HUMAN

[cwote]

“Don’t lose yourself while caring for others. The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.”

— Cwote (via cwote)

[isolate]

phrases/names that mask emotional abuse/manipulation:

After a while I started to realise that when someone calls you crazy its because you’re observant; you are aware of exactly what they’re doing to you and they don’t like that you are recognising their manipulation.

I realised that when someone calls you childish or immature it’s because they can’t see your defence as anything other than a vicious attack and their only response is to make out that you are acting outrageously.

When someone says that you are ignorant or that you don’t know anything, it is an attempt to belittle you and make you believe that you are naive, and not intelligent or independent enough to have your own opinion or belief of what is happening. They make you question your own account and thoughts on what happened.

I realised that when someone apologises, and they get defensive when you explain why something upset you, they aren’t actually sorry. These people refuse to hear a bad word about themselves and apologise to keep the peace. The chances are the said behaviour will be repeated because they can’t physically understand why what they did hurt you.

When you find out that someone has lied to you, and they become defensive over your reaction, it’s guilt. These people will try and make you feel bad for reacting how you choose, and try to convince you that what they did isn’t that bad, and that you are exaggerating. It’s all guilt to make themselves feel better about lying or manipulating you.

When someone asks you to forget what they did to you and move on, and your refusal angers them, they are angry that what they did still exists and cannot be completely cleared for their own reputation. These people don’t want to clear the air for your benefit, but for their own.

It took me a while to realise that these very simple names and actions are masking abuse to block any right that a person has to protect themselves. If someone has mistreated you, and says any of the above, please understand that this is emotional abuse & you do not have to tolerate it. I just thought I’d post my experiences to help anybody who may need to see this!

I’d appreciate people sharing this around so anyone who needs this can see it! My ask is always open for anybody who needs to talk.

[knowing]

[audreybradford]

💓😜 @dreysdiary

[shes-sweet-but-not-innocent]

[alex-sando-s]

I know I don’t have many followers, but if it isn’t too much to ask I would like for everyone to just take a second to read my story. The pictures above are a summary of my life the past two years. From my first date with Christian, to my first and only prom with him, to finding out I was pregnant and starting our family. As you can see the past two years have sort of been a roller coast ride for me, with plenty of ups and downs. But I can easily say they were the best two years of my life. There are a few dates I will never forget, starting with February 26th, 2012. That was the day me and christian officially started our relationship. The next date is July 11th, 2012. The day I found out I was approximately 7 weeks pregnant. January 12th, 2013, the day we moved into our little house. Then February 13th, 2013. The day my son, Noah Clark Carden came into the world. I’ll never forget June 8th, 2013, the day Christian was taken to jail (just a minor probation violation), and July 23rd, 2013, the day he was released. After that, the dates are all kind of just a blur and a flash of good memories. Until, October 30th, 2013. That is the night Christian died. I found him, he had committed suicide. I stayed by his side until the ambulance arrived, but he had no heart beat. I followed them to the hospital and as soon as they resuscitated him and he was stable they allowed me in his room. At first I sat by his side holding his hand, and I just cried. He was breathing on his own through a tube, and a machine was doing most of the work for his heart. Just when I lost all hope one of the nurses told me, “You know you can talk to him, right? Hearing is always the last thing to go in a situation like this”. So I did, I told him many things. Countless times I told him how much I loved him. How much me and Noah needed him. That if he would just fight for me, and come back, that God would give us another chance to do things right and to be a family. I just went on and on, and when I looked up, his eyes were half open and he was crying. Tears streaming down his face. That’s when I knew.. he wasn’t going to be able to come back to me, and he knew it too. But I stayed there, I stayed by his side until they called his death and removed the machines. And for an additional two hours I sat there with my head on his chest, and I played with his hair because that was his favorite thing. I stayed until the nurses said it was time to go, I looked at him, whispered I love you, kissed him on the forehead, and I walked out. Christian suffered from depression, but not a lot of people knew that because he never reached out to anyone. He had stopped his antidepressants, but he didn’t let anyone know. He truly felt that if he died nobody would miss him, that we were all better off without him.. well he was wrong. But he couldn’t help that he felt this way, he was sick. People don’t understand how severe a mental illness can be just because you cannot see it. So this post has two messages in it. ONE, if you are depressed and you feel like you have no purpose, like you are not loved, well you are WRONG. There are many people out there that will be affected and deeply hurt to lose you. Christian didn’t realize that until it was too late. And two, if you are having suicidal thoughts… reach out to someone.. anyone. You can even message me day or night, and I will talk if you want to talk, or listen if you want me to listen. Don’t keep things hidden, and don’t feel embarrassed, scared, or ashamed.. please. You are not unwanted, you are not any different, you are depressed, and there is a cure. I would give anything to go back and tell Christian all of this, why I waited until it was too late… I dont know. And I will never forgive myself. So don’t make that mistake. Life is too short to spread hate, to hold grudges, to cut ties. Instead forgive, spread love, and find happiness. Christian always told me how much he loved to make other people happy, and it was true. I can’t name all the favors that were left unreturned.. but he didn’t care. He did it for the joy of making someones day. He was such a people pleaser, if he couldn’t make somebody happy, he felt like he had failed. What he didn’t understand is that it wasn’t his responsibility to make others happy, but he took on the challenge anyways. When other people were hurting, Christian took in their pain as his own. Everyday took a toll on him, to the point where the pain was unbearable. But you would have never known if you met him. He would flash that smile and release every bit of happiness he had until he had none left. I know it seems cliche, but it is true. Reblog this to spread Suicide Awareness. If my story can help save just one life, well then I will feel accomplished. And if Christian knew he started something to inspire others, to bring someone to reach deep down inside and find their own inner happiness, and give them a reason to live, well then he would feel accomplished too. So please, help me do this for him. I may not have worded this exactly how I wanted to, or got everything out, but I think I did the best I could at this point.

