In Between & Outside

A personal project exploring gender and identity in its many forms by Sara Swaty. See more at www.sara-swaty.com

[inbetweenandoutside]

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Today is the 16th Transgender Day of Remembrance.  On November 20th, we honor and remember the lives that have been lost. Only 81 deaths have been reported this year, and among those, most have been women of color.  This day is very powerful for me.  I think about my friends, about the stories I’ve been blessed to share, and the hatred and oppression they face.  I reflect on the ignorance and violence they endure, and am inspired by their strength and poise.

Since graduating from college, I have continued learning through photography by sharing people’s stories.  When I first began In Between & Outside in 2010, I was inspired by a cultural anthropology course that concentrated on different genders and cultural practices all around the world.  Learning about the incredibly different ways cultures approach gender identity blew my mind.  I lifted my veil of ethnocentrism and began exploring the gender binary through photography.  It was through this that I learned about the transgender community and the countless gender identities that are not visible in mainstream society.

Today, I ask you to take a moment to empathize, to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Imagine what it would be like to be threatened and hurt for jut being yourself.  Everyone is fighting their own battle.

See more portraits from In Between & Outside: http://www.sara-swaty.com/in-between-outside-2

Learn more about TDOR: http://www.advocate.com/transgender/2015/11/20/tran

[inbetweenandoutside]

Eli & the Ocean

Venice Beach

2015

“Everyone’s stories are different. Not every trans* person decides to start hormones or have surgeries. Also, not every trans* person has the same dysphoria as each other.For me, I started to feel a disconnect with parts of my body. I saw myself in a certain way that not everyone else saw.I don’t feel like I was born in the wrong body. However, there isn’t a part of me that identifies with being female.I’m a boi with a fierce cunt (as Adrian puts it) and I’m totally ok with that.”

See more selections from the series, In Between & Outside, on my website. For print or participation inquiries, email me at [email protected]

—

www.saraswatyphoto.com

Instagram @Sara_Swaty

Facebook Page

saraswatyphoto​

[inbetweenandoutside]

Eli

Venice Beach

2015

“Everyone’s stories are different. Not every trans* person decides to start hormones or have surgeries. Also, not every trans* person has the same dysphoria as each other.For me, I started to feel a disconnect with parts of my body. I saw myself in a certain way that not everyone else saw.I don’t feel like I was born in the wrong body. However, there isn’t a part of me that identifies with being female.I’m a boi with a fierce cunt (as Adrian puts it) and I’m totally ok with that.”

See more selections from the series, In Between & Outside, on my website. For print or participation inquiries, email me at [email protected]

—

www.saraswatyphoto.com

Instagram @Sara_Swaty

Facebook Page

saraswatyphoto​

[inbetweenandoutside]

Eli backstage at Attitudes as sum Yung Wang

Session 2

2012

“Everyone’s stories are different. Not every trans* person decides to start hormones or have surgeries. Also, not every trans* person has the same dysphoria as each other.For me, I started to feel a disconnect with parts of my body. I saw myself in a certain way that not everyone else saw.I don’t feel like I was born in the wrong body. However, there isn’t a part of me that identifies with being female.I’m a boi with a fierce cunt (as Adrian puts it) and I’m totally ok with that.”

See more selections from the series, In Between & Outside, on my website. For print or participation inquiries, email me at [email protected]

—

www.sara-swaty.com

Instagram @Sara_Swaty

Facebook Page

saraswatyphoto​

[inbetweenandoutside]

Eli

Session 1

2012

“Everyone’s stories are different. Not every trans* person decides to start hormones or have surgeries. Also, not every trans* person has the same dysphoria as each other.For me, I started to feel a disconnect with parts of my body. I saw myself in a certain way that not everyone else saw.I don’t feel like I was born in the wrong body. However, there isn’t a part of me that identifies with being female.I’m a boi with a fierce cunt (as Adrian puts it) and I’m totally ok with that.”

See more selections from the series, In Between & Outside, on my website. For print or participation inquiries, email me at [email protected]

—

www.saraswatyphoto.com

Instagram @Sara_Swaty

Facebook Page

saraswatyphoto​

[inbetweenandoutside]

Eli backstage @ Attitude’s getting ready to perform as Some Yung Wang

Session 3

2012

“Everyone’s stories are different. Not every trans* person decides to start hormones or have surgeries. Also, not every trans* person has the same dysphoria as each other.For me, I started to feel a disconnect with parts of my body. I saw myself in a certain way that not everyone else saw.I don’t feel like I was born in the wrong body. However, there isn’t a part of me that identifies with being female.I’m a boi with a fierce cunt (as Adrian puts it) and I’m totally ok with that.”

