why did I say goodbye? @imfoive - Tumblr Blog

Jun 2

𝐒𝐨 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐥, 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐑𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭

HYUNJIN x READER (f.) GENRE: Friends-to-Lovers, Angst, Romance, right person-wrong time, unrequited love WARNINGS: mentions of cursing, drinking, bad communication, painful pining, suggestive, somewhat proofread WC: 7.3k A/N: first fic of the year! And surprise surprise, I write another yearning hyunjin fic lmao. I was listening to skz’s “sorry, I love you” and couldn’t get this idea out of my head. But then I got stuck and stared at the doc for a month and a half before it came together lol hope you enjoy it! (Also hope you like the bonus at the end hehe 🤭) 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬, 𝐑𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬, 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝! ── MASTERLIST

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Hyunjin realized on a random Thursday that the stars, did not need to align, that time didn’t need to move in slow motion, for him to know that he had fallen in love.

That love-at-first-sight was not a thing that would happen for him. No meet-cutes, no accidentally stumbling into lives. No ringing of bells echoing in his ears. Like you often see in those romantic movies.

No, it seemed that Hyunjin was doomed for another kind of love entirely. To fall for someone he already knew very well. Known for over half a decade now.

Too bad he had already shot himself in the foot. The realization of harboring new, sudden, feelings for someone he already rejected once settled over him instantly, weighing a ton over his chest.

Fuck.

It wasn’t as if he purposefully broke her heart back then. You can’t blame him for how he felt three years ago. He was a totally different person. And though they still remained good friends, surely not as close as they had once been growing up, there weren’t any hard feelings about it at all…right?

At least that’s what he had believed for the longest time.

It’s now, after falling in love, that he notices the small things. Another realization settling over his conscience.

That things have changed from the moment he rejected her yet now felt new to him. Unnoticed, unknown. Like the way she never sought him out first, no longer hung out with him alone anymore. The presence of another friend, of Jisung and his humor, or Felix and his adventurous nature keeping them entertained. Keeping him from realizing that she no longer asked for late night trips to satiate the random cravings, just the two of them.

That she no longer dropped by unannounced to pull him out of his studious streak at the library, his dorm room, for a well-needed break to eat, coffee, a good session of her kicking his ass in Mario Kart. Granted, they were no longer in university, and Hyunjin hasn’t opened a text book in the three and so years that passed.

It’s a lie though, a voice deep within himself reminded him. He did notice, a brief flicker of confusion, one that didn’t last long enough. He’d noticed that she didn’t go out of her way to seek him out, that the late night runs died out and someone else became her first choice. And though he did miss it all, he chalked it up to growing up. To the long distance between them that one year after graduation when his new job took him a town over. The routines they created led to the changes in the dynamics.

And it wasn’t as if he only missed her. He missed all his friends. Jisung and his overtly exaggerated shenanigans, Felix and his need to be in the know of everything. Damn he even missed the chaos that often gave him migraines.

Now though…

It seemed like he had entered some other dimension. That he had mistakenly put on rose-colored glasses—no, blinders. Thrown on in such a rush that he couldn’t take off. His eyes, only searching for Y/N and no one else seemed to matter. A race-horse with tunnel vision on the finish line. Though, the said line seemed to be nowhere in sight and he was walking-in blind trying to figure out the predicament he landed himself in. He was blindsided by his own damn heart. How humorous.

Seeing your friend in a new light is a weird experience. A snap of fingers and you blink awake as if hypnotized, as if waking up from a stupor you knew nothing about and you couldn’t exactly remember a time without such feelings.

Fascinating, adoration. Confusion, regret.

And it wasn’t as if she had done anything grand either. No, nothing of that sort had happened. She hadn’t gone out of her way to garner his favor, hadn’t done something eye-catching, out of the ordinary. It was so fucking minuscule. So simple, it had his breath hitch.

It was a random Thursday. Though not like other Thursdays, seeing that Hyunjin had planned to host a small get-together for his friends at his new place. Sure it was a workday, but the next one had been a national holiday so they didn't have to prioritize work in the morning.

It was supposed to be casual, a fun gathering with drinks and probably a film, only if Felix had gathered the courage to finally watch that one horror movie he kept putting off seeing unless with a group.

But of course, the storm that the forecast kept teasing about all week decided it wanted to choose the one day Hyunjin was looking forward to, to finally break through.

It came down hard, thunder, harsh winds, pouring rain.

