Love, the fierceness of love,

SHRILL AS THE CLICK OF A COCKED GUN.

[infrasense]

hello (again), vayne (they / them) presenting yoon jiyu (cruella). at the age of 25, she has encapsulated most of her negative experiences and allowed them to embitter her unto this point. beneath the cut, i’ve divvied up her character information in hopes of keeping it concise and highlighting the parts i think are vital to my idea of her. if you’d like to interact with me, i’m available through tumblr ims; just let me know. thank you for your time!

BIOGRAPHICAL:

TW: BULLYING

tumultuous family life. siblings are her half-siblings through their mother. mom marries jiyu’s dad though he seems to be more attached to her siblings than he is to her. she hates it really bad but it’s not the kind of thing she has the lexicon to really be able to effectively voice in any capacity that matters. dad isn’t someone who takes accountability after all and mom isn’t someone to rock the boat so jiyu won’t do it either but it does hurt

compensates with class clown shenanigans that aren’t really jokes as much it is unnecessary bullying bound to scar someone forever. it stems from the neglect she’s internalized out of her home experiences. doesn’t really pay the introspective part any mind because she’s making the popular kids laugh. jiyu loves the attention so whether or not she’s tormented somebody doesn’t really matter because she knows where she’s sitting at lunch and people actually seem to care if she’s absent from a day of school which is more than she can say about her parents

this is not enough to sate her. she tries to tell herself that it is and tries to make it be enough and be satisfied with just being a comedian who nobody really has a substantial relationship with but honestly. seeing it girl so exalted and loved and overhearing all the crushes people have and how people flock around her introduces the idea that maybe jiyu’s missing out on something. this idea becomes a nightmare and it pushes jiyu to that proverbial edge of fate

she hopes with all of her heart that gossip girl absolutely destroys it girl’s life when she sends in the video. doesn’t really care about the collateral that suffer due to her either. in jiyu’s mind they all deserve it not even on an ethical scale but because they didn’t treat jiyu the way they treated it girl. in her mind it’s like she was only being horrible to innocent people because it made them laugh. why would no one like her or reciprocate her crushes because of that? it’s what they wanted, she’s not actually like that, etcetera but jiyu doesn’t accept it’s the only side of her she’s allowed people to see: the cruel part that does and says anything that’ll elicit a reaction

introspection and self-accountability effectively ignored however so that singular part will become the bedrock to her entire personality and does. she hates every person in the gossipgate clique but similarly they’ve been all she’s known for so many years that she doesn’t want to take the effort to reconstruct her social life. plus staying in cahoots with everyone offers a false sense of camaraderie and trust that she exploits to stay in the know about things. like for instance any passing comment blackmail might make here and there to the people who aren’t jiyu. her conscience will always be spotless it’s just a matter of ensuring people agree with that and keeping everything copacetic

CHARACTER:

duplicitous (obviously) but in a very sleek way where she covers her tracks well so it’s hard to discern. also very ruthless but the cruelty isn’t necessarily object violence it’s more like she envisions the light at the end of the tunnel and accepts doing whatever she has to do to be able to reach it

believes in herself a lot because paradoxically she also recognizes how much of a hole there is dug into the center of her stretching its yawning maw day after day and slowly ebbing into everything like an indiscriminate and insatiable monster. if she had had love when she wanted it things would be different but nobody had a crush on her back then so she will be spitefully brutalizing the rest of the world forever

contrarily she does have moments where she reflects on the magnitude of what she’s done and sometimes there’s a breakthrough but it’s immediately quelled by the incontestable fact that she can’t go back now. that she’s done what she’s done and to whatever extent this is exactly what she wanted so what would it all have been for? what does regret even serve her? what’s she supposed to do, say sorry? “this is the path i’ve taken to get what i want” mentality

the internal debate is actually really great though because it inspires so much of the agony that appears in her haute couture designs. she’s a hot topic in the fashion world, spearheading a brand new label renowned for its classical components in gorgeous haute couture and the almost sacrilegious tragedy her work seems to capture. her signature is always the brilliant, seemingly angelic and heavenly motif. steel barb twisted into makeshift bracelets and diadems, long gowns that flow out like white wings, heels with their stems adorned by crucifying vines. she’s like caravaggio or michelangelo or da vinci if any of them made clothes and also were even half as great as jiyu is (think this: x x x x x x x) 

