I'm Worth The Wait

Trying to live pure in an impure world can be difficult at times. Almost everything around us encourages and promotes unrighteousness. I’m Worth the Wait is a ministry founded by Laneice Joseph that encourages men and women to live a life according to God’s standards and not the world's! Christ is coming back for his bride, will you be ready ? Let me help you remove those spots & blemishes

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The Ultimate Love Affair

Its been a while since I've been here. I remember our first encounter. At the time I didn’t think it could get any better than what it was. But as the song writer says "It gets sweater and sweater as the day goes by ohhh what a love between my savior and I. I KEEP falling in love with him over and over again". This love continues to grow, there is no end. I recall being in church in the midst of other believers and hearing them say just how much they love the Lord. It was something about the passion behind their voice that prompted me to pursue him. What did they do to get to that place? How do I get there? Those are the kind of thoughts that crossed my mind.

I thought there was a certain formula to this but the reality of it  is experience. Everything I have endured and encountered at this point of my life has shaped my relationship with him. He has shown his faithfulness towards me over and over again and I'd be a fool to ever question his love and motives. It is one thing to hear scripture and sing songs out of habit or routine but when you experience what you read and sing about it’s life altering! Those words and songs now have new meanings. You ever hear a word or song and assume you know what the writer meant but later on you discover you received it at a surface level? Or maybe your experience with it at the time gave you a basic revelation of it.

That is one of the most beautiful things about the Lord, you are forever growing and learning in him. He can tell you one thing and you will receive revelation on it and months maybe even years later it will mean even more to you. He is literally the living word. (Insert happy face) Gosh I love him! I'm so glad he allowed me to hit rock bottom. I'm so glad he never forced me to love him even when I thought the love I was receiving was greater than the love he had ALREADY gave. Letting me fall on my face was the best thing he could have ever done for me. In this pit of disappointment, frustration, heart break, and uncertainty i found true love all over again.

Everything i needed was already there, my vision was just blurred. I find myself wanting to forsake all of my life responsibilities and duties just to sit at his feet. In his presence i am whole, complete and overwhelmed with joy. Day in and day out i find myself yearning for the next opportunity i get to be with him. When he steps into the room my entire being is fulfilled. I lack NOTHING! Anything i felt myself needing or wanting is swept completely away in his presence. I never want him to depart from me. The more he gives of himself , the more of HIM i want and crave. I thought the climax of sex between a husband wife was powerful but nothing compares to his warm and satisfying embrace.

If you have ever been in love then you know just what i am talking about. Except this love does not hurt. This love mends, heals and transforms. This love is ALWAYS in pursuit of your best interest. This love is Pure! This love isn't selfish ! This love isn't one sided! This love goes beyond your greatest failures and mistakes in life! This love saves your life ! You're still not convinced? Imagine giving your life to someone in hopes of getting a fraction of that love back. The difference between them and Christ is HIS love has ALREADY been proven. He just wants you to love him back. I promise you falling in love with JESUS is the best thing I've ever done.

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‪Your spouse isn’t your Lord ! ‬

‪You’re spouse isn’t the source of your joy !‬

‪Your spouse isn’t the cure for your brokenness! ‬

Your spouse isn’t responsible for the lack of love you received!

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God: My side Piece

I remember a time when the Lord was my priority no matter who or what surrounded my life. 8pm nightly was our "date night". I would get away from everyone (including Corry who was my boyfriend at the time) and everything just to go and be alone with him. Nothing was more valuable to me than his conversation, time, love and presence. Sometimes I would read and pray. Other times I would just sit and sings songs to him. His presence and the Holy Spirit would surround me so strong at times all I could do is cry out and worship him.

I remember one night in particular my brother walked in on me during a time of worship and he asked me “is this why you like to sit and listen to him because he makes you cry”? My response was “no”. The truth is I didn't know why I couldn't get enough of him. I just knew it was something I had never experienced and the trade off was very much worth it. Because there were so many people in my moms little apartment, there were times I had to shut myself away in my tiny cluttered closet because I had no where else to go. I was so dedicated to him that no matter what the circumstances were, nothing couldn’t stop me from pursuing him. I wanted him and I would do anything to get to him!

