M. | you're right about that. they would. / @dawnmantle - fuyumi.
loss tastes bitter on the tongue. ultimately, in surviving, he failed. in every goddamn breath taken, syllable uttered, and day survived after that, he must cope with the fact that he failed. in that disappointment, freedom. he may not have taken endeavor's life, but he may as well have. at least now, toya gets to life long enough to see him carry those mistakes and destroy him from the inside out.
he steps forward. crutch. then foot. next crutch. next foot. the process repeats. its sister's house stands before them. mom won't be home yet. good. he foolishly hopes she'll be out during his entire visit. no ... he's never been that lucky.
" maybe these days. " each breath comes with effort. " not when we were kids, fuyumi-chan. they'd only miss us now cause they know they've fucked up ... spare me the lecture. you know it's true. "
amorphous shadows, cast through the gaping aperture at which they stand, seem to bleed onto her grisly features, eclipsing the far side of her face. if one were to scrutinize closely, they may notably pick out a discreet furrow of her browline, the muscles of her face pinched together in thought.
a waxen moon presses against the night sky, fighting callously against endless obscurity; it's their only source of illumination, save for cigarette's dimly-glowing embers. delicately, the stick is offered back to dabi, for sake of resting her forearms along the windowsill. โ i've heard it all before, โ she retorts, her jaw tightened, and so speaking through grit teeth. โ how "impactful" he's been, how "thought-provoking", how "profound". in truth, he's a stepping stone: a miniboss. someone you'll forget when his five minutes of fame run out. โ her hand lifts, propping her chin onto the palm. โ i wanna turn this society on its head, show them how worthless they are without their protector at the helm. he wants to preserve all might's legacy; i wanna destroy it. where's your logic, here? โ
he inhales. tar, nicotine, and other bitter flavors hit his tongue. then his throat, then his lungs. it burns, but it's a welcome sensation. it feels restorative. it belongs within him. after all, it is well aware that it was created to burn and nothing else.
ashes from the cigarette are tapped outside the window. they drift through the air, then get carried away in a rare breeze. maybe that's how they'll be, the two of them; fates set and certain, until ... he exhales. " a miniboss. jesus christ. " though he sounds more amused at her lingo than anything else. " he's sayin' shit people have thought, but not had the courage to say before. your miniboss made an impact with conviction most of our kind already have. " hooded gaze falls upon her, death. and so by concept alone, he wants him. " he wants to prove that hero society is full of fakesโ worthless. he's got a hard-on for the big guy, sure, but the concept remains similar. you both wanna tear down this garbage hero society. " but there's a reason he remains with tomura, rather than on his own. " you're more radical with it, though. the hero killer's will is true, but his ass is rotting in tartarus. you're not. i'm still hangin' around cause i see your strengthโ your conviction, boss. "
M. | โ why are you looking at me like that? โ / @kauterized
" the fuck does it matter to you? " cigarette is flicked to the ground by a scarred index finger, and promptly stomped on by a boot. dabi peels his eyes away from the stranger. looking away laborious; keeping his eyes on the kid is an indulgence. what it beholds is through a cracked looking glass, ushering him back into the past. they don't look the same, but by his tone โ he hears shoto. is he missed, little brother? is he mourned?
" just remind me of someone, is all. move on, kid. late for you to be out alone. "
everyone's seen this panel and i see sooo much speculation about it. specifically in regards to the lack of shoto in this panel, and how him being "erased" is a part of toya's ultimate dream. i don't necessarily think that's true. at this point of the manga, natsuo and fuyumi have just arrived on scene.
we don't see adult toya reject shoto as his sibling. in fact, he even delights in shoto's presence in his own twisted way. even as a kid, he puts the blame of enji's neglect correctly onto enji. after that, shoto was separated from the rest of the kids. and beyond that, it wasn't too long after the separation that toya went into his coma.
furthermore, we know toya is incredibly regressed at this point. he's so deep into who he was as a kid, this panel can be such a reflection as to what toya ultimately wanted- but through the eyes of a child. he sees what's in front of him. endeavor, rei, fuyumi, and natsuo, and puts them in this little brief fantasy to cope.
shoto's absence, if anything, can be chalked up to the lack of his appearance in the manga at this time, and the lack of time shoto and toya actually spent around each other.
toya's post-canon verse. after surviving his attempt to take out endeavor, toya spends about a 6-8 in intensive medical treatment before officially being sentenced. when he is officially sentenced, his mental health, history, and quality of life all come into play. as it stands, toya will never be fully functional again. he'll never be able to live on his own again without assistance. he will always need some sort of crutches - (he uses forearm crutches), hearing aids, glasses, and help with day to day tasks. his fine motor skills are mostly shot, so one of the first things worked on in physical therapy is doing things like writing and moving all of his fingers properly again.
