Topic: media/technology use, particularly smartphone use, disrupts our relationships with one another. Data:
New York Times article “The Phones We Love Way Too Much”
We have an intimate relationship with our phones. We sleep with them, eat with them and carry them in our pockets. We check them, on average, 47 times a day — 82 times if you’re between 18 and 24 years old, according to recent data.
And we love them for good reason: They tell the weather, the time of day and the steps we’ve taken. They find us dates (and sex), entertain us with music and connect us to friends and family. They answer our questions and quell feelings of loneliness and anxiety.
But phone love can go too far — so far that it can interfere with human love — old fashioned face-to-face intimacy with that living and breathing being you call your partner, spouse, lover or significant other.
The conflict between phone love and human love is so common, it has its own lexicon. If you’re snubbing your partner in favor of your phone it’s called phubbing (phone + snubbing). If you’re snubbing a person in favor of any type of technology, it’s called technoference. A popular song by Lost Kings even asks: “Why don’t you put that [expletive] phone down?”
“A key to a healthy relationship is being present,” said James Roberts, author of “Too Much of a Good Thing: Are You Addicted to Your Smartphone?”. When one partner constantly checks his or her phone it sends an implicit message that they find the phone (or what’s on it) more interesting than you.
In a 2016 study published in the journal Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 70 percent of women revealed that smartphones were negatively affecting their primary relationship. More than one-third of the 143 women in the study said their partner responded to notifications mid-conversation; one out of four said their partner texted during conversations. The women who reported high levels of technoference in interactions with their partners were less happy with their relationships and with their lives overall.
It’s not just women who are feeling dissed. Dr. Roberts, who is a professor of marketing at Baylor University, asked 175 men and women questions about their partners’ smartphone use. Nearly half of respondents, 46 percent, reported being phone snubbed (phubbed) by their partner. People who reported higher levels of phubbing also reported higher levels of relationship conflict.
In our quest to be connected through technology, we’re tuning out our partners and interrupting a kind of biological broadband connection.
“People are beginning to realize that something is amiss,” said Sherry Turkle, an M.I.T. technology professor and author of “Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age.” “They don’t necessarily know what to do about it, but they are open to change.”
Judith Bell, a leadership coach and co-founder of Relationships That Workin Novato, Calif., has noticed that her clients are starting to respect phone boundaries. “Now they turn off their phones when they are in session. A few years back, they would let themselves be interrupted.”
If you’re feeling frustrated by phone interference in your relationship, talk to your partner but be positive. “Emphasize the benefits of being more connected,” Ms. Bell said. Rather than dictate to your partner what they should or should not do, try an approach such as, “I love talking with you, but when you’re constantly checking your phone it’s hard to have a great conversation.”
“The first step is awareness,” Dr. Roberts said.
Here are some suggested ways to break up with your phone long enough to connect with your partner.
Designate “no cell” zones in your home. With your partner, decide which areas of your home, such as the living room and the kitchen, should be technology-free. And consider eliminating phone use in the car so that you can use that time to talk to your partner about whatever is on your mind.
Try a phone-free bedroom for one week. Yes, it’s fun to check Twitter just before bed, or when you’re sleepless at 2 a.m., but you might be more likely to converse with your partner if the phone were elsewhere. And just the act of favoring your relationship over your phone sends a clear message to your partner.
“Buy some old-fashioned alarm clocks for your bedside table,” Dr. Turkle suggested. “Put your cellphones in a basket in the kitchen.”
Keep phones off the table. When you’re eating at home or in a restaurant, keep phones off the table. The mere presence of a cellphone — with the possibility of it chirping or buzzing at any moment — can inhibit the free flow of conversation, according to a study published last year in the journal Environment & Behavior. Researchers examined how conversations between two people were influenced by cellphones. When a phone was present during a conversation, the partners rated the conversation as less fulfilling and reported less feelings of empathic concern than when phones were absent.
