So, some of you might rememeber this old story where I was trying to take care of a woman who broke her hip and her husband sexually harassed me. I have a weird and confusing update on that situation!
After all of that happened, the lady with the broken hip wanted me to still help her out, and I said: I can come here and help you but only under these conditions: I don't have to interact with your husband, ever, I don't have to look at him, or come close to him, or do anything for him specifically. I only care for you.
She didn't like this, but she said yes. There was once or twice where she tried to press and insist I should 'make him coffee' but I held firm to my conditions; I wouldn't do anything for him.
To be honest he was so sick and I thought he would die in a month or two, the fact that he kept being alive after this is astounding to me. He has a genetic lung disease, as he should, and it should have killed him by now.
Anyway, I kept working with the broken-hip lady, and she's not been recovering well, despite therapy and excercise, the pain was not going away. She had a consultation and discovered that the mechanism they put in her hip detached from her bone, and she needs another surgery.
I felt awful for her, I know she didn't want to go through the entire thing all over again, or stay in the hospital, or struggle to get out of bed without help. There's also the issue of who will care for her husband once she's hospitalized; she told me she's looking into a care facility for him.
So this is where things suddenly went weird.
I was at her house, helped her clean and brought her stuff from the basement (she can't reach the basement), and was about to leave, when she stopped me. She seemed kind of angry at me, if I asked a question she would respond with 'it doesn't matter'. Then she asked me to do empty the night basin, but it was very close to her husband, and I hesitated. I said I could do it if nobody was so close to it, and she looked at me with rage in her eyes. I've never seen her look at me like that. Then she said, 'Do as I tell you, or you will lose us, and we will lose you.' I got startled and did what she wanted me to. I left confused. Did she just threaten to fire me, over basically nothing?
I felt uneasy the next day, and had to conclude that it was, in fact, a threat. She wanted to overwrite my boundaries I stated as conditions to working there. And I wouldn't let it happen. I had to speak up.
My next visit I was nervous and scared. I didn't know what was going to happen, but I understood letting a threat slide meant things were only about to get worse. I decided to try and appeal to her empathy and humanity, because she often claimed that she loved me, so I wanted to explain that her threat really hurt my feelings and I didn't deserve to be treated like that.
That's what I opened up with, I asked her if I've ever been hurtful to her, and complained that her threatening me was hurtful to me. I said I went home scared and didn't know what to do. My voice was shivering and I was at the verge of tears.
She got mad. Then she got furious. First she denied anything happened, then she challenged me with 'Of course you have to do what you're told!' and I shook my head no, there were things I wasn't willing to do. She started yelling at me, accusing me of things I knew weren't true, from years ago. She told me I was malicious and making fun of her back when she broke her arm, but I know I wasn't. All the male members of her family were ridiculing her, and I thought they were disgusting and never joined them. I was the only one comforting her. I couln't say anything though, because she was yelling.
Then she told me to go home, and I did.
I didn't understand what had just happened, complaining over mistreatment was hardly a horrible crime, and not even in my most anxious predictions did I think I would be yelled at, then fired on the spot. I still had their key though, as I forgot to return it.
Next day, she messaged me to bring the key back. I replied 'okay, I'll bring it after work.' She then messaged 'leave it in the mail box', and I said 'okay'.
I left it there after work, then sent a short 'Goodbye, good luck with everything, hope you find someone else,' message.
This was such an unexpected and extreme turn of events, and I hadn't done anything wrong, I was just there. I understood from the moment I was threatened it had to turn out this way, I had to speak up, and she was going to fire me no matter what I said. The hip lady's behaviour was inconsistent though; she usually seemed caring, even somewhat invested in my life, and had never threatened me before. She seemed scared to lose me if anything, because I was helping her for very low wages and was willing to be at her house every single day to bring her some groceries or even just to run to the basement to fetch food. I also took care of her after surgeries for a symbolic rate, it was nothing close to what a caretaker would be paid. So I knew she appreciated this and would want to keep me. I never wanted to stress her out, financially or in any other way. So why is she suddenly acting hateful and aggressive?
My theory is that her husband (cheater and a sex pest) refused to go to a care facility, and she knew I wouldn't take care of him. This created a problem for her; she either needed to find someone else, or force me to take care of him. I think she felt if she only exterted more control over me, and threatened me into doing it against my will, then all her problems would be solved. I was the only person in this situation she felt she could extort control over, and since I was technically working for her, it infuriated her she couldn't control me completely, that I still had boundaries in place. In her eyes I was wrong for insisting on boundaries, I should have rolled over and took care of a sex pest who tried to coerce me into helping him cheat on her.
My second theory is that with the situation being so stressful, I was the only one she could take it out on. She decided everything that's going on is my fault and solved it by cutting me off in rage.
I am way less employed now! Even though this is bad for my financial situation, I suddenly have so much free time opened up it's actually crazy. I was at her house almost every single day of the week. The day she sent me home, I spent a few hours recovering, but then I went out foraging! I harvested nettle and sour cherries, in the middle of the pouring rain, then came back home and made nettle pasta and a cherry pie! I mended a bag that needed fixing for a long time now, I cleaned my bathroom, I actually had time to sit down and edit photos and write a bunch of posts so thats why you got all of the tutorials and progress pics! I've been meaning to do it. I might finally get around to making a diy fridge now, I've only put it off for 6 months. I am like a true tumblrina now. Work does not interfere with blogging.
If anyone has any other theory to why this has happened, or a similar experience, I'm curious! I'm a bit sad to part with her on such bad terms, because we were on very good terms for years, this is a crazy turnout. But I long to be a free gremlin out in the rain and among the nettles and I am actually getting so excited about getting things done that I enjoy, I'm not thinking about being sad all that much.
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