incorrect f@tt quotes

incorrect friends at the table quotes! now accepting submissions

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AuDy: Admit it, you all think robots are just machines built by humans to make their lives easier. 

Mako: Well, aren’t they?

AuDy: I’ve never made anyone’s life easier and you know it.

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Adaire: People I work with all think my name is Adaire Ducarte.

Hadrian: Yeah- wait, what?

Adaire: Don't worry about it.

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Lem: I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to, ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.

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Throndir: Hella, what do you want to eat?

Hella's sword: The souls of the innocent!

Hella: A bagel.

Hella's sword: No!

Hella: Two bagels.

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Ephrim: I'm telling you, Molotov cocktails work. Any time I had a problem, and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom, right away, I had a different problem.

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Orth: You know the sound that a fork makes in a garbage disposal? That’s the sound that my brain makes all the time

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Gig: Come on, Even, I’m your hottest friend!

Gig: Wait, no, that’s Echo.

Gig: I’m your nicest friend!

Gig: No, that’s …Signet.

Gig: I’m your friend!

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Severea: No one asked you to take your shirt off. Stop volunteering to take your shirt off.

Samothes: Can’t hear you, shirt’s over my ears.

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AuDy: Alright, give me your hairdryer.

Orth: What? What are you talking about?

AuDy: Don’t you carry one in your purse?

Orth: Have you ever met a human being?

[Some time later]

AuDy: Hey, do you have a hair dryer in your purse?

Ibex: Of course, I’m not an animal.

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Aria: We need money…I was thinking we could steal from OriCon.

Orth: What? No way.

Aria: Why not? We already stole a robot.

Orth: No, you didn’t. AuDy is a sentient robot. They can do whatever they want.

AuDy: I want to steal.

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Mako: Alright, well I'm gonna go now.

Ibex: I'm sorry, was I not just in the middle of a story?

Mako: Yeah, I just wasn't that interested.

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Mako: I’m sorry I dragged you into this. And that I never did laundry. And that I waited until you were about to do yours then secretly tossed mine into the basket to trick you into doing it.

Cass: You didn’t trick me. I repeatedly asked you to stop.

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Hella: How do the Golden Lance feel about murder?

Throndir : …It’s frowned upon.

Hella: Okay, but what if the reason you want to murder someone is to make your life easier? That’s fine, right?

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Adaire: I'm not a stone cold bitch. I'm a natural, beautiful presence.

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Hella: Going to meetings. Writings stuff down. You love that nerd stuff.

Lem: Writing stuff down is nerdy? What do you do?

Hella: I just forget stuff like a cool person.

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Hella: Adaire, I’m coming with you.

Adaire: Thank you, Hella.

Hadrian: I’m also coming.

Adaire: Not necessary.

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Morbash: What can you possibly say to us make up for your actions?

Lem: Pobody's nerfect?