Practice phone etiquette. If you must look at your phone, announce that you are doing so. “I am just checking the score/weather/playlist for two minutes,” shows courtesy and indicates to your partner that you are aware that your attention is shifting. It may also make you more aware of how often you pick up your phone when your partner is present.
If your partner’s job demands round-the-clock availability, discuss reasonable boundaries that would satisfy both the job and you.
“The big challenge is that people are not talking about these issues enough,” said Daniel Ellenberg, a psychotherapist and partner with Ms. Bell in Relationships That Work. “We need to open up the social intercourse.”
Should your partner seem reluctant to let go of ingrained phone habits, consider turning to an objective source. Rather than wag your finger, you might suggest that you both take a closer look at your phone habits.
“Couples need to form an alliance and decide together what are the new rules,” Dr. Turkle said.
Dr. David Greenfield, a University of Connecticut psychiatry professor and founder of the Center for Internet and Technology Addiction developed a simple quiz, the Smartphone Compulsion Test, to help determine if a person’s phone use is problematic. Let the score be the judge, rather than you.
Huffington Post, “Your Phone Habits May Be Damaging Your Relationship”
Here’s yet another reason compulsive phone-checkers may want to stash their device more often: Cell phones can damage romantic relationships and lead to a greater chance of depression, according to a new study.
Researchers from Baylor University conducted two separate surveys of nearly 500 U.S. adults in order to analyze the effects of “Pphubbing,” or partner phone snubbing. In other words, they wanted to find out how often people are distracted by their phones when they’re with their significant others and if it had any effect on their relationships.
Unsurprisingly, the study uncovered that when partners felt “phone snubbed,” it created conflict and led to lower reported satisfaction in the relationship. This created a domino effect of sorts, researchers said, and led to lower reported life satisfaction and ultimately to greater reported levels of depression.
The study measured snubbing based on a scientifically-developed scale of statements, such as “My partner keeps his or her cell phone in hand when he or she is with me” and “If there is a lull in our conversation, my partner will check his or her cell phone.”
The results found 46 percent of respondents reported feeling phone snubbed by their partner and nearly 23 percent said it caused an issue in their relationship. More than 36 percent of participants reported feeling depressed at least some of the time. The findings were published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior.
The study highlights how an attachment to devices, however unintentional, affects major components of people’s lives. While screens can be a useful tool for communication, they can also stand in the way of it — and hurt well-being in the process. Research also shows too much tech may negatively affect the brain.
However, all hope isn’t lost. Smartphones aren’t going anywhere anytime soon (and we don’t want them to), but there is a way to use them mindfully in order to create a balance. Here are just a few ways to practice good smartphone hygiene:
Make some time for a screen-free activity. There are so many options — from reading to volunteering — you may as well give them all a try. Bonus? They also have health perks.
Sign out of email after work. People mindlessly check their inboxes as frequently as they check everything else, which can lead to burnout.
Ditch the phone 30 minutes before bed. Research shows the blue light emitted from screens can disrupt sleep.
Turn off push notifications. No alert? No temptation.
And truthfully, stashing the phone altogether and logging some real face time in the presence of a significant other probably wouldn’t hurt either.
Market Watch, Millennials Interact With Their Smartphones More Than They Do Actual Humans
39% interact more with smartphones than lovers, parents, friends, children or co-workers
It’s not your imagination: Millennials really are glued to their smartphones.
Nearly four in 10 millennials (39%) say they interact more with their smartphones than they do with their significant others, parents, friends, children or co-workers, according to a survey of more than 1,000 people released Wednesday by Bank of America. That’s compared with fewer than one in three people of all ages who say they engage with their smartphones more.
This means that, on an average day, millennials — defined here as being ages 18 to 34 — “interact with their smartphone more than anything or anyone else,” the survey concluded.