Jisung canceled unsurprisingly, though he promised to drop by the following day to “chillax”. Felix said he would wait the weather out, being on the other side of the city and all. But they all knew that the rain was coming down relentlessly, no sign of stopping anytime soon.

Hyunjin grumbled, annoyance written all over his face as he stared out the glass of his balcony doors. He assumed Y/N was also canceling, though she hadn’t responded in the group chat yet. The last she texted was that she had some last minute errands to run before she headed over. It’d been almost two hours since and he wondered if she managed to get home before the downpour. And just as he was about to text her asking so, his doorbell rang.

He wasn’t as surprised to see Y/N at his doorstep, she lived closer to him than the other guys. And she did say she would head over soon. What he didn’t expect was to see her drenched from head to toe, droplets dripping off of her in resonating plops.

“I got caught in the rain.” She muttered, a tinge of irritation crossing her wet face.

The taller man couldn’t help the cackle he let out, though he was quick to take her equally wet belongings from her as he widened the door open. She nudged him out the way and waited in the foyer for him to get her a towel.

“You’re soaked.” He chuckled, rubbing the towel over her face and hair while she groaned under the thick material.

“Thanks. I didn’t notice.” Her voice came muffled, only making him laugh a little louder.

Yet as he’s toweling her hair, the teasing glint in his gaze instantly morphs into concern. The kind that flashes over his entire expression as he hears her teeth clatter underneath his towel-ruffling hands. Hyunjin’s leading her into his bedroom, house tour forgotten, straight to his en-suite bathroom for her to warm up with a quick shower. There isn’t much to think about. Yet, still…

It was all so stupid.

So dumb of him to find his breath hitch, blinking too many times in a second as he watched her come out dressed in his clothes. The hoodie and sweats that he gave her to change into, shouldn’t have had that effect on him. Shouldn’t have looked so good on her.

He found himself swallowing thickly, eyes tearing away as if he had seen something he wasn’t supposed to.

She seemed oblivious of his sudden turmoil. And he pretended he wasn’t ogling.

“Damn, I’m starving.” She complained, almost gliding around his kitchen as if she knew her way around it.

She’s never been to his place before, that day was supposed to be his housewarming, and she even had a gift for him that she managed to keep dry somehow, though the box did take some damage. It was a mini-blender, the one he swore he needed for his smoothies that one time. He’s surprised she remembered.

Y/N’s never been there, but she opened his fridge and found what she’s looking for with ease. The side dishes his mother packed and container-sealed, stuffed to a side. The produce in the drawer. Reaching in and picking things as if it were a normal occurrence.

“Should we make something or do you want to order?” Her question brought him out of his thoughts, the ones about how well she fit into his home, how easily he could see himself enjoying such a sight on a daily basis.

How hard the smell of his shampoo on her hit his nose. How good she looked in his clothes.

Fuck.

They didn’t end up ordering. Didn’t want someone out there in the storm trying to bring them their food. She made some hearty stew, paired well with his mother’s side-dishes. He wasn’t too sure about the meal entirely, his mind had been too busy wracking about the thoughts of such domesticity. Something he’s never had before, or didn’t feel before. Not with his girlfriends, not with the women he brought home.

When she silently picked out the gross veggies out of his bowl—something she had done often before, he tried to remind himself, shouldn’t have struck him straight in the chest, yet still it did. As if he had been enlightened anew, a commonality suddenly seemed to radiate in the middle of his dining room. The storm within him, louder than the one that thundered outside.

And his mind continued wracking. As long as the downpour continued to rain down outside. Overnight, when they got flood-alerts and she grimaced thinking about the journey back home and Hyunjin found himself suggesting for her to stay the night. The guest room wasn’t as ready as he would have liked, but it had the essentials. And if she needed, he could give her more blankets.

Maybe even another change of clothes?

Fuck. The thought of her in his pajamas, another sudden haunting scenario of her cuddling up into him for warmth, almost made his mind reel. So he kept that suggestion to himself. The hoodie and sweats seemed to be comfortable enough, though the sight of her in them did not minimize the flurry of emotions within him.

It’s not easy to pull yourself back from new discoveries. From treading lines that suddenly seemed to blur. Like the sight of her in his clothes, hair damp, prancing around his apartment as if she belonged here. A sight that seemed to burn itself into his memories and would not leave no matter how hard he tried to chide himself.

