dolly

21 | i write what i wish my life was

[infinitydoll]

☕️ welcome to dolly’s cafe

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

open 24/7 for fictional men & sweet treats

🥐 house menu ! 🫐 about the barista ! 💌 leave your name at the counter for future brews (taglist) !

barista's note: this cafe runs on caffeine, fictional men, and my refusal to be normal about them. please be advised: every order is served with feelings i did not fully consent to having.

[infinitydoll]

about the barista :)

hi ! im dolly

i’m the barista behind the counter. i spend my days surviving on caffeine, my nights writing fictional men with emotional damage.

clearly, i’m very normal about bucky barnes (this is a lie). if he appears here in various states of emotional damage and reluctant softness, no he didn’t. yes he did.

officially: pre-law + communications student. unofficially: part-time barista, full-time overthinker, and certified writer of emotional damage involving fictional men who refuse to communicate properly.

i study law like i’m preparing for a courtroom drama and write fanfiction like i’m trying to emotionally recover from one. somewhere in between, i watch the new jersey devils and pretend I’m not personally affected by every game outcome.

this café is where all of that gets turned into stories—served warm, a little messy, occasionally heartbreaking, but always made with care.

🫐breakroom facts

pre-law student (constantly building arguments no one asked for)

communications major (professionally analyzing why no one talks like a normal human being)

writes fic instead of taking notes sometimes (don’t tell my professors)

nj devils fan (hope is optional, suffering is guaranteed)

emotionally unavailable fictional men enthusiast

💌barista’s note

this café specializes in clarity, chaos, and communication breakdowns.

if you’re here for stories, feelings, and slightly concerning devotion to fictional characters—your order is already being prepared.

please enjoy your visit to infinity café. and remember: everything here is legally questionable, but emotionally accurate.

[infinitydoll]

menu !

welcome to the counter. everything is freshly brewed, emotionally overcharged, and served with questionable coping mechanisms.

please take a look at today’s menu.

flavors: ꩜ signature roast (angst), ❀ comfort blend (fluff), ᯽ after-hours blend (18+)

🥐 latte series (multi-chapter fics)

let the light in - bucky barnes

☕ espresso shots (oneshots)

🍰 specialty drinks (aus / alt universes)

[infinitydoll]

6. if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

you know its bad when tony stark becomes your therapist

content warnings: use of nickname sunnie, angst because apparently nobody in this building communicates like a normal person, “just talk to him” (derogatory), bucky barnes continuing his hobby of “leaving first before anything can leave him”, slow burn so slow it has started reversing direction, and there's a whole chapter without any interaction because you're stubborn, everyone is tired

3.9k words previous chapter

bucky only wishes he was back in hydra when sam wilson is speaking. 

he’ll never admit this, but he trained alpine to bite sam whenever he gets close to her. 

it’s the small things in life that keep a man going.

the only time bucky has ever enjoyed sam for more than five consecutive minutes was when they were together in your room. sam had others to distract him and if he managed to piss off bucky, he could just look at you and it would all fade away.

he really wished you were here in this moment but again, he wouldn’t be in this situation if you were here. because sam is currently grilling him about you, and bucky wants to kill sam. 

“man, i just don’t get it,” sam says, watching him over the rim of the bottle as he leans back in his chair. 

“if this is about me, im leaving,” he mutters, not looking at him

“it’s always about you, that’s the problem.”

steve just sighs into his drink, like he’s already tired.

bucky finally turns to sam, giving him a warning look. “what.” 

sam gestures loosely with his bottle.

“you and sunnie,” he says. “you go from whatever it was—cuddling on the couch, late nights alone together, being all soft only with her nonsense—to practically being on different planets.” 

“that’s not what’s happening,” bucky bites out.

sam shoots him a bored look. “it’s like she served you a restraining order.” 

steve lets out a small chuckle at that, and bucky looks at him like he just kicked alpine into the sun.

“well he’s not wrong, buck,” he shrugs, sipping his drink. “you should talk to her.” 

 “i’m still offended that steve knows the real issue and i’m just left here in the dark,” sam cuts in. “and steve won’t even take my bribes to tell me secretly.” 

“because you can’t keep a secret,” steve points his beer bottle towards him. 

sam rolls his eyes. “if i wasn’t scared of sunnie, i would ask her myself.” 

“yea, you go ask her and let me know what she says,” bucky mutters, taking a long swig of his drink. he wishes he could get drunk. 

“would probably fix a lot of issues,” steve says, shooting bucky a look. 

sam looks between the two before letting out a sharp laugh. “wait, wait. do you mean to tell me you don’t know why she started distancing herself?” 

bucky’s silence was all the answer he needed. 

“good god man, this is bad,” he lets out a huff. 

bucky’s jaw tightens.

he doesn’t say anything.

sam points at him like that silence just proved everything. “there it is. that’s the face. i know that face. that’s the ‘i ruined something good because i panicked’ face.”

“that’s not what happened,” he mutters.

“but that is what happened,” steve sighs, leaning forward to scrub his hands down his face. “you panicked because this is the first time you’ve felt this way since everything, and you didn’t know what to do. and she put a little bit of distance and you didn’t know how to go about it like you would’ve when we were kids.” 

“hard to imagine you guys as kids,” sam mutters to himself as he sips his beer. 

bucky shoots sam a look, glaring at him with no real heat behind it. 

“hard to imagine you shutting up,” he mutters back.

sam gestures to bucky, huffing exasperatedly. “see? deflecting always.” 

steve doesn’t even acknowledge the side comments, still focused on bucky like he’s trying to keep him from slipping back into his own head.

“you used to know what to do,” steve says, quieter now. “you didn’t overthink it. you felt something, you acted on it. you didn’t… pull away before anything could even happen.”

bucky sits tensely, drawing in his left arm subtly, metal fingers curling like he’s trying to make it smaller. he doesn’t need even more reminder of just how different he is now. 

sam watches him for a second, then sets his bottle down with a quiet clink. “let me ask you something,” he says.

bucky already doesn’t want to hear it. “no.”

sam ignores him.

“so when you saw her pulling away one time, let me emphasize one time, did you ever consider that maybe she was thinking something similar?” 

he goes still at that. 

sam watches it happen, watches the way that question actually lands instead of bouncing right off him like everything else.

“let me emphasize,” sam adds, quieter now, leaning forward slightly, “one time. she pulls back once, probably overthinking something, probably trying to protect herself a little—like a normal person—and your response is to what? beat her to it?”

bucky’s jaw tightens, but he doesn’t interrupt.

so sam keeps going.

“you didn’t ask. you didn’t check. you didn’t give her a chance to explain it,” he says. “you just decided, yeah, this is going to end badly, let me speed that up.’”

“that’s not—” bucky starts, but it dies halfway out.

because that is what happened. he wishes alpine was here to claw sam’s face off but knowing the traitor, she’s probably with you. 

steve shifts in his seat, “you immediately went negative, you gotta think from her perspective too. she let you in, she trusts you. you just need to figure out what’s running through her head right now before you make up your own story of it.” 

bucky doesn’t answer right away.

he just sits there, shoulders tight, eyes fixed somewhere past the table like if he stares hard enough, he can rewrite the last few weeks into something less stupid. 

“i hate this,” he groans after a moment. “i thought i was.” 

steve tilts his head slightly. “you were thinking about how it would end. not how it was going.”

bucky leans back in his chair, staring out over the city as the cool air hits his face. your laugh flashes through his mind. the way you started to lean into him without thinking. how your hair felt under his fingers. how you always made him coffee for briefings. how you would try to act like you weren’t waiting for him when he would get back from late missions. 

he really fucked up. 

“she flinched,” he says quietly. “i made her flinch.” 

sam and steve stay quiet, exchanging a knowing glance. 

“i never want to see her like that,” he says, sounding completely broken. “i never wanna be the reason she’s upset. i’d rather go through all the torture again.”

bucky drags a hand over his face, frustrated, guilty, stuck.

“i don’t—” he starts, then stops. “i don’t know how to fix that.”

sam leans forward, forearms on his knees. “you don’t fix it by disappearing, i can tell you that.”

steve watches him carefully. “you fix it by telling her the truth.” 

sam nods carefully, leaning back in his chair. “not the ‘you deserve better speech’. not the martyr routine. just .. be honest about what you feel.”

bucky shoots him a suspicious glance. “why are you good at this?”

sam’s shit eating grin returns. “you guys seem to forget my day job is counseling emotionally constipated veterans.” 

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

out of everyone you expected to bring up the distance growing between you and bucky, tony was at the very bottom of the list.

in his defense, he hadn’t wanted to say anything—tony made a career out of avoiding emotional landmines—but the tension had gotten too big to ignore. it lingered in the quiet pauses, in the way you hovered anywhere but your own room, in the way bucky had started to look like a storm with nowhere to go. the elephant in the room wasn’t subtle anymore. now it was taking up lab space.

after the balcony incident, you started spending more nights downstairs with him.

you told Tony it was because you were interested in the suit he was working on. that you couldn’t sleep. that the music helped and conversation helped.

none of that was a lie. it just wasn’t the whole truth.

the truth was, you were a little afraid of bucky showing up at your door after what you heard. but somehow, the idea of being in your room without him felt just as bad—too quiet, too empty, too honest. and you didn’t want to sit with any of that. you didn’t want to pick it apart or give it a name.

so instead, you ended up in the lab.

tony never called you out on it. he’d just glance at you when you walked in, turn the music up a little and slide a stool over with his foot like it had always been yours.

peter would drift in sometimes, bright and talkative, filling the space with easy noise, but even when it was just you and tony, it never felt heavy. he had a way of keeping things light without dismissing them entirely—like he was giving you room to exist without demanding an explanation for it.

you never expected that when you started here. tony didn’t hover or pry, which you had expected. 

what shocked you most was how he just .. took care of things. 

most of your time with him, before all of this, had been in passing—meetings, quick conversations, the kind of interactions where he was clearly operating on a different level than everyone else in the room. he didn’t usually go out of his way to hang around, especially not with a group that skewed younger and louder and, occasionally, over a century old.

but the lab was different.

the first time you went down there, it was just to thank him for fixing the lights in your room. you’d mentioned, offhand, that the brightness bothered your eyes, not even thinking he’d remember. 

he did.

the next time you walked in, the harsh white light had been replaced with something softer—warm, yellow, easy. you hadn’t even realized how much it mattered until it didn’t hurt anymore.

tony had waved it off when you thanked him, like it was nothing. like it was annoying that you were making a big deal out of it.

“kid, you’ve got to start asking for things before they become problems,” he’d said, not even looking up from his work. “i’m not psychic, and wanda doesn’t tell me those things.”

you came back again because you were bored.

and then again.

and now it wasn’t really about boredom anymore.

now it was routine.

now it was tony wordlessly setting aside a pair of safety goggles before you even asked. It was him lowering the volume when you looked too tired, or shoving a half-finished snack in your direction without acknowledging it. it was the way he never asked why you were there—but always made sure you had a place to be.

he didn’t make you talk. he didn’t make you explain.

until tonight. 

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

tony doesn’t look up from the hologram table when you walk in. 