Over a course of time all of those things began to change. I exchanged his love for a love I was infatuated with. At the time I didn’t see that being the case, but as time progressed I realized I had forsaken my first love. My conversations and time with him got shorter. I traded sitting at his feet for sitting under Corry. My husband became my safe place and the Lord became my side piece.As long as Corry kept me happy the Lord wouldn’t hear from me much. But the moment things started getting rocky, here I was begging and pleading with him to fix and heal me from a love that took me away from him. Imagine that ! Here my father was proving his love through the sacrifice of his son and I was convinced the Love Corry had for me was greater . I was willing to put the Lord on the back burner for a love that had not been proven, tested or tried!

You see this affair wasn't like any other affair. My Lord wasn't lacking anything! Not one of my needs went unmet. There was nothing he did or did not do that pushed me into the arms of another man. I lacked understanding. I didn't see him as my beginning and end. My desire to be loved overrode my knowledge and awareness of the type of love I needed. The absence of my earthly father caused me to look for all the characteristics of a father in the form of another man, NOT understanding my heavenly father possessed them ALL and some! It was never my husbands job to substitute my lack of fatherly love or fill my empty voids. I entered a dangerous zone putting him in the place of my Lord. Just for the record my husband makes a terrible God. I am now in pursuit of returning my heart back to my first love. It took many bruises and bumps to see he is the end all , be all !

To the woman or man who has forsaken your first love, return back to him ! There is no greater love ……

signed the adulterous woman

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Do it for the gram : I’m living my best lie

We live in  a world where it is so easy to hide pain behind a camera. Just about everyone  online appears to be happy and on top of the world. If cameras could reveal  the inner state of an individuals mind (behind the smile) you would be  surprised at how similar we all look. Instead our newsfeeds are filled with  accomplishments and a display of constant joy. We create this false  advertisement not realizing there are people who are secretly envying a you  that doesn't even exist. Can it be that you are sincerely happy? Yes, of  course ! But what is the likely hood of someone being exposed to your down times and failures? I'm not saying post your business for the world to see. There is wisdom in EVERYTHING. However we should be more open and realistic about the struggles of life. 

We tend to poke fun at those who choose to express their troubles via social media. You know the ones who are depressed, suicidal, heartbroken, insecure and unhappy with life. Social media might not be the place to bring your emotional baggage but have you ever thought to yourself there might just be a people who are tired of living a lie? What good is to appear to be whole and well put together when in reality you are broken and falling apart? Over the years I have learned for many it’s a cry out for help! Those closest to them can't even see or discern what is happening internally to them. This is why family members or friends who speak out on behalf of a victim of suicide say things like "he/she seemed to be happy. They were always smiling I just don’t understand." When will we understand depression, anxiety, grief, lack of finances, failed relationships, broken hearts, trauma and the list goes on has no look!

Recently I came across a twitter thread where a woman by the name of Tracy Clayton asked her followers to post a post a picture of themselves that they shared on social media, where they were actually having a really tough time in life even though they look perfectly fine in the picture. To my surprise, thousands responded with several selfies of themselves displaying joy but the story behind their smiles told a different story. One woman in particular caught my attention. She posted a picture of her smiling holding her baby girl inside of a pool. The caption read "I was in the midst of horrible, untreated post-partum depression. My marriage was falling apart. I wanted to die every day, thought about driving my car off a cliff or into the back of a semi or something every time I was in the car". Tracy's thread is living proof that we all have been guilty of masking pain at one point or another. 

I can honestly and openly admit there have been several times where I posted a picture of myself while battling insecurity, marital issues, depression and suicidal thoughts. One of my most memorable post was a hospital selfie I took a couple of days after giving birth to my fourth child Cody. What my followers saw was filtered. Behind that picture lived pain, post-partum depression, uncertainty of my future, sleepless nights, and frustration. I remember several women commenting and in boxing me telling me they wish they could look that good after giving birth. All I could think was honey you don’t know the half of it. I've always aspired to be a model so getting glammed up and taking pictures has always been therapy for me. What they didn’t know is I had fell into depression very heavily. My birth plan didn’t go as planned, he was 4 weeks early, I didn’t have my hospital bag packed, we had to move out of our home 3 weeks prior to me giving birth, all of my baby shower gifts were buried in storage, he was in and out of the hospital for weeks and i was grieved that my mom could not be there for his birth.  On top of all that I did not feel that instant bond with him. Yet here I was posing like I had motherhood under control.