during the months he's in medical care, he gets a multitude of skin grafts to restore his normal features - though he will always have some degree of deformity (similar to how he looked from waking from the coma).
his sentencing includes house arrest with either fuyumi or natsuo. like i've stated before, the last people toya needs to be with are his parents. he has no interest in seeing endeavor at the beginning. as such, he chooses to go into natsuo's care. he's also required to go to therapy regularly, which he does. over time, he starts to become himself again - less regressed and more like a mix between "dabi" and who toya truly is. he'll eventually want to repair the bonds between his siblings, though his parents will always remain a sore spot. additionally, he does accept visitors (the lov, etc.), and eventually gets special releases to visit them too, wherever they are.
his last requirement forbids him from using his quirk when off of his home premises. even though by technicality, he could use it, doing so would cause him immense pain. he chooses to "give up" his quirk, so to speak, and just live a life focused on better things.
dabi's scarring/physicality in canon and post canon. tw for general body horror/body yuckiness/body trauma/burnt flesh talk/medical talk below:
the first thing to note here is that at the time he's sixteen, 70% of his body is burnt beyond recognition, or so garaki informs. now almost a decade later, dabi's body is now roughly 85% burnt. despite the 15% increase, the 85% comes from careful calculation on dabi's part rather than reckless overuse of his quirk. while dabi's personality changes and regresses around endeavor, he's actually a calculated individual outside of those interactions. we see that expressed multiple times throughout canon, and there's no way he could've survived this long if he wasn't both cautious and smart when it comes to his own body.
the sheer amount of burns means he has to be incredibly careful with how he moves. fortunately (or perhaps the opposite) for him, he expresses that he doesn't "feel" much of the pain anymore. while this is true for new wounds, i don't believe this is the case for old wounds. for any time he reopens a wound, or a new inch of skin is burnt, he will be feeling in in a matter of days. he handles this chronic pain by misusing narcotics and stolen prescription meds.
onto the nature of his wounds. it can be hard to discern exactly how this purplish-raised skin acts. does it behave like normal skin, is it scar tissue, is it a scab? in truth, it's a bit of all three. naturally, when his quirk is activated from the same spots, the same places will be injured over and over again. overuse of his quirk will then cause the burns to spread farther and farther out from the origin point of the quirk activation.
that said, let's start at the point of origin.
as we see from the flashbacks provided, toya's flames manifest around his chest. as he continues to train, he discovers that he can manifest them on his arms. given the patterns of the scarring, he can also manifest them on his back. those three points are going to burn the hottest for the longer periods of time.
because of that, the area right around those origin points act more like scabs than tissue or skin. this is what reopens/re-burns the most when his quirk is activated. these areas also hold the most amount of nerve damage, so it's less felt when these wounds are tampered with. they often crack when turning or extending. occasionally, these wounds have to be dressed and tended to, so infection doesn't grow.
onto the area near the origin points. this would be his sides, up his arms, down his legs, and his neck. this acts more like new scar tissue. this will be the "brightest" shade of purple, as it's not too far off from being in a scab-like state. this will re-tear if there's too much extension or use. these areas are also the second most likely to reburn, pulling it back to a scab-like state, and must be rehealed. these areas actually hold the most amount of pain, since it's in this incomplete state between scab and scar tissue.
the areas farthest from quirk origin points. these areas include his hands, cheeks, feet, and eyes. these points operate the closest like normal skin, though can't be considered so. they are still horrifically burnt, but act more like older scar tissue than new scar tissue or scabs. these areas don't provide too much pain until it's reburnt. then, because these areas have the most amount of nerves, it causes dabi quite a bit of pain. these are the most tangible, and can take some movement before splitting.
i want to briefly point out his joints and motion spots. no matter how "healed" they are, any over-extension will cause pain and may even split. this is mainly seen on his lips. when smiling or expressing too wide, the corners of his lips will split and bleed. i want to draw attention to dabi's "blood" tears for a moment. since his tear ducts are burnt, he's unable to cry. this causes internal bleeding and eventually drip out of his cheek wound.
onto upkeep of these wounds. we've all seen the staples. my dabi wears gold, by the way, instead of silver. the staples are meant to keep the skin from sloughing off. it promotes the healing of tissue and tendons beneath, but it's primarily to keep the skin on his body. otherwise, he'd likely die of hypothermia as the skin burns of sloughs off. the placement of the staples are updated as needed, but as i mentioned before dabi is very careful about overuse of his quirk. it's not until after meeting endeavor that the staple placements have to be adjusted. after a hard mission or after taking some hits, he may have to re-staple himself, but that's out of bodily injuries caused TO him, rather than something he does himself.
if the staples are removed, his body parts will hang by the tendon alone!