She’s your friend, you creep. He tried to tell himself.

Only for another part of his brain to refute with something that left him speechless. Another discovery that had him staring into nothingness.

Why can’t she be something more?

“—Cause you fucking rejected her, that’s why.” Jisung was not the kind to soften his words.

Unlike Felix, who approached such topics with more of a friendlier tone, the hamster-faced-man needed to voice his opinions as he saw it.

It’s hard to hide the worry and daze of newfound emotions, Hyunjin realized. Especially for a self-proclaimed helpless romantic like himself. Another discovery about himself that his friends made him aware of.

He apparently didn’t hide the intense stares and love-sick eyes as well as he thought he did, getting caught by his two differently-alike friends with such ease he’s surprised Y/N hadn’t first.

Or maybe she did, but kept it to herself in fear of embarrassing him. The thought of that made him want to hurl.

It had been a week.

A long week into the discovery of unknown emotions and already he imagined a life with her. Already he had dreamt of her. Conjured scenarios in his head like some love-struck teenager. Woke up like one too—but of course, he’ll be keeping that to himself.

And for a hopeless romantic like Hyunjin, who was in fact suddenly love-struck, the sight of him stood out to these two doofuses like a sore thumb.

Hyunjin wanted to argue that he didn’t remember ever rejecting her. But that would be a lie. He remembered it clearly. It was a month or so before graduation, Y/N had been very evasive in the weeks leading up to it.

She had confessed so casually, so easily, yet still took him by surprise.

The taller man hadn’t known how to respond, his heart dropping at the sight of her, painfully aware that he didn’t feel the same. He had always seen her as a friend, as an exception that didn’t flounder around him because of his good-looks like everyone else had growing up. A girl who treated him as she did Felix and Jisung, and he had been so grateful that she wasn’t like other girls.

Yet, when Y/N confessed, he felt disappointed.

She had chuckled it off when he voiced his rejection. Albeit a little forced, but she was really understanding about it. Nudging at him with that sweet smile of hers, though it didn’t reach her eyes, Hyunjin knew better to not say anything of it.

She told him nothing would change, that she just needed to get it out before they started the next chapter of their lives. He believed her.

How easily had she lied. That so much had changed, and it took one rain storm and an evening locked-in together for him to notice.

And he kept noticing for the weeks following. Everything that had changed. How she didn’t linger any longer than she needed to whenever they all hung out together. That she never messaged him as much as she blew up their group chat, when once-upon-a-time their private messages stretched daily.

He noticed how she would happily beam at him for bringing her coffee, but introduce him to her coworkers as a good friend. Not even best friend, that spot had been taken by fucking Felix, but whatever, Hyunjin wasn’t mad about it. He wasn’t even aiming for that title anyway.

And he continued to notice things, ears perking up at things Y/N mentioned she wanted in the passing. Eyes flickering over to the door of the restaurant, of the bar, whatever establishment the friends decided to gather in for the evening, in anticipation for her arrival.

He would text her “good morning”, “goodnight. A new habit that had her send eye emojis in response to the first day, yet easily fell into a new routine of doing so. He brought her lunch often, insisted he pick her up whenever she needed to stay out late nights.

Like that evening he had yet again arrived to pick her up after she had gotten drinks with her team following a strenuous workday. Her coworkers giggled into her ear every time, and she would swat them away, every time. Shaking her head at them as she left their side to approach him standing by his car.

He wasn’t clueless, vaguely aware of what they probably teased her about, and her denying it only made his throat feel dry. That bitterness in his mouth thicken. And it was all his fault.

Because he said he would never see her as anything more than a friend, yet did things like this. Thought things a friend shouldn’t think. Bought her those fucking expensive heels because she gushed to Felix about it one time and he lied about having a friend who got brand discounts. It wasn’t even her birthday, and even if she quirked a brow at the present, confusion and surprise flickering in her gaze, she hugged him gratefully. The kind of embrace he wanted to melt into, itching to pull her closer, letting his arms wrap around her tightly until there was no space left for even air to flow between them.

Hyunjin didn’t think he’d get this pathetic. Didn’t think that his heart would hammer at the sight of her, his lips would curl into the biggest smiles when she lit up with excitement. Didn’t think he would be giddy when she texted him and only him, more messages for his eyes only and not shared between the chaos that was their group chat.

Didn’t think he would think of their little outing as dates. One-sidedly.

Fucking pathetic.