While I understand the goal of social media is to high light our great times (especially on Instagram), the truth of the matter is very rarely are peoples post a reflection of their current state of mind or being. The dangers of comparing your life to what you see on the outskirts is you'll assume everyone is happier than you. To you they have a better relationship, more friends, a successful career, well behaved children, higher self-esteem and etc.. What you don’t see is the fight behind the scenes to keep it all together. None of us are exempt from the trials and stress of life, but we sure do work hard to make it look like that isn't the case.  The next time you find yourself in a funk looking at the life of others through the lenses of social media, remind yourself of all the times you faked it till you made it. Tell yourself I don’t know the truth behind this persons life and I refuse to allow comparison and the pressure to perform to rob me of my joy. Learn to be content with your portion, there is grace for your lane. 

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Imagine spending all your life pleasing people only to die and find out you displeased God !

Imworththewaitco

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The Tainted Bed

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“Thou Shall Not Covet”

“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor's -Exodus 20:17

In this current season I’m in I found myself struggling with coveting. There are times I look at my children interacting with their father and i find myself wishing my dad was here. Why couldn’t I receive that love and time? If I got those things I wouldn’t have been so desperate for love and attention from men in my teen and early adult years. I look at couples who have never dealt with infidelity and wish that was my story. Why did I have to experience this? It must feel good to know you’ve never had to share your spouse with a other Person. There marriage must be lovely right? I watch individuals spend time with their mothers and think why couldn’t it be their mother laying up in a hospital bed unable to speak or walk? Why didn’t I get to have my mother by my side for the births of my children? Yet none of this changes my path nor does it erase that which has already happened! Do you see my point? What good can come from all of this?

In a world where it seems like everyone has it all together except for you, it’s easy to find yourself wishing to be someone else. Social media platforms are one of the main avenues where covetousness is birthed. Many spend countless hours scrolling and comparing their bodies and lives to the bodies and lives of others. The danger behind comparison is it robs you from the contentment of the path and journey the Lord has you on. You may not desire everything that comes with their life just the things they seem to have an upper hand on. Perhaps a fancier car, a rich or attractive spouse, more money, the fame, bigger breast or butts, and the list continues. However, you have to remember things always look good from the outside looking in. We are not aware of the incidents that take place behind close doors and cameras.

I remember during the first year of my marriage my husband and I were going through so much turmoil. During that time things had gotten so bad between us to the point we were heavily considering getting an annulment. On top of all that we were living in a weekly hotel. There was this one night in particular we were sitting on our flexible chair together watching the news. A story about NFL football player Jovan Belcher killing his girlfriend and self came across the screen. Before we could even grasp what had occurred my cell phone began to play one line of James Fortune’s it could be worse : “praise now it could be worse” . I remember my husband and I being so shocked at how the Lord was relaying a message to us in a time we felt hopeless concerning our situation. It was almost as if we were being slapped with a reality check. Here we were complaining about our marital issues and a family loss their members due to unresolved issues.

That night Twitter and Instagram’s timelines were flooded with questions and opinions concerning the incident. One post in particular caught my attention more than the others. The post read “I don’t understand how or why he would do something like that, he had it all”. To many having fortune and fame is the cure to every problem in life, but the truth is any life without Christ is an empty and unsatisfying life. Our souls were made to worship him and anytime we steer clear of that there is a longing that takes place. This is why we see so many actors, celebrities and athletes committing suicide and overdosing on drugs. Money may solve your natural issues like medical bills, rent, car notes, food and anything else you may need for your lively hood but No dollar amount could ever take the place of Christ Jesus!

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God knows your heart, but do you ?

We are all familiar with the saying “God knows my heart”. But the dangers of making such a blanket statement suggest our intentions and motives are always good. I’ve heard the scripture the heart is desperately wicked who can know it but God, but never really understood it. It wasn’t until I found myself in situations that exposed the darkest parts of my heart where I then realized just how wicked I’mi capable of being. Like many I’ve always prided myself in having a “good heart”. Even in that, I was in the danger zone because the Bible tells us “God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble” 1 Peter 5:5.

One morning during my quite time the Lord reminded me of the scripture where Christ warned Peter of his betrayal that was soon to come. Peter insisted he would not betray him because he loved him. Take a moment and think about this. Imagine the Lord himself coming to you and warning you about what is to come . Would you honestly take him at his word? Or would rely on what you know about yourself?

Looking back in time it’s easy to say if I were Peter i would have done this or that. But in all honesty none of us can say with confidence what we would have done. Our answers are only based off of our perception of ourselves. Who wants to believe or admit they don’t always have the best intentions or motives? We all want to be seen as good people. A real relationship with the father requires daily heart examinations and those examinations require an open heart.

