officer with a rather bored facial expression, with his arms crossed and yet still relaxed as he stares at the person questioning him. he isn't worried or afraid of what could happen, because he wasn't even at the location of the murder when it happened. boredom has been a part of sian's days later, and it shows in the lack of shine in his eyes and the lack of posture on his spine and shoulders.

this whole situation sucks, and he has no idea how to feel about it: it's scary, to know someone was killed during an event hosted by his employers. call him paranoid, but gong sian fears for his own life more than before now, it reminds him of the reasons why he has to be accompanied by a security guard everywhere he goes, even the police department.

"i was on my way home, the party got super boring after my friend left with his crush so i decided to leave early and take the time to rest." he explains, nodding his head a few times and making sure to be as clear and coherent as possible when he tells the cops about his whereabouts. he pulls his phone from his pocket and opens his instagram account to show the officers that he had posted a photo to his story, and it shows that he was laying in his bed at the time the murder happened.

"see? i was home, in my pajamas, under the blankets." he nods again and puts his phone back into his pocket, still not sure if it'd help him at all but he had to try anyway. "i didn't really know the yang family other than what they had said in their presentation event, and i didn't really have any reason to be close to them at all. all i know about them is the multiple rumors that have been spread about them, such as the questionable ways that brought them their fortune... but that's all."

[25-22-deactivated20230409]

my love language is making u a playlist

[ily2sian]

✧ ˙ ˖ SANGWOO,

his smile doesn’t last long, however, quickly replaced with an expression of annoyance, “are you serious?” pulling away quickly and giving sian a once over, “that’s not true, and you know it.” he sets the now empty bowl down on the coffee table, “i don’t have anything with that weirdo you’re so desperately trying to pair me up with.” narrowing his eyes playfully, no harm behind the squint.

“plus,” a mischievous grin growing, “jealousy doesn’t look good on you, sian ~” evil giggles escaping his curled lips, “you wouldn’t want others to think you’re pining for me ~” 

that smirk, sian squints as soon as he sees that annoying smirk on sangwoo’s lips. he always does that and he really can’t express how much he wants to hit sangwoo on the face every time he looks at him with that face — the face of someone who’s ready to do something evil, and though he knows sangwoo could never do him any harm, that expression of his still acts like a big and bright ‘danger’ sign in sian’s mind. “ugh, fine! you’re right, i looked cute. ugh!”

and despite trying to look slightly annoyed, the idol can’t help the soft and playful smile that forms on his lips after their thousandth attempt to annoy each other that day. it’s a habit, and one that sian hopes will never die off. he loves their play fights, and he knows they’re a sign of their strong friendship.

he brings a spoonful of ice cream to his mouth, and as he licks the shiny silver clean, he looks over at sangwoo with an arched eyebrow, challenging. “you don’t have one with him yet... but you have with everyone else! except me... so we better have the prettiest bracelet in your collection, or else i’m gonna tell everyone you and that guy are dating.”

this time, it is sian’s turn to show a smirk on his face, eyes darkening with mischief as he holds the spoon in between his teeth. annoying, much more than sangwoo could ever be. “no one would be stupid to think that, not when it’s so obvious that you’re crushing on the ahn... everyone can see the way you look at him.” he laughs a little, waiting for sangwoo’s reaction and already expecting a little bit of violence out of it.

he’s ready to defend himself from sangwoo's evil hands.

[ily2sian]

✧ ˙ ˖ YOHAN,

he turns to the source of the voice. “i have a hard time sleeping, already, this is nothing, sian.” he collects his jacket. patting the seat next to him, yohan beckons the younger over. “what are you doing out here? are you tired or are you escaping something — or someone?”

sian steps closer, with a small and polite smile on his lips when he sits down next to the other man. he stays silent for a while, listening to yohan’s voice when he speaks and staring at the same direction he’s been looking before: the sky, the lack of stars, and the artificial lights that blur the natural lamps that should be decorating the indigo blue instead. it’s a sad sight, but one that he believes he’s gotten used to. 

somehow, it makes the vision of a conglomerate of stars become an event to look forward to as if it’s something impossible.

but not this time, and in acceptance of that fact, his eyes shift from the dark skies to the dark eyes of the man sitting next to him. the question is right on point, and sian wonders if his expression gives his intentions away or if yohan just feels the same way. whatever it is, it makes his smile widen and he chuckles a little, looking down at his hand as he fidgets with his fingers.

“possibly both,” he speaks and it almost sounds like a question, not towards yohan but towards himself. he doesn’t really have to reaffirm those feelings, and yet he does it anyway as if he can’t really trust his own emotions. “i’m not really... a party type of person, if that makes any sense.” he chuckles again because he knows it doesn’t make sense.

he’s an idol, he’s always being invited to parties and always has loud music bursting in his ears, always hearing the loud voices of people calling out his name and singing to his songs in unison. one would expect that he’d be used to it by now.

“i’m tired of the loud music and the crowd, but i’m also trying to escape someone.” a stranger, someone he doesn’t know and yet fears more than anything else. “the last thing i want is a rumor coming out of whatever i do in this party... i’d rather be in the classist as the ‘bored idol’ instead.”

