Interviewer: Are you two married?
Scott: No, we’re en-gay-ged!
Mitch: Can I get an early divorce?

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@incorrectscomiche
Interviewer: Are you two married?
Scott: No, we’re en-gay-ged!
Mitch: Can I get an early divorce?
Kirstie: I can’t believe you and Scott broke the bed. You two must get so wild.
Mitch: Haha yeah...
*the night before*
Scott: I bet you can’t jump high enough to touch the ceiling.
Mitch: How do tall people like you actually sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you from your shoulders to your toes?
Scott: Mitch, it's 4 o'clock in the fucking morning.
Mitch: So, you can't sleep, huh?
Scott:
Mitch: ... Is it because of the blanket?
Scott: It's cool if not everyone thinks my husband is attractive. They're wrong and can go straight to hell, but it's cool.
Mitch: I need some space.
Scott: You're breaking up with me???
Mitch: We're not dating and OF COURSE I NEED SOME SPACE, YOU'RE TAKING UP ALL THE COUCH I'M LITERALLY SQUISHED.
Mitch: *yawns*
Scott: Yeah, being pretty must be tiring.
Mitch: Then you must feel refreshed.
Scott:
Scott: First of all-
Scott: Would you date a woman that's taller than you?
Mitch: No.
Scott: That's kinda shallow.
Mitch: I'm gay, Scott.
Mitch: Compliment me.
Scott: Uh... You have eyes.
Mitch:
Mitch: I'll take it.
Mitch: *walks into a shop*
Mitch: Hi, i'd like him to be six foot at least, hairy of course, strong but can also be chubby, big di–
Build-a-bear employee: SIR I think you have the wrong idea about what we do here.
Mitch: Life is one big yeehaw and then you die.
Scott: How did I know it would work?
Scott: I didn't.
Scott: What are we doing?
Mitch: Wasting our lives.
Scott: I meant for lunch.
Scott: *lays seductively on table*
Scott: Hey there– *table creaks*
Scott: Oh sh– *table breaks*
Mitch: Who the fuck are you?
Scott: Who the fuck are YOU?!
Mitch: I asked you first.
Scott: I asked you second.
Mitch: I'm so gay.
Kirstie: Are you looking at pictures of Scott again?
Mitch: ... Maybe.
Scott: The fact that i'm considered an adult is both terrifying and hilarious.