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[cpericardium]

Carol is literally always injecting Zosia with random substances and blowing her up with explosives. Tom & Jerry type relationship

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Zosia, playing Mario Kart with Carol: I am crushing it. I've never played so well. I'm burying you!

Carol: You realize you're the top half of the screen?

Zosia: NOOO!

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Zosia: Do you ever want to take a nap but a nap doesn't want to take you?

Carol: I told you not to have those three coffees earlier.

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Zosia: Candles? Is this a date?

Carol: I'm about to sacrifice you.

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Carol: Pipe down, Your Honor, you weren't even there.

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Carol: Hey, I have kind of a crazy idea.

Zosia: Those are never comforting words coming from you.

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Carol: You are too good for this world, Helen. But that’s okay. I’ll be an asshole for the both of us.

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Zosia: How are you doing?

Carol: I’m living the dream!

Zosia: Oh, that’s good-

Carol: Except it’s not my dream. It’s a dream that Stephen King once had.

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Carol: You'd tell me if you had a secret family, right?

Helen: Yeah, I'd need your help. That sounds like a ton of work.

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[on a date at a restaurant]

Helen: I love you so much. You are my everything and my life would be empty without you.

Carol: I already told you, you aren’t getting my garlic bread.

Helen: Ugh, fine.

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Zosia, disappointedly: Sometimes Carol will ask me what I'm doing, but she really means to stop whatever I'm doing. She doesn't actually want to know my thought process.

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Carol: I wish I had a kitten.

Zosia: Hi.

Carol: Not like that.

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Carol: You're sick, your temperature is 104.1.

Zosia: If I were sick, could I do this?!

Zosia:

Carol: What are you doing?

Zosia: Cartwheels. Am I not doing them?

Carol, softly: No.

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Carol: Why are you wearing a ball gown?

Zosia: It's after six. What am I, a farmer?

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Helen: Put that fucking weapon away, you are literally asleep

Carol: The woman who sleeps with a shotgun is a fool every night but one.

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Carol: Zosia, you've tried to stop my brilliant ideas with common sense a thousand times. Has it ever worked?

Zosia: No.

Carol: Then let's go!

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Helen, to Carol: Honey, you have to pick your battles.

Helen: Pick... pick fewer battles than that.

Helen: Put some battles back. That's too many.