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Honey, you've got a big storm coming.

Isabella of France, 1326

#Isabella of France #1300s #english history #plantagenet #submission

My hobbies include being right and petting other people’s cats.

Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, 1920

#look i've seen pictures of lenin with cats but i can't find legit records of him owning a cat #but then he wouldn't have. common ownership & all that. kitties of all lands unite.#lenin #russian history #1900s

With all due respect, I am gonna completely ignore everything you just said.

Charles I of England to Parliament, 1640

#my civil war history's patchy but i'm 99% sure this is what he said. exact words.#charles i #english history #1600s #ALSO this blog has 999 followers now & i'm inevitably gonna forget to make a 1000 followers post #so this is - what's the word? preemptive? a preemptive 1000 followers post? is that a thing?

Salisbury: It's a white flag, and you better start waving it now, Dunbar!

Agnes Randolph: The only thing I'll be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!

Salisbury:

Agnes Randolph:

Salisbury: Good Lord.

#agnes randolph #the siege of dunbar isn't a hugely well-known story but honestly y'all should look it up. it's amazing.#also i'm just putting 'salisbury' bc i cba to type out 'william montagu 1st earl of salisbury' every time #scottish history #1300s

That's disgusting. And wrong. I don't even get - why would - I've never had sex with anyone, anywhere. It's none of your - you have - the nerve, the audacity - Catherine Howard is my cousin, technically. And she is terrible, face-wise. And how - how do I know, frankly, that you're not sleeping with her? Maybe you are. Maybe you're trying to throw me off? Hmm. Check and mate.

Thomas Culpeper, to Henry VIII

#thomas culpeper #henry viii #1500s #tudor

Let them eat cake.

Marie Antoinette

#STEALTH JOKES #marie antoinette #1700s #french history #french revolution

I'll carve our initials in a tree on our first date because it's the most romantic way to let you know I have a knife.

Olga of Kiev

#auroraenchante #olga of kiev #900s #ukrainian history #submission

If I had to have a stripper name, it would be Equality.

Olympe de Gouges, 1791

#olympe de gouges #1700s #french history

We’re bros, we ride together, we die together, sometimes we suck each other’s dicks, usually we just play video games though.

Alexander the Great (re: Hephaestion)

#alexander the great #hephaestion #ancient history #nsfw text

I’m not interested in being polite or heterosexual.

Julie d'Aubigny, 1695

#julie d'aubigny #la maupin #mademoiselle de maupin #(how do you even tag her name)#lgbt history #1600s

Danton: When you're in government, there's a million ways to exploit your power. Have I ever given into that temptation? No. Never. I'm not that kind of politician.

[cut to Danton cutting in front of the line at a hot dog cart]

#danton #1700s #french revolution #french history #there's probably 92734827248 politicians you could use that for but the mod is frenchrev trash

We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn't stay alive

Jacques-Bénigne Bossuet, Funeral Orations

#bossuet #1600s #french history #file under: things that will interest no one except the les mis fandom maybe

GO TO HELL DAD I’M TALLER THAN YOU

Frederick the Not-Yet-Great, 1730

#frederick the great #1700s #german history

I came out tonight to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.

Abraham Lincoln, 15th April 1865

#abraham lincoln #1800s #us history #american history #(which tag works better?)

Money can’t buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

Adam Smith

#adam smith #1700s

I like Ms Boleyn. I liked her. I got to say when I first met her I didn't care much for her because like 99% of the people on any given day of my life she was very belligerent and disagreeable. Ms Boleyn was attractive to me. As a man, I was attracted to her in her demeanour. I was attracted to her in a sexual manner that was appropriate... I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Henry VIII of England

#henry viii #anne boleyn #1500s #english history #tudor #definitely nothing to do with the wolf hall premiere yesterday

They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God!

Jeanne d'Arc, 1430

#joan of arc #1400s #french history #hundred years war

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