[ily2sian]

𝐈𝐍𝐁𝐎𝐗 𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍.

[ily2sian]

03:48pm, goshen cafe & bar I don't want to remember this with @127-pm 

when he enters the cafe, his eyes immediately scan the place in search of the familiar face that belongs to hayi. he has a pretty annoyed expression on his face, and even the way he walks expresses his mood: the steps are harsh and wide, almost like he’s rushing towards the table where his friend has been waiting for him. and when he finally reaches the spot, he sits down on the chair right across of hayi and rests his elbows on the table, immediately letting his head lean forward against his palms.

“ugh,” he groans and then looks at her, with a faint pout on his lips. “hi, hayi... i hope your day is going better than mine, i think i shouldn’t have gone to that party.” he sighs, shaking his head a few times and looking down at the menu that has been waiting for him at their table. he feels so frustrated and so annoyed, and it’s no anyone else’s fault but his own. he felt like a fish out of water in that place, surrounded by strangers even though he knew some of the guests and everyone definitely knew him. it was almost scary and definitely overwhelming.

not to mention sad, since he left the nightclub completely alone a bit drunk.

“did you go to the party held by 2M ENT? i don’t remember seeing you there,” he says with a little bit of doubt in his voice, tilting his head and squinting slightly as he stares at her. he really doesn’t remember seeing her there, and he is pretty sure she must have been invited — perhaps she just chose to stay home, and oh how much sian wishes he had done the same thing and stayed home instead of going to the party.

“i should have stayed home, it would have been a better idea...”

[minhyyuns]

minhyun ░ v heartbeat fansign (190628)

[ily2sian]

✧ ˙ ˖ SANGWOO,

“also, this is the stickiest ice cream i’ve ever had…,” frowning softly at his now adhesive fingertips. brining his thumb to his lips, he licked the melting dessert happily. “did you want to bead today? i got us some cool charms and colored string, i figured the pink beads would motivate you ~ ” sangwoo knew he was being awfully chatty, commenting on almost everything, but he couldn’t help it! sian naturally made him more animated than usual — if there’s anyone to blame, it’s sian. always blame sian. always.

"no, you are so biased!” words said in between giggles, sian looks at sangwoo with a happy smile. he’s only joking, of course, feeling so comfortable and relaxed in an environment that he knows so well, with the company of someone he knows so well. and wearing the pastel green slippers his friend got just for him when he first moved into this apartment, sian makes his way towards the kitchen to fill his bowl with more ice cream. “i looked alright, it was the makeup.”

he scoops a big portion of the dessert, it’s his favorite flavor — chocolate chip cookie dough — and he wishes he could eat it every single day for his entire life, but since it’s not possible he endulges himself in the few moments he can enjoy the sweet taste of every drop of melted ice cream that covers the surface of the dishware he has in his hands. “it is very sticky but it’s also so delicious! you can’t say it’s not.” he says when he sits down next to the other again, still smiling as he licks the spoon clean after another spoonful of ice cream.

“oh, you got pink ones? you’re right, i’m very interested in beading now,” he says in between giggles again, scooting closer to sangwoo and leaning against his shoulder with a sudden interest in the activity now that he knows it’s a project for the two of them. “are we finally going to make our own friendship bracelets? it’s about time, huh? you have one with everyone except me.” the smile is replaced by a dramatic pout, but he knows sangwoo can tell he’s not being serious. 

not entirely serious.

[ily2sian]

event two — timeline !

i am three days late to post this, but oh well... here’s the timeline for sian’s night at the event, so if you see something that you find interesting and that could be fun to write together, give this post a ♥ and i’ll run to you.

8pm : sian doesn’t arrive early because someone is taking too fucking long to style every single strand of hair on his empty head so he's a bit annoyed when he gets there. a ) you see that he looks a bit... out of it, not in the mood, not having fun, so you invite him to get something to drink, so he can relax a little and actually enjoy the party. b ) maybe sian is going a bit too far on the drinking game already, and you’re not gonna let this poor guy ruin his night by getting kicked out of the club so early.

9pm : sian is not very sober, so of course this boy is gonna make his way to the dance floor and attempt to let the music lead him. a ) you look like you’re having a lot of fun, so he approaches you and asks you to teach him some of your dance moves. b, male locked ) he sees you and he finds you quite attractive, and since sian is a bit more shameless when he has alcohol in his system, he might try to start a conversation with you — you’re more than free to reciprocate the interest or reject him, no resentments. c ) he spots song sangwoo and encourages him to go to a private room with the guy interested in him.

10pm : the private rooms are finally available and sian gets a bit jealous of everyone that’s making their way to one of them with or without company, he wants to go with someone to either eat snacks or makeout. a ) you invite him to go to a private room, but it’s for family friendly purposes: you order some food, watch some fun shows together, talk about everything you’ve heard during the night, fun stuff. OR b, male locked ) you invite him to go to a private room, but things are not so family friendly... there’s no need to go too far, if you know what i mean, but there are some kisses here and there. no commitments needed, unless you want it!

[chaseschases]

oh my god. picnics at sunset where you laugh at my jokes and we eat messily and people stare at us and just know that we’re in love and we take walks through hills without shoes on. right now. let’s go.