You slam on the barrier, each impact doing nothing to the thin clear glass that is protecting them from you. From your rage, your despair, your sorrows, your hope…Your determination. This thin unbreakable glass is protecting them from you, but also in truth, it is holding you back from acceptance. Acceptance that they were not at fault, they suffered just like you did, they feared just like you did, wept like you did.
But they’ve done it for so much more than you did. Slowly the pounding stops, your balled up hands still pressed firmly on the barrier. Soon, your body’s weight caused you to shift downwards until you rested on your knees. Tears still flowing freely, and then you hear the laugh and comments they said to you.
Why were they laughing? Why would anyone in their position find joy in this moment? In this moment of self discovery and destruction. In this fleeting moment of weary acceptance. You couldn’t find the strength, not now.
You know of their sins, your sins, our sins. You know of their wrongs you so dreadfully hope to avoid. Their words put the weight of the world on your shoulders, no heavier than the world and the galaxy. Whatever the weight was, it was too much yet not enough. It was baggage you struggled to carry but knew you could carry more than a ton’s worth and still be fine.
“What if…I can’t?” The question is soft and fragile, the words slipping out in a voice you haven’t heard in what felt like eons…Your voice, unfiltered,uninterrupted, unmoving.
“What if I’m not strong enough for this? What if I break? What if I can’t protect her?! Anything but her please. They can take this whole world if it meant we wouldn’t hurt her!” With each sentence your voice grew, it grew and grew. Into something no longer controllable by anyone but yourself. The growth is small, the growth is almost nonexistent at this point but.
Deep down a light will start to form…With their help.
“What if I do it all again?!”