[stckwll]

[chanel-tiger]

[ninasdrafts]

“Some things just change from one day to the next and suddenly everything is different. You look back and fail to understand when and how things got so out of hand. Because sometimes you wake up in the morning and you no longer feel the same way you did the day before. There’s no explanation for it. There’s no reason. And at first it probably doesn’t even make sense. It scares you. It scares you how you can go from being head over heels for a person or an idea or a plan to not caring anymore in the space of a night. Because this hollowness in your stomach, the numbness in your chest - this indifference is worse than anger or sadness. Because you can barely recall why it ever mattered to you in the first place. You can replay the memories in your head but they’ll be fading, soon to be nothing more than empty frames that lose their meaning. And you wonder why it had to happen, why things couldn’t stay the same. Reliable and repetitive like clockwork. Because that’s not how feelings work. They come and they go and they act up when you could do without them. But that’s how you get through this, as you get through anything: you take your time, you let go, you move on and all the while you heal. And before you know it, you’ve grown.”

— grown for tomorrow morning / n.j.

[metaphorformetaphor]

“Let it go, […] You’ll find nothing but old memories to torment you.”

— Lars Mytting, from The Sixteen Trees of the Somme (MacLehose Press, 2017)    

[havingcompassion-deactivated202]

Once you stop trying to entertain this imaginary audience and start living for yourself things should get a bit better

[drawings365]

my sleepy girl.

[audreybradford]

💓😜 @dreysdiary

[hydro-homies]

Adventures at whole foods

[refiningfire]

[herondelilah]

[ninasdrafts]

I find it both fascinating and terrifying that everyone has their own story to tell and yet we barely manage to catch the smallest glimpses of them. We judge someone on what we think we know about them, and it hardly ever occurs to us that the only thing we really know is the way people present themselves to others. We only ever get to see the good parts they decide to show us. It’s scary to think that there is a girl we all know who hides her bruises underneath heavy scarves and turtlenecks, and her pain behind a smile. That the boy around the corner cries himself to sleep every night because he can’t find it in himself to get up every morning and face the world that’s always been too hard on him. We pass men in the streets who just broke up with their girlfriends, their hearts heavy with grief because they would pull down the stars for them but don’t feel like they’re enough. We meet people who cheated and others who were cheated on, we talk to people who buried their darkest secrets so deep in their hearts, they wonder why they poison them from within. We talk about the most basic things, but we never learn that these people may still suffer from their parents’ divorce, that they lost the love of their life, that they have a brother or a mother or a father they don’t speak to anymore. That they wish they had someone to talk to about these kind of things, the relevant things, the strokes of fate and tragedies that really make us who we are and shape us as people. Strangers you’ve never met could have gone through the same thing you did. People you’ve known all your life could be struggling to hold on, to keep fighting - and you’d never know. It’s frightening, isn’t it? We only ever see what others want us to see. And that’s why we shouldn’t be so quick to judge.

(via ninasdrafts)