the scandal that’s going on is true but no one else needs to know that and she won’t be acknowledging the accusations anyway so stop flooding the searches with it she doesn’t care she’s had enough of people writing her off. however people end up suffering for it means nothing to her. it really does

anyway despite all of this, she is really social and amicable and chameleon-like with a malleable adaptability to any of the crowds she puts herself in. with gossipgate she’s the age-old friend who has them covered if they need anything. with new people she’s kind-hearted and not so extroverted that it’s overwhelming but enough to get the conversation going because stagnancy is a boring death and maybe there’s always something worthwhile to gain out of being friendly. not to be confused with being outgoing though more so if you speak to her she will reply and continue the conversation and falsify a sense of hospitality

yoojung’s intro neglected my signature ending wherein i clarify that i don’t have any open-ended plots because i suck at making them lol but it is true i am bad at that and prefer proactive brainstorming because i am down with most anything!!!!! i’m available on tumblr IM if you’re interested and thank you for your time again

[infrasense]

eatrun​:

pearl rosary

this is one of those nights that will become lost to time. he can tell by how thick the smoke, how heavy the smell of used up cigarettes. it’s one of those nights that will be over when it ends. the kind of thing no one will remember. he can tell. how far away the city below seems, how far removed he feels from everything. or maybe that’s just the ten-year old tab of hello kitty blotter acid he’d melted under his tongue six hours ago finally taking effect. yoonsu looks at his right hand, waiting for the lines of black ink etched along his index finger to turn into snakes or ocean waves. nothing. maybe not. he drags his eyes to the starless skies above, carelessly throws his gaze onto the lit streets below. that bright city glittering like a hollow mineral cracked open. maybe. yoonsu brings a half-smoked cigarette to his mouth, takes a long drag that hollows his cheeks, puts it down between them for jiyu to use. he thinks it might help. he blinks into the dark, waiting to see something. nothing. maybe not. he purses his lips, kisses the air with a tactless smack. “i think these are no good.” not so unlike all those years ago, yoonsu looks at her with hope, “do you feel anything?”

-

“nothing.” jiyu says, taking her cue before retiring to a previous silence. she’s somehow more content to watch him stumble through the motions of it all and decipher whether or not there’s a pattern to the way his eyes are moving. it’s probably the most intimate they’ve ever been, barring the highschool shenanigans contingent on unleashing the kind of damage that puts people in cognitive behavioral therapy. though it was all a joke at the time, like everything else in her perspective. including him. for whatever reason, she feels herself about to ask him why he’s doing this with her, taking her out to parties where their celebration always ends up exclusive to just him and her. if it means something. “hey. i got a really bad review on gossip girl. you saw it, right?” she ignores the cigarette in favor of relinquishing her human status, crawling closer to his side with the intention of maybe giving up more. “yoonsu,” half-pleading, the other half knowing. “i had an idea. do you wanna help me out? it’d help you too. for pr stuff. please. it’s really important for my brand.”

[infrasense]

eatrun:

he comes out of the rush like a fresh horror the earth spit out. his hair mussed with strangers' hands, shirt wet with strangers' sweat. he has half a mind to clip his wings and ditch the shirt, or steal someone else's. yoonsu perches his elbow on the bar, calls for a drink and considers his options. hand through hair, eyes wander. the girl next to him is so familiar, he thinks he might know her. (he knows he knows her.) he doesn't pull away from the stare that finds him. in fact, he leans in closer. in a way, this is him starting that conversation he knows they should have. "want?" yoonsu opens his mouth, draws out his tongue just enough to show two pills. unmelted, like fresh poison. his eyes so dark in the dim light, it's hard to believe he's anything god wanted to put on earth.

-

there’s a saying coined for moments like this, something about horses, gifts and the mouths that carry them. jiyu looks yoonsu inside of his curiously, maybe boldly. closing whatever distance separates them just as nature made magnets do, she grazes her tongue over his in a quick sweep. “you know,” jiyu says, huffy. for what reason, however, she’ll leave personally unadmitted, not so unaware of her own hypocrisy. “i’m beginning to think you don’t care about gossip girl at all.” her tongue sucks behind her teeth as if to dilute the sting of vodka as it chases those two capsules down the hatchet. “normally i’d respect your courage, but you’re gonna make me look like even more of a sham. what about all that philanthropy and good will i read about? run dry already?”

