incorrect sorted quotes

they didn't say these things, but we can pretend they did

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Jamie: How did James get so muscular anyway?

Ben: When he was 14, he found out that exercise could alleviate stress. So he started doing push-ups and just never stopped.

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Barry: Let me explain something to you, James. When you're in a situation, you don't have time to think. So I thought to myself, "Don't think, Barry. Act."

James: So, you weren't thinking.

Barry: Not at all. I cannot emphasize enough how little I was thinking.

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Mike: Barry has one brain cell and it bounces around his head like a Windows screen saver.

Jamie: When it reaches a corner he has one coherent thought.

Mike: That hasn’t happened since 2013.

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Jamie: Hey Barry, you look beautiful today! Barry: Aww, thanks! Jamie: April Fools! Barry: :( Jamie: You look beautiful every day. Barry: :)

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Barry: Hey babe, you up yet?

James: *yawning* yeah, I woke up like 10 minutes ago

Barry: Then where the hell is my good morning text?

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Barry: Hey, are you guys into ass?

Barry: Well then you should kiss mine you frickin’ haters

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Ben: If you had 5 apples and gave 3 to a friend, what would you have?

Mike: [tearing up] A... a friend.

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Mike: *playing the Barry & Ben song*

Barry: Do you take requests?

Mike: Sure!

Barry: Stop.

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Jamie, to the banana he's peeling: Please, may I take your jacket?

Mike: Do you think other people can't hear you?

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James: Gotta love knitting needles. I can make a scarf. I can make a hat. I can stab your eyes out. I can make mittens.

Ben: What was that middle part?

James: I can make a hat.

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James: Where are you two??

Mike: At the hospital. Barry swallowed a watermelon seed.

James: Why? It's not like the watermelon is going to grow inside him.

Mike: ...

Mike: We'll be back in 10 minutes.

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Jamie: Mike!!

Mike: Oh, no. Mike in b-flat. You’re disappointed.

[sordidfood]

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James: My memory is excellent. Name one thing I've forgotten.

Mike: You forgot me at the bar last week.

James: That was intentional. Try again.

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Barry: Can we talk? One ten to another?

James: I'm an eleven, Barry, but continue.

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James: If you found out you only had one day left to live, what would you do with it?

Jamie: Say goodbye and mend my relationships.

Barry: Something illegal.

Ben: Accept my fate.

Mike: I would message ten people saying that if they don't forward the message to ten other people, I would die tomorrow.

James: What?

Jamie: That's fucking awesome. Can I change my answer?

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Jamie: What’s the name of the restaurant's owner?

Barry: His dog’s name is Doug.

Jamie: That’s not… what I asked.

Barry: That’s the information I have.