Yet, how does he even go about changing it all? To take back the harsh words he had spoken so confidently. To take away the pain that flashed in her expression before she brushed it all off? Was this how she had felt back then? The anxiety, the fear. The thought that she would be petty enough to rub it in his face about her rejection, prickled at him, even if he knew she wasn’t such a person. That she wasn’t the kind for petty revenge, for holding grudges, not with the matters of the heart.

Maybe she will notice the change. The sudden newness of his altered behavior will dawn on her like his feelings did for him. It was the only hope he had right now.

“—So what, you’re gonna continue to shower her in one-sided affection and hope it all works out?” Jisung crossed his arms over his chest.

His tall, fool of a friend had been smiling stupidly to himself as he texted Y/N, yet his expression fell when his obvious feelings were mentioned.

Rather, the tough spot Hyunjin found himself stuck in, prickled the shorter man in the chest.

“We…we go on…dates.” He murmured, the words sounding as pathetic spoken aloud as it did in his head..

“Does she know that?” Jisung refuted.

“Why wouldn’t she? Isn’t it obvious?” He frowned, a hint confused, a twinge irritated.

Though perhaps, deep down he knew he was speaking nonsense. The likelihood of her noticing was the same as him having fallen for her. Low chances, but not impossible. He was ready to gamble on that likelihood if it would avoid his worst fears coming true.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe because of the fact that you clearly told her that you ‘would never see her as anything more than a friend’?” Sarcasm dripped from his tone, and Hyunjin wanted to do nothing but punch him in the face.

But he was too busy feeling the guilt of what he had once stupidly said, rise up. Bitter in his mouth. The happenings of something already done and passed, came back to bite him so hard in the ass he was scared it’ll leave a scar.

Hyunjin shuts down, refusing to continue the conversation Jisung started, the resounding silence only making him feel even more pathetic than he seemingly was before the other man sighed aloud, changing the subject.

The battle with his feelings, with his past-self and the romanticization of a future he created in his mind leaves the poor man stressed for what feels like forever. Not to mention his constant need of Y/N’s attention, which seemingly becomes the only thing that keeps him sane.

Unhealthy, he knows. But it seemed that he was making up for the three years he lost, the three years he had written off from having because he had never even considered seeing Y/N in that light. What a pathetic regret. The what-ifs surging down over him mockingly.

Y/N doesn’t notice. Of course she doesn’t.

So again, when much more time has passed, he finds himself surrounded by his friends, his emotions still unconcealable from the sharp gazes of the guys who've known him for such a long time. And from the way he looked, it seemed that holding back was not boding well.

“Bro, you have to tell her.” Felix pressed, having watched his tall friend stare with eyes glued at the restaurant entrance, waiting for Y/N to come through them.

Even though she had already texted that she was running late some minutes ago, yet this goner friend of his awaited her arrival like some puppy waiting for his owner.

“It’s been months. She would have noticed by now. Your plan was good, but it failed.” The blonde-haired man added, his lips pressed into a thin, pitiful smile.

Felix was sweet. Hyunjin’s plan was fucking stupid.

How in the world would she suddenly realize that the guy she had once confessed to, the one who had let her down, now reciprocated those same feelings some years later? What are the chances of that ever happening? Pretty fucking low if you ask Hyunjin, and it was glaringly obvious that Y/N was not banking on those rare chances either.

“Yeah, what if she doesn’t even feel the same for you anymore?” Jisung chuckled, mouth full of garlic-bread, stuffed-cheeks and all.

This guy on the other hand, Hyunjin wanted to throttle. This new idea of her no longer liking him as she did three years ago, hadn’t even crossed his mind. He’d been too busy trying to deal with the situation he found himself in. Trying to woo her in subtle ways, in hopes she notices something amiss and sees his feelings.

Yet now with Jisung’s words, it settles. The thought festering in his chest, making his breath catch, eyes widening and staring into nothing in particular. Which has been happening a lot too.

What if she no longer loved him? The emotions she spoke of, mustering up so much courage to express it back then. The ones that made Hyunjin’s heart drop at the time, the slight anticipation in her gaze making him uncomfortable. The memories that surface at the thought, don’t help at all. Not when paired with the hypothetics of something that might actually be truer than he believed.

“Great. You broke him.” Felix grumbled, shooting the brunette across them a glare.