[infrasense]

ra0n:

honesty’s still a habit that hasn’t settled into her bones just yet, because she’s far too used to beating around the bush. a brief flash, just a trace of the weariness that she’s felt for the past few weeks instead of the perpetual wolfish grin she wears– she doesn’t know what jiyu’ll make of that. what jiyu’ll do with that, even. raon doesn’t want to know, either, so the natural step is to hum under her breath, eyes turning to her when she asks ever so teasingly. “anyways – who do you think’s prettier between me and my sister? me, right? i’ll get jealous if you answer otherwise.”

“does it get to you?” jiyu asks innocently enough, keeping her eyes on her like overhead searchlights dragging their pale ghosts over the premises, a proper haunting. insistent, present, relinquishing anything distinguishable to this vague feeling of burdening shadow. like she’s there. woman opaqued by rain, rain diluting the scent of the woman. still there. “gossip girl. does it? it gets to me.” she murmurs, winks once with her right eye. “we’re only human, after all. it’s scary to think somebody’s watching you all the time. that it’s not just one person, but everyone. micro-analyzing you, following you to different places, checking who you’re with. gossip girl’s really just a fount of everyone else’s curiosity, if you think about it. it’s strange.”

it is strange. jiyu has spent the majority of her life enthralled by this overarching need to be acknowledged; to be validated. come to find out, validation was no conceptual, perspective thing, but something real and consolidated and packed up tight behind digital codes. it occurs to her that she should be grateful. people spend their entire lives scrambling to meet the expectations of something seemingly ideological but there nevertheless. faith and ambition, to name two. jiyu is fortunate enough to have it right at her fingertips. how many people are watching her, how many people care to watch her. 

“don’t give into it, though.” she contradicts herself, smile still smooth. “gossip girl, i mean. i know that’s easier said than done, but still. we should always try to overcome, don’t you think?” and not just compete, but dominate. jiyu tucks a stray strand of hair behind raon’s ear, shifts forward into whatever thickens in the space between them, this little space so coveted everything about jiyu becomes tender. too personal. “you shouldn’t feel like you’ve got to compare yourself to your sister, raon. you’re sisters. i didn’t think you were like that.”

[yenasolo-deactivated20230429]

[infrasense]

ra0n​:

“you gotta give me something in return though. besides the pay and press, i mean.” there’s a glimmer in her eyes. “wanna take me to your studio and show me something new-new that you’re working on? like, the bare bones of a design? i’m nosy about what else you can do.”

“i can do that.” she’s curt because she likes transactions, their implications. what more can come from them. “actually,” she punctuates, the tilt of her head coaxing herself against the other’s proximity again, undeterred and nonchalant like why not be in her space if there’s space to be in there? “you pick something out and i’ll give it to you. you can even model it for the show.” intentional sweetness, heightening propositions because it’ll keep the bar up there if she ever needs or wants anything else from raon. she looks her over. 

“in fact, i want you to model for me. i’d love it if you were a part of the show. you’re so pretty.” jiyu says, entitling herself to raon again but tenderly and knowingly, the way a painter keeps their canvas on the easel when it tilts. her hand replacing raon’s hand beneath raon’s chin, jiyu’s thumb helping perk raon’s head up just a little. jiyu’s fingers brushing down raon’s cheek. jiyu’s thumb pushing up raon’s bottom lip. she’s very moldable. perfect for jiyu.

“really. you are. i get it if you don’t want to, though. gossip girl is such a fucking cunt lately. my biggest fear right now is something going wrong at the show and they make a post about me. seriously.” but she’s not serious, not wholly. for jiyu, her tormentor has a name, hovers over her ominously but at least that means they’re reachable. “it feels like seryung just came back and every other post they make is about her in some way. even the shit with you and your sister.” she says, carefully and watching raon just as meticulously. “why is it anyone else’s business what goes on between you two and a guy? obviously all the comments are just gonna be misogynistic bullshit about which one of you is prettier or how humiliating it is for you guys and how they feel sorry for you. so annoying.”

[infrasense]

truth/if life was a movie, what would the title and genre of yours be?

