Incorrect Lower Decks

Hilarious hijinks on the U.S.S. Cerritos. Taking submissions!

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Boimler: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

Mariner: I’m a knife.

Jennifer, from across the room: She’s the little spoon.

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Tendi: Why is Mariner so sad?

Rutherford: She took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes.

Tendi: And...?

Rutherford: She got Boimler.

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Boimler: Everyone, synchronize your watches.

Rutherford: I don’t know how to do that.

Tendi: I don’t wear a watch.

Mariner: Time is a construct.

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Boimler, banging on the door: Mariner! Open up!

Mariner: Well, it all started when I was a kid...

Rutherford: No, he meant-

Tendi: Let her finish.

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Mariner: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited.

Boimler: If?

Tendi: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and she might not even die.

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Mariner: Jennifer and I don’t use pet names.

Boimler: I see. Hey, what do bees make?

Mariner: Honey?

Jennifer: Yes, dear?

Mariner:

Boimler: Don’t ever lie to my face again.

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Ransom, going over Mariner’s resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative.

Mariner: Yes.

Ransom: Okay... may I know what you create?

Mariner: Problems.

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Mariner: Am I going too far?

Freeman: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you’re going to prison.

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Mariner: You’re annoying.

Freeman: But you love me.

Mariner: Doesn’t make you less annoying.

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Boimler: So are we flirting right now?

Mariner: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU

Boimler: That doesn’t answer my question

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Mariner: Okay okay stop asking me if I’m straight, gay, bi, whatever. I identify as a FUCKING THREAT.

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Ransom: *accidentally hits Freeman in the face*

Ransom: *trying to decide between saying “I’m fucking sorry” and “Are you okay”*

Ransom: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!

Freeman: What’s wrong with you?!

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T’ana, standing with her back turned: I’ve been expecting you, Tendi.

Tendi: How did you do that without turning around?

T’ana: ... to be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.

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T’ana, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.

Tendi: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!

T’ana, with the tone of someone who is used to Tendi: Outstanding. This is what I’m talking about, people.

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Freeman, struggling to keep upright in her 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I really don’t think heels are for me.

Ransom, pointing at her and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK.

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Tendi: WHAT’S YOUR TYPE

Rutherford: Anything, honestly, but nerds especially

Tendi, desperately, as Rutherford bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE

Rutherford: Oh! B positive.

Tendi: DON’T TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE

Rutherford:

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Mariner: Died and came back as a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.