“y’know, people usually knock before entering a dangerous workspace,” he says, flicking something midair. “it’s like a respect thing, kind of vintage but you might have heard of it.” 

“you gave me clearance two weeks ago,” you hum as you hop onto a clean counter. 

“i also flew a missile into space, so clearly my judgement is flawed.” 

you laugh, leaning over to look at what he’s working on. “you also gave peter a suit with an instant kill mode,” you point out. 

“if we list every bad judgement call i’ve made in life, we’ll never leave this lab,” he adds, finally glancing over at you. “but now that i think of it, i don’t think you wanna leave this lab.” 

“i don’t know what you’re talking about,” you tilt your head in mock confusion. “i leave this lab plenty, i have a very busy social calendar.” 

“oh yes, taking appointments for hang outs in your room must take up a lot of time,” he shoots back. “a thriving social calendar, packed with … what is it that you do again? follow cap around? lurk? quietly judge my choices?” 

“i don’t judge,” you say easily. “i just observe.”

he finally turns to face you fully, leaning back against the table. “is that what we’re calling it?” 

“what else would you call it?” you raise a brow at him, swinging your legs lightly against the cabinet. 

tony’s mouth twitches like he’s trying not to smile, but it doesn’t land. not this time. 

“i’d call it finding a place to hid instead of facing whatever chased you in here,” he says, pushing off the table enough to stand a little straighter. 

you huff, ignoring the way your body froze as you look away like you’re unimpressed. “i think you’re reading into it.” 

“i think i’m not,” he counters, just as easily. 

you bring your legs up to tuck beneath you. “so what, now you’re psychoanalyzing me while building weapons?” 

he nods. “been doing it for weeks, sunshine. just wanted to see if you would break first,” he says simply before shrugging. 

“i just like it down here.” 

“you do,” he agrees immediately. “im not arguing that.” he looks you over, quiet for a moment. “but that’s not why you started coming.” 

you grow quiet at that, looking down at your lap. 

“the kids been asking about you,” he says after a moment. 

you look up at him, eyes narrowed in confusion. “peter?”

he simply nods, turning back to the table and starting to mess around with it again. “came looking for you last night, something to do with an essay.” 

he glances back at you before adding, “asked if you were mad at barnes.” 

your stomach drops, looking away from him like it hurts suddenly. 

“subtle, by the way,” he adds. “really top-tier emotional espionage from you two. very covert. no one has noticed anything at all.” 

you groan, dragging a hand down your face. “don’t start.”

“i’m observing,” he says simply. you’re tempted to strangle him.

you almost laugh.

almost.

but it catches halfway.

because that’s the problem.

he is observing.

and so is wanda.

and so is peter.

and suddenly it doesn’t feel like something you can keep contained in your head anymore.

you force your voice lighter anyway.

“why am i the only one who gets shit about tension with a super soldier? natasha and steve are so much worse.”

“two completely different situations,” he says blankly.

“how is it different?,” you ask as you hop down from your spot on the counter. 

tony gives you a slightly annoyed, but mildly amused look. “they aren’t your tragic slow-burn case study like you want them to be.” 

“they’re actually hooking up,” he says simply, as if he didn’t just drop a bomb on you.

you stare at him, long enough that he thinks you died. 

“…alright, don’t do that,” he mutters. “that’s how horror movies start.”

“what do you mean.” your tone drops so low tony briefly considers faking his own death.

“they’re together,” he shrugs. “they just haven’t told anyone yet. i’m their landlord, which means i’m legally required to witness everything against my will.”

he looks over at you, brows scrunching in confusion. 

“why do you look so betrayed?” 

“i am betrayed,” you say immediately. “i have been rooting for them for months.”

he blinks. “why?”

you point at him like that should be obvious. “because it was beautiful, tony. it was suffering and longing and mutual respect and eye contact across rooms like some kind of cinematic masterpiece.”

“so shouldn’t you be happy they’re together?” 

you start pacing a step like you can physically shake the information out of the room. “you can’t just drop ‘they’re hooking up’ on me like that. what about the yearning? what about the tragedy? what about the—”

“there is no tragedy,” he interrupts. “there’s just two very competent people who skipped the seventeen-step emotional breakdown you all assigned them.”

you stop pacing. “this is insane.”

he doesn’t even look at you when he says it. “i think you’re projecting.” 

you stare at him as he just keeps working the hologram like he’s not casually dismantling your entire emotional defense system at the same time.

“i am not projecting,” you say defensively. 

“yes,” he says, flicking something in the air. “you are.” 

you go to respond but he beats you to it. 

“you’re upset about the yearning and the tragedy as if you aren’t involved in the slowest slow-burn humanities ever seen,” he says. 

the color in your face drains so fast he’s a little disturbed. 

he actually squints at you.

“wow,” he mutters. “if i shine a light at you right now, you’d glitter. you’d get cast in a vampire franchise.”

you immediately lift a hand like you can physically block the conversation. “stop. stop talking.”

he grins wider. “oh, this is good.”

“this is not good,” you say quickly, voice cracking into something more defensive now. “this is not—whatever you think is happening with steve and nat—”

“it’s worse, actually,” he groans. “much worse.” 

you freeze again. “how is that worse?”

tony gestures loosely toward you. “because they at least acknowledged the situation like adults. you’re hiding out in a lab with me like a dork.” 

“i’m not hiding,” you say quickly.

he gives you a pointed look. “i put you on the quiet floor, and you’re avoiding it. i know it’s not because of noisy neighbors, so you’re hiding.” 

your silence gives him everything it needs to work with.

tony exhales through his nose, the sarcasm coming back—but gentler now, like he’s trying not to corner you with it. “so what i’m hearing is: you’re currently hiding in my lab at two in the morning with a deeply emotionally complicated, mildly self-destructive grown man because barnes happens to be on the same floor as you.”

you look at the floor, pushing your toe against the tile. “well when you say it like that, it sounds stupid.

“it’s not a great long term strategy,” his voice softens, “not that i don’t love having you here, sweetheart. but you’re avoiding your room, you’re avoiding silence and the place where you would have to sit with your thoughts about a very emotionally unstable super soldier who has the communication skills of a damaged flip phone.” 

you groan and cover your face.

tony continues, undeterred. “so instead you’ve chosen: me. a man famously known for his calm, grounding presence.”

“you are actively making this worse,” you say into your hands.

tony leans back against the counter, watching you through his glasses now, less like he’s analyzing and more like he’s making sure you’re still okay in the middle of it all.

“youre allowed to be upset,” he says more quietly. “but you don’t get to disappear into my lab like it’s an emotional witness protection program.”

you lower your hands slightly.

he tilts his head. “and i say that with love. and mild concern. mostly concern. a little love. don’t make me quantify it.”

a beat passes.

then, softer still, he adds, “go deal with it. or don’t. but stop punishing yourself by avoiding every place you might actually run into your own feelings.”

“and for what it’s worth, barnes doesn’t do ‘simple emotional basic human communication’ unless it’s being forced out of him by three people and a crisis.” 

a pause.

then, lighter again, but not unkind: “so i’m not saying you should dramatically confess your feelings in a hallway or anything.” 

“so i’m supposed to just talk to him,” you say, like it’s the worst thing that could possibly happen to you.

“yes, like a normal person.” 

“there are no normal people in this building.” 

he rolls his eyes. “stop spiraling in my workspace and go be the first one. pioneer something. be a trailblazer.”

you look at him warily, fidgeting with your sleeves. “why are you encouraging it?” 

he huffs out a quiet breath, like you’ve just asked him to explain something obvious.

“because,” he says, turning back to the hologram for half a second before glancing at you again, “watching two grown adults avoid each other like you’re in some kind of low-budget spy thriller is getting old.”

you narrow your eyes at him. “we are not—”

“you are,” he cuts in easily. “it’s exhausting. i have actual problems. global ones. and yet somehow, this—” he gestures vaguely between you and the invisible concept of bucky, “—has become the most consuming thing in my building. everyone is invested.” 

you cross your arms, defensive. “i’m not avoiding him.”

“you’re sleeping in a lab,” he says flatly.

you hesitate.

“that’s not—”

“you’re doing that thing,” he continues, talking right over you now, “where you pretend nothing affects you by becoming extremely productive. it’s very annoying. and very loud.”

you blink at him. “what does me being productive have anything to do with it? you’re my boss, you’re supposed to want me to be extremely productive.”

“not at two in the morning while aggressively reorganizing tools that were already organized,” he shoots back. “that’s not productivity, that’s control issues.”

you stare at him, offended.

“i do not have control issues.”

“you alphabetized my screwdrivers.”

“they were out of order.”

he looks out a long sigh, turning to fully face you again as he raises a brow. “why don’t you just tell me the real reason you’re scared.”

you go quiet after that.

too quiet.

like you’ve already decided something in your head and you’re just waiting for the world to confirm it.

“it’s not.. professional,” you say quietly after a moment. “i’m not a messy person.”

he studies you for a second before scrubbing a hand down his face. 

“oh my god,” he mumbles under his breath. “you think i’m going to fire you.”

you don’t answer and that’s all he needs.

 tony pushes off the counter and steps closer, not invading, just making sure you actually hear him. “listen to me,” he says. 

“you work in a tower with people who have literally tried to end the world on multiple occasions,” he says. “i have a guy who turns into a green rage monster on standby and a god who shows up uninvited. and you think you are the risk factor?”

“i’m not saying you’d fire me,” you add quickly, like you need to correct the direction of the panic. “i just—i don’t know how this works here. and i don’t want to be the reason i lose this.” 

tony looks genuinely insulted.

“kid, if i fired people for being emotionally messy, we wouldn't be standing here. the team would be scattered to the winds.”

your mouth opens slightly.

he keeps going before you can interrupt.

“you being you here is not conditional,” he says. “it is not dependent on whether you date someone correctly, break up correctly, or make whatever dramatic rom-com mistake you’re currently catastrophizing.”

your throat tightens slightly at the words, but you don’t look away.

“i just don’t want to make it weird,” you admit.

tony lets out a short laugh at that—soft, not mocking.

“sweetheart, this is the least weird thing to ever happen in this building,” he says. “this is like a best case scenario for things we have to fix.” 

that actually pulls a small breath of laughter out of you, faint but real.

“you have my permission to date who you want, okay?” he gestures softly towards you. “does that make you feel better, if i promise i wont fire you or kick you out?” 

you stare at the floor again, still dragging your foot against it. “..kind of.” 

“good,” he says. “now that we’ve cleared up the delusion that i’m going to exile you to the streets of new york over your sexual tension—“

“oh my god,” you groan, covering your face with your hands.

tony doesn’t even pause.

“please go talk to the manchurian candidate before i start physically intervening in whatever tragic slow-burn soap opera this has become.”

[infinitydoll]

5. you got me good, i knew you would

pairings: bucky barnes x f!reader

every conversation feels like it’s missing the part that matters

content warnings: reader referred to as sunnie once, angst, miscommunication, and emotional distance, bucky being emotionally avoidant (again), reader spiraling instead of asking for clarification, found family interference squad (wanda + yelena edition) a/n: this wasn't supposed to be angsty but here we are !