The blonde grasped his arm, tugging at him to bring him out of his mind. Hyunjin’s big eyes meet his, a tinge of pain flickering in them. They gleam under the bright lights, giving way to whatever fears churned within him.

“I’m an idiot right?” He muttered. “Why’d I do that? I’m so stup—”

“It’s not your fault Hyunjin.” The stern tone of Jisung’s was not who Hyunjin had expected to cut him off, his expression serious as he leaned into the table to speak.

“You didn’t feel the same for her back then. It’s simple. You can’t fault yourself for being human. It’s just unfortunate timing, that’s all.” He pressed.

Felix seemed to also be surprised by such wise words spoken from a man who always seemed to clown around, but was quick to collect himself, nodding along.

“He’s right. People change, feelings change. You like things you once didn’t. Other people included.”

Hyunjin knew his friends were being soft on him, feeding into his delusions. The ones he cradled for three months now, and he wondered how she held onto her emotions back then.

What did she say back then? That she had been secretly in love with him since freshman year? That she didn’t want to ever tell him because she was scared, scared it would change their friendship.

It did change. Though Hyunjin didn’t notice at the time. A man who claims to be in tune with his friends’ emotions, their moods, had missed such a thing. He was a liar then, knowing nothing about reading feelings.

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Y/N’s not sure what had changed exactly, but something was happening.

It started with the daily texts.

The “good morning”s followed by an all-too-happy-face. The “good night” that came some hours later, all-too-warm. The sudden visits to her work during her breaks, with excuses of coffee, treats. A meal.

Excuses like “I had a coupon deal”, “you know my firm is close by”, “I was in the area…”

Vague and shifty. All clearly lies.

The Hyunjin that looked at her with such glee was not the kind she was used to. Not that he had looked at her negatively at all either, just that…the glint in his gaze was unfamiliar, burning.

Hyunjin had once looked at her with a pitiful gaze, the coldness in his tone far from what he usually spoke with when he told her that he never saw her as anything more than a friend. That he’ll never see her as nothing but his best friend, sometimes still crossed her mind. Though Y/N had expected it, for her confession to end with a sharp rejection. Still, it didn't mean it hadn’t hurt.

Yet the soft stares, the fondness with his grins, the lingering touches that she found herself on the receiving end of now, were far from how a friend would behave with another friend.

Surely she must’ve misunderstood something. Surely his gifts don’t mean anything, that he was always generous, a romantic who bought presents on whims when something reminded him of his closest friends.

Like when he got Felix those sunglasses during a visit to his parents. Or when he bought Jisung concert tickets because he remembered the man gushing about the artist once.

Surely she’s reading too much into it, his unwavering attention, that unreadable glint in his gaze.

The image of her from three years ago staring back at her, as if she stood before a mirror.

She’s delusional. Hyunjin would never go back on such a thing. He was a romantic who wanted fairy tale love, cupid’s magic. Not an anxiety-ridden confession already stained with defeat at the end of finals week. They had been in the middle of campus too. She was just a close friend, that's all. His best friend who had disappointed him when she spoke of unrequited feelings.

The much too many months afterwards were spent trying to rid herself of those feelings, grueling. Though the distance that his new job at the time had put between them had helped. And now all she calls that moment was an embarrassing memory.

Y/N had to be imagining things, the teasing remarks of her coworkers who yet again broke into hushed giggles when Hyunjin began the new routine of picking her up after work, those late-nights when getting home was a bigger hassle than anything else. He said it was on his way home anyway. Right, his marketing firm did fall in this direction. But surely those days he worked-from-home must have had him go out of his way to show up outside of her job either way. Another lie.

Her team leader raised a curious brow when he loitered outside the lobby during certain days. When the weather was nice and he felt even nicer to treat her to lunch. Texting her of his arrival, though now it didn’t seem as sudden as it did four months ago.

“It’s nothing. It’s just lunch.” She would wave off.

Yet, his wind-swept back hair, crisp-ironed shirts creasing just the slightest from his own productive morning, the way he pushed back his glasses, hands tucking into his pockets, kicking over the pavement as he waited for her to come out, were sights that made her falter. Eyes tracing the subtly pacing man outside the glass doors of her work place, had her falter, her breath hitch.

“—It doesn’t mean anything…right?”

Felix blinked at her, his silence making her heart rate quicken.

“Do you want it to mean something?” The blonde man countered.

Y/N found herself inhaling sharply. “I…”

Instantly her brows furrowed, the thought of giving into her delusions and returning back to that place of pining after Hwang Hyunjin, angered her.