“that’s a great question,” she says. her smile is complementary, sweet and—doubling the amiability—real. she leads a great story. the kind of chronicle defined by perseverance, by conquest. one where she weeps on the precipice of that ambition when there are no more worlds left for her to overtake.

its beginning humanizes her, too; there’s that relatable, miserable desperation tincturing every action and every thought. the kind of decrepit weakness that everyone ends up subscribed to, sooner or later. it was the inescapable hex of the common man. if you thought you didn’t care about what anyone else thinks, society would do its best to ensure you started to. it would try to tether you down with the status quo, mandate another person’s opinion. take the general infrastructure of a workplace, your educational system. jiyu, though. jiyu would like to think she’s tapped into whatever primordial strength be required to ascend her beyond the prosaic naysayers, the terrestrial margin. she would like to think she’s shed that weakness, proceeds with no defects, overcomes, cedes all commonality. no more despondence gnawing at her edges, no more hopelessness begging for fulfillment from something else; somebody else. no more asking if she was invited, no more playing dumb, no more slithering her way in. now, it was much more iron, or steel, or teeth, or nails, or flesh, or fire or drowning. now it was much more visceral, much more pungent, much more certain. now she knows and knows more and thinks often and thinks all the time. she never stops thinking, finds refuge inside of herself completely, reaps prosperity from all that ruminative viscera.

“i’d go with …  lady spider and the world in her web. fantasy.”

[infrasense]

tumblr won’t let me edit the post on my phone (gray kitten screaming jpeg) but. i have turned on anonymous.

[rpxoxo-deactivated20240618]

38,612 likes

gossipgirl  sometimes, in an effort to spread the most outrageous rumors, we look over the very thing that’s even more scandalous—the truth. and the only thing more shocking than the truth are the lies people tell to cover it up. but it’s often said that, no matter the truth, people see what they want to see. some people might take a step back and find out they were looking at the same big picture all along. some people might see that their lies have almost caught up to them. some people may see what was there all along. and then there are those other people. the ones that run as far as they can so they don’t have to look at themselves. and as for me, i can see clearly now. xoxo —gossip girl

view all 202 comments   —   prompt (truth or dare)

Keep reading

[boynextdoors]

YENA for KNIGHT MAGAZINE (2023)

[infrasense]

ra0n​:

it would be mocking if it wasn’t for the fact that raon’s raon and jiyu’s jiyu. she scoots to the left, taps the bottom end of her cigarette once against the bench she’s sitting on like she’d been reserving a seat for her all along. maybe she hasbeen, ever since spotting jiyu’s familiar figure flittering towards her across the otherwise gloomy campus. she tilts her head, and like she doesn’t know what the answer’s going to be—

“what'cha need from me?”

jiyu always keeps that disposition, too. keeps her eyes like meticulous handiwork whose craftsmanship was a culmination of years spent behind the forge. she’s got those pulling-the-inside-out kind of eyes. the same demeanor a surgeon probably maintains, where nothing needs to be said outright but there’s still some form of amorphous communication before the scalpel pries open the scalp. the “i’m going to be inside of you now” but it’s wordless. a little more haunting because it’s not about fucking. it’s about sinew and organs and all other vitalities; the ineluctable, corporeal weaknesses. the type of stuff that makes somebody then think about what it’s like to have their brain touched raw, debate over the pain receptors or the lack thereof, look up open-heart surgery. 

the gut’s nervous feeling. 

jiyu the spider with her octal monstrosities and grace and poise. crawling over that silken web. touching raon with her ends. thinking about ensnaring her. “ah,” jiyu purrs, takes her seat like she’s slipped into it and unsheathes the same cellphone she’d been messaging her on just a moment ago. “just the work stuff i was talking about in the text.” she says, cuddles closer in so she can show raon the pictures she had taken of the set. 

“i’m gonna have a fog machine cue here and here.” she directs with her pinky to the furthermost corners in the pixel. “at the start, it’ll be the drab, monotonous stuff. dark colors. regal themes. then the music’ll pick up,” an unspoken ‘right?’ she poses with a tilt of her head and a glance toward raon then. “and i’ll debut those three designs i sent you last week.” the newest ones, red like blood newly spilled ones, with their feathery tongues and binding chains and lace and silk and bravado. fallen angel if it were a gown. “what do you think? interested?”

[lovestereo]

Visit Original Link

[jazbaaati]

To harm a person is to receive something from him. What? What have we gained (and what will have to be repaid) when we have done harm? We have gained in importance. We have expanded. We have filled an emptiness in ourselves by creating one in somebody else.

Simone Weil, Gravity and Grace.

[detailedart]

Detail and edit of Cupid Making his Arch (ca. 1533-1535), by Parmigianino.