[inepiteble]

“The sun will shine again” he said.

“I love cloudy season” she said.

[inepiteble]

“I am used to being strong on my own, but I let you in and it becomes my weakness”

[inepiteble]

“I’m here”

Tau gak sih kenapa walaupun aku introvert (agak banget) tapi aku suka ajak temen ketemu padahal aku gak pengen cerita apa-apa, yang penting ketemu aja gitu?

1. Mungkin love language-ku memang quality time/acts of service? I mean, aku lebih suka ketemu langsung daripada chat apalagi telepon. Bodo amat kita ga intens chatting, tapi kalau mau ngobrol atau sekedar jalan-jalan atau mungkin lagi pengen makan/beli sesuatu dan butuh temen, aku siap.

2. I love being alone but hate being lonely. Klise tapi memang sangat benar.

3. Memvalidasi keberadaanku. Aku cuma butuh merasa hidup dengan cara jadi kupingnya teman-teman-ku sekalipun aku gak bisa bantuin mereka haha. Aku nulis ini pun karena kepikiran beberapa minggu terakhir ini menghabiskan weekend dengan temen yang berbeda dan selalu diisi deep talk, lalu pas pulang aku merasakan hal yang sama: “Aku masih ada di dunia”

And the best thing is, akhir-akhir ini aku suka tiba-tiba di-personal chat sama mereka yang pernah menghabiskan weekend sama aku —biasanya kita kalau ngobrol di grup— dan personal chat itu cuma buat ngasih tau hal receh yang emang relate sama aku. Indah banget rasanya dianggap ada dan diinget sama temen buat hal-hal kecil. Makanya aku juga senang komentarin postingan teman-teman, karena aku ingin mereka tau aku tuh temen kalian dan aku inget kalian.

[inepiteble]

If you were me

Would you be this lacking?

Would you stuck being a mediocre?

Would you accept this kind of job?

Would you spend your money?

Would you stop thinking about the past?

Would you stop guessing what will happen?

Would you scared of getting in a relationship?

Would your mother nag you cause you’re not forgiving your toxic father yet?

[inepiteble]

When They Become Silent

When they become silent

Don't say they don't care

They might be care too much

That they don't want to hurt you by their words

.

When they become silent

Don't say they hate to be your friend

They might be love you as friend

That they can't fake themselves to agree with your negativity

.

When they become silent

Don't say they're selfish

They might be on their battle with themselves

That you made fun of

[inepiteble]

Ok, but, have you ever just laying on bed and suddenly want to say "Thank you" to someone who did you dirty cause you realize you learnt a lot from him?

Well,

Thank you.

[inepiteble]

Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you cannot hear my voice

I'll be right beside you dear

[inepiteble]

[inepiteble]

[inepiteble]

At some point, I used to wish I would disappear from this world

The whole world seemed so dark and I cried every night

Will I feel better if I just disappeared?

I was so afraid of everyone’s eyes on me

During those beautifully beautiful days, I was in pain

I hated myself for not being able to receive love

My mom and my dad, they’re only looking at me

It’s not how I really feel but I keep getting farther away

What do I do?

What do I do?

What do I do?

What do I do?

The saying time is medicine was really true for me

As the days went by, I really got better

But sometimes, when I’m too happy, I’m afraid I’ll be in pain again

I’m afraid that someone will take away this happiness

Those beautifully beautiful memories were so painful

I was hurting and hurting but the pain wouldn’t go away

My friends, all these people, they’re only looking at me

This isn’t how I really am but I keep getting farther away

But still, maybe I can be

A bright light in this world

Maybe after all of that pain

I can shortly shine a light

So I couldn’t give up

I couldn’t fall asleep peacefully for a single night

Because maybe if I keep trying to get up like this

I will find myself

How painful must it have been?

How painful must it have been?

How high must my hopes have been?

[inepiteble]

Why bother feeling lonely when you gonna die alone anyway?

[inepiteble]

I ran into some acquaintances

For the first time in a while

They came to me and said hello

And started talking about you

Who you met, what you did

How I’m doing, how I’m managing

After exchanging updates

They end with worrying about me

Then I smile and say, that’s good to hear

I’m alright, no problem

But actually, sadly, I’m not alright

Every night, every night, when I close my eyes

I hate you when you appear in my dreams

I tried to shake off this feeling

And to the friend who talked badly about you

I said, no when I think about it now

I’m actually thankful

Again, I smile and say, that’s good to hear

I’m alright, no problem

But actually, sadly, I’m not alright at all

Every night, every night, without fail, I see you in my dreams

Everyone knows, I’m not alright

Every night, every night, when I close my eyes

I hate you when you appear in my dreams

Then what do I do?

Day by day, my lies keep building up

[inepiteble]

[inepiteble]

"Regret" is not something you can explain with "At least I've tried"

So try it or regret it

[inepiteble]

The world is keep running no matter what.

It doesn't care about you.

[inepiteble]

When you failed too much and you don't know what to do about it and you just live your life cause you're still breathing

[inepiteble]

For the things that lost

This emptiness feel so wrong

I want to restart my life