3k words previous chapter next chapter

mornings in the tower are never quiet. 

you didn’t realize when you befriended yelena that she would be your personal alarm clock. if you knew, you probably wouldn’t have given her access to your room code. after the first time she used the code to then kick your door open instead of knocking, and announced your oversleeping to the whole state of new york like it was breaking news, you went to tony and almost begged on your knees to get it changed. 

he thought it was funny, so he never changed it.

this morning, it’s no different. 

“if you are not out of bed in thirty seconds, i am dragging you,” she calls, already halfway into your room. 

you bury your head deeper into your pillow, chucking another in her general direction. it barely makes a foot. 

wanda follows behind her, coffee in hand and amusement written all over her face. 

yelena looks down at the pillow on the floor “this is pitiful,” she says bluntly, throwing it back onto the bed before climbing on top of you. 

you groan, shoving at her shoulder. “get off–” . 

“sam is making breakfast today,” wanda says softly from your desk chair. 

you pause, then lift your head. “you could've led with that,” you mutter, pushing yourself up. 

you narrow your eyes sleepily at yelena as you stand. “i’m only getting up because of breakfast. not because of you two.” you point accusingly as you shove your feet into a pair of slippers. 

“you must hurry or someone will steal your spot next to the soldier,” yelena hums as she gets off your bed and starts to drag you down the hall, wanda following behind you two. 

“i don’t know what you’re talking about,” you mumble. 

the pit in your stomach starts to grow before you even reach the hallway.

everyone has noticed. 

the lack of distance. the way you always end up next to him. the way you both don’t act like it’s accidental anymore. bucky doesn’t seem affected by it, the teasing, the looks, the quiet comments passed between everyone else. 

but you are.   

it sits heavier than it should. , the comments are harmless and lighthearted but they land somewhere too close to something real, something you haven’t accepted yet. and something you’re not sure you should have here. 

this was supposed to be a job. clear lines, clear purpose, sitting down in your office in the morning and leaving at five. but somewhere along the way, it stopped being that. 

it stopped being that very early. late nights in the common room and group gatherings in your room have somehow brought you into this dysfunctional family that they built here. and everyone knows it. 

you didn’t mean for that to happen. you didn’t come here looking for people to belong to, to finally belong with. but now you do, and the thought of losing it sits in your chest like something sharp. 

falling for someone on the team feels like the kind of mistake that could cost you everything you’ve built here. like one wrong step and the ground gives out, and suddenly you don’t belong anywhere at all. 

you hear the things people say, and you know the way bucky looks at you. you aren’t stupid, that’s how you got here in the first place. and as much as you want to let yourself fall into it completely, you can’t ignore the millions of ways it could backfire. 

so you duck your head as yelena pulls you into the kitchen, already louder than it should be this early. and yeah, of course there’s a spot open next to him. there always is. 

he’s already there, holding a mug that’s probably gone cold by now as he leans over the counter, watching as tony and sam bicker about the best way to make eggs.

his eyes flick up the second you walk in, like he’s been waiting without even meaning to. they soften when they land on you. 

and that used to feel easy. normal. something you always wanted. but now it feels noticeable. and it’s suddenly too much for you. 

you hesitate, just for a second. yelena notices immediately. 

“what are you doing?” she mutters under her breath.

“nothing,” you say quickly. a little too quickly. 

wanda hums behind you, just noting. your eyes move back to him. 

he’s still watching you, brows pulled together just slightly like he’s trying to figure out why you’re not next to him.

you smile tensely before stepping forward and dropping into the open seat next to peter. 

peter perks up immediately when you sit down, relief washing over his face as he slides his laptop closer to you. he doesn’t notice how the whole room seemed to have froze when you sat next to him rather than with bucky. 

“oh thank god, i was about to come looking for you,” he says as he points to the screen. “can you just look at this? i feel like it doesn’t sound right but i can’t figure out what doesn’t sound right which feels worse for some reason.” 

he scoots a little closer, turning the laptop so it’s easier for you to read. you latch onto it immediately, eyes scanning over the screen like it’s the most important thing in the room. it’s easier this way. you tap the screen lightly, “this sentence is doing too much. you’re kind of saying the same thing twice,” you murmur. 

he nods, already typing. you keep talking, giving small corrections and pointing things out. anything to stay here, occupied. 

it keeps you from looking around the room, at the way bucky’s attention drifts to you even when tony says something that should’ve pulled a reaction out of him, at how steve even notices. you don’t look to see yelena staring like she’s watching a car accident unfold in slow motion. 

“this is awful,” she mutters under her breath, dragging a hand down her face. 

wanda hums softly beside her, gaze flicking between you and bucky with a soft frown. “very.” 

yelena narrows her eyes at her sharply. “do something.” 

wanda doesn’t move. “what exactly would you like me to do, yelena?” 

yelena throws her hands up, gesturing vaguely. “something. use your powers. fix it.” she makes a circular motion near her temple. 

“that’s not how that works,” wanda says dryly, finally looking to yelena. 

yelena stares at her for a beat, eyes narrowing more. “you’re enjoying this.”

wanda’s lip twitches but she stays quiet, just lifts her mug and takes another slow sip. 

they both look back in time to see the shift. bucky sets his mug down harder than necessary. it’s quick, but they both catch the way you flinch at the small sound. 

they also catch the way bucky freezes for half a second when he sees it, something like regret flickering across his face. like he didn’t mean to make you react like that. he doesn’t say anything, just turns and stalks out of the room. 

yelena watches him go, slowly turning back to wanda. “oh this is worse than i thought,” she says flatly. 

wanda sighs, watching the doorway for a second before looking to yelena. “much worse.” 

“now we intervene?” yelena asks simply. 

wanda nods, setting her mug down. “now we intervene,” she sighs. 

yelena jerks her chin towards you. “you take her.” she doesn’t wait for wanda’s reply before she’s already turning towards the hallway. “i’m finding the idiot.” 

wanda watches her disappear before stepping towards you, placing her hand on your arm gently. “can i borrow you for a minute?” 

you look away from peter’s laptop, already pushing your chair back. “yeah, yeah of course.” you don’t question it. you just follow. 

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

wanda doesn’t take you far. just down the hall. 

you don’t realize where she’s leading you until you hear his voice. you stop instantly. the balcony door is cracked open.

“i’m not doing this with her,” bucky says, low and rough.

you stand frozen, chest tightening as you start to feel like you can’t breathe. 

“doing what, exactly?” 

it’s silent for a second, only the faint scrape of boots against concrete. 

“whatever you all think this is,” bucky finally mutters.

the words land heavier than they should. your nails dig into your palms as you clench them. you swallow hard, blinking rapidly like you can reset yourself. 

“i get it,” you murmur under your breath. 

wanda turns towards you immediately, hands reaching out to steady you. 

“that’s not–” she starts softly. 

you step back before she can finish, holding your hands up. 

“it’s fine,” you say quickly. your voice doesn’t sound like yours anymore. “i’ve heard enough.” 

you don’t wait for her to respond as you turn, walking back down the hall before you can second guess it. 

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

it doesn’t take yelena long to find bucky. 

the balcony door is barely open, and she doesn’t knock when she pushes it open the rest of the way. 

“you are unbelievably stupid,” she says, cold air biting her skin. 

he doesn’t turn around, just lets out a slow breath like he’s preparing himself for the conversation. “good morning to you too.” 

“why did you do that?” yelena asks immediately, stepping next to him as he leans on the railing. 

“do what?” he replies, not looking over at her. 

“you walked out like a coward,” she says flatly. 

his jaw tightens slightly, glancing at her for a second “i didn’t walk out like anything.” 

“she didn’t sit with you and you threw a tantrum rather than ask what was wrong,” she says sharply. 

“i left,” bucky snaps, finally turning fully towards her.

“i saw that. that doesn’t mean you did it maturely,” yelena says, staring at him blankly.

bucky doesn’t get the chance to respond as steve steps out from behind the door, taking in the tension before speaking. 

“what’s going on?” he asks carefully. 

yelena doesn’t look away from bucky. “he is what is going on.” 

steve’s gaze shifts immediately to him. “buck..” 

bucky drags a hand down his face, already exhausted. “it’s nothing.”

“it is not nothing,” yelena says flatly, giving bucky a pointed look. “he is emotionally constipated and she is emotionally stubborn.” 

steve sighs, coming to stand next to him. “what happened?”

bucky drops his forehead to rest against the railing, contemplating whether he should jump off or not. “nothing happened,” he mutters after a moment, lifting his head to look back at the city. “she just didn’t sit with me.” 

yelena lets out a humorless laugh, dragging a hand down her face. “and instead of asking her why, you left.” 

“i didn’t wanna make it a thing,” he mutters, jaw tensing up. 

“you made it into a thing when you glared at peter like he killed your cat and almost broke your coffee mug,” she shoots back frustratedly. 

steve shifts closer, grabbing onto his shoulder. “buck, what’s actually going on?” 

bucky hesitates, his gaze drifts back out over the city, shoulders tight. for a second, it looks like he’s not going to answer. “i’m not doing this with her,” he says low and rough after a moment.

steve frowns slightly. “doing what, exactly?”

it’s quiet for a second. just the faint scrape of bucky’s boot against the concrete as he shifts his weight. “whatever you all think this is,” he finally grits out. 

yelena and steve just watch him quietly for a second, eyes meeting for a moment, concern swimming between them. 

“you mean the very obvious thing going on between you two?” yelena asks after a moment, almost like she couldn’t help herself. 

bucky runs a hand through his hair, frustration bleeding through now. “because i don’t know what it is,” he admits. “and i’m not—” he cuts himself off, jaw tightening.

“not what?” steve presses softly. 

“not good at this,” he says quietly. “not like..like this.” 

“the last time i had anything close to this, it was different,” he mutters. “there were steps and you knew what it was supposed to look like.” he lets out another short breath, his metal fingers flex slowly like he’s trying to remember what it used to feel like. 

“and now everytime i even try to think about it, it just feels like im pretending,” he says. “like im trying to be someone i used to be. like if i just follow the same steps, it’ll work.” 

he shakes his head again, letting out a hollow laugh, 

“but it doesn’t. it just feels wrong,” he says quietly. “because i’m not him anymore.” 

steve doesn’t interrupt. doesn’t disagree.

bucky’s gaze drops to the ground for a second before he continues, voice rougher. “and it’s not just that i don’t know how,” he says. he hesitates for a second before letting out a breath. “i don’t think i should.”

yelena’s expression shifts slightly. “should?” 

he huffs, dragging a hand over his face. “you don’t just get to wake up one day and decide you deserve something normal after all i’ve done.” 

steve steps closer, voice careful. “buck–”

“she deserves someone who doesn’t have to wonder if they’re going to screw it up just by being in the room,” bucky cuts him off “someone who doesn’t have all this—” he gestures vaguely to himself, frustrated. “—shit hanging over them.”

yelena gives him look, crossing her arms as she studies him. “so your solution is to decide that for her after one interaction.” 

he doesn’t answer because he knows that’s exactly what he’s doing. 

bucky stares out over the city like there’s something out there that’ll make this easier. there isn’t.