This may not surprise anyone who has looked at millennial smartphone usage. More millennials (77%) own smartphones — and spend more time on them (over two hours a day) — than any other age group, according to a 2014 report that examined the behavior of more than 23,000 adults, and was released by Experian.“In fact, millennials spend so much time on their smartphones that they account for 41% of the total time that Americans spend using smartphones, despite making up just 29% of the population,” the report concluded.
Furthermore, nearly half of millennials — significantly more than any older age group — say they “couldn’t live without” their smartphone, according to data released in 2015 by the Pew Research Center, a nonprofit and nonpartisan think tank in Washington, D.C.
Millennials are also far more likely to use their smartphone as a social escape: More than seven in 10 millennials say they have used their smartphone to avoid a social interaction, compared with fewer than half (44%) of others, according to the Bank of America data.
To be fair, millennials have many compelling reasons for using their smartphones: Experian data show that roughly one in five millennials (again, more than other age groups) use their phones to read the news during a typical week, and millennials are more likely than other cohort to use their phones to stay in touch with friends. What’s more, Pew data shows that millennials are more likely than other groups to use their phones to look at educational content, find and apply for jobs and learn more about a health condition.
Can we auto-correct humanity? By Price Ea
Did you know the average person spends 4 years of his life looking down at his cell phone?
Kind of ironic, ain't it?
How these touch-screens can make us lose touch
But it's no wonder in a world filled with iMac’s, iPads and iPhones
So many "i"’s, so many selfies, not enough "us"'s and "we"’s
See, technology
Has made us more selfish and separate than ever
Cause while it claims to connect us, connection has gotten no better
And let me must express first
Mr. Zuckerberg, not to be rude but you should re-classify Facebook to what it is:
An anti-social network
Cause while we may have big friend lists
So many of us are friendless
All alone
Cause friendships and more broken than the screens on our very phones
We sit at home on our computers measuring self-worth by numbers of followers and likes
Ignoring those who actually love us
It seems we’d rather write
An angry post than talk to someone who might actually hug us
Am I bugging? You tell me
Cause I asked a friend the other day, "Let's meet up face to face."
And said, "Alright. What time you wanna Skype?"
I responded with omg, srs, and then a bunch of smh's
And realized what about me?
Do I not have the patience to have conversation without abbreviation?
This is the generation of media over stimulation
Chats have been reduced to snaps
The news is 140 characters
Videos are 6 seconds at high speed
And you wonder why ADD is on the rise faster than 4G LTE
But, get a load of this
Studies show the attention span of the average adult today
Is one second lower than that of a gold fish
Poet's hunter
What’s your mobile number?
I’ll call you later when
Things are not so busy
Now, just where is my pen?
No – let’s think – I’ll send an email
At least by close of play
Or maybe a text message
Is there any other way?
I could send facsimilies
Or faxes as they’re known
Sorry, I’m so busy
I really have to go.
Go where?
Go check my emails
Go where?
Go check my phone
Go where?
Go check my messages
Go where?
I just don’t know.
The magic of technology
Is it doesn’t matter where
The sender and receiver are
Or in their underwear
But we’ve got lost in all of this
Checking for things here and there
What seemed like real time saving
Now makes us pull out our hair
We spend so much time receiving
And retrieving things on screen
When a simple conversation
Could have made clear what we mean.
David Keig
The state press, “Students’ addition to cell phones is inhibiting their social skills”
According to a study conducted in 2014 on cell phone addiction, college students use their mobile devices for about nine hours a day.
At ASU in particular, having a smart phone is extremely beneficial, especially when you need to access your email, Blackboard, MyASU or campus-specific apps, such as LiveSafe. However, they should not be used as a substitute for human interaction.
Dependency on mobile devices can transform students’ social skills, making them more reliant on virtual communication while inhibiting their ability to converse in person.
While the practicality of cell phones is unparalleled, the reliance students have on them is unhealthy.
Nomophobia is a term abbreviated from the phrase "no mobile-phone phobia," meaning “fear of being without a mobile device, or beyond mobile phone contact.”
