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college grad navigating relationships

[infatuatedheloise]

Hello!!

New to the teacher crush community but wanted to join and share some of my experiences :D

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◇ I'm Heloise (not real name)

◇ 23 yrs old

◇ they/them

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☆ He's Abelard (again, not real name)

☆ 49 yrs old (26 yr age gap)

☆ My professor

☆ Married and has a daughter around my age

☆ Known him since Spring semester 2023

☆ No longer have a crush on him but we're still close friends

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♤ Peter is a mutual friend of ours

♤ My boyfriend

♤ He’s 27

♤ Has a master’s degree in stuff related to what Abelard teaches/has a phd in

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This is my sideblog! (so I like and follow from my main!)

I don't condone teacher/student relationships nor cheating and I have no intention of pursuing my feelings! This is just a place to let them out.

As noted above, I no longer have feelings for my professor, though this blog started as a teacher crush blog. I still post about our friendly interactions occasionally, though!

[infatuatedheloise]

guys I'm like actually mad at Abelard for one of the first times ever 😭

I invited him to come to an event that my boyfriend and I are going to, and he didn't seem super interested. so I was like "ok whatever"

come to find out, he invited other people to come with us and

he isn't actually planning on coming to the event

like lol wtf?? why would you invite other people to something you've been invited to and then not even go?????

[infatuatedheloise]

he hugs me so much now

basically every time we see each other, which is not often, he gives me a hug ☺️ it's so nice

[infatuatedheloise]

he also texted me to say how "immensely impressed and proud" he is of what I have done as long as he's known me and what I particularly did for this conference, and then said a bunch of really nice things about how well my presentation went 😁

my #1 supporter

[infatuatedheloise]

after the conference and we had all gone home, Abelard texted me and said "hey, we should talk sometime, but this is always the case"

and said he wants to talk about my feelings on the conference and what I think about it

so I offered to meet up at a local coffee shop 🫣

he didn't say anything to that lmfao but in his defense he was prepping to leave for a different conference

but sometime soon we should be meeting up somewhere to talk :)

[infatuatedheloise]

oh and while we were squished together in that car before the dance

he made a joke or said something that was kinda sexual (joining in on the broader conversation with friends that was already jokingly sexual)

and I put my hand on his shoulder in a way I meant to signify surprise and teasing a bit (lol if that makes any sense)

he didn't move (there wasn't any room to) and he didn't react to it

[infatuatedheloise]

after that party, we went to an after for about 30 mins and then we both left at the same time

the rooms we were staying in were right next to each other, so we were saying some goodbyes before heading to bed.

I think he asked me how I was enjoying the conference so far, or something to that effect

I said I wasn't really enjoying it (true) and he asked me why, so I explained (tldr interpersonal problems with the friends we were with) but not without being incredibly awkward about it and struggling to say it

so I kept saying, like, "I don't know" and awkwardly laughing and I think he was confused (maybe annoyed?) at what was happening so at one point I grabbed onto his shoulders and sighed, then tried to tell him again and let go

eventually I managed to say it, and he said "I'm sorry. I understand where you're coming from" and gave me a hug

and since he was involved in this issue I had told him about, his apology was incredibly genuine

and I think he hugged me to comfort me, which was nice :)

[infatuatedheloise]

there was a dance at the end of the conference, and at one point during it, I kept looking over at him and he looked at me and I thought it looked like he wanted to say something

so I said "what?" and he said "I could ask you the same thing"

💀 not my awkward staring 😭

[infatuatedheloise]

I've said it multiple times, but I don't have feelings for Abelard anymore

sometimes they still pop back up though lol

because being so close to him in that car, squished up against him, our thighs and shoulders touching, I wanted nothing more than to kiss him 💀💀💀💀

[infatuatedheloise]

went to a conference with Abelard and a bunch of friends so I have some stories, not very many though

at one point, we were all walking together from our dorms to another building and suddenly another friend with a car drove up & asked if we wanted a ride

we all said yes, but there wasn't quite enough room for all of us to fit in the car