“i’m trying to do the right thing,” he says finally, quieter now.

yelena’s response is immediate. “no. you are trying to avoid doing the wrong thing.”

she steps closer, voice dropping just slightly. “you do not get to ruin this before it even starts because you are scared,” she says. “that is selfish.”

bucky’s jaw tightens, but he doesn’t argue.

yelena studies him for another second. then shakes her head. “you are exhausting,” she mutters before she turns and heads back inside without another word.

steve doesn’t move right away. he watches bucky for a second, like he’s weighing his options on what to say that won’t make it worse. 

“you’re not giving sunnie enough credit,” steve says finally.

bucky looks over at him at that, something tight still sitting in his expression.

“she’s a smart person,” steve continues. “she wouldn’t let someone in if she didn’t know what baggage came with them.”

bucky huffs out a quiet breath, shaking his head slightly. “you don’t know that.”

steve’s brows pull together. “i do.”

people don’t know what they’re signing up for,”  bucky mutters, looking away again. ”not really.” his metal fingers flex at his side, slow, restless.

“not until it’s already too late.”

steve watches him carefully, something heavier settling in his expression.

“or,” he says, voice steady, “they do know. and they decide it’s worth it anyway.”

bucky’s jaw tightens. “yeah,” he mutters. “and what happens when they’re wrong?”

steve doesn’t hesitate. “then you prove them right.”

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

your steps are too fast, too loud. 

you can still hear his voice in your head, like it’s following you. 

“hey–” wanda calls softly behind you, catching up easily. “hey, slow down.” 

you don’t realize where you’re going until your hand is already on your door. you push it open and step inside, moving past everything like you don’t know where to land. 

wanda slips in behind you, closing the door gently. 

you pace once. twice. stopping near your bed before turning back, arms crossing tightly over yourself like you’re holding yourself together. “im fine.” 

you’re not even looking at her. 

“you didn’t hear everything,” she says gently. “only a part of a conversation.”

“i heard him.” your voice tightens slightly. “he doesn’t want this. and that’s fine, because it never was anything.” 

wanda’s brows pull together. “that’s not what he said.” 

“i should’ve just stayed in bed, i never should’ve let you two drag me out of here,” you mutter, dragging a hand through your hair as you turn away from her. 

“it makes sense,” you add quickly, like you have to fill the silence before she does. “we work together, we live together–this would just complicate everything.” 

“or he’s scared to mess it up,” she says gently. 

you sit down on the edge of your bed, gazed fixed on the floor. “he doesn’t have to be scared of messing anything up,” you say sharply. “he has nothing to lose.” 

“i’m not doing this,” you say after a moment. “i’m not—” you shake your head. “i’m not risking everything for something he’s already decided isn’t worth it.”

wanda goes still at that. “you think he has nothing to lose?” she asks quietly. 

you don’t look up. your hands twist together in your lap, knuckles going tight. 

“i’m not gonna stand there and try to convince him to want something he doesn’t.” 

“that’s not what he was saying,” she tries again. 

you shake your head immediately, voice wavering. “it is.”

you swallow hard, staring down at the floor like if you focus hard enough, you won’t feel anything else. “i won’t risk it.” 

wanda studies you for a long moment, her expression softening, not with agreement, but with understanding.

“you’re scared,” she says gently.

“of course i am,” you admit. “i found something here. something good, something stable. i’m not gonna risk that on something that isn’t even real.” 

you look up at her finally. “this–” you gesture vaguely around the room. “this is the first place i’ve ever felt like i actually belong.” your voice cracks slightly at the end.

then, barely above a whisper. “i can’t lose this.” 

wanda doesn’t argue with that.

she just nods slowly, like she understands exactly what you mean, even if she doesn’t agree with what you’re doing with it. “okay,” she says gently.

she sits beside you, wrapping her arm around your shoulders and pulling you into her, like she’s anchoring you to something solid while everything in your chest keeps shifting out of place.

[infinitydoll]

4. come out and haunt me

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

you don't mean to cross the line between you—he just makes it feel like there never was one

content warning: overthinking/emotional vulnerability, yelena is done with them, wanda knows everything, free will is a myth alpine makes all decisions, they're both really normal about each other

2.7k words previous chapter next chapter

it starts without either of you calling it a routine. nothing about it is announced or planned, it just happens. which isn’t something you aren’t used to, that’s how your room became the designated hangout for almost everyone. 

but this? this becomes the most consistent part of your week. you never know who is gonna end up in your room, except for when it comes to him. 

he shows up in your doorway like he always does. his knuckles rap once before he lets himself in. “you busy?” he asks, even though he’s already halfway inside. 

“not too busy to be alone,” you say softly, always making space for him. 

most nights it’s just talking. you sit on your bed while he leans back in your desk chair or sits on the floor leaning against your bed while you ramble about nothing and everything. he normally stays quiet, offering comments here and there so you know he’s listening. not that you need assurance, he always listens like it’s the most serious matter in the world, even if it’s just about tony falling over in the lab. 

but some nights it’s quiet. the positions are switched, with you leaning against your bed with your head tipped back. bucky sits somewhere on your bed, reading or playing around with alpine. one night he worked up the nerve to run the tips of his fingers through your hair. and similar to the cat on his lap, you lean into his touch. he threads his hand into your hair, metal hand scratching at your scalp and he swears you purr. these nights are the one you both cherish the most. 

it’s easy in those moments to believe you’ve got everything under control, like as long as you have him, steady and warm and real, nothing can spiral too far.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

you like to think you handle things well. 

you’re organized. rational. emotionally intelligent. steve even made sure to highlight that when he hired you, like it was your most impressive trait. 

so naturally, when you have a bad night, you overthink everything you’ve said in the past three weeks and end up pacing your room like a ghost that doesn’t know how to haunt properly. you consider different plans while you pace. 

you could text wanda. you could knock on yelena’s door and let her distract you. you could even head to tony’s lab and watch him work like you have in the past week. 

or you could go to bucky’s room. 

you’re not going to his room. you decide this very firmly as you sit down on the edge of your bed, staring at the floor like it owes you money for a concerning amount of time. 

you don’t need to go to him. you don’t go to people when your world feels like this, like it’s tilted two degrees to the left and hasn’t shifted back yet. you don’t even know how you would explain why you’re having a bad night. so you don’t need to go to a 100-year-old super soldier with a metal arm (that you think about too much) who has a habit of looking at you like you’ve rewritten his entire understanding of life. 

you’re not going to this room. he’s the one that comes to your room, not the other way around. he’s not comfortable with others invading his space like you are. you don’t need to go to him. 

that would be stupid. 

you sit for a minute. your foot starts bouncing against the floor and your hands twist together like you’re trying to wring the annoyance out of your body. it doesn’t work.

you groan, falling back onto your bed, dragging your hands down your face. “you’re not going there,” you mumble to no one. “he doesn’t wanna hear about your issues when he spent half his life frozen by the evil government.” 

you continue to lay there and feel sorry for yourself until something soft brushes against your ankle. you don’t even need to look down to know what it is. 

“you’ve gotta be shitting me,” you mutter, finally sitting up and looking at the evil creature. 

alpine looks up at you like she knew what was happening in your head, and her tail flicks once before she turns towards the door. 

she pauses, and looks back at you expectedly. you narrow your eyes at her, and you swear she does it back. you still think that she’s not a real cat. 

“this is messed up,” you groan, pushing yourself up off the bed, shaking your head as you follow her out the door. 

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

you stop a few feet away from his door. alpine stops at your feet, looking up at you as if she can’t get in the room without you. she’s completely ignoring the pet door bucky had tony install a month ago that he insisted had nothing to do with how often she now comes to your room. you’re kind of mad that you didn’t ask tony for one too. 

you glare at alpine as she continues looking up at you. “you are more than capable of going in,” you whisper-yell at her. “i escorted you here, what more do you want from me?” 

she continues to stare up at you. you contemplate getting rid of her bed in your room, clearly you guys are no longer friends. 

is this what your life has come to? arguing with a cat outside of a guys room? you groan, stepping closer to his door before bringing your hand up to knock. you freeze for a moment, looking back down at the smug cat who still refuses to just use the kitty door and put you out of your misery. you knock once and glare down at alpine again, considering running away but it isn’t really polite to ding-dong-ditch people anymore. 

the door opens almost immediately, and bucky looks at you like just seeing you made his whole night. his expression softens but his brows pull together when he sees the way you and his cat are in an intense staring match. 

“what’s happening here?” he asks amused after a moment. you’ve never wanted the floor to swallow you up more. 

you finally look up at him, cheeks flushing as you gesture to alpine. “she, well i was just escorting her here because she came into my room and she refused to use the little door so i had to knock and i think she’s making fun of me,” you ramble, avoiding his eyes as much as possible. you shoot daggers at alpine as she finally saunters into his room, leaning against bucky’s leg for a second before disappearing. 

he tries to bite back a smile when he sees the frustration on your face, knowing that it’s not all aimed at alpine’s meddling. “was wondering where she went off too,” he glances over his shoulder at her. 

“yea well she’s evil. just so you know,” you mumble, crossing your arms over your chest like a child. 

he leans against the doorway, humming quietly. “i had my suspicion,” he says, nodding like it’s official but his lips are fighting a smile.

“well i’m glad we’re on the same page,” you nod back, like it’s a real issue you’re worried about. 

you shift on your feet, looking down the hall towards your room. you know you should go back. you did what you said you would do, you delivered his evil cat back to his room and now you can go back to your pity party in your room. you could also go to the kitchen and find the ice cream wanda hid and take that back to your pity party. you can pay her back for it in the morning. 

but you don’t move. 

your feet stay planted to the floor, and your fingers twitch at your side nervously. you look over his shoulder into his room before catching his eyes again. 

whatever joke he was about to make disappears as he looks at you, really looks at you. 

because you’re standing in his doorway, hair messy like you’ve been tossing and turning, one of steve’s sweatshirts hanging off you, and your arms are crossed over your chest like you’re holding yourself together. 

he knows you are unashamed to go to the others now. you’ve made yourself at home here, and the only reason you’ve never gone to his room is because he usually comes to you first. so he doesn’t like seeing you suddenly so shy to ask for what he knows you want. 

“c’mere,” he murmurs, taking a step back to open the door wider. like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

that’s the problem. he says it like you belong there, like this isn’t something that’s gonna sit in your chest for the next week straight. 

you hesitate before stepping past him, shoulders brushing as you do. he smiles to himself. you always make sure some part of you brushes against him when you walk by. he feels really normal about it. 

you look around his room, eyes narrowing when they land on alpine who is fast asleep on a cat tree in the corner. 

his room is exactly what you expected. the tv is playing some old show quietly, one lamp in the corner to dimly light the room. the corner with the cat tree is surrounded by various cat toys. there’s a book face down on his bed, blankets tangled in a way that you know he was in bed when you knocked. 

you turn back to him, a frown on your face. “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to bother you. i can go back to my room.” 

 you start to move towards the door but a hand grips onto your upper arm to stop you. you look up at him and heat starts to crawl up your neck. he watches you for a second, like he’s piecing together something he doesn’t wanna get wrong. 

