one in a million

courage. grace. humor.

[imthatgirlandyouknowit]

Week 2

I think I’m calmer now. I’d like to believe so. Was able to express myself better to some friends, too and I think that helped as well.

I think I’m still in that stage of identifying I have a problem. I have something bothering me deep inside. I’m still figuring out what it is, really. What is the trigger or the cause of me feeling so unhappy, sad, unmotivated, and uninspired. I feel like a robot, really. I feel numb. I feel spent. I feel like I just want to get out of here, drop everything and restart a whole different me. 

The truth is, a part of me is not ready to deal with what I’ve just written. I’m still partly in denial or its that I just have a strong sense of responsibility and compassion for others -- but unfortunately, not for myself.

The last time I actually felt this way, I did drop everything. I practically went into hibernation for some months. I’m scared that just the fact I have this point of reference might mean that dropping everything is the only solution. 

I still don’t get it. What’s the best way -- fight or flight?

It’s like I’m paralyzed. It’s like I’m in limbo. I can’t get myself to move. I can’t get myself out. 

[imthatgirlandyouknowit]

Week 1

It’s been a week since I talked to a psychologist. 

Truth is I don’t think she really helped, professionally-speaking. I think her only help was actually specificity -- which I now feel like is something I need or resonate better with. She at least confirmed to me that I truly do have very mild symptoms of anxiety and depression -- which if goes untreated could really progress into something more difficult to deal with. I found comfort in the the label she had placed on what I am going through.

I gave her mindfulness program worksheet a look -- at least. I’m probably just not ready to accept that quiet meditation can help me. I’m probably just not ready to listen to that type of solution at the moment. I don’t like yoga -- which is also why my friends say its probably best that I give it a chance because its exactly what I’m not doing at the moment.

I think I just prefer to observe myself, my actions and thoughts. I prefer to write. See if doing this will do me any good. I even prefer to talk to myself. Tell myself a good pep talk or a reminder to suck it all up and all this is temporary. I tell myself I will get through this and its only gonna be a matter of time. 

I have a newfound respect for people going through mental health problems. You know you’re sick and something doesn’t feel right but you can’t quite put your thumb on what it is exactly. Even trying to follow a treatment plan for something that you have that isn’t in the typical form of a physiological illness feels unreal -- yet what you are going through is definitely real.

I chanced upon a mental health podcast the day after i spoke with the psychologist. That podcast actually helped me and sounded sensible to me. I listened to its first episode about the concept of “resetting”.  

I really need a reset. I hope to have a reset soon. Its so tiring to be a different person at work -- like I have to have an “on” switch so I can function responsibly -- then to go home and click the “off” switch until I repeat it all over again.

The podcast also made me reflect on the things I have and the state of my life -- what drives me, what matters to me, what makes me happy, the purpose in what i do or who i am, am i content, am i okay with my current state of life.

I still don’t have all the answers. And for someone that thrives on specificity, I’ve learned that it’s okay not to have all the answers at once. It’s okay to go through this muddled part of things because eventually everything will clear up. It’s only a matter of time till I realize what I need to take care of myself. 

I only hope it’s not too late when it hits me because I’m only getting started and I’m sure this is only the surface level of the thickness of mud I have to go through.

[quotemadness]

I don’t think all writers are sad”, she said. “I think it’s the other way around - all sad people write.

Lang Leav (via quotemadness)

[quotemadness]

Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.

Sigmund Freud (via quotemadness)

[bayart-org-blog]

cute things to say to your girlfriend

[imthatgirlandyouknowit]

[imthatgirlandyouknowit]

never fall in love with potential

you don’t talk to me

you don’t come to see me when you say you would

you don’t make me feel like i matter

you don’t listen to what i’m saying

your apologies don’t mean shit ‘cause its the same behavior every damn time

you stopped fighting for me

you were the one that pursued me

you got the easy way out

so much for being brave, so much for meaning what you say and saying what you mean

you made me feel like a fool

i never expected this from you

but i guess i should have

because it was all potential... was again i was a victim of potential

[imthatgirlandyouknowit]

last night's last hangout with my fellow gemini and gym rat @airahagustin as an officemate 😢 pakshet ka! you know i only want the best for you. di ko lang sinasabi pero i feel like you are a younger version of myself. there are some similarities that i freak out about. I will always have a soft spot for you. para kitang younger sister. you are really something, girl. do not ever let anyone dull your shine. do not ever settle for anything less by your standards. just go and do you. I know you will be successful in whatever path you decide to take on in life. andito lang kami always 🤗 (at Rockwell Business Center Sheridan)

[imthatgirlandyouknowit]

🤪🤪🤪

[imthatgirlandyouknowit]

got this through snail mail ❤ all touchy-feely and warm fuzzy feelings 😊 i love you so much Mr. & Mrs. Abelardo 🤗😍😭😭 (couldn't choose one from my three photo options haha)

[imthatgirlandyouknowit]

spent time with these humans 💗 happy birthday @trojohnwarrior!!! missing @talagesmundo @japesgesmundo @pielav @migs_abelardo P.S. camaya crew represent! where we off to next? hahaha! 🏖 (at Forbes Town)

[imthatgirlandyouknowit]

spent time with these humans 💗 happy birthday @trojohnwarrior!!! missing @talagesmundo @japesgesmundo @pielav @migs_abelardo P.S. camaya crew represent! where we off to next? hahaha! 🏖 (at Forbes Town)

[movemequotes]

I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Maya Angelou (via movemequotes)

[thepersonalquotes]

https://www.instagram.com/thepersonalquotes/

[imthatgirlandyouknowit]

out of our system

There’s so much I want to say and do but i know its uncalled for. You didn’t ask this to be put on you right now. 

You didn’t ask for any of it, neither did I, yet here we are. 

The only thing I am sure of is how I feel about you. i know i still have the rose-colored glasses on but however real or unreal this is, i’m running with it. 

You make me happy. You make me live in the moment. You make me want to be a better person. You remind me I’m not alone in the world. You make me giddy. You make my heart stop and beat harder at the same time. You make me laugh, most importantly. 

You probably feel the same. You are probably just scared. You probably just don’t want to make a mistake. But I think you need to take a lot out of your system first and you know it. 

I am sure we both prayed for each other. I am sure we have both played the scenario in our heads. I am sure we both have walls surrounding our hearts. 

When things have settled and become clearer -- i know we will be the first thing that will pop in your mind. You will give us the shot we deserve.

I look forward to when that day comes.

In the meantime though, i have to get you out of my system before we even lose our shot later on.

[wordsnquotes]

Her heart wasn’t broken, but her mind was. And it was so much worse.

Sophia Carey (via wordsnquotes)

[wordsnquotes]

If I dream of you, does that make you more special or more toxic?

TickleboxRT (via wordsnquotes)