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@infinitegiraffes
Sapiosexual
One who finds the content of someone else's mind to be their most attractive attribute, above and before their physical characteristics. From the Latin root sapien, meaning wise.
- In other words: If your mind doesn't turn me on, nothing else will.
I’ve read so many fanfictions i’ve forgotten what canon means
Crowley: I have an idea, but I'm going to need your permission.
Aziraphale: Why would you need my permission?
Crowley: Because if I mess it up I don't want it to be just my fault.
Sometimes I remember how Gene Roddenberry invented a whole Vulcan word just so he could describe the relationship between Kirk and Spock. He invented a word and said “this means soulmate, also it’s what Kirk is to Spock” and it fucks me up every time I remember it.
Here we go, y'all. It's not even page 1 of this book (The Motion Picture Novelization), and it's already intensely gay and full of subtext. As a literature major I would like to do a little bit of analysis here, and I would like to remind you all that this book was actually written by Roddenberry himself; so everything in this book is actually canon in the truest sense of the word. Here we go:
1) Spock's dedication to Earth. Spock was raised on Vulcan, looks mostly Vulcan, has accepted the Vulcan way of life. Spock is, for all intents and purposes almost completely Vulcan with very few human features. Although, yes, of course, he does have a human mother, being raised on Vulcan largely purged that part of him. That is, however, until he was aboard the Enterprise and met Jim. Through his years with Jim, it is clear Spock came to love Earth, to want to protect Earth, to be drawn to Earth and its people. Earth (and humans) had accepted him far more than his home planet of Vulcan ever had, and acceptance was what he largely craved all his life. He wanted to be accepted for the half-human, half-Vulcan hybrid he was and not just for one of those halves. His mother gave him that acceptance, but when faced with the rejections of his father it simply wasn't enough. His father and other Vulcans expected him to be only Vulcan. McCoy and many other humans (though McCoy came to accept both of Spock's halves after many years) expected him to be only human or not human enough or too Vulcan. Jim, however, accepted both of his halves almost immediately. Jim, the shining, bright star of Earth, the constant hero of Earth. Suddenly, Spock's loyalties shifted to this man and to Earth, though, of course, his Vulcan heritage and planet were still incredibly important to him.
2) In the novel The Vulcan Academy Murders by Jean Lorrah, Sarek (at least I think it was Sarek) mentions that kolinahr was undertaken only by the extremists in Vulcan culture. It was only undertaken by those who were the most stringent followers of Surak and who interpreted his teachings in a more extremist way than most other Vulcans. Now we know Spock highly respected Surak and considered him largely a "hero", but was Spock really ever a "stringent follower" of Surak? No. Spock goes against logic constantly for the love of his crew and his ship and his family and his captain. Spock is a rather emotional being, though he often disguises it well. We also learn from Sarek in TVAM that Spock has exceptional telepathic, empathetic abilities that far surpass his own and that Spock had to build practically indestructible mental shields to protect himself and others from those telepathic abilities and intense emotions. To put this differently, Spock feels deeply at a level few humans or even Vulcans would ever understand, and it hurts him. My theory is that is it that intense pain of his emotions that caused him to follow the path of kolinahr, rather than believing that it was the "right" or "logical" path. So what would cause him so much pain?
3) To me, the answer is very simple: Jim, the man whose name Spock invokes at what could be one of the most important moments of his life. He calls Jim his t'hy'la, a word that we've already unpacked the meaning and weight of a million times, so I will focus on something different - Spock's pause, his stutter. The pause could mean 2 things: either Spock is in so much pain at the idea of never seeing or thinking of Jim again that he can't get the full phrase out or Spock is in pain over or unsure about calling Jim his t'hy'la. I believe both of these contribute to Spock's pause, but I believe the latter contributes the most. So why would Spock be in pain over/unsure about calling Jim his t'hy'la? Because he is not used to it. Because he has been madly and deeply in love with Jim for years at this point, yet he has never said anything. They are not bondmates (at least yet anyways), they are not lovers. And his love for Jim had begun to cloud his judgment since it was not logical for him to run after Jim and protect him at all costs, since they were not bondmates. He had no logical reason to do that, which upset the Vulcan half of him. The human half, however, was upset by the unfulfillment of his love for Jim. I understand that this may be a bit of a stretch here, but think of what Spock says, "I will never permit myself to think of you or even your name again." Hence, Jim's name is too emotional for Spock. Even Jim's name carries too much weight, too much emotion, and too much pain for Spock, enough to push him into the most extreme path a Vulcan can undertake. Does this sound like the mind of a man who is thinking rationally? To me, it absolutely does not. It sounds like a man dealing with deep, painful unrequited (or at least Spock sees it as unrequited) love for someone he has grown distant from. Remember, Spock is an incredible telepath and empath; he knows his own emotions, he is able to distinguish what he feels. And here he calls Jim his t'hy'la, and pauses and stutters while doing it. His "last goodbye" to Jim is full of pain, almost as though Spock doesn't want to be saying it, almost as if he's going against himself in order to do this.