In a 2010 study by the UK Post Office, over half of the cell phone users in Britain experienced anxiety when they were separated from their device, experienced low battery or had no network service.
A study conducted by Washington and Lee University in 2013 linked heavy texting and sleep problems in college freshmen. According to the study, excessive texting creates greater interpersonal stress in students, predictably minimizing the amount of sleep they got each night.
90 percent of college students fall asleep with their phones on them or right beside them, many not knowing how much this directly impacts their sleep.
Many students justify this dependence on their mobile device at night in part because they rely on apps such as an alarm clock to wake up for classes.
“If you’re using your phone, make sure you’re using an app to block blue light," Katharine Christian, Ph.D., a specialist at The Snoring and Sleep Apnea Center, said. "The blue light tells us it’s day time and we need to wake up. That’s why it’s hard to transition straight from watching TV to bed.”
In 2014, 70 percent of college students reported that they were not getting enough sleep each night, while 50 percent said they felt tired throughout the day.
If students do not achieve eight hours of sleep, certain cognitive functions, such as learning and memory, can start to decline in performance.
“Not sleeping is a lot like drinking, in just about every single way," Christian said. "You shouldn’t drive if you haven’t been doing a lot of sleeping – you’re going to impair your reaction time just the same. You’re going to impair your judgement just the same as if you’ve been drinking.”
One in two people check a mobile device immediately upon waking up, even during the night, highlighting their addictive quality.
In addition, 66 percent of adults in the U.S. have nomophobia, showing it is time to take a break from technology.
While smartphones have many practical functions, it is important to turn off your mobile device often and maintain your personal health while developing meaningful, in-person relationships.
The Tab, “Cell phones are the biggest non-drug addition for college students, says study”
If being addicted to your phone is wrong then I don’t want to be right
More than half of college students are addicted to their cell phones, according to a study from the Journal of Behavioral Addiction. Students who were surveyed reported feeling anxious without their phones, and on average, college students reported spending nearly ten hours a day on their devices.
The research suggests “cell phone use is possibly the biggest non-drug addiction of the 21st century.” According to the study, “college students commonly view their cell phone as an integral part of who they are…as an important extension of themselves.”
Scientists conducted a study among 2,500 college students to observe cell phone habits and found that our frequent smart phone use may actually be an unhealthy behavioral addiction.
The study reported that 60 percent of the college students admitted to feeling addicted to their smart phones.
The large number of students who rely heavily on their cell phone signals the transition of cell phone use from a habit to an addiction.
Of the 2,500 students surveyed, students admitted to spending an hour and forty minutes each day on Facebook alone.
According to the data, 67 percent of people aged 18-24 own a smart phone instead of a standard cell phone. The survey also revealed that most people reach Facebook through their phone opposed to their computer or tablet.
Based on these findings, the study hypothesizes that non-smartphones may soon become obsolete.
Students within the study reported feeling that their cell phones are “critical in maintaining social relationships and conducting the more mundane exigencies of everyday life.”
And this probably isn’t news to you because chances are you’ve heard it so many times before: “Kids these days are always on their cell phones,” but maybe you just shook it off thinking it wasn’t that big of deal.
But researchers say that it is a big deal. Students admitted to spending more time on their phones than they should, and that amount of time is only increasing.
Students reported that they felt more agitated when their phones were not in sight, or that they became nervous when their phone battery depleted.
According to this research, cell phone dependency can undermine academic performance because it distracts students during class and allows students the ability to easily cheat.
Cell phone addiction hinders the workplace as well and can strain relationships between students, parents, professors, and employers.
Most of us can agree that we take our cell phones nearly everywhere we go because otherwise, how else would we snap a picture of our day spent in the city, instagram our lunch, or just communicate with one another in general?
So think about it, when’s the last time you were using your phone when you were really supposed to be doing something else?
