Watch doomcoming again after I tell you that I think Jackie maintained a tiny sliver of hope in her heart that shauna loved her Like That…
Because Jackie clearly knows that leaving with a guy will make shauna jealous. There’s a sense of ritual to it. And Jackie isn’t stupid. She knows there are a couple reasons that it might piss shauna off, and she usually doesn’t let herself hope that it’s the reason she wants it to be. But after reading about the betrayal in Shauna’s journal, there’s nothing else that would fix them. Jackie has nothing left to lose, because if it isn’t that then shauna just doesn’t love her at all.
Jackie knows and she’s still wearing Shauna’s clothes. She’s still staring at shauna like she’s the center of her universe. She still wants to fix things with shauna.
So at doomcoming, after tai and van kiss each other in front of everyone and shauna looks so genuinely happy for them, jackie walks away with travis, and she stares back at shauna, and she knows that shauna will give her that stare in return, and Jackie hopes that finally FINALLY this will be the time that shauna stops her. But shauna doesn’t stop her, so Jackie tells Travis…
It's funny, I used to pretend I didn't know if I loved Jeff, when the truth is, I didn't even like him that much. And I was so mad at Shauna, but now I realize she's right. Friendship doesn't matter. Love doesn't matter. They're just things that we use to pretend we aren't gonna end up like dead cabin guy; like rotted-out husks in some bullshit attic. But of course that's how it ends. That's all we are the whole time. It doesn't matter. We're just shells with nothing inside.
And that sure sounds like a girl who knows that she likes girls to me. And a girl who was clinging to hope against all odds and just felt it shatter in her hands.
So Jackie fucks travis and she says “so, that was sex.” And shauna doesn’t kiss Jackie that night, she kisses TRAVIS. Fool me once, fool me twice, do you follow me here? So now Shauna’s gone for the boy twice and Jackie’s back to thinking there’s no way it’s about her and now she’s pissed, because how could her best friend do that to her?
Jackie isn’t good at being direct. She’s terrified. She’s broken. She’s a lesbian in 1996 who is in love with her best fucking friend, and who is brave enough to be direct about that? But even in their fight, even when she finally confronts shauna, she opens the door to it. She holds out hope one last time. She hints at it. She says you didn’t even like him, so why did you do it, why why why?
Shauna tells jackie that she never knew her at all. And jackie thinks that’s probably true, because now it feels so clear that every time she dared to hope that shauna was being weird for good reasons, jackie was being unbelievably fucking delusional.
andulkaphoto
turnnoffyourmind
prguitarman
titsay
areudirty
gamechangershow