4) I argue that Spock had found that ever-desired and needed love and acceptance of both of his halves in Jim (and consequently in Earth), but that it was no longer enough for him. He wanted Jim, he wanted a bondmate in Jim, he wanted a marriage with Jim, but he couldn't have it. And he recognized the illogic of achieving what he had wished for and still not being satisfied, but he also realized his own pain. And so he gave up Earth and Starfleet and Jim because, yes, it had become illogical to pursue it further, but also because it had begun to cause him pain he didn't know how to control, even with the help of his "indestructible" mental shields. So he took the most extreme, devoted path a Vulcan could take for mostly human reasons. And, in the end, he couldn't do it. He fails. He can't give them up, can't give Jim up. And it's a good thing he didn't because, subtextually, in all the novels and movies that come after The Motion Picture (including Spock prime's depiction in the new Star Trek movies), it is pretty clear to me that Spock and Kirk do end up bonding and marrying (at least in the Vulcan sense).
I feel both pity and envious of those who do not know what it is like to get sucked into the hours of looking through posts, fanfics, and videos on one's ship.
Spirk shipping level: William Shatner
Me: *watching Start Trek TOS on Netflix*
Netflix: Skip Intro?
Me: Excuse.. excuse me??! EXCUSE ME? DO I LOOK like i want to skip th– *cue music*
Me:
Me: *screaming, my cat flees the room* da daaaa, da da da da daaaaaaaAAA, DA dA DAAAAAAAAA, da da da da DAAAAAAAAAAA, DA DAAA, dadadadadada dDAAAAAAAAA, DAAAAAAAAA, DA DA DAAAAAA, DA DA DAA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Me: Don’t you DARE ask me again, Netflix
“I’m sorry,” Kirk says, charming smile frozen into place, “but you need Commander Spock to go back for what?”
Around the bridge, the senior crew is chillingly silent. Spock stands stiffly behind the Captain’s chair, a little to Kirk’s right, hands neatly folded behind him so he can hide the way they tremble.
On screen, the Vulcan elder does not show any untoward emotion, but the slight twitching of his eyebrow betrays his irritation at having to repeat himself. “For his trial, Captain. You should not have accepted Commander Spock’s application as your First Officer without consulting with us first.”
“With all due respect, Sir,” Kirk counters, smile still firmly in place even as his eyes glint ominously, “I have no memory of any Starfleet protocol that mandates the requirement of permission from the Vulcan High Council, given that they’re both organisations working independently of each other.”
“As you now have a Vulcan on board your ship,” the Vulcan elder shoots back calmly, “that is not anymore the case.”
“It is a grievous error on my part that I have overlooked,” Spock interjects as he steps forward to hide the way Kirk’s smile disappears dangerously. “Neither Captain Kirk nor Starfleet bears accountability on this personal mistake.”
He sees from his peripheral vision the way Kirk is suddenly tense, as if he’s forcing himself to remain seated by sheer force of will alone. “What’s the nature of this trial?”
Spock stiffens as he hears the challenge in the Captain’s voice that he isn’t even trying to hide. The Vulcan on screen narrows his eyes. “I expected you to be intelligent enough to figure that out for yourself, Captain Kirk, given that you were actually present during the destruction of Vulcan.”
Kirk actually shoots up from his seat then. “Which is why I know for a fact, due to personal experience, that Commander Spock should be hailed as the hero of your people, not be called back to stand trial. Sir,” he belatedly tacks on the honorific after a significant pause; Spock sees the way McCoy folds his arms across his chest and smirks, knowing as well as Spock does that Kirk doesn’t say it out of respect.
The Vulcan elder stares Kirk down. “Your emotions are clouding your judgement, Captain.”