Todays Pictures, “The False Self on Social Media”
The ease with which we can edit and manipulate our social media accounts proves that any of these sites allow us to create a false reality, a version of ourselves as we want to be seen, a false self to increase the feeling of self worth, reflected by the number of likes and followers.
How is this for a serious hit to social media? “Ultimately, Facebook is a narcissistic playground where the best, the funniest, the most charming aspects of our lives are publicized and the… boring stuff, the beige that is most of our daily grind almost never gets posted.” (Sorokanich)
Sadly, that is one of the least disturbing things that experts have to say about social media.
One report explained that, “The development of long lasting meaningful relationships is diminishing due to social media. There’s a lack of emotional connections being made.” (The Social Disconnect of Social Media, 2014).
Another journalist expressed serious worry about the actual value of social media, saying, “I was supplementing my real, physical life as a human being with something superficial and untrue to myself. I want authentic relationships with strong connections that have an actual, not virtual, value.” (Farewell to Facebook’s False Reality, 2015)
Speaking at the Lithium Technologies LiNC conference in San Francisco, Forrester Research vice president Nate Elliott dropped some truth on brand managers: you don’t build a community on social or have any meaningful customer relationships.
There’s no community there. This notion of “build a community on Facebook,” I’ve never seen any brand successfully build a long-term community on Facebook. Maybe around a topic for a week, people come together, but conversations aren’t threaded. They’re not archived. There’s never been a meaningful community there. Even pages that get lots of likes on posts, and comments and shares, there’s not a community there.
So, the good news is that the backlash has begun and, perhaps, social media is going to slowly lose its mass following as subsequent generations of users recognize most social media platforms for what they are – anti-social.
Some might also argue that social media platforms are premium marketing systems that gather an impressive amount of data about consumers without their ever noticing. That, for the most part, is true, as well, but what we have to be most concerned with is the how the two million social media outlets available around the world are insinuating themselves into our daily lives.
The choice of the word “friend” by Facebook creators is an instant clue to the goals they had in mind for their millions of users. They wanted Facebook account holders to see the people with whom they network as friends, and yet the connections don’t really warrant that title.
After all, Merriam Webster defines a friend as, “A person who you like and enjoy being with.” One is hardly “with” an online friend, even when using online chat tools. Certainly, you are sharing information, thoughts, and ideas, but it is a radically desensitized approach to interaction and human communication. In fact, it is really the polar opposite of friendship.
Consider that studies now reveal that up to 75% of people using social networks experience disrupted sleep in the evening hours after using them. And even worse is that half of users surveyed pointed out that social media made their self-esteem diminish and their lives seem less vibrant or even interesting because of the seeming perfection of their “friends” lives. And here, as Shakespeare said, is the “rub”. Why? Because, psychologists tell us that a friend is worthy of that title when they are committed to your happiness, refuse to ask you to compromise your principles, and is a good influence.
These are not aspects of virtual relationships, and you cannot cultivate them through online exchanges. In fact, one study showed that there are some “telltale” indicators when social media is negatively influencing a user.
These signs include a harmful effect to mood. It isn’t just self-esteem but mood in general that is deflated by use of social media. Distraction is another indicator that social media is overriding your reality and leaving you unhappy with real-world situations. Another problem caused by social media is a decreasing ability to communicate well in one-on-one settings. People are now struggling with the urge to grab a phone or mobile device to check in on their various social media accounts while in the presence of actual human company.
The German term schadenfreude (which translates to “harm-joy”) is another sign that social media is the opposite of friendship, as well. This is because a common result of reliance on social media rather than actual friendship is relishing the misfortune of others – meaning our “friends”. And those broadcasting such misfortunes across social media are also revealing yet another startling element of this setting – the desire to get attention of any kind in order to boost self-esteem.
Life is meant for living in the present, and in reality. Most of us would be far happier without the artifice of social media, and if you find that it has been harming your self-esteem, drop out and just get out there and live life – there are plenty of friends to be found offline.
