Allie ☾

[infuriatingang3l]

02.24.20

Hearing your voice eases tension I hold in my shoulders and my jaw 

It loosens the shape of a square and rounds it out

[hyerim]

https://www.instagram.com/p/B28pyr_Avsj/

[hatto-archive-deactivated202304]

[hillergoodspeed]

pt. 2

[writhe]

[90377]

Foggy memories of January by @90377

Instagram | Etsy shop

[infuriatingang3l]

01.09.2020 | summer fever

summer fever is coming in hot

i’m excited to wear all the things i thought i was not supposed to 

i’m excited to buy bikinis and shorts and sandals 

to wear sunscreen even and melt under the sun like a candle 

i’m looking forward to freckles and blonde hair glistening in my rearview mirror 

i’m looking forward to hand holding and popsicle and candy flavored kisses

i’m ready to slather on glittery oil so i can pretend it’s natural fairy dust on my skin

i have summer fever, but it’s january ninth 

[infuriatingang3l]

1.7.2020| melancholic

I think I’ve pinpointed my odd feelings for the past 2 days and it’s melancholy.  

[infuriatingang3l]

01.06.20| a little odd

Today was a little odd because it was one of those rare days I really want social interaction - in person and nobody was available, neither sister, not my bf, not my other friend who lives close-ish to me. But days like this, where I don’t get to hangout with people, have made me learn that if there’s something I want to do I don’t need other people to do it. I wanted to get pizza and to see a movie, of course it would have been more fun with someone else but I got pizza for my little brother and I and now I am going to continue editing a youtube video and watch disney movies. It’s alright to be needy, but it’s something I have to remind myself because sometimes when “these days” occur, I begin to feel lonely and uncertain of what to do - Do I let myself get depressed and cry or do I just need to treat myself and have a self-date? Sometimes, you do need to cry. I know that. But today was a self-care/self-date day.

:) until next time

[timelyreminder]

Rest, if needed

Stay aware of what time it is. If you’re staying up late, it might be time to head to bed! A good night’s sleep is important to your mental and physical health. :)

[infuriatingang3l]

Following this blog was the best decision I ever made. 

[caravelasemfreio]

[mysieee]

Sleepy green boy and his DAD. ✊😔✨

[infuriatingang3l]

01.05.2020 | me

Can we talk about what I think “the life” is? Or having it made?

My definition has changed because my perspective has changed. For me the life is about having warmth when it’s cold and cool when it’s hot. It’s about having food to eat and comfort when you’re in need of comfort. It’s having clothing to wear and a roof over your head. 

I’m constantly thinking of what’s next, since I moved into my dad’s last year. Admittedly from day one I’ve wanted to get out of here but there are times like tonight I feel comfort.. Comfort that things can be cleaned and relief when they have been cleaned, comfort and relief when things are put where they should be and I’m in bed before 9 p.m. Comfort in the choice I’ve made to have positive perspective when I could more easily be negative and think (as I did in 2018) about everything that doesn’t fit my idea of “the life”. But now that I think about it, life is about having someone to talk to, even if they don’t respond and hold a conversation how you expect or desire them to -- just having someone to listen to you. Life is about having shelter, food, warmth and comfort as I said, and it’s about the possibility of progressing in whatever ways you want to. It’s about the control I have towards my future even on days when it feels like I have none. I can decide where I want to go, where I want to work, where I want to live, who I want to be around, who I want to date, and most importantly, how I want to think, how I want to perceive. 

I can’t explain exactly how I made the incredibly significant shift from pessimistic thinking, binge-drinking and smoking, binge-eating and health-unconscious ME from 2018 to now optimistic, health-conscious, forward-thinking and decisive ME in 2019 and 2020 but I think it had something to do with me. 

[infuriatingang3l]

Had to share this @WeHeartIt

[infuriatingang3l]

12.25.19

- Merry Xmas <3 

Going to see The Rise of Skywalker in a couple hours with my boyfriend’s family and then have dinner with my family and open gifts. It’s been a good xmas so far. Listening to Frank Sinatra and chillin for now. 