See more selections from the series, In Between & Outside, on my website. For print or participation inquiries, email me at [email protected]

—

www.saraswatyphoto.com

Instagram @Sara_Swaty

Facebook Page

saraswatyphoto​

[inbetweenandoutside]

Eli

Session 1

2012

“Everyone’s stories are different. Not every trans* person decides to start hormones or have surgeries. Also, not every trans* person has the same dysphoria as each other.For me, I started to feel a disconnect with parts of my body. I saw myself in a certain way that not everyone else saw.I don’t feel like I was born in the wrong body. However, there isn’t a part of me that identifies with being female.I’m a boi with a fierce cunt (as Adrian puts it) and I’m totally ok with that.”

See more selections from the series, In Between & Outside, on my website. For print or participation inquiries, email me at [email protected]

—

www.saraswatyphoto.com

Instagram @Sara_Swaty

Facebook Page

saraswatyphoto​

[inbetweenandoutside]

Eli backstage at Attitudes as sum Yung Wang

Session 2

2012

“Everyone’s stories are different. Not every trans* person decides to start hormones or have surgeries. Also, not every trans* person has the same dysphoria as each other.For me, I started to feel a disconnect with parts of my body. I saw myself in a certain way that not everyone else saw.I don’t feel like I was born in the wrong body. However, there isn’t a part of me that identifies with being female.I’m a boi with a fierce cunt (as Adrian puts it) and I’m totally ok with that.”

See more selections from the series, In Between & Outside, on my website. For print or participation inquiries, email me at [email protected]

—

www.saraswatyphoto.com

Instagram @Sara_Swaty

Facebook Page

saraswatyphoto​

[inbetweenandoutside]

Eli in drag as Sum Yung Wang

Session 2

2012

“Everyone’s stories are different. Not every trans* person decides to start hormones or have surgeries. Also, not every trans* person has the same dysphoria as each other.For me, I started to feel a disconnect with parts of my body. I saw myself in a certain way that not everyone else saw.I don’t feel like I was born in the wrong body. However, there isn’t a part of me that identifies with being female.I’m a boi with a fierce cunt (as Adrian puts it) and I’m totally ok with that.”

See more selections from the series, In Between & Outside, on my website. For print or participation inquiries, email me at [email protected]

—

www.saraswatyphoto.com

Instagram @Sara_Swaty

Facebook Page

saraswatyphoto​

[inbetweenandoutside]

Eli, Session 3

“Everyone’s stories are different. Not every trans* person decides to start hormones or have surgeries. Also, not every trans* person has the same dysphoria as each other.For me, I started to feel a disconnect with parts of my body. I saw myself in a certain way that not everyone else saw.I don’t feel like I was born in the wrong body. However, there isn’t a part of me that identifies with being female.I’m a boi with a fierce cunt (as Adrian puts it) and I’m totally ok with that.”

See more selections from the series, In Between & Outside, on my website. For print or participation inquiries, email me at [email protected]

--

www.saraswatyphoto.com

Instagram @Sara_Swaty

Facebook Page

saraswatyphoto​

@handadventures

[inbetweenandoutside]

Harrison, 2012 & Harrison, 2014

--

www.saraswatyphoto.com

Instagram @Sara_Swaty

Facebook Page

saraswatyphoto​

@handadventures

[inbetweenandoutside]

Valerie in her Gillysuit

"I view gender as a fluid thing. Even more so now that I have gone through a transition from being viewed as one gender to another. When I was younger, I felt like gender was this set in stone kind of idea. Not so much anymore. It used to be this thing that really defined people for me. A man or woman had to do this, or couldn't do this. I don't really see gender like that anymore. To me, gender is just a label that people use. I don't see it as a characteristic that defines a person. It's just a way to describe a person based on what they associate themselves as. In terms of defining my own gender, I would have to say female. Sometimes I feel like I don't fit into a specific gender, but then I always end up coming back to woman. It's like my home. Even though I say that I don't see gender, it's hard to be unaffected by people who do. Someone who is misogynistic, or at least views women as lower than men can make it difficult. Someone who feels like there are certain male only activities can make me question my gender if I am also into them. For example, I like firearms. Some men I know can make me feel bad about that because they feel that guns should be reserved for men. 

I started taking estrogen because I felt like it was a necessary action to begin a transition from male to female. Medical requirements for sex reassignment aside, it is something that I have wanted (needed) for a very long time. I remember asking my mother about it when I was younger (10-12 age frame), and questioning what would happen if a boy took female hormones. I asked because I secretly wanted them, but couldn't get up the courage to ask for them.  I took them because I needed my emotions to get to my "home". I never felt like a male, and the constant onslaught of male urges and thoughts made my already confusing life more so. It needed to happen, and when I made the decision and commitment to do it, I made it happen. 