“you wanna tell me what’s wrong or do i need to ask the cat?” he says gently.

you let out a huff, a small smile growing on your face despite yourself. “she would just lie, she’s been against me all night.” 

his mouth twitches, like he’s trying not to smile, but his hand doesn’t leave your arm.

“c’mon,” he murmurs, like it’s something fragile. “talk to me.” 

“it’s stupid,” you grumble child-like, looking away from him. “i don’t even know what’s wrong, it's just–everything feels wrong.” 

he hums, rubbing his thumb softly over where it rests. your breath comes out a little shaky. he doesn’t interrupt, or rush you. he just listens. 

“i feel like i did something, or said something wrong and i don’t know it, and it’s gonna come back and bite me in the ass,” you sigh, dragging a hand down your face. 

when you look back to him, you’re expecting him to be looking at you confused, or even annoyed. but you’re met with just soft eyes, nodding at you like it makes perfect sense. “yeah,” he says simply. 

your brows pull together. “yeah?” 

his thumb keeps moving against your arm, almost absentmindedly. “yeah. brain does that sometimes. fills in blanks for stuff it doesn’t know and makes it feel real.” 

you want to argue back but you don’t. this is a man who spent 70 years not remembering the day before, so he probably knows what he’s talking about. 

“doesn’t make it right,” he reassures you after a moment, features settling into something gentle. 

his hand shifts, sliding from your arm slowly, like he’s giving you time to stop him if you want to. nothing in the world could make you stop him right now. 

he guides you closer, moving his hand to rest on your neck softly while the other wraps around your waist. he doesn’t pull you into him fully yet, still giving you the space to stop this. 

you wrap your arms around his neck, and he leans down just enough that your forehead fits against his shoulder. 

your arms tighten slightly without you thinking about it, like you need something to hold onto or you’ll disappear. he doesn’t comment on it, something in him softening as he tightens his grip, just enough to keep you there.

“there you go,” he murmurs, voice low against your hair. his fingers slide into your hair, gripping at the strands just enough to anchor both of you. 

you sink into him more because of it, your grip eases from something desperate into something softer, your forehead pressing more firmly into his shoulder as your breathing grows less ragged. 

his other hand slides along your back, like he’s mapping you there. like he’s making sure you’re really here. 

“still loud?” he murmurs, softer now. not pushing, just checking. 

you shake your head slightly against him. “less loud now,” your voice comes quiet but more steady. 

his thumb starts to trace slow, lazy patterns along your back. the motion is easy and gives you something your body can follow without thinking. 

he doesn’t rush you out of it, just keeps you there like he’s got nowhere else to be. 

and for the first time all night, it feels completely quiet. 

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

you can normally handle the chaos of the common room. you actually love it normally. it feels right, like you’re stepping home after being away. but tonight it’s louder than you would like. 

sam and tony are arguing about something that went wrong during a mission, although it’s slowly morphing into a debate about music. somehow tony is always able to change topics flawlessly. peter’s talking animatedly with bruce about one of his homework assignments and steve’s just trying to eat lunch. 

you hover in the doorway for half a second too long, and only one person notices. he notices everything. 

he’s sitting on the couch, arm thrown over the backrest and looking at you with a barely there smile. he waves you over subtly, before looking back to the book on his lap. you cross the room without thinking about it too hard, dropping into the space beside him, close enough that your thigh leans against his. 

he glances over immediately, eyes focusing solely on you. “hey,” he says, low enough that only you can hear it. 

“hi,” you say under your breath. you don’t think about it when you lean into his side. 

you definitely don’t think about how his arm slides down from the back of the couch to rest behind you instead, thumb brushing your shoulder automatically. you are definitely not thinking about how his touch makes you feel like you’re finally awake after sleeping your whole life. 

across the room, yelena goes very still. wanda’s leaning against her, focusing intently on the design she’s trying to embroider into a sweatshirt. 

yelena is staring like she’s witnessing a historical event. “i give it a week,” she mutters under her breath, poking wanda until she looks up.

wanda follows her gaze, her lips twitch slightly as she watches the way you’ve tucked into his side like it’s second nature. she hums approvingly before going back to her embroidering. “i’m not sure,” she says. 

yelena turns to her, eyebrows raised. “you don’t think so? they’re already being disgusting.” 

wanda laughs under her breath, not even looking up. “they’re not even aware they are doing it, they aren’t gonna confess anytime soon.” 

yelena squints at her before looking back to you, right as you're tucking your leg slightly under you, shoulder pressing more firmly into bucky’s side. 

he adjusts instantly, like he’s been waiting for it. 

“oh this is unbearable,” yelena groans, making a face. she watches the two of you for another second before standing up, shaking her head as she grabs wanda’s wrist. “we have to intervene before i die from disgust.” 

wanda lets herself be pulled, looking back to you one last time. “they’ll figure it out, yelena.” she rolls her eyes as they disappear down the hall. 

“no, they won’t,” yelena scoffs. “this is why we exist.” 

you turn to watch the pair as they disappear down the hall, whispering amongst themselves. your brow furrows, already getting a bad feeling from it. bucky tilts his head down towards you just a fraction. “you okay?” he asks quietly. 

you nod, leaning into him absentmindedly. “yeah, yeah i just feel like yelena is scheming,” you say, voice lined with suspicion. 

he laughs quietly, shaking his head. “when isn’t she scheming?” 

you nod, leaning into him absentmindedly. his thumb brushes your shoulder again, like it’s second nature.

you don’t think about it now. 

you will later.

[infinitydoll]

3. you can hear it in the silence

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

he tells himself it’s just the room, just the noise, just the cat—but somehow, every quiet moment leads back to you.

content warning: uhhh i cant really think of anything. alpine is cupid, bucky is in deep author's note: i know i put a pic of tony and nat and they aren't really in this, but i thought it matched too well to not have </3 (also can you tell i love tfatws era bucky) thank you for all the love !!

3.4k words previous chapter next chapter

it started with peter. it always does.

when tony told the team that you would be staying in the tower, peter was running to your room before he finished his sentence. you had been hanging some things up on the wall when he burst into the door, nearly causing you to fall on your face.

“tony just told us you’re staying here! i can’t believe you didn’t tell me, i mean why wouldn’t you tell me that there’s a new spot for me to hang out! this is gonna be so much more comfortable than your office, not that your couch isn’t great but this—!” he flails his arms out as he looks around your room. “this is my new favorite place!” 

you stare at him gobsmacked, hand clutched to your chest as you try to slow your heart rate. “peter you almost just killed me, good lord,” you plop down onto your butt at the edge of the bed. “please make yourself known next time before running in like you’re on fire.” 

he grins at you, looking around the room again. “can i help decorate?” you furrow your brows, twisting your rings as you hesitate before letting out a huff.

 his face lights up like a christmas tree when you nod, and you spend the rest of the night curating your room to look like it was taken straight off a pinterest board. 

yelena prances in as you guys fall backwards onto your bed, leaning against the doorway. “i want to join,” she says bluntly, stepping into the room and laying next to you, dangling her head off the edge of the bed. “the room, it looks nice now.” 

“thank you,” you say softly, turning your head to look at her upside-down face. “we worked very hard on it.” 

“you give him too much credit,” she snorts, nudging her foot against peter’s shoulder. “for the last five minutes, he’s just been handing you things.” 

peter lifts his head from where he’s starfished across your bed, an offended gasp leaving him very dramatically. “hey! i was strategically handing her things–” 

you laugh quietly, the sound soft and warm as you press your hands over your face. a knock doesn’t come as sam peeks into the room. he smiles like he knows something you all don’t. 

“just wanted to see where the kid ran off too like a madman,” his eyes flicker between the three of you. “what’s going on here?” 

peter sits up immediately, gesturing around the room. “we made this place into the elite hang out spot!” 

sam steps in, looking around slowly before nodding. “this is nice,” he gestures vaguely. 

yelena hums, still upside down, “it is comfortable. i like it here.” 

“you look like you’ve already moved in,” sam snorts, sitting down on the lounge chair across from the bed. 

she stretches out like a cat, grinning widely. “i go where i am wanted,” she says simply. you smile at her, chest tightening a little as you blink away the tears that welled up for a second. 

they start to come in waves. knocking becomes more of a suggestion than an actual practice, but you start to recognize everyone before they even step through the door. 

peter sounds like he’s about to trip over himself at any moment. sam makes no effort to be quiet, and yelena always appears without making a sound at all. sometimes she’s already in the room before you get there, not that you ever complain. wanda always taps on the door once before coming in, natasha slips in quietly amidst the chaos. 

and then there’s bucky. 

you don’t hear him at first. the first few times he shows up in your doorway, you don’t notice him over the conversations floating around the room. you feel eyes on you and your head turns towards the door, heart jumping when you realize he’s just there. leaning against the frame, watching the room like he doesn’t think he belongs in it. 

watching you. 

he never interrupts. he just stands there before offering you a barely-there smile and going on his way. you start to expect it before you understand it. 

you’ll be mid sentence, making fun of something tony did with yelena, and your words falter for a second. your eyes flicker up toward the door before you can stop yourself. and everytime, he’s there. 

it happens enough that you stop questioning it. it doesn’t stop the quiet disappointment when he leaves.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

it starts with alpine. it always does 

you don’t think much of it, the way she’s there more often than not. how she curls up in your room like she’s claimed it as her own. 

but bucky always notices. 

the first few times it happens, he doesn’t follow her. he knows where she’s going, and he ignores the way he desperately wants to follow her, the way he’s jealous of the space she takes up in your room effortlessly. how he wants to do the same. 

but he never steps into your room when everyone is there. he doesn’t start joining until well after he saw the new cat bed in your room. he couldn’t look you in the eyes for a week after that, scared that if he did he would start talking and never stop. 

but one night alpine slips out of his room, tail lazily flicking behind her, and he watches her go with a quiet huff. 

“don’t get lost,” he mutters, already knowing exactly where she's going. he stays in his room for a minute. 

then five. 

then he’s in the hallway. he tells himself he’s just checking to make sure you’re not secretly annoyed by her presence. that’s all. 

he hears it before he sees it, laughter spilling down the hall. too loud, too warm to ignore. he can barely ignore the ugly envy in his chest.

he pauses outside your door, leaning his shoulder against the wall like always. 

you’re on your bed, legs crossed and surrounded. peter is halfway through a story, animatedly moving his hands too fast to match his words. sam is laughing like he’s about two seconds from running to the bathroom, and yelena is doing commentary. and in the middle of it, alpine is curled up in your lap like she’s home after a long day. 

this isn’t bucky’s space. he knows he should leave you guys alone. 

“you gonna stand out there all night, or are you coming in?” your voice interrupts his thoughts, gentle and soft like you knew where his mind was going. his eyes snap up, and you’re already looking at him, a smile that he’s only ever seen given to the feline on your lap lining your lips. 

he’s convinced for a second that he’s died and is about to enter heaven. 

he hesitates for a second too long, glancing down at alpine like she’s the reasoning for everything. “i was just–” 

“checking on your baby?” you finish for him, eyes sparkling with something he can’t quite place. his lips quirk up, something close to a laugh escaping him. 