If you’re reading this, Merry Xmas.

[infuriatingang3l]

10.15.19| time for a change

Things have been going well in general, but it has come time to review the evidence of a trial period with job #2. This trial has taught me that I don’t want to work with kids and it’s not the best fit for me. However, I’ve learned more for psychology sake and I can say that I’ve had a job in the mental health care field. At this time I think it is best for me to focus on myself and more prominent goals I have, such as working to earn money to save for my apartment next year, and for continuing my college education. I am currently logging in to see how much I owe back to school before I can attend in January. I owe about $1397 right now.

In other news, my boyfriend’s dad asked me over for Thanksgiving this year. He asked what I am doing, I said I wasn’t too sure just yet and he said he was thinking of having me over. That was nice to hear. :) My boyfriend picked me up yesterday when I got off work and we got soup and a baguette and then we painted on mini canvasses I brought over while we ate our soup, and then we watched Midsommar. Jesus, that movie was the scariest I’ve literally seen so far. I am looking forward to seeing my friend Haley this Thursday, since my bf is out of town on his actual bday (Thurs 10/17) we are going to a pumpkin patch, and going on a hayride. Then on Friday, I get to pick up my boyfriend, take him to dinner and then see Cigarettes After Sex play at Madison Theater for his belated bday celebration. :) In general things are fine, I am not just experiencing job - related irritation for the first time. But it’s time for me to go another way, this job just isn’t on my path and so I am going to resign later on this week. I am either going to ask my other job for more hours or just find another part time to fill that spot that will be empty now. The good of it is that I don’t have to drive 40 mins to and from work 3x a week now. Also this frees up ability to go blonde sooner lol. 

For now I’m out, will post again eventually. :) 

[infuriatingang3l]

09.03.19| Midnight in Montgomery

So, I am hoping to start the process of going blonde this weekend with my sister, I don’t have to work this Friday night for the first time in like 3 weeks lol. I am looking forward to that. I am also hopeful I can pay off most if not all of what I owe in time to schedule fall 2019 courses because I am already behind on scheduling/taking courses this fall. I intended to take summer ‘19 courses in March, and fall ‘19 courses in August but I didn’t get that debt paid off in time. 

I am looking forward to finishing my associates and taking courses in general. I miss being in classes and doing homework and getting graded for it. 

Today I worked, then immediately stopped at home and picked up my dad and ran errands with him. Then, I got McDonald's and ate while putting groceries away. While we were driving, me in the driver’s seat, my dad in the passenger’s seat, we were talking about fall and spooky music as I had started the conversation by saying I couldn’t wait to eat my cinnamon swirl bagels and drink my new Virginia Maple tea we just got from Wal-mart and get into the autumn spirit. He mentioned a song by Alan Jackson called Midnight in Montgomery, I turned it on as we drove and told him I liked it. He mentioned another two songs and we listened to them as we drove. I find actually playing music now makes it less mundane of an activity to have to drive him around and stop at 2 different stores and his credit unions (2 of them...)lol. I used to be very quiet while driving with him, maybe just a bit resentful of having to drive him around so much but I am used to the idea now and again I know it’s not forever and in fact I’m starting to be more present and appreciate what time I have with my dad. He’s not perfect, he’s not the most doting, but he makes sure I have gas, food, and a cellphone and that means a lot to me. I used to pay my own phone bill but when I was still job searching and couldn’t afford it, so he mentioned that he could put me on his phone bill for a bit until I could sort it. 

I didn’t do anything for labor day, but work. But tomorrow I get to tour an apartment G and I have liked looking at online, we go after I get off work and we will meet with the woman I spoke to on the phone earlier today and confirmed the tour with. 

Anyhow, that’s today’s check in. I am looking forward to tomorrow. :) TTYL.