Incorrect opera quotes

Submissions welcome!

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I’m pretty but tough, like a diamond. Or beef jerky in a ball gown.

Odabella

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Leporello: Okay, this may come as a shock to you but people don't like to be lied to. Don Giovanni: Wrong. They don't like finding out they've been lied to. Because a lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth.

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Ferrando: The Count was in the bathroom for two hours practicing his "revenge face" before he set off

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Pamina: My mom likes to check on me to make sure I'm doing okay

Pamina: And if I am, she tries to reverse it

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Manrico: Count! Bite my entire ass! Count di Luna: What? Manrico: Go legally brain dead from lack of oxygen due to choking on my entire ass! Count di Luna: I… I… What?

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Figaro: I can explain! Count Almaviva: Can you? Figaro: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a good lie.

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Alvaro: You better have a good reason for this, Carlo. Carlo: Oh, I have several! Alvaro: Alright. Carlo: Pettiness... Carlo: ...and anger. Alvaro: That's it? Carlo: Oh, I also have a deep-seated need for attention.

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Don Giovanni: When I was young and straight, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I'm not proud of it. Leporello: You're kind of proud of it. You work it into a lot of conversations.

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"My life isn’t as glamorous as my wanted poster makes it look"

- Dick Johnson

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"Hello. My name is Sesto. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

-Sesto to Tolomeo

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"I am aware that I am an asshole. I really don’t care about all of that though."

-Onegin

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Leonora: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast? Manrico: Several traffic violations. Manrico: Three counts of resisting arrest. Manrico: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks. Manrico: Also, that’s not our car.

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Count Almaviva: Some people are like slinkies. Countess: Explain. Count Almaviva: Annoying, but bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs. Countess: Countess: Please don’t push Cherubino down the stairs. Count Almaviva: You can’t stop me

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Manon: What about my dreams? Des Grieux: Manon, I told you, we can't build you a candy house. It will fall apart, the sun will melt the candy, it won't work.

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Act II finale

Manrico: You have a lot of nerve coming in here. Count di Luna: You have a lot of nerve being alive.

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Rigoletto: How do you sleep at night?

Duke of Mantua: On silk sheets, rolling naked in money.

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Angelotti waiting during “Recondita Armonia” like :