10 Confessions On Life And Love From An INFJ
INFJ ā Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging. As one of the rarest personality types we make up less than 1% of the population and weāre a complex, strange, creative, highly intuitive group of people. Iāve written acouple of times about INFJs here on TC and while I certainly donāt speak for all INFJs I thought I would share my experiences and thoughts on love and life to better help others (INFJs or other types) make sense of this thing called life. If you arenāt sure which personality type you are you can take the Myers-Briggs assessmenthere.
1. On being a generally strange person
INFJs are known for their strangeness and complexity. What makes a person āstrangeā and what makes someone else ānormalā? Iām not really sure and honestly, who cares about labels at this age? I guess what it comes down to is this feeling that Iāve always felt different compared to others. It is so rare to find anyone that really āgetsā me. I can count on one hand the people I have met or people Iām friends with that I think really understand me and what Iām about. My entire life Iāve felt sort of out of place with this world and with others and I think itās one of those things you canāt understand unless youāve had similar feelings.
2. On having so many feelings
INFJs are known for being sensitive, empathetic, emotional people. Basically, we have A LOT of feelings. I cried a couple nights ago when I was talking to Chrissy about how appreciative I am to know her and my other co-workers. Not like bawling crying or anything, just a few tears of happiness, but stillā¦thatās just the way I am. Iād like to think my default state is happy but sometimes I can get overwhelmed with strong emotions. I guess what it comes down to is I just have so much love in my heart for everyone. When I sit and think about all the truly lovely people in my life I can get a little choked up.
3. On self-sacrificing in relationships
INFJs are known to be self-sacrificing in most of our relationships in life ā both romantic and platonic. Weāre idealistic. We like to believe in the best in people. We like to hold out for people even if everything in our being says not to. I stayed in a 5 year relationship when at least 2 of those years were not working simply because of this idea I could make it work if only I could do something different to make it better. If I just tried a little bit harder. If I just said this or did this maybe we could be the happy couple we were in the beginning.Eventually I realized I had been fooling myself for far too long. Iāve held similar ideas in other relationships but luckily now Iām able to catch myself much faster and in the past few years Iāve really tried to limit this aspect of my personality.
4. On forgetting self-care
In addition to being self-sacrificing in relationships INFJs can often forget to take care of themselves. Weāre so busy trying to do everything for everyone else that we can completely forget about ourselves until we realize weāre empty and exhausted. Then what happens is we usually need to block out as much extra stimuli as possible to recharge. We just need to chill for a few days or a week or whatever. In my experience this can be difficult for people who are so used to me being around that when I sort of disappear and become a hermit they donāt get it. Itās not you, itās me. Itās really alllllll me. Just me. Thatās what I want right now. Iāll get back to you when Iām ready to be out in the world again. This is how I repair my inner-self.
5. On being self-absorbed
So while weāre are known to be self-sacrificing I think INFJs absolutely have the capability of being self-absorbed at times too. Trust me, Iām not trying to paint INFJs as these darling angels who will do anything for anyone. I donāt think weāre like that ā at least not for just anyone. INFJs have high expectations for themselves and donāt believe in compromising their ideals. So what does this lead to? A lot of stubbornness, honestly, and a great deal of time thinking about ourselves and what we want.
6. On getting āthat feelingā
You know what Iām talking about. That internal gut instinct when you just know something ā either good or bad ā has happened or is about to happen. You can feel it in your bones. This, obviously, is not something that only INFJs experience but I think something about us makes us more in tune with this level of intuition. We can pinpoint feelings without ever really knowing the āwhy.ā At this point in my life Iāve tried to really hone in on my gut instinct and itās rarely ever wrong.
7. On the conflict between the inner-world and outer-world
INFJs are great daydreamers. We have an ability to create rich inner lives to retreat to when the outer-world becomes a bit too much at times. Having the ability to hone in on my thoughts and dreams has been able to take me through some very difficult times in my life. Iāve never been the sort of person whoās uncomfortable with being alone or being lonely. I think the problem that comes with having a strong inner-life is that at times, even if you can clearly envision a happy and perfect future, youāre struck with the harsh realities of life. INFJs are intensely idealistic and this is one of those times when it can become an issue.
8. On casual relationships vs. committed relationships
INFJs are completely capable of having short term romances but is that what we prefer? Not really. INFJs are after meaningful, long-term connections in all relationships in life. For myself Iāve done the casual thing with dating and while it can be fun and fulfilling in the moment, itās ultimately just not my style. I lose interest relatively fast and get bored when I realize thereās no long term potential or if our connection feels like it wonāt ever scratch below the surface.
INFJs are naturally artistic, creative people and we live in a world full of hidden meanings with a multitude of possibilities. If I didnāt have a creative outlet Iām not sure how I would be able to deal with life. Thatās not meant to be dramatic. Itās more of this idea that creating is just as essential as other elements in life needed to survive. Itās my way of coping with both the good, the bad, the strange, and the powerful moments that happen. Art and creation has been such a huge part of my life since I was very young I canāt imagine a life without it.
10. On wanting to help as many people as possible
I donāt think itās a huge surprise people like Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, Oprah, Martin Luther King Jr., and Mother Theresa make the list of notable INFJs. They all share many similar traits and their mission in life speaks to the heart of this personality type. Feeling an innate drive to help others and to do as much for other people has long been with me. I could only hope to one day be as inspiring or impactful as any of the names I listed. This quote from Woodrow Wilson I think greatly explains the mission behind INFJs. āYou are not here merely to prepare to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.ā Ā
theartofmadeline
