my entire life is a rhythm thief shitpost

the ironic thing is anything I put here could very well have gone in the game and we all know it

[incorrectrhythmthief]

I swear to GOD if you don’t hold me closer, tiny dancer.

Marie

[incorrectrhythmthief]

It’s Cask of Mambo No. 5-illado.

Phantom R

[incorrectrhythmthief]

But I've got good news! You see, you don't have to wonder where your god is, 'cause she's right here. And she's fresh out of mercy!

Marie, to Jean-Francois

[incorrectrhythmthief]

Charlie: How can you be so smart and so clueless at the same time?

Phantom R: Practice.

[incorrectrhythmthief]

BD 1: At my age, do you know how I'm statistically most likely to die?

BD 2: At the hands of your twin brother?

BD 1: In an accident!

BD 2: That's how I'm gonna make it look.

[incorrectrhythmthief]

I think this is a quick brand update, I’m dead.

Phantom R

[incorrectrhythmthief]

Charlie: Where's Phantom R?

Marie: Who knows? It's like asking 'Where's Waldo?'.

[incorrectrhythmthief]

Urbain: Is your equipment secure?

Charlie: Check.

Urbain: Weapon loaded?

Charlie: Check.

Urbain: Did you have breakfast?

Charlie: What? That's not on the checklist.

Urbain: I added it because I care about you.

Charlie: ...No, I did not have breakfast.

Urbain: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.

Charlie: In my--hey! There's little chocolate chips in this.

Urbain: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating her fiber.

[incorrectrhythmthief]

Raphael, over text: Charlie answer your phone, it's important.

Charlie, over text: Give me a minute Raphael, I can't find my phone

Raphael: Okay. :)

Raphael:

Raphael: You're an awful friend. You know you're killing me? You're killing your best friend, Charlotte.

[incorrectrhythmthief]

I’m not proud of who I am, but by God, am I committed to it.

Raphael

[incorrectrhythmthief]

My mom is really That Bitch and I’m That Bitch Jr.

Marie

[incorrectrhythmthief]

--I said 'Do you mind if I still make fun of you on heists?' and Marie said 'Yeah, you can make fun of me. But just don't say that I'm a bitch and that you don't like me.' I was like 'The bar is so much lower than I ever imagined. That's it?' Also, I wouldn't say that. What kind of  heist would that even be? I would never say that, not even as a joke, that my girlfriend is a bitch and I don't like her. That is not true. My girlfriend is a bitch and I like her so much. She's a dynamite, 5'11 Babylonian bitch and she's the best.

Phantom R

[incorrectrhythmthief]

Charlie: Are you wearing makeup?

Phantom R: Well, I’m always wearing a little bit of foundation, but that’s not the point.

[incorrectrhythmthief]

Every now and then, Fondue does something very human-like and I get very nervous and ask him “Are you a person trapped in a dog’s body? Or did you choose this body?” very seriously to see if this time he will communicate with me and he always kinda looks to the side and then does what I imagine to be a person doing a bad impression of a dog, and it makes me so nervous because we do way too much weird shit around him for him to actually be a dude pretending to be a dog.

Raphael

[incorrectrhythmthief]

Oh you’re looking at me now! Don’t you even start! I’m on a razor’s edge! I’m listening to classical music and getting PUMPED. Did you even HEAR that CONCERTO??

Marie

[incorrectrhythmthief]

Michel: Get dressed!

Raphael: I don’t know if I feel up to it, really.

Emile: You don’t look that great, but if you eat something on the way, rejuvenate a little bit--

Michel: You could probably wear a mask or something.

Raphael: Just leave me to do my dark bidding on the Internet!

Emile: What are you bidding on?

Raphael: I’m bidding on a table.

[incorrectrhythmthief]

I am very small, and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.

Raphael, after Isaac vanished