“It doesn’t matter.” She muttered, hardening her expression instead, turning to the wardrobe that she was standing before.

They had been in the midst of rummaging through her clothes. Felix lounged over her bed as he tried to help pick out a dinner-appropriate outfit, when the sudden thoughts of Hyunjin acting off had spilled through her lips, trying to dissect it from another perspective.

“It doesn’t matter. I have a date anyway.” She repeated louder this time, the furrow of her brows only creasing deeper.

She could hear Felix sigh behind her, it was obvious he disagreed, but didn't say anything against.

“Did you tell Hyunjin about your date?” He retorts instead.

This only angered her further, spinning on her heels and staring into her best friend who looked at her apprehensively.

“Why do I have to tell him? I don’t need his permission to meet people.” There’s a sour taste in her mouth, one that only deepens when Felix gives her a pointed look.

As if telling her that she didn’t hide her emotions well.

Even the coworker who had set her up, had done-so warily, unsure if she was open to meeting someone when she already had an “almost-boyfriend pacing around her daily”. Though the words had flustered her, it also made her feel bitter.

Hyunjin was just a friend.

And even if right now, Felix right could argue about the fact that she told everyone but Hyunjin, he doesn’t. Instead he humors her and picks through her dress options, eyes flickering over to her frowning form.

“I don’t know.” He finally shrugged, though there was a weariness in his eyes. “Maybe just mention it casually?” He suggested.

“If it comes up.” She huffs.

She was not going to go out of her way to tell him.

Y/N does, in fact, do exactly that.

The following day, a couple hours before her date, she finds herself standing outside of Hyunjin’s apartment.

She came up with excuses, kind of like the ones that Hyunjin would often blurt out when he showed up unannounced. And she wonders if the surprise that he wore on his face when he opened his door, looked like the expressions she too wore.

Hyunjin blinked, the hand that gripped loose over the handle of his door slowly fell limp at his side as a breathy, entirely surprised “Y/N?” escaped him.

She attempted to smile, raising the bag of baked goods between them as an offering. An answer to her unexpected presence. An excuse.

Though it was a good one, seeing as the night before Felix and her had made way too many cookies for the both of them and promised in the group chat that they’d share with the other two guys that seemed to drool through the screen.

“Felix said you might be busy today.” Hyunjin hummed, already pulling out the container from the paper bag, the sound of it crinkles loudly amidst his ministrations.

Y/N had settled on the high chair on the other side of the counter, suddenly feeling as if she over-thought everything. As if her doubts and suspicions of Hyunjin’s actions were indeed delusions and she showed up here for no reason at all. Doing nothing but opening old wounds.

She had pointedly told Felix that she wasn’t going to go out of her way to tell Hyunjin about her date. Told him that if the opportunity arises then, sure. Yet here she was, purposefully creating the situation where she would tell him.

Perhaps it was what she needed to do. To finally close that smell crack in that corner of her heart that the soft spot for Hwang Hyunjin hid behind. Perhaps seeing him smile, hearing him encouraging her to meet someone good, someone else, was what she needed to hear.

Y/N licked her lips, casually picking at the stuff he had splayed over the marble counter. She settled on the bowl full of odd clutter. Loose change, keys, and weirdly a creased passport photo of Jisung. Things that clattered against the ceramic as she picked through it to distract herself.

“Yeah…later though.” Y/N confirmed before adding a low “I have a date.” She refused to meet his face as she spoke.

For a moment silence settled, her own hand subconsciously stilling over the bowl as well. Hyunjin didn’t speak, neither did Y/N who’s eyes finally flicked up to watch his expression.

His eyes stared down at the plastic box of desserts. Hands gripping at the edges of the unclasped lid. His brows were pinched, expression unreadable. Yet it only lasted for just a moment. Just a blink and Hyunjin inhaled deeply. Turning around towards the microwave as he spoke.

“Date...?” His tone was raspy, strained.

Though, it doesn’t seem as if Y/N noticed, too busy fighting her own nerves.

“Yeah. With my coworker’s cousin, it’s a blind date though so don’t ask me about him.” She attempted to laugh, to lighten up the suddenly tense atmosphere.

Hyunjin didn’t respond, didn’t laugh along. The microwave door closed, the machine humming low as it warmed the cookies.

