[incorrectwilds]

Agent Faber: I believe you said that your childhood experience was satisfactory?

Toni: No, you misheard me, I said it was ‘sadness factory’

[incorrectwilds]

Toni: Three years ago today, I married my best friend…

Toni: Shelby and Leah is still really mad about it but me and Fatin were drunk and thought it was funny

[incorrectwilds]

Toni: What happens when you die?

Leah: You go to heaven.

Toni: No, like,

Toni: Do I get your stuff?

[incorrectwilds]

Leah: Rachal just told me I only have four days to live.

Toni: You’re sick?

Leah: No, she just doesn’t like me.

Rachel: I’LL FUCK YOU UP ON TUESDAY!

[incorrectwilds]

Shelby, stroking Toni's hair: You’re so sleepy and adorable.

Toni, half asleep: I could literally kick your ass right now.

Shelby, looking at Toni with heart eyes: I know.

[incorrectwilds]

Toni: Fatin! What’re you doing today?

Fatin: Having my day ruined with whatever you’re about to ask me to do.

[incorrectwilds]

Toni: here’s a fun christmas idea. we’ll hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to fight whoever else is underneath

Dot: we are not doing that

Leah: mistlefoe

Dot: Leah, no

[incorrectwilds]

Fatin: Dot completes me.

Leah: Um, hello?

Fatin: You’re nice too, Leah.

Leah: I’m your girlfriend.

Fatin: Ahh, but she’s my soulmate

[incorrectwilds]

Toni: i don’t even use tubberware anymore

Leah: what are you saying? say it again

Toni: tubberware

Shelby: say it again. slow

Toni: tubberware

Leah: slow, very slow – actually say the first syllable

Toni: tub

Leah: wrong

Toni: what do you mean, wrong?

Shelby: tupperware. tupper

Toni: it’s tupper?

Leah: it’s tupper, always has been, always will be

Toni: i thought it was tubberware because it kinda looks like a tub

[incorrectwilds]

*at the store*

Fatin: Excuse me? I lost my friend, Toni. Can I make an announcement?

Clerk: Of course.

Fatin: *leans into mic* Goodbye, you little shit.

[incorrectwilds]

Fatin: *gets a paper cut* OW! Son of a bi-

Shelby: Fatin! *gestures wildly to the child* CHILDREN!

Fatin: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-iiiiis-cuit…. Son of a biscuit…. that’s it.

Toni: Nice save!

Fatin: Yeah, fucking nailed it.

Shelby: Wh-? Fatin!

[incorrectwilds]

Shelby: We’ll handle this the way we always do!

Toni: Mental breakdowns?

Leah: Almost dying?

Shelby: No! By sticking together and never giving up!

[hearteyesandviolence]

Toni: You know I’m totally committed to you, right? I don’t want you thinking I’m some sort of player just because my game is so tight.

Shelby: ……Toni, your “game” was to pretend like me having lychee on my face was the funniest thing ever so you could touch my face, then staring at me till I kissed you.

Toni:……….I got that kiss tho.

Shelby: *Smiling* Yeah, you did.

[incorrectwilds]

Toni: Do you wanna know how I actually hurt my ankle?

Leah: Yes.

Toni: I was hula-hooping. I attend a class for fitness and for fun.

Leah: *whispers* Oh my god...

Toni: I’ve mastered all the moves – The Pizza Toss, The Tornado, The Scorpion, The Oopsie Doodle.

Leah: Why are you telling me all this?

Toni: *smirking* Because no one will ever believe you.

Leah: You sick, sick son of a bitch.

[incorrectwilds]

Doctor: name?

Fatin: Fatin Jadmani

Doctor: Sex?

Fatin: Three times a day.

Doctor: I meant male or female

Fatin: Doesn’t matter.

[incorrectwilds]

Fatin: I love people who are incredibly book smart but otherwise stupid as shit. Leah got a 4.0 GPA in college but had to ask me if there were calories in soap.

[incorrectwilds]

Toni: as far as plans go, this is not a good one.

Leah: This was your plan, Toni.

Toni: I didn't think you guys would agree.