“something like that.” 

you smile softly again, nodding gently to the window seat next to the bed. it’s such a small thing. like he’s always meant to be there. 

his feet move before his brain catches up, body on autopilot as he sits down. sam glances at him with a knowing smile before cackling again at the conversation which has now turned into a playful but intense argument between yelena and peter. 

alpine lifts her head, blinking lazily before climbing out of your lap and jumping into his, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

you frown dramatically, glancing between them. “wow, she really is a traitor.” 

his hand automatically comes up to scratch behind her eyes, grinning at the way she melts into him. “now you know how i’ve felt this whole time,” he mumbles. 

you smile at him, like he’s now in on a joke just between you both. and just like that, the conversation pulls you away again, the room filling with warmth and something he hasn’t allowed himself to feel in a long time. he watches the way you laugh into yelena’s shoulder. he tells himself he’s just gonna stay for a minute, take all the attention he can get from his now popular cat before she prances off again. 

he’s been lying to himself more than he wants to admit since he met you. 

he watches as you say all the right things to get peter more worked up. the way you cover your mouth when you laugh louder than usual. how you let yelena lay her head down on your lap wordlessly. how you braid her hair absentmindedly. 

your eyes flick up to his, and something settles into place when you meet eyes. he’s already there, not looking at anything else happening in the room. 

just you. like he knew you’d look. and for a moment, everything else fades into the background. 

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

the first time he comes to your room alone (without alpine being his excuse), he’s just gotten back from a rough mission. 

you were in the middle of revising a report, mumbling under your breath about how you have to tell peter again how he can’t just write his mission reports using various sound effects. you can’t help the small smile as you read the sentence and then i hit the guy like blam! but then he got pissed off and really brought the thunder (unrelated to thor). you snort to yourself as you continue to scribble annotations. 

you hear him before you see him, heavy footsteps coming down the hall slowly. you don’t think much of it. you knew he was getting back late from a mission, and you tried not to think too much about how much relief you felt when you heard him. a gentle knock on the door made you straighten up in your chair, and you called out to friday softly for her to unlock the door. 

he pushed open the door hesitantly when he heard the lock click out of place. he waited about 6 minutes outside your door before finally knocking, he just stood there and stared at the light under your door like it’s something he shouldn’t touch. he doesn’t know what to do now as he stands in the doorway, he didn’t think this far ahead. 

you glance up when the door opens, expecting it to be wanda asking to stay the night again. your pen is still in your hand when you see him. 

he looks different, not in a way anyone else would really notice. he’s not bleeding or limping, but there’s something about the way he’s holding himself. his shoulders are a little too tight to be normal,  jaw set like he forgot how to relax.

like he hasn’t come back all the way yet.

“hi,” you say softly, not quite knowing the best way to approach him. 

he shifts on his feet, one hand still on the door like he might bolt at any second. he looks at you like he’s not entirely sure he’s allowed to be here. he doesn’t say anything, just continues to look at you. it makes your chest tighten uncomfortably. 

“you okay?” you try again, gentler this time. 

he lets out a slow breath, eyes wandering around your room before landing on you again. “yea,” he says automatically. it sounds like a lie, and even he knows it. 

you stay quiet, nodding to the chair across from you. “you can come in, y'know," you say simply, like this is nothing out of the ordinary. 

you both know this is anything but ordinary. 

he steps inside, shutting the door gently and for a second he just stands there again, almost bracing himself for you to change your mind. you don’t. 

you go back to your report, flipping the page like you didn’t feel the entire room tilt when he entered. 

“i’ve told peter about fifteen times already that he can’t use the word ‘blam’ in official reports but he just keeps doing it,” you huff under your breath, turning to look at him. you frown slightly at the way he’s just standing there. he looks like a soldier again. “you can sit down, it’s a little intimidating for you to just stand there,” you say quietly, smiling at him teasingly. 

something shifts, and the corners of his lips turn up for a split second. you consider it a massive win, knowing that it’s probably the most he can manage right now. 

he sits on the edge of your bed, which surprises you. in the time that he’s started spending with whatever group is taking residency in your room, he’s always sat in the window seat. you’re grateful for it. he watches out the window at the city most of the time and it gives you the opportunity to look at him. and it gives the perfect amount of distance between you where you don’t feel like you're gonna pass out. 

you don’t outwardly react to this new lack of distance, you just pick up your pen and give him the space to exist without expectation. 

after a few minutes of comfortable silence, you look at him over your shoulder. he’s sitting with his elbows on his knees, looking down at the ground as he wrings his hands together. his brow is creased in between his eyes, and you want nothing more than to smooth it with your thumb. 

“do you wanna talk about it?” you ask quietly. 

his answer is immediate, “no.” 

you nod, not pushing for more. something in him loosens at the lack of disappointment from you. 

he leans back against his hands, closing his eyes for a moment and when he opens them again, he feels less like he’s somewhere else. and he’s suddenly more aware of your presence. he traces his eyes over your hair, down to your hand as it dances around the paper. 

your pen pauses mid-sentence as you look at him again. “you don’t need a reason to stay here, y’know.” 

he simply nods, not trusting his voice. your expression softens, putting the pen down on the desk finally. you open your mouth, but nothing comes out as the door pushes open again. wanda stands in the doorway, smiling sheepishly as alpine struts into the room. “sorry, she was pawing at the door.” 

you smile, a small laugh escaping you as wanda bids goodnight and makes her way back to her room. you turn back to bucky as alpine climbs up onto his lap and makes her way onto his shoulder. you don’t miss the way his body relaxes, almost like the weight of her on his shoulders is anchoring him to reality. 

“it’s cute, how she sits up there,” you murmur, leaning back in your chair. “i’ve never seen a cat willingly do that, or stay there for more than a second.” a small huff leaves you in the form of a laugh, and you take it as another win when the ghost of a smile lines his face. 

“she’s been doing it ever since i got her,” he says, voice heavy and mellow. “google says she either imprinted on me or likes to be able to see everything. tony says it’s so she can see everything and plot her takeover.” 

you let out an amused breath, absentmindedly messing with the pendant that lays on your chest. “it’s probably both,” you tease, smiling at him like this is your favorite part of the day. you don’t tell him that this has been. “you know, this would really improve your public image,” you wiggle your eyebrows at him, laughing at the way he immediately scowls. “cmon! former assassin turned cat-dad, the internet would go crazy!” 

“ive already gotten this spiel from pepper,” he rolls his eyes, leaning slightly into alpine as she pushes against his cheek. “i’m okay with my public image at the moment, i don’t need more people approaching me on the street.” 

“can’t argue with you there,” you nod, pushing your hair back behind your ears. “i love going shopping with yelena, but the stares we get are kind of intense,” you admit quietly. 

“do they bother you?” his gaze sharpens at that, trying not to imagine it. 

you sit quietly for a second, rubbing at the pendant before shrugging. “i mean, i dunno. it’s not like they’re staring at me, i guess it just comes with the territory,” you mumble, as if the lingering stares of strangers doesn’t make your skin crawl. 

“doesn’t mean it can’t bother you,” he says softly, shaking his head once. 

alpine shifts, pressing into his cheek again like she’s demanding more attention. his hand lifts up, almost on reflex, to scratch under her chin. the movement is familiar, like it’s a dance they both know every step to. you wish that people could see this version of him, how gentle he is with the thing he probably loves the most. but a small part of you is overjoyed that you’re the only one seeing this right now. like it’s something that belongs to just the two of you, that only happens in this room. 

“she really loves you,” you say after a moment, voice lined with affection that you both can’t ignore. 

he shrugs, looking down at the floor. he feels like if he looks at you a second longer, he’s gonna do something he’ll either regret or want for the rest of his life. he doesn’t wanna take the chance on either. 

“like really loves you,” you continue. “she trusts you so much.” 

his eyes flick over to look at her, like he’s trying to understand what you’re seeing. she swats her paw at his nose and he grunts, picking her up off his shoulder and holding her out in front of him. she hangs there in air jail looking like she’s never had a regret in her life. 

“it took her a while,” he mumbles quietly as he brings her to his chest. when you tilt your head, he takes it as permission to keep talking. “she never scratched me or anything like she does with peter, but she never really wanted to be touched. i had to let her come to me first, on her own time, and then she never left me alone again.” 

you hum, nodding along as you smile slightly. “sounds familiar," you say quietly. there’s something in your tone that he can’t read.  “you can’t force people into trusting you, or staying, y’know.” 

he stills at that, eyes lingering on you. on the way your shoulders are tucked more inward, how your fingers mess with your pendant non-stop, how your now suddenly avoiding his eyes. he doesn’t like the way you said it, like it doesn’t matter if people stay or not. like you understand that not everyone stays. he has a brief idea to hunt down whoever's left you in the past but he shakes it off. 

“do you expect people not to stay?” he asks quietly after a moment. 

“i-i think people do what makes sense for them,” you say quietly, finally looking up at him. “even if it doesn’t make sense to you.” 

“not everyone leaves,” he says after a moment, his chest tightened with something deep and familiar in a way he doesn’t want. 

there’s no teasing in your expression, just something quieter. something more honest. “no?”

he shakes his head, “no. i don’t think you could get rid of us if you tried.” he says quietly, giving you a small smile that mirrors the first one he ever saw on you.  

“i don’t ever wanna try to get rid of you all,” you say like it costs you something. “i’ve been wanting this my whole life.” 

bucky swallows hard, eyes fixed on you like if he looks away he might lose something he doesn’t even know how to hold yet.

you don’t need to explain what you mean, and you don’t seem to realize the weight your words have on him. how he’s thinking the same thing about you. how he has to bite his tongue multiple times a day to not blurt out how ever since he met you, he’s been thinking about a future he never allowed himself to imagine. 

the room around you falls silent, only the sound of alpine purring into bucky’s chest and your fan in the corner hitting your ears. neither of you mind though. 

the words settle between you, quiet but permanent, like something neither of you says, but both of you hear anyway.

