psychicjean:
“Can you even spell Steven Hawking?”
Wade began to mimic the voice of the scientists’ computer. “Fight me, Fire Crotch.”
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Sweet Seals For You, Always

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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will byers stan first human second
Cosmic Funnies
Monterey Bay Aquarium

shark vs the universe

祝日 / Permanent Vacation

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hello vonnie
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seen from Netherlands
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@infectedexecutioner
psychicjean:
“Can you even spell Steven Hawking?”
Wade began to mimic the voice of the scientists’ computer. “Fight me, Fire Crotch.”
badideaone:
“Fuck, how did I miss this?” he chuckled sarcastically “Hm… maybe we are, I mean; hearing people are always pulling up jokes on us so we have to be one step ahead all the time. Are hearing people always that sassy? Oh, wait; I don’t need to ask that. I already know you are.”
“Probably because you didn’t... hear about it.” You know, sometimes, you can’t even blame me, the brain, for this shit. Wade could put it down to word vomit, but he was never one for labels. Shame that doesn’t apply to crappy puns. “Yes, we are. I could disable you in two point five seconds. The extra point five being the time I take to find where the ‘off’ switch on your hearing aid is.”
Herman Melville, Moby Dick
Popcorn Corruption | Harley and Wade
bloodanddiamondsx:
Harley put on her best, most over dramatic shocked face. “Me?! I’m not late, I’ve been waiting here for you!” Harley said softly, with a wink. Hmm. She shrugged, “Plus, I know how quickly you loose your phone, I didn’t think you would have it.”
His threats had little effect over her as she grabbed a handful of popcorn, shoving it all in her mouth. “Did you get me a slushie?” Harley peeped as she looked over the extraordinary amount of snacks Wade, she assumed, bought. The blonde couldn’t help but giggle at the thought of popcorn being stuck in some innocent persons hair. They would never see it coming.
“Come on.” Harley said, taking his hand in her own, hoping that he could balance all the treats with one hand. “I found the best seats!” She said as she marched back to the seats she left behind, hoping they were still there.
“Liar liar pants on fire. That’s what all the guilty people say. Jesus, Harleen. That one was worse than ‘sorry, North Korea decided to launch a nuclear attack on my house just as I was getting in my car’. I’ve heard it all before.” Wade merely tutted with his feigned annoyance. For all he knew, she was probably telling the truth. It was just easier to claim the innocent victim.
His eyelids narrowed into slits. “If you eat all of it now, there’s not going to be enough popcorn left to hide the hole I’ve cut out of the bottom of this cardboard.” He was joking, obviously. Wade couldn’t lecture Harley about space one minute than have her fondle his dingaling the next. It wasn’t... moral? Hey, recognising that morality exists. Go you. Ten points to Gryffindor!
Wade jerked when she grasped his fingers, his free hand scrambling to hold his purchases in between his forearm and chest. The feat was unsuccessful as packets of M&M’s tumbled to the floor. If she weren’t holding his hand and rushing, Wade would outstretch his palms in a gesture of despair at the fallen comrade. ‘My Heart Will Go On’ shall play as the darkness of the cinema corridor enveloped him. Now he was certainly regretful he hadn’t bought her an iced drink. It would of pleased him to see it poured all over her head.
Still bitter about his lost sweets, a heavy scowl adorned his features as he navigated the aisles behind Harley. Wade stood on the toes of a heavy set man, and the tub of lard hissed with pain. He pretended not to notice. “These seats better be good.” Wade whispered fiercely into the back of her hair. “Otherwise I’m going to embarrass the living daylights out of you for the whole two hours.”
mistressxofxmagic:
“Fair enough, but how about this? When or if that happens I’ll help you through you AA program and I’m sure we’ll be able to find you a new dream.”
“There isn’t an if about it. If I don’t get internet fame from peeing on an electric fence, I could totally be a sob story. The ‘real life Freddy Krueger’ kinda has a ring to it. If you want to be a part of this dream, you can be my secretary and take the calls from ABC and CBS.”