I ended up sitting next to Abelard and we were all smushed together lol

at one point I had to move because I couldn't breathe and I ended up pushing my entire chest into his arm 😭😭😭😭 he moved immediately lmao I felt so awkward bc I truly was not trying to do anything, I just couldn't breathe 💀

[infatuatedheloise]

we hung out at a friend's house this weekend, and we were all in the backyard talking around a fire

he started out sitting diagonally from me and not super close, but he eventually moved his chair to sit right next to me

I'd like to think it was because he wanted to be closer to me, but it was probably more like he moved because of the campfire smoke lol

[infatuatedheloise]

idk what has happened, but lately I'll text him and he'll read my messages and then not reply, at most he'll like a message or two but we're not really talking that much :/

but then we hang out in person and everything's fine and he's hugging me because he missed me and stuff

[infatuatedheloise]

Abelard and I were hanging out with some friends the other day, and I noticed that whenever everyone would laugh at something that was said, he would look at me, omg

and I guess I only know that because I looked to him when everyone was laughing lol

cool that we look at each other in a group when we laugh :)

[infatuatedheloise]

oh I think I forgot to write about this, but that day Abelard and friends and I went to the play:

as I said before, I drove over to the theater, but Abelard walked

I'm not sure if we happened to get there at the same time or if he had been waiting outside for me, but we met up outside the theater and walked in together, where we found his wife waiting

for a couple minutes, it was just the three of us and we chatted for a bit

Abelard told his wife that he and I had been hanging out/talking before this and we went to that movie on campus together

and it might have just been me projecting because I'm so anxious around his wife since I'm not sure what she thinks of me & I'm scared she thinks I'm trying to get with her husband 💀 which I'm not

anyway. it totally might have just been my own projection, but I felt like after Abelard had said we were hanging out earlier, his wife had this...look on her face for a brief moment that was like... I'm not sure, suspicious? doubtful? concerned? and she looked at Abelard like that and then changed her expression. I don't think he saw

again I probably made that up but I'm even more anxious around her now 😓 I promise I'm not trying to steal your husband we're just really close !! ugh I feel so bad

[infatuatedheloise]

one part of the play asked for audience participation, and I hate doing that, so I didn't

Abelard didn't participate either

but then he started making fun of me for not participating 😭

and then after the show, me, him, and our friends were talking about the show

and Abelard again made fun of me for not participating 😭😭😭 so I playfully punched him on the arm a couple times lmao

[infatuatedheloise]

we met up outside the theater and we waited for his wife and our friends to get there

eventually everyone showed up and we went to watch the play! I ended up sitting next to Abelard and his wife was on the other end of our friends 💀 I felt kinda bad about that

but also I was glad I wasn't sitting in between him and his wife again 💀💀💀💀 cause I've done that at the two other plays we've seen together and it's always been awkward hahaha

anyway the play was good!

his wife ended up not feeling well and went home after the first act, which was unfortunate

I noticed before she left that she was wearing her wedding ring again, which she and Abelard don't normally do

before his wife left, Abelard like, sent her kisses as she walked away and she sent them back

it's sweet but personally I hate pda so I felt awkward

especially since I was def in Abelard's line of sight as his wife walked away because of the way we were all standing, and I was facing him so at first it kinda seemed like he was doing it to me, though I of course knew he was doing it to his wife lol

[infatuatedheloise]

after dinner, we had plans to meet with friends at the campus theater to see a play together

normally we'd walk, but I unfortunately have a back injury right now which makes me unable to walk long distances, so I was going to walk back to my car

he was walking with me and followed me as I began to walk towards my car (in the opposite direction of the theater)

I didn't say anything and just assumed I'd drive us both over, which was not a problem

then he said, "I'm going to walk you back to your car and then walk over"

again I was surprised since I wasn't expecting him to walk in the opposite direction just to walk me to my car, but it was very nice and I appreciated it :)