[thelhc]

nobody has been there for me like the ‘x reader’ tag has been there for me

[infinitydoll]

2. and suddenly, every love song made sense 

pairing: bucky barnes x f! reader

he watches something small fall into place—and feels something bigger follow

content warning: use of y/n once, use of nickname sunnie, oblivious reader, bucky's already gone, alpine is an evil mastermind, everyone knows but them, wanda x platonic!reader, yelena x platonic!reader, natasha x platonic!reader

2.7k words previous chapter next chapter

bucky barnes is a hard man to rattle, but the first time you smiled at him he knew he was screwed. 

steve had told him a few nights before about the new assistant that tony recommended. he remembered steve saying that he chose you specifically because of your personal statement that you submitted, that it instantly clicked that you would be perfect. he never told bucky what the personal statement actually entailed, just that you were emotionally intelligent, and an intellectual that could keep up with the team. 

even tony said you could keep up with him, and that’s what sold him. 

bucky hadn’t thought much of it. an assistant isn’t something he needs to pay attention to other than in meetings. but when steve introduced you to the room and you brightly said how happy you were to be here, bucky was gone. he didn’t know to what extent, but he knew this was not good for him. 

and then you smiled at him specifically and he felt like he was on a roller coaster, his heart suddenly finding a home in his throat. he tried to focus on alpine in his lap but his eyes couldn’t last more than 15 seconds on something other than you. 

he thought he would get relief from the slightly uncomfortable feeling that he got in his chest around you at the end of the day, when you went home. but then tony announced that you would be moving in and living on the same floor as him and bucky knew in that moment god was playing a cruel, cruel joke on him. 

the first week you moved in, bucky tried his best to keep his distance. not in a rude way, he thought he would die if he was ever the reason you were upset. but he was the only one to not stop by your office on a daily basis and he opted to just watch you instead of making conversation. he ignored the way sam constantly teased him for being a stalker. 

there was something about you that he just couldn’t figure out. you fit in perfectly. you were able to counter all of tony’s jokes, you kept up with peter’s ramblings and seemed genuinely interested. yelena had decided you were her new best friend and constantly found herself in your room, and even through the sound proof walls bucky could hear you both cackling. he passed by wanda’s room one night to see you painting her nails quietly. he felt like his chest cracked open so he could beg you to just take his heart. 

your first real interaction was your second week living there. your room was officially set up, and you had a good amount of visitors. that’s not where bucky found you though. 

it was one of those nights where he just couldn’t shut off his brain. he couldn’t sleep on the floor, let alone his bed. he tried to take the medicine stark had given him for sleep but nothing helped on these kind of nights. so with alpine on his shoulder he made his way to the kitchen. he paused when he saw you there. 

you were filling up your water bottle, wearing an oversized sweater that swallowed your sleep shorts. when you turned around and finally saw bucky in the doorway, you didn’t jump like he expected you to. your eyes widened in surprise before they softened at the image in front of you. 

this 6’2 former assassin stood frozen in the doorway with a small cat perched on his shoulder, his eyes widened like a deer in headlights and a midtown tech sweatshirt on. your lips immediately quirked up at the sight.

“hi sergeant barnes,” you say softly, stepping around the island closer to him. “i was just going back to my room, i won’t bug you.” 

“why are you up?” he blurts out before you can walk past him. he sucked in a harsh breath at the sudden lack of distance between you. 

you smiled warmly up at him, eyes twinkling with amusement as you watched alpine swat at his ear. “i was moving some things around in my room. i always do these things too late at night,” you laugh quietly, looking up at him in a way he hasn’t seen you do before. almost like you were nervous in a good way. 

you didn’t question why he was up. you didn’t need to. you heard him awake at this time every night since you moved in. it explained his never empty coffee mug. 

“do you need help?” he asks gently, finally picking alpine up off his shoulder and holding her like a baby. he scowled down at her for a brief second as she pawed at the dog tags hanging from his neck. 

a breathless laugh escapes you as you watch them, bringing a hand up to cover your mouth. his lips part at the sound, feeling like he just came up to the surface after drowning for so, so long. he smiles softly down at you, free hand twitching at his side as he fights the urge to touch you. 

“i’m just re-organizing,” you say simply. “i don’t really need help, but you’re more than welcome to hang out in my room if you want.” you pray internally that he’ll accept the offer. 

he stays silent for a second, unable to form words as the only thought in his head is you, you, you. he nods, looking a little dumbstruck as you start to walk back to your room. your hand brushes his and he feels like he stuck his finger into the toaster peter broke last week. his body is on fire when you turn back to him and say, “i like your sweatshirt by the way. im gonna have to ask peter to get me one too.” 

the thought of you matching with him, even in something so ridiculous as peter’s high school merch, has him wanting to fall to his knees. he won’t even let himself think about you wearing his sweatshirt. to make the situation worse, alpine jumps down from his arms and follows you to your room. he holds back a groan as he turns to follow the her. 

when he steps in your room, he understands why everyone gravitates towards it. you’ve pushed your bed up against the wall and covered it with plush blankets and about a thousand pillows. across from it is a pink chaise lounge chair that has yet another blanket strewn across it. there’s a candle lit on your desk, and warm yellow fairy lights are on rather than the big overhead light. alpine makes herself at home on your bed, curling up on one of the many pillows. 

you turn to look at him as you set your water bottle down, smiling bashfully. “i didn’t expect you to actually do it,” you say quietly, looking over at the feline on your bed. 

“i follow her orders,” he jokes lamely, standing awkwardly by the door as you sit on the edge of your bed and hold your hand out to alpine. 

he watches intently as alpine sniffs you, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when she seemingly approves of you and sprawls out across your chest. 

you smile down at the cat, brushing your hand over her soft fur before looking back up to bucky. “it’s really cute, how obsessed with you she is.” 

bucky takes a step into the room, still standing a respectful distance away as he tries not to melt at the image of you two. he knows this will be an image that haunts him for a while. “she normally doesn’t like people that easily, peter’s gotten a lot of scars trying to get her how she is now,” he gestures to the way she’s made herself at home on your lap. 

you grin up at him, pride filling your chest as your cheeks heat up. “peter is a lot for anyone, i’m sure if sam had claws he would have given peter a lot of scars too.” the laugh that escapes bucky makes you want to do a backflip out of excitement. you’re almost mad at him for hiding himself from you for these three weeks. 

alpine shifts against you, her paw pressing into your shoulder as if she’s settling in for a long night. you laugh softly under your breath, trying not to move too much. “i think i’ve been chosen.” 

“yea, yea i think you have,” he says softly taking another step closer. he sits on the chair across from you, looking at you both like he doesn’t know what he did to deserve this. how he could be dismantled so quickly. “she normally doesn’t settle that quickly,” he says after a second, his voice quieter than before. 

you tilt your head, a small smile on your lips. “really?” he nods, studying the way alpine begins purring against your chest. he doesn’t know how to explain to you that every since he rescued her, she’s only ever let him be that close. how it took her months to even let steve pet her, how picky she is. 

and yet here you are, cuddling with his cat like she’s yours. 

you smile, looking down at her like you just got the nobel piece prize. “guess i got lucky, or she just has really good taste.” 

he smiles, looking down at the floor as he leans his elbows on his knees. he doesn’t tell you how it doesn’t feel like luck. how it feels like something bigger than he has words for right now, bigger than he can even comprehend right now. 

you let out a yawn, and bucky immediately frowns. “i can take her if we’re keeping you up.” 

you shake your head immediately, burying your hand in her fur. “no, no i’m okay,” you try to reassure but another yawn slips out. he looks over the two of you, knowing that if he tried to move alpine off of you right now he might lose an eye. 

“she can stay here tonight, if you don’t mind,” he says softly after a moment. “i can leave my door open if she wants to come back.” 

you look at him for a second, excitement dancing behind your tired eyes. “really?” you ask almost awestruck. “you would trust me with her alone?” 

“of course i would,” he says quickly. “i’d trust you with anything, sunnie.” he can’t handle the look on your face after that. “i mean, that’s why you're here right? for us all to trust you with everything.” 

the smile on your face falls for a millisecond before you nod, smiling curtly. “yea, yea i suppose so. i’ll leave my door open too.” 

he nods, standing up and hesitating for a second before walking to the door. he lingers in the doorway for a second as he looks at you again. “if you ever need anything, my door is always open,” he says quietly. “goodnight y/n,” he adds quickly before disappearing into the hallway, not giving you the chance to respond

you sit dumbstruck on your bed, looking at alpine as she pulls back a little bit to look at you. you seriously wonder for a second if this isn’t a real cat but rather some type of hero who can shapeshift, it has to be the only explanation for why she seems to understand the atmosphere so well. you scratch under her chin, mumbling to her, “your dad is a little confusing, huh?” 

her purr seems to answer, you don’t even know the half of it.  

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

alpine starts to spend a lot of time in your room. enough that when wanda and yelena burst into your room for a girls night, she’s already made herself at home on a cat bed you secretly bought. every time you’ve seen bucky in the tower, he always frowns and teases you for stealing his cat. you try to ignore the way he looks at you after he says it. 

yelena sprawls out on the floor next to her bed, keeping a safe distance as she squints at her. “i don’t understand how you tamed her in such little time,” she says suspiciously, glancing up at where you’re standing behind wanda. 

you look at her through the mirror, brushing through wanda’s hair softly as your hair straightener heats up. “i literally did nothing, i also don’t know how i did it,” you laugh softly. wanda smiles at you through the mirror, wiggling her eyebrows in an all too familiar way. “don’t even say it,” you point at her with the hair brush.

“i wasn’t gonna say anything!” she holds up her hands, but the glint in her eye contradicts her words. “just seems like a sign….” 

“a sign that i’m a trustworthy person, unlike you guys apparently,” you grin, tugging on wanda’s hair playfully as you start to style it. you ignore yelena flipping you off behind you. 

“how come i’m never invited to these things?” natasha says from the doorway, causing all of you to look over. 

“we didn’t know you wanted to be invited,” yelena calls out from the floor, looking at natasha with a shit eating grin. “we thought you would spend all your free time with steve.” 

natasha rolls her eyes as she steps into the room, plopping down on your bed and watching you. she looks around the room, taking in the scattered blankets, half-burnt candles and finally alpine lounging on her bed like she’s lived here her whole life. 

“you bought her a bed,” she says simply, looking at you knowingly. 

your hand stills for a second, looking back at her with a curt nod. 

“dont,” you say quietly as all three of their faces practically split open with wide smiles. 

“sunnie bought his cat a bed,” wanda sings as a chorus of ooohhs fill the room.

“she’s here all the time! i felt bad making her sleep on the floor,” your face flushes deeply as you try to focus solely on wanda’s hair. 

“please, don’t try to act like she doesn’t sleep in your bed every time,” yelena snorts, rolling around onto her stomach as she looks up at you. 

“i-i wanted her to have something that was hers,” you say quietly after a second, staring at the back of wanda’s head as you brush through her hair slowly. 

wanda makes a small noise like she’s proven a point. “this is how it starts y'know." 

“how what starts?” you ask, eyes narrowing at her through the mirror. she opens her mouth to respond but she’s interrupted by a knock on the doorway as bucky appears. 

“hey–” he starts out before pausing and taking in the scene in front of him. natasha perched on your bed with a shit eating grin, wanda looking at you through the mirror with a wide smile as you stare at bucky like you’re lost, yelena practically vibrating with excitement on the floor, and … alpine lounging on a cat bed he’s never seen before. 

he looks between you and alpine a few times before mumbling to himself, “unbelievable.” he looks at alpine with a frown, “my cat is a traitor.” 

you focus back on wanda’s hair, trying to hide the growing smile on your face. “i don’t know what you’re talking about,” you say quietly. 

“she’s always been our cat, barnes,” natasha shrugs. alpine looks over at her for a second before settling again, like she agrees. 

“it’s girl's night, where else would she be?” yelena adds, grinning up at bucky knowingly. 

“then you guys can pay for her food,” he says bluntly, leaning against the door frame. 

“i bought her a bed, i think that exempts me from spending more money,” you grin at him. “just to clarify, i didn’t steal her she just…visits.” 

“very frequently,” wanda chimes in. 

his gaze lingers on you for a second before smiling softly, pushing off the doorway. “well, i’ll leave you all to girls night then.” 

you look over at him, trying to find some type of excuse to keep him there when peter magically appears next to him, looking at you all excitedly. “can i join?!” he grins widely. 

you don’t get the chance to respond as wanda flicks her wrist and the door shuts softly. you all sit quietly for a second before yelena bursts out laughing, causing you all to follow suit. 

you look around the room as they move onto different conversations, smiling to yourself as you look at your new ‘sisters’ that you never knew you needed.