Smooth Criminal ||Open
missagentpeggycarter:
“I hate the taste, if I want to be reminded of old times I go to a museum.”
“You’re so weird. I dig it.”
badideaone:
“Naked protest…? How come I’ve heard of that?” he inched his chin thinking then he looked right back at him frowning. “Wait! Are you tricking me or something? Dud, you don’t joke about conspiracy theories.”
“Yup, it was a thing. Schlongs and saggy breasts as far as the eye could see. ‘Twas a good day.” Wade shook his head adamantly. “Not a trick. Are deaf people usually this mistrusting?”
psychicjean:
“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at another vegetable again…”
“Don’t talk about Stephen Hawking like that. What the hell is wrong with you?”
bornoficeandrage:
“Trick or treat?”
Either go hard, or go home--trick me up, biatch.”
📷
📷: what kinds of things does your muse take photos of?
The usual. Dozens of selfies, food wrappers, Cornelia sleeping with her mouth open--
“--And thongs in low rider jeans.”
📂
📂: how is your muse’s phone organized?
“Ha. Ha, ha, ha.”
Send me a ღ and I’ll fill this out about a ship
I love little domestic memes so I decided to make one myself and yes.
Who’s the first to wake up in the morning:
Who’s the one to make breakfast:
Who’s the one to serve the other breakfast in bed:
Who would suggest a quickie in the morning before work:
Who suggests they both ditch work to lay around all day:
Who chooses the movies:
Who initiates kissing during the moving, thus distracting the other from the movie all together:
Who orders lunch:
Who steals food from the other’s plate without asking:
Who curls up next to the other and falls asleep due to a full tummy:
Who distracts the other from trying to work at home:
Who asks to go get ice cream like a five year old:
Who takes pictures of their partner eating ice cream:
Who makes a sexual joke about the dripping ice cream on their partner’s face:
Who cooks dinner:
Who cleans up the kitchen afterwards:
Who stays up until 2 reading:
Who stares at their partner while their sleeping:
Who kisses their partner while they sleep:
phone headcanon meme
🕒: what timezones does your muse have on their ‘clock’ app?
☁️: what areas does your muse have on their ‘weather’ app?
📷: what kinds of things does your muse take photos of?
🃏 : does your muse have games on their phone? if so, what kinds?
📔: what does your muse write in the ‘notes’ app?
💬: who does your muse text most often?
📞: who does your muse call most often?
🚽: where does your muse use their phone?
📂: how is your muse’s phone organized?
“Oh! Not cool, man! They got the Twinkies too?!” he pointed out really concerned and surprised “Next thing they get the coffee. Damn!”
Once again, Wade was reminded that this guy was a goofball. “Sure did. They changed their minds at the naked protest, though. Nothing says ‘reinstate the twinkies’ than actually seeing a whole different brand of twinkies flying around the place. They got their shit together real quick.”
Smooth Criminal ||Open
“Oh God I hate Werthers Originals.” Peggy replied, her face screwing up slightly.
“I like them. Makes me think of old ladies and their powdery, wrinkled cheeks.”
Boo are you? || Open
Patsy’s face transformed as she listened from raised brows to a grin while she changed. “I think Hilary Clinton is my favorite especially if you can convince someone to go in a Dolly Parton wig and a suit made of monopoly money as Trump.” She didn’t get verruca (she actually was reminded of Willy Wonka but was sure that was wrong), but she saw his point mostly. “I think Frozone would disagree, but okay,” she called out over the curtain.
“Will you be the Bill to my Hillary? Let Elsa go, for the sake of your dignity and the second hand embarrassment that everyone will undoubtedly feel for you. I’m doing you a favour here, babe.” Wade paused for a second. “Don’t bring Frozone into this.”
“You’re going to blame me for becoming an internet sensation? I don’t see how that’s a bad thing just yet.” She smirked. “Heck might even give me a boost in publicity for my show so go ahead.” she chimed. “I’ll even give you a nice shout out at my next one if you like.” She giggled despite his facial expression, it in fact only making this all the more priceless.
“Well, yeah. The bad side would be having five seconds of fame and then dying out quicker than a zebra in a lions den. You’ll be responsible for my descent into alcoholism and dreams of what could have been.”