“I didn’t know you were looking to start a relationship. Didn’t you say you were focusing on work?” He turned with a clear of his throat, leaning back against the counter edge behind him, arms crossed over his chest.

Y/N shrugged, her eyes finally meeting him. Though the look that she met only made her heart beat faster.

It’s all in her head. She convinced herself.

“It’s about time, don’t you think? I mean,...we’re not getting any younger.” She smiled softly.

“Besides, I also want someone who looks at me like I’m the center of their world. Someone who loves me wholeheartedly. Maybe he’s the one?”

The words tasted wrong to her, sounded wrong. A small part of her mourning something that never would be.

Hyunjin once again, fell silent. His hands tightening over himself as he let her words settle. As he imagined her with another.

She’s slipping away. He’s too late. He ruined it all. It’s all his fault.

“—Don’t go.” The words had slipped out without him realizing.

Still, they pierce straight into her chest. For a moment they stared at one another, Hyunjin’s gaze wide, yet he didn’t move to clarify. Didn’t say he wasn’t talking about her date, that she wasn’t misunderstanding. No, his stare bore into hers, inhaling deeply as he stepped forward. The unreadable gaze suddenly cleared and she could see what she thought she had only imagined.

“Y/N, I—“

The microwave’s beep-beep-beep tune interrupted his shaky voice. Maybe he was going to justify himself, maybe he was going to come up with more excuses. The fury from the night before reemerged in her mind, in her expression as her brows narrowed, chair screeching over the tiles as she stood.

She needed to leave. This was a bad idea after all. She needed to get out of here before he said something that would make her truly misunderstand.

Y/N tries. To gather her things and bolt out of Hyunjin’s place, yet doesn’t even make it five steps past the threshold of the kitchen before he’s grasping at her arms.

“Wait! Please, Y/N, listen to me.” His tone is frantic, eyes big as he’s holding her in place, letting her settle to a stand before him.

Her eyes shine with tears she didn’t realize had welled up. Her stupid one-sided emotions that she thought she had smothered, surging forward.

“What?” She hisses, angered.

Brushing off his grip over her she takes a step back, through her eyes are burning glares over him.

“You’re so confusing Hyunjin. You’re driving me insane and I can’t even—“ She’s not even sure what she should say, if she could even explain that he stirred her up without even knowing.

Like he had done all those years ago before he shot her down for falling for his natural charms. And she’s watched Hyunjin flirt with others, hell, even befriended the one or two girlfriends he dated. It hurt, still does. Though it angers her more now that she thinks about it. Yet here he was, telling her to…

“You can’t tell me not to go on this date. It’s not your place. I deserve to be happy too.” Her voice is clipped, yet tinged with hurt, the kind that makes Hyunjin’s own expression pinch with sorrow.

“I know. I’m-I’m sorry. I just—” He bites his lips, eyes darting between hers as if the right words he was looking for were written in them.

They weren’t of course, and this silence, his poor-attempt of explaining was grating on her nerves. Was stabbing her in the heart.

“It’s cruel.” She finally muttered. “To dangle the possibility of something in front of me. To blur the lines of friendship and doing things that would make me misunderstand, when you don’t mean it, is cruel.”

Hyunjin’s eyes widen, voice heightening as he speaks “I’m not!—I…I would never. Not when it comes to this, your heart.”

Y/N’s tears don’t hide well, burning at her water-lines.

“Then why are you doing this? Why are you doing things that you haven’t before?”

“You know why. I…” Hyunjin swallows thickly, mouth parting to finally confess his feeling, but only stiffens when she sniffles, shaking her head at a memory he suddenly wanted to erase.

“You said-you said, you’ll never—”

“I was an idiot. I regret ever saying it.” He cuts her off, taking a step forward, hands reaching to grasp at her but faltering just between them when she looks at him with that hurt expression that pains him.

“You told Jisung that I made you uncomfortable. That I ruined our friendship.” She shook her head in disagreement, eyes welling with tears.

He did. When he had rejected her, and she had laughingly brushed it off, leaving him to wallow in the aftermath, Jisung had found him after, coming from taking his last final. Hyunjin had spilled the beans, frowning and disappointed at what had occurred. Though he never expected the other man to tell her about it. But the other man had always been a little loose-lipped, especially after getting drunk. Which doesn’t really surprise Hyunjin.

Still, he had no excuse because he did say that, did feel that. And even though he was sure she didn’t blame him for feeling like so, he found his head dropping, eyes falling over the ground.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want an apology.” Y/N immediately responded, watching his eyes flicker over her now-hardened gaze.