his daily routine does have to be modified in order to accomodate for these wounds and the chronic pain accompanied with it. when showering, he must be careful of how long these wounds are exposed to water. his showers have to be relatively quick, and relatively cool. afterwards, he has to fully dry and be incredibly careful that no moisture is left on the wounds before dressing. in addition to showering, he also prefers to wear loose clothing, as tight clothes tend to up against the wounds and cause them to re-open or rip from the staples. dabi also sleeps a lot. not only is he a creature who enjoys routine, sleep helps the healing process, and more often than not, he can nap or sleep for a few hours.
geten also mentioned the smell, so i think it's important to note as well. he remarks that toya smells like burning flesh, and that is absolutely true. he regularly smells like charcoal or "burnt". along with this, he smells like tobacco from the cigarettes he smokes, and very... chemical from the hair dye he uses.
onto post-canon. first of all, this is what he canonly looks like.
yikes. now this form is created because of the "supernova" toya becomes, which seems to completely burn his body, and almost replace his internal organs with a glowing blue flame. here, though, we see that his eyes are returned to him and he can look upon his family. he seems to retain vision there, too - so it's not just an aesthetic addition.
in my post-canon verse, this supernova that toya becomes is a result of the quirk given to him in the final war. rather than actually cause life-ending damage to his insides, the quirk was contained in itself and spared him death. instead, the burns and injuries we see above are due to his body's natural inclination to not handle such intense heat. at this point, toya is being treated like a severe burn patient. he'll stay in this fancy tube for around 3-4 months. while in this tube, he's mostly in a coma-esque state, only being awake for a single hour a day to talk to his family.
after 4 months, there will have been enough internal healing to be able to transfer into the burn ward of a villain hospital. here, he's more conscious and more "with his senses", rather than the regressed state we saw in the final war. he starts mandated counseling sessions during this time, and lawyers are finally able to take his statements for proper sentencing. skin grafts and plastic surgeries begin at this time to help restore his appearance.
after another 4-5 months in the burn ward, he will be transferred to a more "residential" area of the hospital. at this point, he's able to be awake most of the day. he also starts physical therapy. it's important to note that toya will never be "able-bodied" again. his nerves are too damaged, and it's just not possible for him to live on his own. he starts learning to walk again, using forearm crutches to help his gait. he practices using his hands again, though he'll never be able to write. he also undergoes speech therapy to be more easily understood. he starts to look more like himself after the plastic surgeries, which will continue to take place every few months until his appearance is fully restored.
after about a year of intense treatment, toya is finally released to natsuo's and fuyumi's care. toya's quality of life does have a sway on his sentencing. because of that, he's sentenced to house arrest under the care of the two listed before. endeavor is the last person he needs to be with from a mental standpoint, given enji is his abuser and the one who neglected him time and time again. rei, herself, is in no place to be taking care of him, either.
he chooses to go with natuso, as they were bonded the most. as he adjusts to this new quality of life, he does have mandated intense therapy. toya will never be able to use his quirk post-canon. he "can", by technicality, but he's in such a fragile state, despite looking more healed than ever. it would be a bad idea, and the grafted skin can easily split again. in general, he's too weak to even muster the strength to conjure a flame. despite the state his body is in by the end of it all, he's finding peace at last.
silent. morose. the interstices of that wilting building breached with silver moonlight. scents of tobacco and corrosion, of cauterized skin as stiff as death itself, and them in its epicenter. yellowed teeth hover just around the thin paper of a cigarette shared between them, its burning edge warm against the uneven skin of her long, crooked fingers. its eyes are cast out an open window, finding solace in a fitful breeze. it's the sole respite from the night's muggy air, so thick that she could nearly reach out and touch it. โ it's kinda interesting that you found a checkpoint here, of all places. โ her wrist pivots, focusing her eyes on the still-smoking cinders pinched in her hand. โ with the way you were raving when we first met, i'd expect you to have been disinterested with sticking around for the long run. what changed? โ @cremash, โก.
he hates this kind of night. the damp, warm breeze clings to his skin. it softens the scab-like nature of his scarring, making it easier to peel. easier to infect. easier to rot. with every motion and movement, it feels as though he's melting. melting before her, and melting into her. it prefers the dry air, to be pulled taut so that any too-quick movement forces the taste of blood to trickle onto his bottom lip. eyes are hooded upon her. call it the latest drug in its system โ or the humid air making him soft, but it finds its chest warm with tomura's company. โ 'a checkpoint.' โ a half-laugh, half-cough follows in its wake. it leans against the window, finding no relief between the humidity of the room and the humidity of the air outside. needs to fuckin' rain already. โ the way i see it, what the league wants aligns with the same shit i want. โ he excludes how riding with the league will guide him ever-nearer to his own goal. โ hate him all ya want, but your motivations aren't far off from stain's. i like that. โ