The Huffington Post, “The social media effect: are you who you really portray online?”
Over the past 15 years, the world as we know it has been taken by storm through the onset of social media. According to Comscore (2011) about 90 percent of U.S. Internet users visit a social media site each month. Because we live in such a largely global-society, creating and maintaining an online presence has become most relevant in promoting your brand and expanding your social network.
As we know, perception is everything; especially in the world of social media. In terms of perception, we all have an ideal self. We all wish to maximize our careers, our profession, and aspire to be like those who we find most successful. As the use of social media continues to evolve; the concept of presenting our ideal selves versus our real selves has become more and more prevalent on social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google+, Pinterest, and even LinkedIn.
As research suggests, your “real self” is what you are - your attributes, your characteristics, and your personality. Your “ideal self” is what you feel you should be; much of it due to societal and environmental influences. From a societal standpoint, many of us are driven by competition, achievement, and status; hence, the creation and portrayal of our ideal selves.
Consider the fact that on social media sites, we consider our profiles to be presentations of who we are. Therefore, through interaction with the social medium, the real and ideal selves intersect; and the ideal self is at least partially actualized. In essence, our online selves represent our ideals and eliminate many of our other real components.
The question we have to ask ourselves is: Are we really presenting who we are or are we presenting a hyper-idealistic version of ourselves? It has been argued that the social media effect creates a false sense of self and self-esteem through the use of likes, fans, comments, posts, etc. For many social media users, it is an esteem booster, which explains why so many people spend so much time on social media. It provides many individuals with a false sense of self and an inflated sense of who they really are.
In considering these points, here are three important factors to consider while social networking:
1. Stop comparing yourself to others. When you compare yourself to others, you are comparing yourself to the perception of what you think the person is. In reality, many people are presenting only their ideal selves online. Therefore, you are comparing yourself to an ideal figure, not a true representation.
2. Authenticity is Key. Stay true to your real self. Instead of creating an inflated, unrealistic version of yourself; examine who you are and your best attributes. Determine what makes you unique and focus your attention on enhancing yourself. Ask yourself this question, “Would you rather 1,000 carbon copies of replicas or one authentic version of yourself?” People like individuals who are relatable, yet, real. Do not be afraid to show who you really are.
3. Align your “Real” self with your “Ideal” self. If you are portraying yourself as an ideal figure or with an ideal career, why not work towards those goals to achieve your ideal status? As we know, everything in life worth doing takes time, effort, energy, and persistence.
As a final point, if you’re consistent and transparent in your online and offline persona, you have nothing to fear from exposure (Emily Magazine, 2013). Everything about your online persona should be reflective of your offline persona i.e. your background, experience, education, etc. Rather than focusing your attention and effort into creating an ideal online persona, use your time and effort to accomplish the goals that will align your real self with your ideal self. By doing so, you will ultimately become more fulfilled as you accomplish the goals that will lead to your path to self-actualization i.e. becoming the best you... the “real” you.
Javaria Waseem Nov 2014
A generation who sees but is blind
You don't limit your life to social media.
In reality, social media limits you to your life.
A selfie with this and a selfie with that.
Your life is race for comments and likes.
Instead of having a personality worth praising
You are now judged based on your social media profiles.
Status update: I wish I could visit Paris some day.
In Paris you're like, "Where can I get signals for wifi?"
Your achievements are unlocking new levels of Candy Crush
Is that the legacy you'll leave behind?
As if all these achievements will benefit you
to unlock the doors of heaven when you'll die.
Your 940 friends won't be able to help you
by sending a booster or an extra life.
Relationship Status: Happily married.
Happy and married until the moment you both go offline.
You buy everything from behind the screen
Error 404: Cannot buy love and time.
It's a complicated maze that you won't accept
Even when they themselves call it a website.
You don't limit your life to social media.
In reality, social media limits you to your life.
#project7