My transition was years in the making. I mentioned that I had been dropping hints to my mom when I was younger, but I never really brought it up to her. When I was 17, I remember browsing the web and finding black market hormones. I wish that I had the audacity to purchase them then. It would have saved me grief. Anyway, I went to college a year later, and a year after that I started seeing a therapist about it. That went on for a while, and eventually I left because I didn't feel like I was making progress. He was inexperienced as a therapist, let alone with transgendered students.  I went a little less than a year before I went back and saw a different therapist. What a difference that made. Seeing someone who was experienced with transgendered people was amazing. She knew all the questions that needed to be asked, and how to make me feel better. I know that she changed my life. In any case, the final tipping point was depression and a short stint in a psychiatric ward for suicide watch. I knew that I had to make a change. I have never have, nor will I ever regret taking the transition plunge. Best decision that I have ever made."

--Valerie for In Between & Outside

www.saraswatyphoto.com

Instagram @Sara_Swaty

Facebook Page

saraswatyphoto​

handadventures

[inbetweenandoutside]

Maxi

"To me, gender is black and white.  But its the grey area in between that makes things interesting. I am gender fluid; sometimes I want to be stark white, sometimes I want to be dark grey, and sometimes I want to be in the middle. It all depends on my mood. I love being able to change up my outside appearance. It upsets me that children are implanted with the idea that blue is a "BOY" color and pink is a "GIRL" color. Who decided this?  Being a girl is so much fun!  Guys open doors for you.  Underwear aisles go on for days. And there are so many products aimed to make you look even more beautiful. Guys don’t get that. Men are supposed to be burly and rough. Men are supposed to be strong and support the family. If a woman doesn’t have physical strength it’s no big deal. If a guy has no muscles he’s inferior.  Men operate machines and women cook and clean. Men wear pants and underwear and women wear skirts and panties.  I wonder why are women the main commercial market for clothing? Why do women’s clothes have such a variety but men’s clothes are limited? Why can a woman wear pants but guys can’t wear dresses?  Gender roles play a big part in society. Too big of a role if you ask me. I was born with a penis, but often I don’t regard myself as a male. Often I want to look, sound, walk, and act like a stereotypical female. Swaying my hips, talking soft sultry, others I want to act like a male, grabbing my junk, burping and macking on the babes!”

--

If you are interested in participating in In Between & Outside, email me at [email protected]

www.saraswatyphoto.com

Instagram @Sara_Swaty

Facebook Page

saraswatyphoto​

handadventures

[locusimperium]

"Remember me as a revolutionary communist."

The last words of activist Leslie Feinberg who passed away on November 15. Feinberg, a working-class secular Jewish activist against white supremacy and for transgender and lesbian rights, was the author of Stone Butch Blues (among many other books and endeavors).

One of my favorite quotes by her:

“Gender is the poetry each of us makes out of the language we are taught.”

The Advocate posted her obituary, written by her long-term partner Minnie Bruce Pratt.

[petty-thief]

“People of all sexes have the right to explore femininity, masculinity—and the infinite variations between—without criticism or ridicule.”

Leslie Feinberg (via petty-thief)

[inbetweenandoutside]

Yesterday was the Transgender Day of Remembrance- a day where we memorialize victims of hate who have lost their lives just being who they are. Transphobia is a very real and sad issue. I have been working on a personal photography project, In-Between & Outside since 2010, and I can proudly say that doing this work has greatly changed my perspectives on the fluidity of gender and the gender binary. I have learned so much and am happy to share that precious knowledge with others through photography. People are people, no matter what their gender, race, religion, ethnicity, etc--  everyone deserves respect and love. "The Transgender Day of Remembrance serves several purposes. It raises public awareness of hate crimes against transgender people, an action that current media doesn’t perform. Day of Remembrance publicly mourns and honors the lives of our brothers and sisters who might otherwise be forgotten. Through the vigil, we express love and respect for our people in the face of national indifference and hatred. Day of Remembrance reminds non-transgender people that we are their sons, daughters, parents, friends and lovers. Day of Remembrance gives our allies a chance to step forward with us and stand in vigil, memorializing those of us who’ve died by anti-transgender violence." Looking through my archive, this image resonated with me to commemorate the TDoR because of the symbolism behind having your wish granted after a great struggle and painstaking work.  Cranes, the bird of happiness, symbolize protection, good fortune, and longevity—things I wish for everyone, especially within the transgender community.

—

If you are interested in participating in In Between & Outside, email me at [email protected]

Instagram @Sara_Swaty

Facebook Page

saraswatyphoto​

handadventures

[inbetweenandoutside]

Interview with Coachella Magazine at the debut of In Between & Outside in Palm Springs.