DONT AWOO 350$ FINE

i love my sewer children

[asperrusual]

3H x Tumblr

[incorrectashenwolves]

Constance: Aren’t you supposed to be babysitting Yuri?

Byleth: He’s over there, dazzling some psychologists.

Yuri: All men are at least 30% attracted to me. 

Yuri: My mother cried the day I was born because she knew she could never be better than me. 

Yuri: At any given moment I’m thinking about one thing: Count Rowe hunkered over, eating dog food. 

Yuri: I feel like I’m the Paris of people. 

Yuri: I’m exquisite.

[incorrectashenwolves]

Aelfric: Don’t touch anything.

Hapi: Yes sir.

Aelfric: Don’t call me sir.

Hapi: Yes ma'am.

[incorrectashenwolves]

Yuri: Okay. I’m gonna do something slightly illegal now so you just look the other way for a second.

[incorrectashenwolves]

Yuri: I told you, the quickest way to a man’s heart is-

Hapi: Through the fourth and fifth ribs.

Yuri: That’s my girl.

[incorrectashenwolves]

Yuri: I like your new pants!

Byleth: Thanks, they were 50% off.

Yuri: I’d like them better if they were 100% off. [winks]

Byleth: The store can’t just give away clothes for free.

Yuri: That's… not what I meant.

Byleth: That’s a terrible way to run a business, Yuri.

[incorrectashenwolves]

Claude: Hey, is that Yuri?

Byleth: Oh no, you can’t let him see me like this!!

Claude: Like what?

Byleth: [inhales] ᴵᵐ ⁿᵒᵗ ʷᵉᵃʳⁱⁿᵍ ᵐʸ ᶜᵒᵒˡ ˢᵒᶜᵏˢ ᵗᵒᵈᵃʸ

[incorrectashenwolves]

[At a zoo]

Balthus: What are they in for?

Byleth: This isn’t jail.

Balthus: So they can leave?

Byleth: Well, no-

Yuri, pointing to a meerkat: I bet that one killed somebody.

[incorrectashenwolves]

Yuri: I’m not petty, I just like being a bitch.

Constance: A petty bitch.

Yuri: Fair point.

[incorrectashenwolves]

Constance: Well, the uncertainty about my identity is about to become everyone else’s problem.

[incorrectashenwolves]

Balthus: Hey , we’re both single and well… I don’t wanna be single when I’m old, so let’s make pact

Constance: Okay, if we’re still single when we’re old we’ll…

[In sync]

Balthus: Marry each other

Constance: Kill each other

[incorrectashenwolves]

Yuri: I’ve trapped you in here because I crave the deadliest game…

Byleth, nodding sagely: Knife Monopoly.

Yuri: I was actually going to hunt you for sport, but now I’m really interested in whatever Knife Monopoly is.

[incorrectashenwolves]

Hapi: What’s this about lube?

Balthus:  …don’t get the flavored kind or the kind that ‘warms up’ when used because then you’ll get tempted to eat it and then suddenly your stomach is filled with really warm raspberry lube and that’s probably what being in hell is like.

Hapi: …

Yuri: …

Constance: …

Balthus:  It tasted really good, if you guys were wondering.

Constance: I was not wondering.

[incorrectashenwolves]

Hilda: I need a creepy friend to scare off all the other creepy people.

Yuri: I would be honored to be that friend.

[incorrectashenwolves]

Hapi: When you become famous you’re going to be called a legend because your leg ends.

Constance: What-

Hapi: Your leg. It ends.

Constance: I’m not a linguist but I think that’s wrong.

Hapi: Are you saying that your leg doesn’t end?

[incorrectashenwolves]

Hapi, texting: you know i always wonder how tall people like you sleep at night when the blanket can never comfortably cover your body from your toes to your shoulders

Balthus: hapi, it’s four am

Hapi: oh so you can’t sleep either

Hapi: is it because of the blanket?

[incorrectashenwolves]

Claude: Relax. Just act mature.

Byleth: Mature. Got it.

*later on his first date with Yuri*

Yuri: So, what do you like to do in your free time?

Byleth: Taxes.