“And your prejudice is clouding your logic,” Kirk retaliates. “If Commander Spock’s human heritage has any bearing on the Council’s decision, then—”
“Minister.”
All eyes turn to Spock, who moves to stand directly in front of the screen. “Please do not trouble the Enterprise Captain and crew any further,” he says quietly. “I own up to my accountability in the destruction of our home planet, given that it is my failure to save Romulus that prompted Nero’s actions.”
Dead silence fills the air. The Vulcan on screen straightens smugly.
“Spock,” Kirk stares at him. “That wasn’t you. That was—”
“My elder self, of an alternate reality,” Spock continues his Captain’s thought, “and yet logically still myself.”
“How the hell is that logical?” McCoy bursts out as he strides forward. “It wasn’t your fault a damn supernova exploded, and it certainly wasn’t you who went on a genocidal rampage because of a natural phenomenon that was out of anyone’s control!”
Spock swivels at the seething doctor, taken aback at the vehemence in both his tone and posture, as Kirk looks on with an open expression of awed gratitude. The Vulcan elder, however, does not look impressed. “Ambassador Spock has also already been notified of the necessity of his presence at the trial. We are awaiting both of your responses, Commander Spock.”
“For what?” Kirk finally explodes. “A conviction?”
The Vulcan’s tone is steely and cold. “If necessary.”
Both Minister and Captain are locked in a stalemate of unwavering gazes; Spock, however, is only staring at Kirk. He sees the exact moment an eerie calm settles over Kirk, and Spock recognises that look instantly.
It’s the same look that had him taking over the Captaincy in the first place.
“Then I request for my presence at the trial as well, Minister,” Kirk declares.
There’s a collective intake of breath around the bridge, and the Vulcan elder looks the closest he has ever been to being incensed. “If your purpose is to act as the defence party to both Ambassador and Commander Spock, then regulations would entail—”
“No, Minister,” Kirk interjects calmly. “I’m owning up to my accountability in the destruction of Vulcan.”
“Captain.” Shock and disbelief prompts Spock to protest, “I do not think it is logical for you to—”
“After all,” Kirk continues as if Spock hasn’t spoken, “I was the one who failed to stop Nero from launching the antimatter on Vulcan.”
For one surreal, confusing moment, Spock actually wonders if the artificial gravity aboard the ship has stopped functioning as he feels his world reeling. “Captain…”
“Then I should be there too.”
Everyone looks at Sulu, who rises from his seat by the console. “I, too, failed to stop the drill on time. I was right there along with the Captain.” He moves to stand in perfect parade rest beside Kirk, glancing at the Captain as if daring him to protest.
Kirk only shrugs. “Fair enough,” he says casually, which makes Sulu grin.
Aghast, Spock tries again. “Lieutenant Sulu—”
“I believe I should be called to stand trial as well.”
All eyes turn to Uhura who gracefully walks from her station to the centre of the room. The Vulcan on screen is now wearing a pinched expression of what looks to be both exasperation and resignation, which, Spock muses privately, just makes the elder look constipated. “And what would you have to be called to trial for, Lady—”
“Lieutenant,” Uhura corrects without missing a beat, making Kirk smirk. “I was the one who picked up an emergency transmission from a Klingon prison planet, in which forty-seven warbirds were destroyed by Nero’s ship shortly before his attack on Vulcan.”
She pauses beside Spock long enough to offer a gentle smile before she breezes past to stand on Kirk’s other side. “Had I immediately reported the transmission instead of having Captain Kirk do it for me much later, Starfleet would have been alerted earlier and we would have stopped Nero long before he began drilling into Vulcan.”
She raises her chin defiantly at the monitor. “Therefore, I’m as accountable for the destruction of Vulcan as these brave men who risked their lives to save your planet.”
Kirk’s smirk widens, and even Spock can’t help but gaze upon Uhura in awestruck admiration. The Vulcan elder is visibly bristling, unsure as to whether or not he has just been insulted; he opens his mouth to speak—before his gaze is arrested by an unexpected movement at the corner of the monitor.
Everyone stares as the youngest among them slowly stands from his seat, head bowed in humble dejection.
The Vulcan elder sighs. “And what do you have to say for yourself, young man? Do you mean to be tried for accountability too?”
Chekov’s hands curl into fists atop the console. “Aye,” he answers softly. He raises his head and seeks Spock’s gaze—and Spock’s breath is taken by the abject apology in the young Ensign’s eyes.
