Miss Piggy and Kermit are estranged. David needs to give Kermit some tips on how to be platonic friends with his former co-star/lover.
Duchovy’s guide to working along someone you may or may not have slept with:
Be chivalrous and handsy at all times, especially when it doesn’t warrant it
Take pictures of her in full costume with innuendo
Always speak in double meaning
Make surprised fun faces at normal words like “moist” on national television
Tweet photos of yourself with married captions
Talk about your characters being married
Invite her to your concerts
Kiss her good-bye/thanks when you’re going to see her in five minutes
Like old photos of you and costar on Instagram that are about your alter egos or yourselves in photo shoots
Just hold hands while doing comic cons, panels and interviews
Allow her to sit on your lap during photo shoots
Give her piggy-backs while sitting on stairs because you need to be close at all times
Make out as a joke, twice
Simulate oral sex for a gag
Simulate sex acts, just kidding around for the crew
Lick cake off her fingers during 100th show celebrations
Escort her to an award show as a friend, kiss her and hold her hand all night, because she’s having a rough few months - calm down you’re just friends
Suggest she lick your face during “another boring photo shoot”
Write songs with thinly veiled references to her and your relationship
Use pronouns like “we” and “us” when answering questions
Answer questions you haven’t actually been asked by just talking about her
Try these things and you too may have a confusing, fun, functional relationship with someone you “just work with” but are also “best friends” who you “email five times a year” and “can’t keep your hands off of!”