[infinitydoll]

1. this is where it begins

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader, avengers x platonic!reader

it starts with a desk and ends with a home she didn’t know she was allowed to have

content warning: use of y/n once, extreme slow burn, found family, grumpy x sunshine (of course), pathetically yearning bucky, kind of oblivious/in denial reader, readers referred to as sunnie

2.3k words next chapter

the first time you stepped into the tower, no one really looked at you.

you stood by the door like a deer in headlights as you watched the scene in front of you. the room sounds more like a middle school classroom than an office. chairs are scraping, voices loudly overlapping. you can spot the falcon in the corner of the room wrestling with a teenage boy, and there's a cat prancing around the room like it owns the place. it almost made you nauseous how much you like it.

tony stark is talking over bruce banner loudly, and you can see steve rogers trying to calm the masses. by the look on his face, this seems to be a common occurrence. in the midst of the chaos he spots you, and makes his way over to where you're standing by the door. you take in a deep breath, clutching your bag closer to you as you try anchor yourself. you smile nervously when steve gets close enough to hear you over the chaos, and you stick out a slightly shaking hand. "hi captain rogers, im the new assistant assigned to the avengers!" you straighten your shoulders and push away the nerves as you grin widely.

his hand slots into yours, calloused from years of fighting and shakes it firmly. "i know, i picked you specifically," he says gently, eyes never wavering from yours as he releases your hand. no matter how much you try to prepare yourself to be around remarkable people like him, nothing truly prepares you to be standing in front of a living legend. this was a man you learned about in history class telling you that he picked you specifically to be his assistant. you swallow the rock in your throat as you try not to pass out.

"i wasn't aware of that, im very honored sir." you breathe out, trying to keep your emotions at bay. he smiles at you warmly, hand falling to the small of your back as he steers you closer to the chaos in the common room. it's not hard to figure out how he became the leader of this group when his smile alone was enough to relax your nerves.

to prove his leadership even more, he clears his throat and the room goes silent almost immediately. voices cut off mid sentence, the wrestling match in the corner is abandoned and even the small white cat pauses like it feels the authority that steve rogers commands easily.

"this is y/n," he says simply as if he's not introducing you to a room full of the world's protectors. "she's gonna be working with us, mission reports, planning, things like that. basically keeping everything running the way it's supposed to be."

the room is quiet for a moment as you smile brightly, trying to ignore the way your heart is thumping violently. "you can call me sunnie," you blurt before you can stop yourself. "that's what everyone calls me, but i don't mind either way,” you ramble slightly before clearing your throat and smiling nervously.

from the corner of the room, sam laughs as he pushes the boy off him lightly. "that's more out of the old days than those two are," he points to steve and a man on the couch you hadn't noticed before. your breath hitches as you see the metal prosthetic that rests on his lap, realization washing over you.

bucky just looks at you, absentmindedly playing with the cat who now perches on his lap. his gaze is intense, but not in a way that makes you uncomfortable. he's just observing, like he's trying to figure you out. you offer a smile and something shifts, barely. for a split second, he looks at you like he doesn't quite know what to do with that.

you don't get enough time to think about it as a voice speaks up from the kitchen. "hi," the infamous black widow says from where she's leaning against the counter. her arms are crossed against her chest as she observes you. not like bucky, this is like she has already figured you out on first glance.

next to her perched on the counter is a girl around the same age as you, blonde hair cascading over her shoulder messily. you wave at them both as the blonde looks at you skeptically. "i'm yelena," she says bluntly after a moment.

"it's really nice to meet you," you say genuinely as you smile at her. the skepticism on her face morphs into what looks like affection immediately. steve introduces the rest of the room briefly and you learn that the teenage boy sam was wrestling is spider-man. you're already being invited to wanda's next girls night when tony finally approaches.

as he grips your shoulders, the room starts to move again. you can hear him talking about how weirdly impressed he was with your qualifications as you take in the room. it feels different now, like it's something you've stepped into and immediately fit into. you don't quite know where yet. tony motions for you to follow him to your office, and out of the corner of your eye you catch bucky watching you again. you offer him a soft smile before following tony, ignoring the way your chest tightens.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

trailing behind you like a lost puppy is peter. as steve introduced him, he was staring at you almost awestruck. you had given him a somewhat confused glance that made sam laugh and push his shoulder, but as the room started to move again, you didn't think anything of it. until you gained a shadow.

you nod along as tony explains how you have access to a good amount of the tower, how you have to hit the coffee machine before it starts to work and how you can keep whatever you want in the fridge as long as you're okay with it being public property after.

he left you to settle into your space which leaves you where you are now. peter stands in front of your new desk a few feet back, practically vibrating with what you assume is excitement. you give him a warm but wary look as you smile.

"so... you're spider-man?" you ask softly, putting a file down on your desk.

peter straightens up like you hit the on button, gesturing to himself as he stumbles over his words. "uh yea, yea i mean. that's me. spider-man. hi."

a laugh slips out quietly as you smile wider at him. he looks like a kid in a candy shop waiting for his mom to let him get something. you set a few things down on your desk, trying to make the space feel like it's yours. you still can't grasp that it is.

peter rocks on his heels as he watches you, thinking loudly in a way you didn't think was possible. you tilt your head at him, silently giving him permission to say what he's thinking.

"i think it's cool that you're like normal," he says simply, as if it explains everything.

you furrow your brows as you smile against your will. "thank you?" you say confused as a small laugh slips out again.

"it's cool!" he says quickly, waving his hands around as his eyes grow slightly anxious. "you're here, with all of them and you didn't have a leg up like the rest of us did."

you nod carefully, looking out of the office to see steve and tony in an intense conversation. "i worked hard to be here."

"i can tell," he says quietly as he fidgets with his sleeves. "it's a lot to be here though."

your chest tightens, letting out a small breath as you sit down. "i'm not going anywhere," you say softly, almost like you're reassuring yourself more than him.

he studies you for a moment, like you're a problem he can't solve before he nods with a bright smile. "good."

"so!" he claps his hands together as he looks around the room. "do you need help setting up? because i can help. i'm really good at, well actually not really good at organizing but i can carry things. or label things. or-"

you shake your head as you start to pull some things out of your bag. "i think i'm okay."

he deflates at that, looking like a kicked puppy as he takes a small step back, like he's prepared to be told to get out.

"but you can stay if you want," you say gently, gesturing to the couch against the wall. "i always like company."

his face lights up, sprawling onto the couch in seconds as he looks over at you. "i think we're gonna be good friends!

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

the rest of the week goes by in a blur.

you start to pick up on the team's habits. steve always goes out on a run in the morning (for way too long). his ears turn pink when he curses. tony plays his music way too loud in the lab and talks to himself. a lot

peter and tony work on tech together most of the time. once a week bruce comes in for lunch with tony, and peter always crashes it. if peter's not with the team, he's usually wherever you are.

sam ruffles your hair everytime he sees you and takes every opportunity he can to make fun of peter. natasha knows everything and loves to tease steve. the tension between them is pretty suffocating and everyone feels it.

yelena never sits like a normal person. she's always perched on something, on the floor or upside down. she's slowly started to spend more time in your office throughout the week.

wanda hums under her breath a lot and absentmindedly plays with her magic. the first time you saw her do it, you stared for five minutes in awe until she laughed at you.

peter asks a lot of questions. he's been doing homework in your office and constantly forgets his backpack. apparently he's on his fifth backpack of the school year.

bucky is the only person you haven't interacted with much. he's quiet, not in a miserable brooding way but in a calming way. he has a blunt sense of humor, and he always has black coffee with him. no matter the time. he watches you like he's studying the hardest topic of his life.

you were in the middle of scribbling in your notebook when there's a knock on your door. you glance up to see tony leaning against the doorway with steve slightly behind him.

"hey kid," tony starts, taking a step into the room.

"hi," you say quietly as you start to gather your things. "i was just getting ready to leave-"

"it's okay," steve says as he steps beside tony. "we just wanted to talk to you about something."

tony gestures vaguely. "access, clearance, the usual 'don't touch anything that glows unless you wanna explode' speech-"

"i don't wanna explode, trust me!" you say quickly as you wave your hand. "i won't go near your lab without you i swear"

"that's good, survival instincts are good." tony grins.

steve cuts in before tony can keep going. "you'll have access to most of the tower," he explains. "common areas, briefing rooms, the lab- with permission," he adds, glancing to tony who just shrugs.

"and you'll have your own room," tony finishes.

you sit quietly for a second, blinking in surprise like you're trying to reset. "a room?" you squeak out after a minute.

tony raises an eyebrow. "yeah? where did you think you were gonna sleep, the lobby?"

"i-i thought i would be sleeping at home," you say confused.

steve's eyes soften as he looks over you, eyes lingering on the way you twist the rings on your fingers.

"you can if you want, but we thought it would be easier to stay here." he says gently.

"oh yea, we're not gonna kidnap you, kid," tony walks closer to your desk, picking up some of the trinkets you added. "but we wanted to give you a room. a permanent one, not a sad guest room or anything. closet, bathroom, the whole 'you live here now' starter pack."

you stare at him for what feels like hours before nodding hesitantly. "i would really like that, my place isn't the best right now." you say quietly.

steve watches for a second longer, like he's assessing something. "you'll fit right in."

tony claps once, nodding his head towards the door. "c'mon, i'll show you your room. we'll arrange for movers to get your stuff later this week."

you follow behind him sheepishly, listening to him intently. "we can paint it however you want, and the walls are soundproof, so you can listen to music as loud as you want. you don't have to worry about not being able to sleep because of any noise, either, not that it matters, though. we have you on the quiet floor."

"the quiet floor?" you ask quietly as you stop in front of the door to your new room.

"yea, we put barnes and wanda on this floor," he shrugs. excitement fills your chest as you process the words. wanda was someone you felt instantly comfortable with, and bucky is well...he's bucky. there's something about him that makes you feel instantly drawn to him. plus, he's not bad to look at. peter's caught you staring at him multiple times during the week.

"i appreciate being put on the quiet floor," you say softly, offering him an appreciative smile.

you try to hold back tears when he opens the door. it's bigger than your whole apartment, with floor-to-ceiling windows and a huge bed in the middle. you stare at it for a second as you blink away tears. "thank you," you whisper, wiping at your eyes as you finally look at tony. "this is more than i could've ever imagined. i-i don't even know how to thank you."

"you don't have to kid," he says quietly, squeezing your shoulder softly. "you deserve to be here."

you smile, lip wavering as you look back at the room.

it doesn't feel like yours yet, but it feels safe. and that's all you could ever ask for.

[infinitydoll]

let the light in • B.B

master post for the ongoing story!!

she made space for them, they filled with it something like love.

in which you become an assistant for the avengers, and they realize you were the missing piece. for bucky barnes, you were the missing piece of his whole life.

this is where it begins

and suddenly, every love song made sense

you can hear it in the silence

come out and haunt me

you got me good, i knew you would

if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow