I’ve seen some people pose the question “Has Belly ever done anything for Conrad?” And usually with the thought process that Conrad consistently shows up for Belly and she doesn’t for him.
And I can understand on some level this way of thinking, however I think it’s missing a crucial aspect of the entire story.
Belly doesn’t show up for Conrad because he does n’t let her — or anyone else. That is his character flaw that is present throughout the entirety of the story, especially on the show. And it’s what Belly was so mad at him for in the second season.
Conrad believes he is doing right by everyone by not imposing on them his feeling and the hard things he’s going through, but in the end ends up hurting people by doing so.
In season two, he pushes Belly away because of his grief. Which is understandable, but Belly WANTS to be there for him. She wants to share the hardest stuff with him and be the one he leans on like she does with him. Which is why during the funeral scene she blows up because in some respect she can pass off him not being open as something he doesn’t give to anyone so when she thinks he’s being vulnerable with his ex over her she is beyond hurt because then it felt like he wouldn’t give that part of himself to her, specifically.
I do think Belly resents the fact that Conrad never let her love him completely. She had no barriers with him, she laid herself bare to him and let him see every side of her, and he couldn’t do the same. I do think, in her head, it made the relationship feel unequal and honestly embarrassed.
If you are a Taylor Swift fan I do think there is a lot of similarities in the way Belly felt/feels toward Conrad in the song So Long, London:
“Stopped trying to drill the safe”
“I didn't opt in to be your odd man out”
“My friends said it isn't right to be scared
Every day of a love affair
Every breath feels like rarest air
When you're not sure if he wants to be there”
“You swore that you loved me but where were the clues?
I died on the altar waiting for the proof
You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days
And I'm just getting color back into my face
I'm just mad as hell cause I loved this place”
Again, I’m coming at this from belly’s perspective because as an audience we are aware of how much Conrad has always loved Belly and how pure his motives have always been.
Also, I do think Belly understands that on some level but I think she wanted Conrad fully or not at all. And now four years later, he is showing up in the way she’d wanted him to before but it feels too little, too late. Which enrages her.
All of this to say, Conrad didn’t let Belly show up for him in the same ways he shows up for her which is what ruined their relationship in the first place.
titsay
ellievsbear
vaporwave
gummygunk
turnnoffyourmind
andulkaphoto
