Do u think the vamps fart
anon bean, i am looking at you through the screen with the same dead-eyed judgment reiji reserves for a chipped tea cup (while laughing so hard i'm legit seeing stars). logically, they’re stagnant corpses who only ingest blood, so the gastric bypass of it all suggests their digestive tracts are basically just hollow, cobweb-filled pipes that shouldn't produce enough gas to lift a feather
however, since we're trapped in DL game logic where they can somehow devour takoyaki and carbonara, we (ofc) have to address the supernatural air pollution
shu: would 100% rip one in his sleep, wake up briefly to the sound, realize he doesn't care enough to apologize for the biological warfare, and drift back into bach-land (bc never have i heard a classical composer more boring yet unbelievably hard to play—the auditory equivalent of a dry saltine) while you’re left to suffer through the methane fallout
reiji: would sooner submit to a silver stake through the heart than admit to a vulgar bodily function; if his internal pipes ever betrayed him, he’d mask the sound with a sharp cough, immediately spray the room with a $500 bottle of cologne, and gaslight you into believing you’ve developed auditory hallucinations due to your deficient human hygiene
ayato: the undisputed titan of biological comedy. he lives to drop one during reiji's most pretentious monologues just to watch the vein in his bro's forehead reach its breaking point. he’s also the guy who keeps a stash of whoopee cushions hidden under the dining room chairs; if he can't produce the sound naturally, he will manufacture it for the sole purpose of seeing reiji’s soul leave his body. and yes, he has 100% tried to see if he could use a lighter to turn his flatulence into a blue-flame flamethrower
kanato: teddy is the only one who knows the truth, and if you ever suggest he’s capable of something so unsightly, he will scream that you’re a disgusting, filthy human before throwing a strawberry tart at your head to mask the evidence with the smell of sugar
laito: interestingly enough, the diatwink most easily embarrassed by it. he wants so badly to be the elegant, ethereal predator, so a sudden, unscripted squeak is the only thing that makes him drop the 'fufufu' act in favour of a silent, wide-eyed crisis. he’ll immediately pull his fedora down to hide his flaming face, stammer something about "the floorboards being noisy", and flee the room in a state of genuine, uncharacteristic ego-death. for once, the pervert is the one who feels violated by his own existence
subaru: he’d get so violently flustered by his own biology that he’d punch a hole in the nearest load-bearing wall to distract you with the sound of crumbling masonry. he’ll turn bright red all the way to his ears, vibrating with pure mortification while screaming, "SHUT UP, YOU PERVERTED WOMAN! YOU DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING!" the more you try to tell him it's natural, the more walls he destroys (reiji weeps for their allowance. rip)
prguitarman
yousharknotpass
gamechangershow
vaporwave
pixelskylines
tangentwithtanner
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