The first heart examination starts with his word. When you compare yourself to his word you will quickly find out where you are genuinely. His word gets right to the core of your entire being.

Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you? Unless indeed you fail to meet the test! 2 Corinthians 13:5

The second examination is revealed in prayer. When you go the father with a sincere heart he will reveal that which is hidden. When we are quite before him we can hear him speak clearly. “He reveals deep and secret things;he knows what is in the darkness, and light dwells with

him.” Daniel 2:22

The third examination can be found in conversation and life situations. Life takes unexpected turns and how we respond to it shows where we stand.

“You brood of vipers! How can you speak good things, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks”. Matthew 12:34

Just yesterday I had a situation where anger exposed itself. I got into a disagreement with a loved one and he said something that caused me to snap. Mind you I’ve never been the type to get angry. In fact it generally takes a lot to even set me off. The person i turned into was unrecognizable. Rage filled my entire being so much to the point the spirit of murder came upon me. I had to take a walk and cry out to the father from a deep place, a place I’ve never been before. The rage did not cease all the way so I called up a really good friend of mine to pray me through it. By way of the Holy Spirit I was able to come to my senses and re-evaluate the horrible thoughts I was entertaining. In that very moment I began to realize just how much I do not know my heart.

I’m a firm believer God allows you to face certain situations in order for you to see just how much you need him. Yesterday proved to me we don’t know ourselves as much as we believe we do. Just like Peter I didn’t believe i was capable of doing such a thing. Think twice the next time you fix your mouth to say that could never be me. It could be very much so you. #selah

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Jesus : The Cure

Have You ever been sick and none of the medicine given to you seems to cure the illness? It’s almost like you are on a scavenger hunt to find the right one. You have all these doctors who are certified to get to the root cause, yet at times they don’t even have the answers. Even with all their schooling and studying they cannot seem to find healing for you.

Imagine being sick in pain and someone comes with the cure to your illness . Would you take them up on their offer ? Or would deny the help and suffer? I know what you are probably thinking, “who in their right mind would want to suffer “. But unfortunately there are individuals who would rather suffer because of the level of sympathy that comes with it.

Metaphorically it’s the same way with our Lord and savior . Here he comes offering us a cure to every sickness we could ever have, yet and still we choose to stay Ill. I’m reminded of a time where someone close and dear to me broke my heart. I wore that hurt like a badge of honor. I found myself telling the story to each and every person that was willing to listen . My heart became hard and I could not see them the right way.

Each time I talked about it, the wounds would stretch and the intensity of the pain would increase. Bitterness and hurt filled my entire being. I found myself replaying the situation in my head over and over again. In that moment I realized i was suffering from unforgiveness and in need of the great physician. Many times we think sickness is something physical ( like cancer) but there are mental and spiritual illnesses we suffer from as well.

It wasn’t enough for me to know the physician I had to learn to trust his prescription. His prescription is his word and I had to do something about that unforgiveness. In the Lord’s Prayer it states : “ And forgive us our debts, as we have forgiven our debtors [letting go of both the wrong and the resentment].” MATTHEW‬ ‭6:12‬ ‭AMP‬‬ . The Lord began to deal with my heart at the roots. He told me “if I can forgive you have no excuse”. That statement hit me at the core ! Who am I to hold anything against anyone when I have things before God I need forgiveness for ?

One thing about his word is it penetrates the heart , if the heart is open and willing to receive his correction and love. Life situations have a way of humbling you in ways you never thought was possible. Whenever unforgiveness tries to rise I’m reminded of Christ being bloody on the cross for sins he never committed. Yet he was able to display forgiveness to those who killed and assaulted him.

Your illness may not be my illness but here are a few prescriptions I picked up:

“casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully].” 1PETER‬ ‭5:7‬ ‭amp

“For I will restore health to you And I will heal your wounds,’ says the LORD” JEREMIAH‬ ‭30:17‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].” PHILIPPIANS‬ ‭4:8‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“Beloved, I pray that in every way you may succeed and prosper and be in good health [physically], just as [I know] your soul prospers [spiritually].”3 JOHN‬ ‭1:2‬ ‭Amp

“You will keep in perfect and constant peace the one whose mind is steadfast [that is, committed and focused on You—in both inclination and character], Because he trusts and takes refuge in You [with hope and confident expectation].” ISAIAH‬ ‭26:3‬ ‭AMP‬‬