“I just—“ She inhaled a shuddering breath.

“I-I need to hear it Hyunjin—And I swear if one more person says ‘actions speak louder than words’ I will commit a crime.” Her voice is suddenly laced with frustration, the glare back in her gaze.

And if Hyunjin wasn’t in the midst of almost panicking, he would’ve laughed, but unfortunately he didn’t. Instead he takes small step forward, desperation gleaming in his gaze.

“I’m in love with you Y/N.”

His confession isn’t wrapped with pretty words. Not the kind of confession one would expect from Hwang Hyunjin, yet still, it’s heart clenching enough.

Enough to have her breath hitch, eyes growing wide. Oddly still surprised he finally said it.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to come around—not that I was hoping that you waited for me. That would be cruel. But fuck, Y/N…” He almost hissed, his voice cracking just the slightest.

“I’ve fallen so hard for you that I can’t even function anymore. I keep imagining, keep dreaming that you’re mine and I’m going to lose my fucking mind if I let you slip away. Again.” His voice is raspy, eyes gleaming with desperation, fear.

Y/N doesn’t realize that she had been holding her breath until she’s exhaling shakily, a loud breath as her eyelids flutter open and close, his words settling over her chest. She thought she had left that place of pining after Hyunjin. Done yearning for the man who was a little sensitive, a little mischievous. The one who gave his all for those that he cared for.

Of course she would never be able to smother her feelings for a man like that, who did she think she was?

Hyunjin had always talked about the spark. Like the kind you hear about in perfect love stories, in fairy tales. In his daydreams. He swears he can feel it when he swears he met “the one”, yet it fizzles just as quick, the stars-not aligned.

Another thought that makes Y/N feel a pang of sadness as it surfaces in her head, as if some side of her was still convinced that she was seeing it all wrong. That he was the one misunderstanding his care for love.

“Since when?” She found herself asking, voice quivering in the air.

“Since that day you showed up drenched at my doorstep.” Hyunjin doesn’t hold back his words to himself anymore, not when he confessed his feelings out in the open. For her to take and do whatever she wanted with them.

“When I felt this need to make you feel better, comfortable. When you were frolicking around my living room and I wanted to do nothing but kiss you madly—Fuck I hated seeing you leave the morning after.” He takes a step forward, warily but slow, his eyes boring into hers.

Both his words and close presence makes her stiffen, eyes widening, heart pounding, threatening to explode.

“I’ve dreamt of you and haven’t stopped dreaming ever since. I love you, Y/N.” He emphasized. His voice a low murmur.

Her teary eyes flicker between his, expression softening. Letting his confession break through her guarded walls. Though she can’t help but let ask—

“Y-you’re not lying…right?” The way her voice is a whisper, insecure, is enough for Hyunjin to let the caution go.

To take a determined step forward, hand cupping her cheek and kissing her hard.

He will spend a lifetime to prove to her that he had been an idiot back then. To show her that she was all that he could think about. Although, he’s hopeful that she understands it a teeny-tiny bit. With the way his hands tug her into his body, as if he let go he would wake up and it would have all been just another dream.

It’s not though, the sting of her tugging at his hairs as she kisses him back, equally fervent, is enough of a reminder.

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BONUS: A Jisung POV

The group chat comes alive some time really late into the night. The kind of ping that echoes in Jisung’s bedroom. Enough to rouse him awake. A surprising feat for a man who sleeps so deeply you’d think he was dead.

For a moment he is dazed, foundering hands reaching for the device by his head.

Right, he had fallen asleep watching funny anime moments compilations.

For a moment he’s unsure of what he’s seeing on his screen, bleary eyes laced with sleep, squinting over the brightness.

He stares at the typing bubbles. Could see Felix’s name pop up, though he expected the blonde to be active at this hour, given his crazy sleep-schedule.

Then it registers that the image was sent by Y/N, which again, not out of the ordinary, except for the fact that the picture was of Hyunjin. Hwang Hyunjin lounging back over his bed, sheets all-too plaid, light all-too bright, reaching out to the bedside table for something.

Jisung sat up in bed, brows pinched into a frown as his fingers typed into the chat.

It’s a candid photo. An off-guard snap. The kind that shows that the man in it wasn’t aware that it was being taken. And it wouldn't have been anything special either if not for the fact that—