Watch doomcoming again after I tell you that I think Jackie maintained a tiny sliver of hope in her heart that shauna loved her Like ThatâŚ
Because Jackie clearly knows that leaving with a guy will make shauna jealous. Thereâs a sense of ritual to it. And Jackie isnât stupid. She knows there are a couple reasons that it might piss shauna off, and she usually doesnât let herself hope that itâs the reason she wants it to be. But after reading about the betrayal in Shaunaâs journal, thereâs nothing else that would fix them. Jackie has nothing left to lose, because if it isnât that then shauna just doesnât love her at all.
Jackie knows and sheâs still wearing Shaunaâs clothes. Sheâs still staring at shauna like sheâs the center of her universe. She still wants to fix things with shauna.
So at doomcoming, after tai and van kiss each other in front of everyone and shauna looks so genuinely happy for them, jackie walks away with travis, and she stares back at shauna, and she knows that shauna will give her that stare in return, and Jackie hopes that finally FINALLY this will be the time that shauna stops her. But shauna doesnât stop her, so Jackie tells TravisâŚ
It's funny, I used to pretend I didn't know if I loved Jeff, when the truth is, I didn't even like him that much. And I was so mad at Shauna, but now I realize she's right. Friendship doesn't matter. Love doesn't matter. They're just things that we use to pretend we aren't gonna end up like dead cabin guy; like rotted-out husks in some bullshit attic. But of course that's how it ends. That's all we are the whole time. It doesn't matter. We're just shells with nothing inside.
And that sure sounds like a girl who knows that she likes girls to me. And a girl who was clinging to hope against all odds and just felt it shatter in her hands.
So Jackie fucks travis and she says âso, that was sex.â And shauna doesnât kiss Jackie that night, she kisses TRAVIS. Fool me once, fool me twice, do you follow me here? So now Shaunaâs gone for the boy twice and Jackieâs back to thinking thereâs no way itâs about her and now sheâs pissed, because how could her best friend do that to her?
Jackie isnât good at being direct. Sheâs terrified. Sheâs broken. Sheâs a lesbian in 1996 who is in love with her best fucking friend, and who is brave enough to be direct about that? But even in their fight, even when she finally confronts shauna, she opens the door to it. She holds out hope one last time. She hints at it. She says you didnât even like him, so why did you do it, why why why?
Shauna tells jackie that she never knew her at all. And jackie thinks thatâs probably true, because now it feels so clear that every time she dared to hope that shauna was being weird for good reasons, jackie was being unbelievably fucking delusional.
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