Incorrect Warlock Quotes

[incorrect-warlock-quotes]

William: I wasn't that drunk last night!

Julia: You were flirting with Erasmus a lot.

William: So? He's my boyfriend!

Julia: You asked if he was single and spent the rest of the night crying when he said no.

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William: Why you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking--nerfherder!

Erasmus: Who's scruffy-looking?

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William: Whatever I am, he made me! I was adorable once, young and full of hope. And now look at me! I'm this short, fat, insecure, middle-aged THING!

Erasmus: I made you short?

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Joshua: (About Erasmus) You are my daaad. You're my dad! Boogie woogie woogie!

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Grand Inquisitor: You better watch out. You better watch out. You better watch out! YOU BETTER WATCH OUT!

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Joshua: Yeah ok, thanks Dad

(everyone pauses)

Joshua: What?

Nicholas: You just called Erasmus "Dad"

Joshua: No I didn't I said "Raz"

Erasmus: Do you see me as a father figure, Joshua?

Joshua: No. If anything I see you as a bother figure, because you're always bothering me.

William: Hey, show your father some respect.

Joshua: I didn't call him dad.

Erasmus: No, no. Joshua, I take it as a compliment.

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Joshua: (holding up some weird green leaves) Hey Dad look it's the good kush.

Erasmus: We're in the middle of the fucking woods how good can it be.

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Erasmus: Hi thanks for checking in I'm ~still a piece of GARBAGE~

William: Dear...no...

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Joshua: I spilt lipstick in your Valentino bag of holding.

Julia: sdfjsadfljsf LIPSTICK IN MY VALENTINO BAG OF HOLDING

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William: (standing next to a chalkboard) There is only one thing worse than an execution. (Writes "Joshua's" above "execution" on the board.

Nicholas: Joshua!

William: No -_-

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Nicholas: Ok so uh... today Joshua pushed me so I'm collecting money to have him put down. The benefits of killing him would be that I would get pushed way less-

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Erasmus: (using Harry the Rabbit to puppet the words) Shawty I don't! Mind!

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Nicholas: (singing) I want a church girl that go to church AND READ HER BIBLE

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Joshua: (to the Grand Inquisitor) YOU'RE NOT MY DAD! You just wanna hear something...ugly ass...fucking...

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Erasmus: Now, first things first. Be honest. How do I look?

Julia: Umm… different.

Erasmus: Good different or bad different?

Julia: Just…different.

Erasmus: Am I… ginger?

[argentconflagration]

GET IT? It’s because Erasmus is one of the main characters of the fictional television show Warlock, created by mia_ugly for their fic Slow Show, where he’s played by Anthony Crowley, who is an alternate-universe version of Crowley from Good Omens, who is ginger, and who is – in reality, we’re finally back to the real world – played by David Tennant who also played the Tenth Doctor on Doctor Who.

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Erasmus: What the FUCK is up Marcus. No, what did you say dude! What the FUCK dude; step the FUCK UP!

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Erasmus: Saw you hanging out with Marcus yesterday...

William: Erasmus it's not what it looks like!

Erasmus: I won't hesitate, bitch