Dragons of Shit Fuck

they never actually said this stuff but they might as well have [submissions: open]

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Riverwind: Am I the only straight one here?

Tanis: I've seen the way you look at me, you're not that straight either.

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Tasslehoff: Can I have these question mark stickers?

Tanis: *Slowly hands them to him.* ...Why?

Tasslehoff: I want to put them on stop signs. *Starts running away*

Tanis: Tas, no!

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Flint: Tall people, if we are walking together please take into consideration my tiny legs. I can’t keep up with you. Please think of my tiny legs, I don’t want to be jogging to keep up with your leisurely stroll, you TITANS.

Tanis: Get a pair of roller skates and hang onto my sleeve, we don’t have all day.

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Tanis: We can just sit back and take it easy.

Sturm: No, we're gonna lean forward and take it hard.

Tanis: ... Dude.

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Goldmoon: Do you trust Tanis?

Riverwind: I absolutely trust him.

Goldmoon: He’s not some kind of madman?

Riverwind: I absolutely trust him.

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Flint: Humans can be pretty ornery.

Tanis: I think it's pronounced "horny."

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Riverwind: If I cut off my foot and threw it at you, would I be kicking or hitting you?

Tanis: You’d mentally scar me more than anything.

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Berem: Parlay. Practice room. Five minutes.

Tanis: Parlay?

Raistlin: Pirate code. He wants to meet.

Tanis: So everyone here knows pirate code?

Raistlin: I understand it, I can’t speak it.

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Flint: I take orders from just one person. Me.

Tanis: It's a wonder you're still alive.

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Tanis, raising his voice slightly: Do you want any chips?

Tasslehoff, at full volume: I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR DORITOS.

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Sturm: You can only bring sexy back if you have the receipt.

Kitiara: It's called my birth certificate, bitch.

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Kitiara: Everybody has a gay sibling.

Raistlin: I don't have a gay sibling.

Caramon: Give him a moment.

Raistlin: Wait...

Caramon: There you go.

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Tanis: So I'm thinking for our wedding we do something quiet... Maybe have it in the spring

Laurana: We're not even engaged yet?

Tanis: ... So that's what I forgot to do last night.

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Laurana: You wanna see how hardcore I am?

Laurana: *punches a wall*

Laurana: ... take me to the hospital.

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Tanis: In a way, I liked Caramon. I feel like he was a lot like Raistlin. Except he did have something Caramon doesn't.

Sturm: A brain?

Tanis: I would've gone with the desire to obliterate the human race but yeah, that, too.

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Caramon, eating a pie: Tika, you have GOT to order a piece of this pie.

Tika: I did. You're eating it.

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Tasslehoff: Rules are made to be broken.

Flint: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.

Tasslehoff: Uh, pinatas.

Laurana: Glow sticks.

Sturm: Karate boards.

Caramon: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.