Does the term “girl” define you?
The thing about “I’m just a girl” or “girly” terms is that they all started like a good thing. The idea was that sometimes women would want to dress more femininely, like girly stuff, etc., without feeling bad about it. Because this society is so misogynistic that we think everything related to femininity is childish, boring, or stupid.
I believe that what actually started everything was an audio from the show Anne with an E that said, “How I love being a woman.” People on TikTok started a trend with this audio, posting videos about how wonderful womanhood was and how we can’t be embarrassed about it. This formed a community on social media where it felt safe to share videos and photos about the daily habits girls have, jokes about some problems we share, and talk about things we are all interested in, all without a man’s opinion.
Obviously, there is nothing wrong with these things; it is even empowering. But the problem comes when we start to figure out what actually defines the woman experience.
To begin with, not all people experience the same things at all. Yes, we share the same anatomy and clearly experience disadvantages because of our gender, but rather than that, the similarities between one and the other stop there. Of course, I feel seen in my girl friends, but it would be stupid for me to assume that I will also feel seen in a random girl that I don’t know anything about.
In my opinion, the issue is that a group of individuals wanting a community to talk about their interests becomes a group of girls unintentionally rooted in misogyny and gender stereotypes. That happens when we start using the word “girls” like a general term. It might not be intended to refer to all women specifically, but it can be understood that way. So, when someone takes that word and uses it on TikTok, they are unconsciously saying, “We ALL girls think and act like that.” That can affect teenagers who feel insecure about themselves because they don’t feel like the girls.
Second of all, this trend landed on an extremely dangerous side of society. There is something dangerous about believing that the way you live is not simply right for you, but the “right” way to live. When you believe that your way of thinking or living is the correct one, it can become very easy to stop questioning it and start feeling proud of it, or even superior to people who don’t live the same way.
And with this, I’m talking about some conservative ideas, especially the ones promoted through trad-wife content. These kinds of ideas existed many years ago in a different form, trying to convince women that being a wife was a woman’s perfect fate and that their lives were wonderful because that was the “right” thing to do.
But now they can do it just with a phone and good hashtags. Videos that not only you will watch, but your little sisters or cousins will. You might think that no one on your For You page has ever said something like that, but maybe you have heard phrases like: “passenger princess,” “girl math,” “I just turn my brain off when I’m with him,” “I’m just going to marry rich”…
All this can look innocent at first, but when they become a pattern, it is concerning. When you take a good look, you’ll realise that the underlying message can be that girls are stupid, they can’t even drive, and they need a man for everything. Yes, exactly the opposite meaning the term was supposed to be used for.
So, how did everything go so wrong?
It is exhausting to believe that us girls can’t have anything. Yes, we like to dress more comfortably, we don’t wanna be perfect all the time, and we want career opportunities. But some of us like our feminine side, we like to do our makeup, our hair, and we prioritise getting married and having a family.
The thing is, we are not divided into two big groups; we are all different from each other. We can’t assume we all want the same things, and when someone doesn’t, we shouldn’t exclude her.
What is important to understand is that the problem is not the choice itself, but the idea that there is a “right” choice for all women. When a young woman is surrounded by that kind of content, she might not see any other way and may start to feel like it is the easier path.
That’s why claiming the word “girl” to represent one specific experience can be dangerous for our society. Because even the smallest trends on social media can affect the way we think, especially in a world where watching fast content is normalised and critical thinking is rare.
So the next time you see a girl post, think: Do I not feel represented by woman, or do I not feel represented by this woman?