His voice trembles as he speaks. “I failed to beam them all back in time.”
Feeling his throat suddenly constrict at the unbidden memory of reaching out to empty air for a beloved mother who isn’t there anymore, Spock replies just as softly, “That is as much my fault as well, Mister Chekov.”
Chekov seems taken by emotion too as he presses his lips together tightly; Kirk reaches over to lay a hand on the young man’s shoulder in mute understanding and solidarity.
“Well this is all well and good, but I just have one question, Sire.”
All heads turn to the back of the bridge, where Scott is casually leaning against the entrance.
Kirk grins. “Ask away, Scotty.”
“Now if I remember the old Vulcan’s story correctly,” Scott muses as he steps down on the bridge, “Mister Spock here—or rather, the other Spock from the future—had been delayed in his mission to rescue Romulus.” Scott tilts his head. “Why is that?”
Kirk’s eyebrows furrow, trying to make sense of where Scott is going with his line of questioning. “His ship got delayed. It wasn’t built on time.”
“Huh.” Scott crosses his arms. “Who commissioned that ship, then?”
Something like dawning realisation suddenly shines in Kirk’s eyes.
Spock swallows as he arrives at the same conclusion. “The Vulcan Science Academy.”
“Well imagine that,” McCoy drawls. “And who exactly is the head of the VSA?”
All eyes turn toward the monitor. The Vulcan elder gives a start of surprise.
“Imagine that, indeed,” Kirk murmurs with a growing smile.
The entire senior crew moves to stand in a single file in front of Spock—and his heart feels suddenly, immeasurably full.
“Well, Minister,“ Kirk announces cheerfully, "I guess we’ll see you in court, too.”
Same sis, same
Scorpius: I am like my father, I have his nose, his eyes, his last name, his homosexuality and his obsession with a Potter.
Draco: That is my son
Scorbus and finding out that their parents (ie Draco and Harry) once had a relationship, then broke up.
“Wow,” Albus says as he looks at the photograph he found. “They look…”
He trails off, not knowing exactly how to complete the sentence: They look like us; They look like they’re in love.
“I know,” Scorpius replies, and he does. He knows every word that Albus failed to say and it’s startling.
Albus watches as the photograph loops. His father, looking much younger than his almost-twenty-years old scowls at whoever is holding the camera before he turns to Draco and it all melts away. For the Harry Potter in the picture, his entire world seems to be Draco.
“What do you think happened?” Scopius asks, as enraptured by the photo as Albus is.
“I…” once again Albus doesn’t finish his sentence, but this time it’s because he’s remembering being 13 years old and coming home to hear his parents arguing.
“He never saw me as ‘Harry Potter’ Gin,” Albus remembers hearing. “Even Ron and Hermione, briefly as it was, were more interested in my legend at first.”
“I just don’t get it, Harry.” Albus remembers his mother’s voice sound weary and not knowing who they were talking about was incredibly weird, but he’d put it out of his mind.
He never thought he’d find the answer almost five years later as he looked through his father’s desk drawers with his boyfriend sat on the wooden arm of his chair.
“I loved him.”
Harry enters the room unheard until he speaks.
“We both knew it would never last,” he says it with a sad smile. As though it’s inevitable that Harry Potter couldn’t possibly live with his love. “Lucius wanted his Family Name continued, I wanted my own children too. It was never about love for us, with us. It was about figuring out who we were in the years after our world changed. No one really knew. Just a few close friends.”
“What happened?” Scorpius asks, but he winces when Albus kicks his foot.
Harry smiles. “He met your mother for the first time as an adult, did you know that? She’d gone to Beauxbatons instead of Hogwarts and the first time he saw her… Well, let’s just say it wasn’t long after that we decided to live our actual lives.”
“You don’t think he loved you?” Scorpius asks. He knows his father is a taciturn man at the best of times, but he can’t imagine looking at someone the way Harry and Draco in the picture look at each other and not telling them how he feels.
“Maybe,” Harry concedes. “but he never looked at me the way he looked at your mum on their wedding day, and I’m happy that he didn’t fall into the loveless marriage he thought he was doomed to have. I’m happy you boys get the chance that we never did. And I’m so proud of you both.”
Awww… 💗
If you’re an introvert, follow @introvertunites.
I get jealous really easily but not like an angry vengeful jealous more like a really sad lonely jealous because everybody likes everybody more than they like me and I really really don’t blame them.
