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Cosmic Funnies
Jules of Nature
izzy's playlists!
ojovivo
YOU ARE THE REASON
titsay
Three Goblin Art
todays bird
@theartofmadeline
KIROKAZE
Discoholic 🪩
JVL
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hello vonnie
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★
oozey mess
Janaina Medeiros
Sweet Seals For You, Always
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@incorrectoldgermanstoriesquotes
(Max has a box, which has drawings on it to look like a computer, over himself. He approaches Moritz.) Max: (fake robotic voice) I am the world's most powerful computer. Ask me a question. Moritz: Why does the world's most powerful computer wear dark gray loafers? (Max throws off the box and chases Moritz around the lawn.)
Kaspar: Fritz, I feel refreshed! I feel alive! HOOOW ARE YOOOU? HUUUH? Friederich: (looks at the camera) New mouthwash.
Konrad's mother: Where are YOU going? Konrad: Out. Konrad's mother: Did you pick up your room? Konrad: I tried. But I couldn't lift it! GET IT?? AH HA HA HA HA HA! … Konrad: For some reason, the sound of children's laughter doesn't make Mom sentimental.
Philip: What does it mean if you are given something posthumously?
Friederich: I think it means they kick you in the rear.
Peter: That's 'posterior'. 'Posthumous' is after you die.
Kaspar: I'd hate to get kicked in the rear after I die.
Peter: We enter this world alone, we leave this world alone.
Kaspar: BUT IN BETWEEN WE'VE GOT SOUP!
(Philip and his father are watching football on TV.)
Announcer: A spectacular catch for another first down!
Philip's father: Come on, ref, move those chains!
Philip: Yeah!
Philip's mother: (enters) Why are you watching football? (changes the channel) Look, "A Christmas Carol" is on! Oooh, look, it's Jacob Marley's ghost!
Philip's father: (less excitedly) Come on, Jacob, move those chains.
Philip: Somehow it's not the same...
Konrad: There's this book Mom reads to me every night called The Giving Tree. It's a really good book, but the back of it has a picture of the author, this guy named Shel Silverstein. But Shel Silverstein looks more like a burglar or a pirate than a guy who should be writing books for children. (later) Konrad's mother: If you get out of bed tonight, you'll probably run into Shel Silverstein in the hallway.
(Hans reaches into his pocket and pulls out something sticky. It gets all over his hands.)
Hans: Rats. I can't tell my gum from my Silly Putty.
When crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, it’s ‘intelligent’ and 'really cool’ but when I do it I’m 'petty’ and 'need to move on’.
"Wicked" Friederich
Friederich: This Ouija board knows all and tells all. Kaspar: What should we ask it? Friederich: Let's ask it which of us is smarter. Kaspar: OK, go ahead. Friederich: Oh great Ouija board, who is smarter, Friederich or Kaspar? Kaspar: Quit resisting, you! It's heading for the "K"! Friederich: Ha! It's obviously TRYING to (mmf) go to "F", you cheater! … Kaspar: Let's ask the Ouija board another question. Friederich: Ok, I've got one. Oh great Ouija board, will I grow up to be chancellor? Kaspar: It's moving! Friederich: "G… O…" Kaspar: "D… F… O… R… B… I… D." Friederich: When I want an editorial, I'll ASK for it, you stupid board! … Kaspar: How is it that this Ouija board knows all the answers to life's mysteries? Friederich: Let's ask it. Oh great Ouija board, how do you know all the answers? Kaspar: It's moving! It's moving! Friederich: What's it say? Kaspar: "3." Friederich: You know, I didn't ask for this last Christmas. I asked for a computer.
Friederich: You hit me with a rock!
Paulinchen: You punched me in the gut!
Friederich: I said I was sorry!
Kaspar: Ugh, I can't believe my best friend sided with Friederich.
Peter: I can't believe my best friend is Friederich.
Philip: Wow, chocolate chip cookie batter! I love it before it's cooked! Can I have some? Please, please?
Philip's mother: No, it's got raw eggs in it and you could get salmonella poisoning.
Philip: (disappointed) One more nostalgic part of childhood goes THBPPTH.
Peter: You ready to order?
Friederich: One moment. I'm conducting an experiment. (Shakes a pair of polyhedral dice)
Kaspar: With Dungeons and Dragons dice?
Friederich: Yes. From here on in, I've decided to make all trivial decisions with a throw of the dice, thus freeing up my mind to do what it does best- enlighten and amaze. (Lets go of the dice) Page 14, item 7. (Looks in the menu)
Kaspar: So, what's for dinner?
Friederich: (reads) A side of corn succotash. Hmm, interesting. (starts to roll the dice again) Let's see what I'll be washing that succotash down with… (Lets go of the dice, looks at them, then looks in the menu) …A pitcher of Shirley Temples.
Peter: Do you really want that?
Friederich: That’s the great thing. It doesn’t matter. My mind is freed up to think about more important things.
Kaspar: What’s it thinking about now?
Friederich: Liverwurst and orange juice.
Philip: Ducks are better than rabbits. Konrad: What? Rabbits are adorable. Have you ever been in a fight with a duck? Ducks are jerks. Kaspar: Duck is delicious! Rabbit is all gamey. Konrad: We’re not talking about flavor, Kaspar! Kaspar: Flavor counts! Konrad: Who carries around a duck’s foot for good luck? Anyone? Hans: You wrap yourself in a comforter stuffed with rabbit hair. I’ll wrap myself in a comforter stuffed with duck feathers! Who’s cozier? Konrad: Okay, but- Hans: NO, NO, NO, NO. WHO’S COZIER? Kaspar: Then why don’t we take a rabbit, a duck, stick ‘em in a cardboard box and let them fight it out! Konrad: BECAUSE IT’S ILLEGAL, KASPAR! Kaspar: ONLY IF WE BET ON IT, KONRAD! Philip: I- Jesus-
Kaspar's mother: (enjoying some clam chowder) Kaspar: gasp, wheeze Chowder! I need chowder! Kaspar's mother: Let's talk about this soup dependency of yours, Kaspar. Kaspar: First, a spoonful, then we talk.
Friederich: I told you from the start that you should talk to him if he brought it up and instead you said 'soup!' Kaspar: It was a reflex!