1. Communicate- Are they able to make jokes without being rude? Are they only making jokes about you or do they give themselves a hard time too? Listen to how they communicate with others. Can they do it with respect especially to those with different view points without ignoring or invalidating? That shows how they are going to be dealing with you
2. Accountability- Can they admit when they are wrong? Can they apologize? How do they talk about their past failed relationships or friendships that have fallen out? Everyone messes up. Mature people learn from their mistakes, immature people always finds ways to blame others so they don't have to reflect or change.
There's the other side of the coin - When someone get called out, they develop this attitude of woe is me "I'm just the worst", "Why would anyone wanna be with me", "You should just leave me and be with someone else". That's not maturity, humility and accountability either. It doesn't make them a bad person, It's just a sign that there's healing needing to take place
3. Empathy- It's a green flag when someone attempts to step on your shoes and understand what you're experiencing, while validating your experiences and feelings as real.
There's a difference between fake empathy (I know what you're going through) and real empathy ( I don't know what you're going through but I can see you're in pain and that matters to me)
4. Vulnerability- Can they talk about their fear, wants and desires? Can they talk about their insecurities and flaws that they want to improve upon?
5. Ability to celebrate wins- When you get that promotion or when you achieve that goal, it's a green flag when someone gives you their praise and admiration. It's a green flag when someone says "Great job, you worked hard, you deserve this". It's a red flag when someone says "Great job. But you would've never accomplished that if it weren't for me and my help"
6. Growth mindset- Do they care about growing as a person? Are they aware of their faults? If you have a habit of dismissing your own needs, of course it makes sense that during conflict, they dismiss your feelings as well
How do we become aware? We intentionally start paying attention to what we're feeling. We look at the difficult moments and asks questions. "It seems I got defensive there. I wonder why?". We check in with ourselves. Do I feel overlooked, ashamed, blamed, neglected? What happened to make me feel that way?
How did I express those feelings? Did I get passive aggressive? Did I shut down? Did I communicate those feelings well with my partner? Or did I pull away cause I was scared it might turn into another fight?
We can all struggle with this stuff. If we don't understand our own feelings and emotion, we don't have the capacity to understand our partners either. And if we push our feelings away, we push theirs as well. We need to look at our own destructive behavior. Our hurts are not our fault, but healing from it is.
The best apology is changed behaviour
7. Do they see you as an equal? No one deserves to be looked down upon, called names or disrespected
It's a greenflag when each partner has the desire to be in a team. Teamwork demands we talk about things- domestic labor, chores. It's a green flag when we can check on each other - "how are your stress levels", "Do you feel overwhelmed", "Would you be able to come to me when you feel neglected"
The ultimate green flag is being humble enough to invite your partner to being honest about how they feel EVEN when it causes discomfort in you.
8. How they treat others. Seeing them talk about strangers, how they treat people who can do nothing for them, how they treat their family, their exes. If all they talk about is how terrible their exes were and they don't take any accountability on how they were, guess what, you can just replace their name to your name because that's how they are going to treat you one day.
9. Are they trust worthy? They follow through on what they said they are going to do. Their actions match their words. If something bad happens or they make mistakes (were all human), they don't blame anyone else, they apologize and move on with some sort of a plan, communication, and growth
Are they honest and transparent? It doesn't mean they share every details of their lives, it means they are not purposely hiding things from you. Trust worthy people have integrity- doing the right thing when no one is watching you.
10- Independence-It's a greenflag when you can maintain a life outside of each other, especially in the beginning.
It's a greenflag when they have healthy relationships outside of this one. "Have they maintained long term friendships?", "How do people talk about them?", "Do you feel comfortable with their friends?"
